It's inevitable: Sooner or later, the intense passion that characterized the beginning of the relationship will start to dwindle.  Little things you once thought cute about your significant become a source of annoyance. The end of the so-called honeymoon phase ushers in reality, when both people's flaws are in full view and you actually have to put in effort to sustain your partnership. Gone are the days when love notes and makeout sessions had you on cloud nine and little else mattered. Once couples have to reckon with this natural phase of an aging relationship, some -- especially those who have been together a long time -- quickly panic, taking this to mean the relationship is on its last legs.  But this isn't always the case.  A relationship is only as strong as the effort BOTH partners put into it. This means that, yes, a 10-year-old relationship could actually be healthier than a 10-month-old one.  So what exactly is the secret sauce to keeping a relationship e...

A study published just this year reveals many of the motives people give for cheating on their partner. And though they may claim that they were justified in their decision to do so, nothing they can see can give them a free pass because cheating is wrong in every sense of the word. 1. Falling out of love: Over three quarters (77%) of participants indicated that a lack of love for their partner and/or greater love for someone else prompted them to stray. 2. Seeking variety: Nearly 75% of respondents cited boredom in their relationship as a factor that drove them to cheat. More men tied variety-seeking to their infidelity than did women. 3. Feeling neglected: Participants (70%) revealed that their partner's lack of attention ultimately led to their wandering eye. This reason was offered by more women than men. 4.  Situational factors: Roughly 70% of participants said their infidelity wasn't necessary premeditated and/or carried out due to discontent in the relationsh...

When you enter into a new relationship, it can feel as though you're walking on air. As you get to know each other, however, you may realize that you and your partner don't have as much in common as you originally thought. For example, in the beginning, your girlfriend may have tagged along for baseball games given your avid following of the hometown team. But a few months into the relationship, it becomes apparent that she can't be bothered to go to a game, let alone watch one at home with you. When you ask what brought on the change, she admits she was never crazy about baseball to begin with. She just wanted to make a good impression on and spend time with you. Now that she's comfy in the relationship, she doesn't have qualms about declining your invitations outright. Similarly, your partner may have led you to believe that they share other interests you may have -- whether reading, exercising, dancing, science, history, or cooking -- only to later ...

There are certain people in our lives whom we see on a daily basis, or thereabouts -- from our coworkers to the mailman to our partner. But just what effect does seeing these individuals every day have on us? Do they become more endearing to us over time, or do we eventually grow tired of seeing them? While the dynamics of the relationship comes into play (e.g., a toxic vs. caring boss, a fruitful marriage vs. a lousy one), the answer, according to social psychology, is both. In the 1960s, Robert Zajonc coined and demonstrated the mere exposure effect. As the name implies, mere exposure creates a positive bias toward a stimulus. The effect explains why you might find yourself humming a song you loathed the first time you heard it. The propinquity effect is the mere-exposure effect when applied to social contexts. In other words, we become friends with people in terms of functional or spatial proximity. In one study, residents of an apartment building were four times more li...

Whether they've been with their partner for 6 months or 20 years, people may hit a rough patch in their relationship, causing them to question whether they're falling out of love.  Sometimes it's a matter of injecting variety and excitement into a relationship where both partners share a deep bond, but have become far too complacent for their own good. And other times they realize that their feelings, unfortunately, are no longer what they used to be, and it would be better to move on.  All one has to do to determine whether they truly love their significant other is to imagine their partner in the arms of another man or woman.  If such a thought makes their blood boil, it's likely they do love their partner. If, however, it engenders no such feelings of anger or jealousy, it's plain to see there is no love to speak of.  In addition, we ought to ask ourselves whether we can picture ourselves with a different partner. If that thought makes you sad, y...

Now, you might be asking what on earth I mean by "hopper." Fair question. To put it into proper context, I'm talking about someone who jumps from one thing to another without hesistation, i.e., a job hopper or relationship hopper. Unfortunately, the people I know who are prone to this sort of thing find themselves rather discontented. Their problem is that they fall victim to grass is greener syndrome. They struggle with commitment, convincing themselves that: If or when their relationship becomes less exciting/more routine, the easiest way to recapture the excitement of a new relationship is to jump into a new one.  If or when their job becomes too easy/routine, there's bound to be a better, more challenging one out there, leading them to jump ship at the first opportunity that presents itself. In other words, they view jobs and relationships much like trying out a new sweater. If they're unhappy following a "trial" period, they return...

Ever notice that after a while, you get tired of the same things -- whether foods, TV shows, work responsibilities, or -- dare I say it -- people? Several people have asked me why this happens, so I thought it apropos to create a post that addresses this phenomenon. The more we're exposed to a given stimulus, the less satisfaction we derive from it over time. In psychology and economics, this is known as the law of diminishing marginal utility.  Here's the definition provided by BusinessDictionary.com: "The law of diminishing marginal utility is a psychological generalization that the perceived value of, or satisfaction gained from, a good to a consumer declines with each additional unit consumed or acquired." In other words, you can only eat so many Big Macs or watch the same movie so many times before you become completely sick -- which is termed disutility.  In advertising, wearout is defined as the declining effectiveness of a commercial or campaign ...

