I want to preface this post by saying that no one in a relationship -- be it platonic or amorous -- is perfect. No one is entirely blameless over the course of relational ups and downs. We all possess flaws, some more regrettable than others.  That being said, having the finger pointed at you all the time -- despite the fact you know the other person shares blame or is entirely at fault -- can be demoralizing.  It hints at one important truth Those who take it upon themselves to make everyone else the culprit and themselves the victim suffer from an acute lack of humility. Whether they have an inflated ego or were never taught to look deep within and concede when they've wrong, these people have a penchant for projecting their follies onto others.  They may act as though they have not the slightest idea they're in the wrong, but it's all a charade to hide their culpability behind the guise of obliviousness and not be held accountable.  How to approach these folks The...

It sounds counterintuitive, right? As we approach Thanksgiving, we aim to be thankful for the wonderful folks in our lives The ones who are there for us when we need them. The ones who lift us when we hit rock bottom emotionally. So you might be wondering why in the world I'm suggesting we should be grateful for the naysayers, the toxic folks, the unredeemable narcissists.  Well, if we didn't have people like this in our lives, we would never come to appreciate those who embody the exact opposite qualities -- decency, respect, humility, and integrity, among others. That isn't to say that you should keep these folks in your life unnecessarily. Sometimes we need to put up with them for a job (the tyrannical boss) or for someone else's sake (the meddling in-laws).  But when someone is that unpleasant, it's easy to draw a contrast between them and the individuals you've come to respect and admire, e.g., sweet Sue in human resources or your boyfriend's caring cou...

According to the dictionary, the word bias simply means a preference or an inclination, especially one that inhibits impartial judgment. For example, you might have a favorable impression of the teaching profession because your mother and wife are both in that field.  Or, you might asked to be excused from participating as a juror given your bias against cops following a bad experience you had with a security guard at your school. Confirmation bias, moreover, is the tendency to search for, favor, interpret, and remember information in such a way as to confirm one's preexisting hypotheses or beliefs, while giving disproportionately less consideration to alternative possibilities. The perfect example? Politics. Democratic voters tend to get their information from liberal-leaning networks like CNN and MSNBC while Republicans opt for conservative channels like Fox News.  Indeed, we trust and recall information that fits in with our existing world view while discounting information...

Relationships go belly-up when partners expect them -- and, more specifically, their significant other -- to be perfect.  Many fall into the trap of setting unrealistically high standards for their partner, finding themselves crestfallen when they realize or she doesn't quite measure up.   If you seek perfection, I'm here to tell you that you'll never find it. There will always be qualities inherent in one's nature that won't go over well with others. Some people are exceedingly meek, while others are overly pompous. Certain individuals are unambitious while others can't seem to put their work down. Whether these are seen as positive traits or negative ones really varies by person.  Sure, it doesn't mean we can't work toward making the relationship as strong as it can possibly be by addressing our flaws, listening to our partner's grievances, and withholding the compulsion to finger-point and pass judgment.  But a relationship should never be regarde...

Allow me to impart to you this important nugget of wisdom on the pursuit of happiness: Seeking perfection -- whether in your job or your relationships -- will yield no fruit. And the reason why is because there's no such thing as the perfect job or relationship. Sure, one should never remain trapped in a situation that has them feeling drained and utterly miserable. Life is too short for that. But people who hop from one job or relationship to the other until they found one that meets all their criteria are sure to come up empty. When it comes to jobs and relationships -- and, more broadly, life itself -- there is just too much that lies outside our control. In the case of jobs, it's everything from toxic co-workers to economic uncertainty. The company may go belly-up tomorrow, leaving you in the lurch financially. Your boss, normally a cool, easy-going guy, may become a raging psychopath as he grapples with a bitter divorce. And as far as relationships, it...

Does anyone treat you like you're below them -- whether it's because they have a higher position, nicer car, or bigger house? Kick them to the curb. If a person is so shallow as to put physical objects before the things that really count -- friendship, love, respect, humility -- give them the boot. No one is above anyone else. A janitor is just as deserving of others' respect and kindness as a CEO of a Fortune 500 company. One's possessions say nothing of their character. While I'm not trying to begrudge them their success -- especially if they worked their butts off to get what they have -- it should never make people feel entitled. Who's to say that the garbage man or waitress hasn't gone through tremendous hardship in life preventing him or her from going to school and rising above their station? And who's to say they can't eventually reach that point if they truly commit themselves? Yet, not everyone yearns to be rich. They ma...

