The time has come to sever ties with the ones who've done you wrong, with the ones who fail to appreciate all you do for them. Granted, nobody's perfect. We're all guilty of missteps. But if you've done your part to atone for your mistakes and the other person hasn't, it's obvious who places a higher premium on the relationship.  If it's your boss who's toxic and has subjected you to mental and emotional abuse, you need to stop putting off finding a new job. No role -- irrespective of pay, benefits, and other perks -- is worth risking your well-being for!  Those benefits can always be replaced, but as far as your mental wellness, it isn't always automatic (or even guaranteed).  If your partner is abusive in any way, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally, you must stop giving them a free pass. Everyone is entitled to respect and dignity.  The longer such behavior carries on, the greater the chance of your mental or emotional state deteriorating...

How many people do you encounter on a daily basis who seemingly ooze negativity? They find a problem for every solution. They make mountains out of molehills. They play the role of devil's advocate or contrarian any chance they get.  Negative and dramatic people are a drain on our mental and emotional resources. They thrive on theatrics and do nothing but try to drag us down with them. Misery surely loves company, and they'll stop at nothing until you're down in the dumps with them.  They say you can't change the people around you. But if you think about it, you can in fact  change (as in replace or eliminate) the people who surround you.  It's time to free yourself from the grips of toxic, self-esteem-shattering, soul-destroying individuals! A primary reason why so many of us have a hard time distancing ourselves from negative folks is because we've known them for a long time and have invested so much time and energy into the relationship that we'll do vir...

Do you get multiple requests from people daily, whether from coworkers or friends? Does it necessitate dropping what you're doing and tending to their needs? Do you find yourself unable to keep up with such demands? If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, read on for some important tips that may very well turn your life around for the better. How you probably got here   I can venture a guess as to what's keeping you locked in this vicious cycle: You find it difficult -- if not impossible -- to say NO.  Let's face it: The vast majority of us are kind-hearted folks with an inclination to help others. The problem is that the more we say YES, the more people will come to expect it. This, in turn, creates fertile ground for being taken advantage of.  So what exactly does being taken advantage of mean? Well, it signals that your wants, needs, and feelings are being entirely ignored in service of pleasing someone else. Your time doesn't matter. Any poten...

Most of us can point to at least one toxic person in our lives whom we detest but for one reason or another have to put up with. Maybe it's a mercurial boss or meddling in-law, or a friend-of-a-friend who rubs you the wrong way.  Then there are those who perhaps weren't toxic in the beginning but have become so over time -- a friend or partner, perhaps. In such cases, we have the power to cut them loose, but seem unable to pull the trigger. Here's why this can be so difficult:  1 . We still care about them . It isn't easy to part ways cold turkey with someone you've known for a long time -- one you've built special, indelible memories with. Just because they've become a shell of their former self doesn't mean we've lost sense of who and how they were in the beginning.  2. They refuse to let you go . Whether it's that they're possessive or deep down they still hold deep feelings for you, they might stop at nothing to foil your plans to call th...

We were all taught back in grade school that we ought to treat others with the same level of respect that we expect in return. Or so I thought. Sadly, some of today's adults were either absent when the lesson was taught, or it fell entirely on deaf ears. I've run across many people -- whether in school, the workplace, or elsewhere -- who think this so-called Golden Rule doesn't apply to them. They believe they have agency to treat others like dirt -- all while expecting those very people to shower them with kindness and civility.  This plays out all the time at work with toxic bosses who go on unrestrained power trips. They think that just because they possess the ability to fire their subordinates, they should be groveled to. In their minds, expletives are fair game and borderline abusive behavior is permissible.  A similar dynamic can be observed in some relationships. Whether it's because they're better looking, far wealthier, or more socially connected, some ind...

A key reason why so many individuals are toxic is because, put simply, they have no boundaries.  They feel they have nothing to lose by making your life as miserable as they possibly can -- often because their lives are that way. They have little regard for your feelings, perspectives, and opinions, as they deem theirs far superior. If you object to their assertions, prepare to be scorned. Toxic people loathe dissent.  They are often narcissists masquerading as good, humble folks -- that is, until their chameleon tendencies come to light and you realize they have no one's best interests at heart but their own. It's no wonder so many of these mercurial individuals find themselves in top positions in the corporate world. They schmooze their way to the top, and once there, dispense misery upon unsuspecting worker bees, hastening those employees' eventual resignations. Their toxic tendencies extend to their personal relationships as well. Three or more marriages are typical. Th...

