Being the social creatures that we are, we all want people to like us. We all want to be in people's good graces. After all, it opens the door to new job or relationship possibilities, so why not?  The danger comes when you aim to impress someone to feel better about yourself -- when being "you" just isn't good enough. This creates the potential for losing your identity entirely in the process. Rather than living your most authentic life so that those who value you for who you are come along for the ride, you're bending over backwards to fit into the mold of how others want to perceive you. See the difference? For example, I know a great many people who aren't materialistic by nature, but they tote around expensive handbags and drive luxurious cars just so that they gain gain others' approval. Somewhere along the way, they bought into the misguided notion that projecting wealth will earn the respect of others, as if their positive feelings for fancy brand...

Your life is good. You have a loving partner, great home, wonderful kids, and decent-paying job. You're in good health, and your finances in order. But something always feels missing -- a void you can never quite seem to fill. And this makes for a life you perceive as not entirely fulfilling.  It may very well be that you have what I like to call Bigger Better Syndrome, or BBS. As you can probably guess, it means always being on the hunt for something bigger or better.  That could be the latest iPhone, a new car every year, or a different job. Maybe you just had a kid and are already thinking of the next one, or the condo you purchased recently is no longer cutting it.  You see the grass as always potentially greener on the other side. You become deeply invested in something, but once you acquire or succeed at it, you're on to your next conquest. It's as if you live more in the future than in the present.  Just why do we do this? Seeking others' approval Keeping up w...

Though they sound similar enough, being desired and being needed aren't one and the same.  Here are a few examples that convey desire: "I love it when you wear that outfit." "Going to the beach is always more fun when you join me." "I wish you were here cuddling with me and keeping me warm." Your charm and intellect drive me crazy." Now, let's look at a couple of examples that hint at needing someone: "My life stinks when you're not here."  "I don't feel whole unless you're around." "I need you to lift me up." "I can always count on you to fix my problems." Sidenote: By "needing" someone, I'm not talking about, say, having them help you walk or give you food after a major surgery. I mean it more generally, in the context of a person's emotional well-being.  So, going back to the bullet points outlined above, what do you notice distinguishes one set from the other? The first ...

Who ever thought that this, of all things, would be so integral to a more fulfilling life? I speak of gratitude -- making the most of what one has rather than yearning for the best and most of everything.  And gratitude boils down to perspective, one's way of seeing the world.  Some people see an old plate and others see the very thing that holds the nutritious food they're blessed to have. Some people see a rickety car and someone else sees the very thing that keeps them from having to take to the bus or walk long distances, sometimes into sketchy neighborhoods. Some people see a cramped apartment they can't wait to flee from while others see a roof over their heads -- a home where they can spend time and create memories with family. Here are just a few of the ways society prevents us from experiencing true happiness: By telling us to buy the next best and biggest thing, even if we're happy with the one we have -- whether it's a phone, car, or house  By persuading...

We are always looking for ways to make the most of the limited time we have on this planet, which can be a tall order given the slew of responsibilities with which we have to contend.  But carving out the time is paramount! In fact, it's imperative we strive to make the most of each and every day. Sure, we can plan for the future and learn from the past, but we mustn't harp on either or we risk missing out on the here and now.  To ensure you live a fulfilling life, ask yourself this key question: If I were in my deathbed, what will I wish I'd done more? And go do it -- now! Will you regret not having spent more hours at the office? Not having bought more stuff to pile up in the closet or garage? Probably not. You'll probably wish you'd spent more time with your loved ones and pets, more time savoring the little things in life -- which, when you reflect on the totality of life, will seem like big things. Let's be real: Life can't be all fun and games all the ...

The best way to get back at someone is not by inflicting harm on them -- whether physical, mental, or emotional pain. It's not by wishing that something bad were to happen to them. It's not by stealing from, cheating on, lying to, or publicly embarrassing them. All of these methods are cold, calculated, utterly pointless and, quite frankly, callow. Two wrongs don't make a right. By seeking retribution, you stoop to the other person's level. The best way to get back at someone is by demonstrating to them that your life is richer and more fulfilling without them in it.  In other words, you show that making the most of your life -- by indulging your hobbies and spending time with people you love -- doesn't have to involve him or her. Whether the person dumped you, cheated on you, stabbed you in the back, or did something else to betray your trust, rest assured that someday, somebody will do the same to them. It is then they'll realize how you must h...

Never let alone steal your happiness, as it was never theirs to take in the first place. People don't have to agree with you on everything. They don't even have to like you. But they certainly don't have a right to try to impinge on your happiness. They should just let you be and give you the respect that they expect in return. If only it were that simple... Some people might envy something you have -- whether it be your big house, loving spouse, or fulfilling job. Others may be going through a rough patch in their lives now and may decide that if they can't be happy, neither should others they come across. Misery always welcomes company. But you are no one's punching bag. Never should you put up with any kind of behavior that erodes your self-worth and tarnishes your quality of life. It's up to you whether you want to try and smooth things over, or if you'd rather kick the person out of your life in one fell swoop. It bothers me to no en...

According to a recent survey conducted by health insurance firm Cigna, social media can in fact make us lonely. It all depends on how engaged one is on such platforms. If you're passively using it -- say, scrolling News Feeds and mindlessly checking out what people are commenting on each other's posts -- it could very well lead to negative outcomes like depression and loneliness. But if you're considerably more active -- reaching out and connecting to people to facilitate eventual face-to-face interactions -- social media can be beneficial. The findings held across all age groups. What's more, respondents who said they have more in-person interactions on a daily basis reported being less lonely. Further, the survey unearthed that working too much or too little is also associated with the experience of loneliness. There's no question that people should work in-person interactions into their schedule. While social media has made it easier to keep in to...