People who think they're right all the time and above others are a drain on our time and energy. There's something to be said for humility, which the dictionary defines as "freedom from pride or arrogance." In a world of people jockeying for power and prestige, those who own up to their mistakes and admit that they don't have all the answers are a breath of fresh air. Those who apologize, even when it kills them to do so, command others' respect. Indeed, individuals who try to project perfection are clearly showing they are anything but perfect, because all human beings are fallible. It just makes it that much worse when a person is in full denial about it. We may come across people like this in a variety of places. Maybe it's the know-it-all at work, the cocky weight trainer at the gym, or that immature cousin of ours who never acknowledges fault. Unless one is willing to get off his or her high horse and swallow that pride, they will continua...

Allow me to commence this post by posing a question: Do you judge attractive people to be nicer or smarter than less attractive people? (Now, I know people have different taste, but let's assume, for the purpose of this hypothetical situation at least, that we generally find the same people to be attractive the world over.) Most of you might say, "Of course not. Physical beauty has little to do with traits like kindness and intelligence. Studies show, however, that thanks to human perception, they're more entwined than we think.  People have a tendency to judge beautiful people as sharing a variety of psychological characteristics based solely on their looks. Beautiful people are perceived not only as nicer, but more successful.  One study in 2014 found that viewers judged an attractive person who smiled as happier than a smiling person with an unattractive face.  It's mind-boggling to think that people would assign so man...

If you were to look up the word narcissist in the dictionary, you'd likely find a definition along these lines: A person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. That being said, if I were to ask you to name words you associate with narcissism, you might mention the following: Pride Self-absorbed Cocky Conceited  Selfish Egocentric  Full of themselves Indeed, narcissists love being the center of attention. Getting compliments and "likes" from others further fuels their unbridled love of self. If they're not in the spotlight, it's a lousy day as far as they're concerned.  In the worst cases, narcissists are willing to stab someone in the back or throw them under the bus to get their way.  Perhaps you've witnessed this kind of behavior at work with a toxic boss or slimy coworker who takes credit for your work and never misses the opportunity to laud their "accomplishments."  Or maybe you've had...

Whether we're at work or at the mall, people often judge us based on two criteria -- very superficial ones, I might add -- in our daily lives: (1) what we own and (2) what we've accomplished. Ever heard the expression, "You are what you eat?" A more accurate version would be, "You are what you wear, what you drive, what you have in your wallet, and what you do for a living." It's a testament to how shallow society has become. Granted, your job is important in that it's part of who you are. But I find it rather unsettling that people would measure others' worth based on what brands they sport and what their title is. For example, a friend of mine is incredulous at the fact that I have no aspirations to become a vice president or CEO. I've told him repeatedly that managing others and spending most of my time in meetings doesn't appeal to me. I'd much rather remain low enough in the food chain where I'm making a decent ...

Want to be happier in your life? Here's a strategy for achieving it: Strive to achieve balance . You might be asking, "Balance what, exactly?" Good question. Happy people strike a healthy balance between setting goals and appreciating what they already possess or have achieved.  Look, there's nothing wrong with being ambitious. Some of us already have the next goal in mind even before we've achieved the present one. Whether we aim to lose weight, start a business, get a master's degree, or climb Mount Everest, setting goals keeps us motivated. Many people feel that if they have no goals in mind, they're just settling, thereby inhibiting their own growth. But it's important not to lose sight of how far you've come. Unfortunately, some individuals are never content. They view everything (and everyone) in their lives as disposable, and they find themselves unable satiate their hunger for a more challenging job, a bigger house, a prettie...

If there's one thing I've learned in my observations of people, it's that many of them put looking good before being genuine, which is a huge mistake. They try to say the right things to win others' approval. They never admit they're wrong. Some even go so far as to change something about themselves just to appease a friend, love interest, or relative. In other words, preserving their image trumps qualities like sincerity and integrity. They try to live the kind of life society expects them to have, even though deep down it isn't the one they desire. They're lying to others -- and themselves. Moreover, they're willing to fake anything and everything about themselves just to appear more driven, more successful, more likable, or whatever it is they're aiming for. At the end of the day, none of us are perfect. We become wiser people through our experiences, which often include making mistakes we learn from and, hopefully, never repeat. If on...