If you could relive any phase of your life, what would it be? For me, it would be my college years, hands down, and many of my friends, relatives, and co-workers echo that very sentiment. And it's not because I miss drunken fraternity parties or on-campus events. For starters, I don't drink and I was never in a fraternity. Because I was a commuter student, I never actually lived on campus and thus didn't have the quintessential college experience. Still, I loved college because the academic atmosphere suited me. I always excelled in school (thanks largely to my mom, who instilled in me a passion for learning) and felt completely in my element. Even though I got a part-time job during my junior year, I still considered school my top priority. Indeed, I was one those reviled nerds who enjoyed reading voraciously and writing papers. One of the best aspects of college -- it's probably the one I miss the most -- was the flexibility it afforded me. When you're i...

I'm a firm believer in doing what makes you happy, so long as it isn't hurting someone else in the process. As I've noted repeatedly on the blog, what makes you happy isn't always in line with societal expectations. Sometimes the things we do and people we associate with won't make us the coolest, most popular person in town by society's standards, but we do it because they feel right. Here are a few examples: Working in a traditionally low-paying field like teaching or non-profit work Dating someone who looks "different" (e.g., gothic, heavy set, etc.) Becoming heavily invested in something that most people care little about (e.g. reading 18th century literature) Opting not to have children Opting not to get married Renting rather than buying a home Riding a motorcycle rather than driving a car Staying home reading rather than attending a party If we all did to the letter what society expects of us, what a boring world this would be! ...

One question people often ask me is why time seems to go faster with age. They see themselves in their 40s and 50s and cannot believe how quickly the years have gone by. Perhaps you find yourself asking the same thing. Studies show that routine is to blame. The more repetitive things become, the less likely you are to stop and smell the roses, so to speak. You just take each day for granted in rinse and repeat fashion. That's precisely why we should aim to fill our lives with novel experiences. Whether it's exploring new destinations or trying out new foods, experiences that are unique and uncommon extricate us from the monotony of daily life and give us a fresh perspective. They make us think. They make us pause. When something is new and exciting, we engross ourselves in it, and we look forward to the next time we can partake in such an experience. Think about all the times we waited with bated breath for Christmas to roll around as children. Having to wait 12 months fo...

Want to know one of the many things that makes people get bored of their jobs? Predictability . Not just in terms of the work itself, but the people who surround us in the workplace. I work with an older gentleman who is the epitome of routine. Let's call him Andy. I thought I was a creature of habit until I met this guy. I can tell you exactly how Andy goes about his day: He goes to the cafeteria to get coffee at 9 a.m., grabs his lunch at 11:30 a.m. and eats at his desk, goes on his actual break at 12:30 p.m., makes some more coffee at 3 p.m., eats an apple at 3:30 p.m., and then bolts out of the office at 5:30 p.m. sharp. He does this every day , without fail. What's worse, he makes a pastime out of hurling the same tired jokes over and over again. We spend more time with co-workers than we do friends and family. Is it any wonder we grow tired of seeing the same people 40+ hours a week? It'd be nice if we rotated cubicles every so often and got to know differen...

I certainly do. A feeling of "college nostalgia" has come over me of late, and I'm trying to figure out why. I graduated close to 8 years ago. The last 2 or 3 years have been quite eventful to say the least. I bought a new car, got married, traveled on a plane for the first time, and purchased a condo that my wife and I recently moved into.  If there's so much going on, why can't I help but reflect on my college years? I think most of us would agree that life was a whole lot simpler back when we were in college. Our main priority was studying to get good grades in hopes of landing a good job upon graduation.  That's not to say we didn't work while going to school (I worked part-time), but we probably didn't have as many bills to pay and, for most of us, marriage and children didn't pop up on our radar screen until after we received that diploma. Hence, having less responsibility was certainly a huge plus.  I miss the flexibi...

They say variety is the spice of life, but for some people, routine reigns supreme in their lives. Does variety necessarily mean that you have a better life than the next guy? Like everything else in life, what makes a good life is largely subjective. Some people thrive on spontaneity while others like eating the same foods and taking the same route home every day. Neither is necessarily better than the other. A bevy of factors account for these differing ways to live our lives, like genetics, upbringing, and personality. And it's entirely possible that you could prefer one style at one stage of your life and the other at a different juncture. I would venture to say that most people tend to like variety and spontaneity when they're younger and routine in their later years. I am a creature of habit and keep my day quite organized and structured. Know those people who like to prepare to do lists and write everything down in an agenda? That's me. That doesn't mean I ...