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Why standing up for yourself isn't wrong


Your toxic boss treats you with visible disdain, but you can't quite put your finger on why given you're a hard-working, dedicated employee.

The end to the honeymoon phase of your relationship has ushered in a transformed boyfriend of yours who suddenly seems to take you for granted.

Dissatisfied with his own life, your friend tries to project onto you the misery he's experiencing, constantly lashing out and accusing you of wrongdoing.

For far too many of us, a common thread runs through each of these scenarios: Not knowing what to do and afraid of losing our job or jeoparding the relationship, we just bite the bullet and press on. 

But we can't live in constant fear. We cannot allow other people to run over us like an 18-wheeler does a plastic bottle. 

You can stand up for yourself in a civil, if firm, manner, sans name-calling and expletives.

Even if you sense some hostility building up on the other end, do not gift them the satisfaction of seeing you brought to their level. Some of these people kill for the chance to engage in all-out mudslinging. 

Instead, keep your emotions in check while putting your points across with a bold sense of conviction. 

This allows you to:

  • Demonstrate that you have a backbone
  • Show you will not allow anyone to treat you with disrespect
  • Leave the person wondering as to whether you might actually pull the plug on the job or relationship, potentially inducing a newfound appreciation for all you do

If you let the person get away with their impish behavior, they will think they can just walk all over you as they please. 

The earlier you take a stand, the quicker you might say a change for the better in their behavior. 

To be frank, there's no guarantee this will work 100% of the time. Some people are unapologetically toxic, as if it were a badge of honor. 

If you find that repeated attempts to elicit a change in behavior have yet to bear fruit, you might consider more drastic measures, like speaking to HR or cutting off contact with your friend. 

People don't get to demand respect and courtesy from others while failing to provide it themselves. It's selfish and wrong.

You're your own best spokesperson. When people begin to see that you have that fire, that edginess in you, chances are they'll back off and actually come to respect you. 

Again, this doesn't mean you should come off as belligerent. You're merely conveying that you're open to mending fences, but until then, the ill-will they have been dishing out needs to be suppressed at once. 

Be courageous. Be strong. The days of others casting aspersions on you and trying to impugn your character are over.

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