"You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served." The above is one of my all-time favorites because it perfectly encapsulates one of the primary reasons relationships go awry. I've lost track of the many times I've held on to a relationship for far too long in hopes that the individual would come to respect me and value everything I brought to the table.  Unfortunately, it didn't happen. Here are just a few examples of ways people demonstrate they possess no respect for you: They cheat on you. They lie, and lie, and lie some more. They take you for granted. They stab you in the back.  They're abusive, whether physically or emotionally. They fail to value your point of view.  One thing is to feel genuine remorse for one's actions. But some of these individuals are cognizant that what they're doing is wrong and yet they persist in their unbecoming behavior. Sadly, most of these people will never change. Their declaratio...

Your toxic boss treats you with visible disdain, but you can't quite put your finger on why given you're a hard-working, dedicated employee. The end to the honeymoon phase of your relationship has ushered in a transformed boyfriend of yours who suddenly seems to take you for granted. Dissatisfied with his own life, your friend tries to project onto you the misery he's experiencing, constantly lashing out and accusing you of wrongdoing. For far too many of us, a common thread runs through each of these scenarios: Not knowing what to do and afraid of losing our job or jeoparding the relationship, we just bite the bullet and press on.  But we can't live in constant fear. We cannot allow other people to run over us like an 18-wheeler does a plastic bottle.  You can stand up for yourself in a civil, if firm, manner, sans name-calling and expletives. Even if you sense some hostility building up on the other end, do not gift them the satisfaction of seeing you brought to their...

More likely than not, there is at least one toxic individual in your life whom you're forced to deal with in order to sustain a job or relationship.  Maybe it's your overbearing boss, meddling father-in-law, or a friend's implacable spouse. As I've noted in earlier posts, you're always at liberty to terminate said job or relationship if you find it becomes intolerable, threatening your health and well-being.  Before taking such a drastic step, though, there's always the option to sit down with the person (and maybe you want a co-worker, your partner, or friend there as a buffer) to try to ameliorate the situation.  But let's assume for the sake of argument that you want to do your best to play nice and not rock the boat too much.  Perhaps you've only just begun that job, or you recognize employers in your industry just aren't hiring at the moment. Or you may care so deeply about your partner or friend that you're willing to put up with that pest ...

Several readers have written to me asking me how they can deal with an unapologetically toxic individual in their life, whether it be an obnoxious boss or possessive partner. They maintain that they've exhausted every option -- from speaking to them directly to seeking out counseling.  When I suggest pulling the plug -- finding a new job, ending the relationship -- such a recommendation is met with stiff resistance: "I'm too old to find a job, and things are bad out there. I might as well stay put." "I don't want to go through the hassle of hitting the dating market again. Those days are behind me." So, on the one hand, they're desperate to escape a toxic situation that is adversely impacting their quality of life, but on the other, they're offering up excuses as to why they shouldn't effect change? Chalk it up to one phenomenon: fearing the unknown. What is known to us, as lousy as it is, can seem less daunting than the unfamiliar.  The prob...

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain." - Dolly Parton What Dolly is essentially saying is that nothing in life worth having comes easily.  You have to work for it, and that often includes having to put up with others' BS for a while. For example, you've had it up to here with your boss's toxic ways and have set a goal of bolting to another employer before year's end. However, to realize this plan, you'll have to continue enduring his nasty tantrums -- if you haven't already called him out on such behavior -- until you find a new job, as the food has to be put on the table and the rent isn't going to pay itself.  Or perhaps you're reeling from the fallout of a terrible breakup. Life may seem bleak today -- especially after having to pull the plug on a relationship you once envisioned lasting your whole life.  But rest assured that the day you find yourself with someone far better th...

Ah, the famous (or infamous) grass is greener syndrome. We've all fallen prey to it at one point or another. In case you're not certain what it means: When one questions whether the grass is greener on the other side, they contemplate if there are better options out there for them. And, of course, one will never know if the grass is greener -- if circumstances will in fact be more favorable -- unless they take a particular course of action. So a certain element of risk is certainly involved. There are two primary areas where we are confronted with the grass is greener dilemma: jobs and relationships. 1. Jobs: Most of us do not detest our jobs per se, but from time to time, we wonder whether there is something better out there for us. Perhaps we have outgrown our current role and picture ourselves in a higher position, earning more money and receiving better benefits. Or maybe we envision working for a better boss, or at a bigger company, or in a different industry a...

Becoming overly preoccupied with what others are thinking -- especially about you -- and doing is not conducive to a happy life. In fact, it can bring on feelings of anxiety and even depression if one isn't careful. When I say "don't think too much about people," I don't mean blocking out thoughts of, say, your adorable daughter's first steps, or repressing thoughts of your sister's recent promotion.  There are obviously favorable events tied to those we love that in turn bring us joy because we care deeply for them.  No, I speak of negative thoughts that can send us down the rabbit hole of overthinking. Examples include: Your boss throws you under the bus in a meeting, and you find yourself unable to let it go the rest of the day -- even though she apologized profusely and chalked it up to things she's going through in her personal life. Your partner agrees to pick you up from work on her day off work since the two of you are curre...