Let's face it: Some people would rather argue or cut contact with you than actually make an attempt to clear the air. They'd prefer to hold grudges than work to resolve conflict. Perhaps they were in the wrong and refuse to say sorry. Or, you were at fault and have already apologized, but they persist in giving you the cold shoulder. Most likely, the individual is either (1) immature (2) resentful of something you have that he or she doesn't and wants to spread the misery (3) upset over other personal issues and taking it out on you. At any rate, a person who is that intransigent has to have a deep sense of pride. They want to win, and taking any sort of conciliatory posture in their book smacks of backing down, so they refuse to change. But you know something? One of the most admirable qualities one can possess is humility. Those who refuse to meet in the middle will have a hard time keeping friends and romantic partners. Who wants to be around someone so arrog...

When people act like they're above you, should you respond in kind? Should you do to them what they're doing to you? Absolutely not, as that would be stooping to their level. Instead, the best way to respond to these haughty people is by being better today than the person you were yesterday . In other words, rather than pretending to be better than others, demonstrate to these very people that you are continually outdoing  yourself . That's sure to get them even more riled up. The way I see it, if someone is going around boasting of their toys or accomplishments -- to the point they're deliberately trying to throw it in your face -- it communicates one thing: You pose a threat to them. You give them competition, and they're out to best you. Perhaps there's even something you possess or have achieved that they're envious of. But don't give in. That's what they want -- an all-out competition to prove they're smarter or more accomplished...

All of us have met someone at one point or another who refuses to apologize or admit they're ever wrong. You know, the ones who find guilt and remorse alien concepts? One of the most admirable qualities a person can possess is humility -- one who does good deeds without seeking a pat on the back for them. On the flip side, pride is among the most unflattering characteristics I can think of. I speak of those who think they're always right -- no matter what. They have a chronic inability to find fault in anything they say or do. Unfortunately, even those we call friends can sometimes fall in this bucket. None of my buddies are big on saying "sorry." After they've said or done something that rubbed me the wrong way, they simply wait a few days and hope I will have forgotten about it by then. Last year, I apologized to a friend for promising to do something with him and later reneging on that promise. I realized it was wrong of me to back out of something I ...

Sooner or later, we're bound to come across someone who will envy something we have. It could be our success at work, youth, social relationships, shiny car, lovely house, or blissful marriage. What's the best way to deal with these people? Well, it's obviously not appropriate to boast of your advantages. The best approach is to pay them no attention . Try to change the subject to something of a less personal nature, like the weather, celebrity gossip, or sports. If you don't meddle in people's affairs, why should they butt into your business? The worst thing you can ever do in this situation is show off . Don't throw the fact that you have more of something -- or something of greater value -- in people's faces. Such behavior will inevitably bring out the worst in people. From what I've seen, they're capable of everything from spreading vicious rumors to, you guessed it, stealing from you. Moreover, many of us have worked very hard for everyt...

Is winning a person's mind as important as winning his or heart? To some people, smarts aren't nearly as important as qualities like honesty, humility, and compassion. To others (myself included), intelligence is among the qualities desired most in a partner. I think brains are beyond sexy. I love having a partner who can challenge me intellectually. It doesn't necessarily mean she has to be a walking textbook (though academic knowledge will certainly win her brownie points). Rather, she has to be able to make strong, logical arguments to support her position on issues of the day -- whether it be technology, the economy, racial strife, or politics. In other words, I want my partner to be in the know. One of the ways my wife ultimately won my heart was by winning my mind first. I saw how smart she was -- she's a teacher by the way -- and didn't take long to become enamored of her. A woman who may not rank high in physical attractiveness instantly becomes mo...

Arrogance is one of the worst qualities one can have. Arrogant people are hard-headed, self-absorbed, and willing to step on other's toes in order to achieve their ends. We all know people at work who fit this profile. They tend to be those higher up in the chain of command, though this isn't always the case. I have a hard time apprehending why some people can have such a high opinion of themselves -- enough to border on narcissism. Just because someone makes more money, is in a higher position, or lives in a better house than someone else doesn't make him better or worthy of more respect. If more people practiced humility, the world would surely be a better place. Sometimes I feel like arrogant folks are trying to overcompensate for something seriously lacking in their lives. If you ever find yourself in the presence of such an individual, don't let him get the best of you. They'll stop at nothing to inflate their egos--that is why you must remain firm in you...