I recently stumbled upon this perspicacious quote by 18th century essayist and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882): "The only person you're destined to become is the person you decide to be." Let's stop for a moment and acknowledge the undeniable truthfulness contained in this one statement. Essentially, Emerson is saying that you are in the driver's seat. You are manning the ship otherwise known as your life, and the direction you take the ship in is of your choosing. Your will is your meal ticket. Whether you wish to be raking in the big bucks as a businessman; making a big difference in the community as a teacher; or simply living a quiet, unassuming life by the lake, you can fulfill your dreams so long as you: Work hard Believe in yourself Resist other's efforts to impose their views and opinions on you, and  Never give up Do things always turn out exactly as we planned? Obviously not. But part of the deal is navigating the vagari...

Picture this: After a long drought on the dating front, Rachel's well-meaning friends and relatives are fixing her up on dates left and right. She's narrowed her options down to two guys: (1) Kevin, a wealthy tax attorney who calls and sends her romantic text messages several times a day, or (2) Alex, a self-confident but modestly paid construction worker who has more hobbies and talents than he can count with both hands. Whom do you think Rachel is more likely to go for? At first blush, one might be tempted to say Kevin, only because he seems to be on firmer financial ground. That may very well be the case if Rachel is an unapologetic gold digger. But chances are that she's taking several factors beyond his bank account into consideration.  Kevin can have all the money in the world, but if he has no self-confidence, Rachel is unlikely to be drawn to him. If there's one attribute most women want in a man, it's self-confidence . Boldness. One who...

For those of us in the U.S. who have to work today -- a federal holiday commemorating the birthday of Martin Luther King Jr. -- getting out of bed was especially difficult. But don't despair! Rather than dwelling on the start of a new week as a bad thing, think of it as a fresh opportunity to do more of the things you want to do over the next couple of days. Maybe you're dead set on losing weight and welcome the chance to hit the gym early in the week, or look forward to squeezing in time to read your favorite book during your lunch breaks. Although everyone looks forward to the weekend, the bulk of the week is spread over the five days most of us have to go to work. That being said, we might as well do all we can to make Monday through Friday as enjoyable and productive as possible. That "I don't want to go back to work" feeling starts to set in as early as Sunday morning for many people. But rather than focusing on the most onerous aspects of the com...

I think we'd all agree that we're not -- and will never be -- completely satisfied with our lives. There's always going to be something we want to own or accomplish. Some of us yearn for love and companionship. Others want a better job that will enable them to save up for a nicer car or house. Still other people want to lose weight, start their own business, have another child, or achieve other milestones. With the New Year fast approaching, such goals loom large on many people's minds. And that's not a bad thing. It demonstrates that a person aims to continually better themselves. On the other hand, when you become complacent, you tend to stop challenging yourself to find ways to enhance your life. Your idea of enriching your life may include moving to a cabin by a lake, while someone else might simply strive to make as much money as they can. Either way, the point is that one is actively trying to live life to the max, pursuing opportunities they see...

A lot of people think unhappiness stems only from things that happen to us. In reality, though, unhappiness comes not from external events, but from our internal response to those events. That explains why we may grow bored of jobs of relationships we once found exciting. While a raise at work or bouquet of flowers from our partner may have been sufficient at one point to bring us ample joy, that may not be the case any longer. It's not the event itself -- but the way we react to it -- that predicts how happy or unhappy we'll be. Let me give you another example. Have you noticed how some people might laugh at a joke, while others take it out of context and end up angry as a result? A job that one person might find fulfilling can get on someone else's nerves. The same goes for relationships. As the saying goes, one man's trash is another man's treasure. It's not the job or relationship that causes us to be unhappy. It's the way we react to and per...

Some people are driven solely by the prospect of making tons of money, while others care more about doing something that leaves them feeling like they've made a difference in the world, even if it pays poorly. We tend to picture entrepreneurs in the former group and people who work for charitable organizations in the latter. Finding jobs that are both fulfilling and offer great salaries are out there, but aren't always easy to find. Take education, for instance. I think we would all agree that teachers are mostly passionate about their jobs, but deserve to be paid far better. I knew from an early age that writing was my calling and I was intent on working in a field or job that, in some capacity, allowed me to write and handle verbage -- whether as a writer, editor, or proofreader. Is it the best-paying career in the world? Far from it. Do I picture myself doing anything else? Nope. We need to strike a balance between finding something we enjoy doing and work that will al...

As we hit our 30s and 40s, life becomes only more and more complicated. From juggling multiple jobs to maintaining a household and raising children, some of us have little time left over for anything else -- and that especially includes friendships. Thankfully, the internet has made it intuitive not only to keep in touch with people we know in person, but to forge "web" friendships with individuals all over the globe at the push of a button. The question is, can friendships forged in cyberspace be as fulfilling as the in-person kind? To me, it's an emphatic yes. I don't believe that you have to physically be with someone in person to establish a connection with him or her. After all, even after you befriend someone in person -- say, in school or at work -- don't the phone and internet account for a huge chunk of the time you spend talking to one another anyway? I find it's easier to strike conversations online -- and, consequently, go on to forge fri...