Don't allow anyone -- from your closest friend to your worst enemy -- to step all over you. No matter the circumstance, you are as deserving of the other person's respect as they are of yours. If you're in a relationship with someone who thinks they can run roughshod over you because you've spoiled them rotten, it's time to establish new ground rules or get out of the relationship. Otherwise, you'll continue to be taken for granted. Similarly, if your friend seems to remember you exist only when they need something, make it clear to them that there is no such thing as a friendship built on selfishness. As with relationships, both people should reciprocate time and effort. If your toxic boss is convinced you'll put up with anything just to keep your job, prove him or her wrong by arranging a closed-door conversation. Impress upon them that they have absolutely no right to treat you like garbage, and hint that you'll take your skills and experie...

Be careful whom you push away, as some of those people will never come back. At some point, we've all felt taken for granted, whether it's by a friend who just entered into a new relationship, a spouse who's too swamped to tend to you and the kids, a relative who seems to care more about fantasy football than having a deep conversation, or a boss who fails to recognize your valuable contribitions to the company. Or, maybe you've been the one to take advantage of someone else, only to regret it later. Unfortunately, many people have this false sense of confidence that even if they make others feel neglected or unappreciated, they'll always stick by. What they fail to realize is that everyone has a breaking point. Once someone has had enough, they will most certainly bolt. Sure, if luck is on their side, and if they can convincingly make the case that they'll change, the other person might just give them a second chance. But this is not a given, as many ...

Life is hard. When things aren't exactly going our way, we have a tendency to harp on the negative. Unfortunately, this makes us lose sight of the fact that there are positive aspects to these very things we complain about. Take your job, for example. Chances are there are things you might dislike -- if not dread about it -- from your obnoxious boss to your paltry benefits. At the end of the day, though, it still helps you put food on the table and a roof over your head. It might be the ideal job, but it certainly beats being unemployed. Plus, you can always look at it as a stepping stone toward something better. As far as relationships, we it's normal to have gripes about our partners. They're lazy. They don't take care of themselves. They don't do the little things anymore. They fritter away their money. But for every negative quality, we're bound to come up with a positive one. Perhaps he or she is a good parent, an attentive friend, or a charitable s...

It isn't low pay or long hours, though they most definitely can be contributing factors in one's decision to bolt. At least those issues stand a chance of being resolved with some form of compromise, whether a raise or change of schedule. But being unable to get along with the boss -- no matter how hard we've tried -- is very difficult to stomach for 40 or more hours each week and the primary reason so many of us leave our jobs. In fact, many people admit that they leave specifically to get away from that individual; everything else about the job itself could be nearly perfect -- the salary, benefits, coworkers -- but they don't care. The boss has simply become too much to bear. What makes us reach that breaking point? It could be that the boss: Disrespects/belittles you Persistently takes you for granted Takes all the credit for your work Prevents you from growing within the department or company Shows favoritism toward others Is a slave driver Is a m...

If Monday is July 4th, that can only mean one thing: a long weekend draws near! It doesn't feel like the last long weekend we had -- Memorial Day weekend -- was that long ago. Time flies! One of the best things about a long weekend is the fact that things begin to get a whole lot calmer around Thursday. Suddenly, you start noticing people taking days off or leaving earlier. It is for this reason that I actually enjoy going to work on Fridays that precede long weekends. Because there are fewer people around to interrupt and distract you, you can usually do more of whatever it is you intend to do, whether it's lollygag or actual work.  Indeed, I find the best days to take off are those where everyone is at work -- except me. But if several people are out, I just don't get the same satisfaction from being out of the office. I become especially disgruntled when I request a day off, only to discover that my boss won't be in that day either.  Anyhow, I wa...

When it comes to the many annoying habits people have, there's one that tops the list, or comes close to it: chewing with one's mouth open . Ugh!  Were these people not taught manners? I don't care if I'm on a date, in a meeting at work, or at a friend's party. When I see people chomping on chips or chewing gum with an open mouth, it not only annoys me to no end, but makes me want to exhort them to quit it. I realize not everyone is conscious of when they're doing this. That's why the best solution is usually to point it out respectfully, though it doesn't mean they'll kick the habit immediately. Sometimes it takes having a couple of people voice their annoyance for the culprit to put the kibosh on the behavior. The impact is magnified when a complaint is issued by one's boss, a hot date, or someone else whose acceptance is highly valued. If no one makes a peep, however, the offender will carry on with this most irritating quirk. If a...

I thought it'd be a good time to interrupt the usual format of posts and do something a little different this time. In this post, I want to give you guys -- my readers -- the opportunity to ask me any questions you may have in mind. Whether you need advice on ways to stand up to your boss, tips on how to get a date, or some relationship do's and don'ts, I want to help you out! Don't be shy -- ask away and let me know what's on your mind.