In light of all the reshuffling that Covid has produced in the workplace, there's now a popular phrase being used to describe when workers essentially "check out" and do the least possible to keep their jobs while searching for better opportunities on the down low: quiet quitting.  This had me thinking: Could quiet quitting not also be applied to relationships? Indeed, many of us have been in that unfortunate situation: Our partner unofficially quits on us and the relationship by doing the absolute minimum. Once we confront them about their not pulling their weight, they become defensive if not downright hostile, charging that we're being overdramatic. Easy for them to say, right?  Carrying the entire relationship on one's shoulders is a major cross to bear. When we suspect our partner isn't doing their part, it can be mentally and emotionally devastating.  All kinds of unpleasant thoughts begin to cross our minds. Are they cheating? Are they no longer attract...

Picture how painful it must be to see the person you love in the arms of another man or woman -- all because you took them for granted. Even though you claim to love them, you may have recognized a tad late that you just never showed it, at least not nearly as much as you should have. Countless people experience this painful reality each and every day, not knowing what they have until it has walked out the door for good. In order to avoid this fate, it's important that we not just talk the talk but walk the walk as well. It pays to spend occasional moments imagining yourself without them -- envisioning your significant other walking out the door, embracing another man or woman, and basically forgetting you ever existed.  While no relationship is perfect -- much like the people in them -- a failure to invest in it can gradually snowball into bitter arguments and corrosive resentment. Shutting off communication is akin to depriving a plant of the water, sunlight, and nutrients it nee...

What would you say is the worst possible way for someone to break up with his or her partner? While we can certainly run wild with this, many of you might say it's when the breakup comes on the heels of an exposed affair. ("Yes, I'm with someone else now, so we're through.") That's undoubtedly a terrible way for a relationship to meet its demise. Cheating, after all, is a deplorable act; it is hands down the most egregious breach of trust one can carry out. But the case can also be made for ghosting. Ghosting, by definition, is the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and inexplicably withdrawing from all communication. Ending a relationship in this way is callous and dastardly, especially if both partners have been together for an extended period of time. The most appropriate way to do it is face-to-face. Breaking up with someone via text or email smacks of insensitivity, but it's still better than ceasing cont...

Breakups can be unexpected and emotionally taxing. But every now and then, two former partners decide it give it another shot. The pair may very well feel that they're happier together, having realized during their time apart that their lives aren't as rich without the other person. Perhaps they tried dating a few others beforehand but none could hold a candle to their old flame. Friends or relatives of the two considering reuniting may advise against the move, claiming it's a train wreck waiting to happen. Others may be a little bit more sanguine about their prospects, possibly intimating that they never felt the lovebirds should part ways. The reason why they broke up in the first place should always be factored in. For example, if someone cheated, can the other person really trust them? Similarly, if someone broke things off because, say, they needed space, or for undisclosed reasons, who's to say they won't do it again? Partners have every righ...

In the last couple of months, a few of my readers have reached out to me seeking advice on how to cope with the fact that a relationship that once held great promise has imploded completely. They imagined themselves spending their entire lives with their partner, so coming to terms with the harsh reality that the individual didn't turn out as they expected and is no longer around has been immensely difficult.  They feel anxious, depressed, and lost. Despite the fact that they realize the person isn't right for them (as much as they wish they were), and that going their separate ways is for the best, a part of them clings to the hope that they can patch things up.  This prompts them to reach out to their ex against their better instincts. They keep looking for a sign -- one moment, one conversation -- to convince them that things are on the mend.  Alas, that sign never seems to come.  The more they talk, the more my readers seem to argue with the...

It's a question I'm asked almost constantly, so I felt it was time to write an entry on this topic. Some people have no qualms about maintaining contact with their ex, while others are categorically opposed to it. This is one of those cases where, at the end of the day, it's at the discretion of the person in question. But there are certainly a few factors to consider that may help them make a decision. First, if the person is in a new relationship, their partner should have a say in the matter. They may question their significant other's motives in remaining chummy with the ex. Or, they may very well be swell with it, but they still have a right to know. If for whatever reason you feel ill at ease disclosing this to your partner, take it as a sign you probably should not maintain ties with your ex. If your partner finds out you've been keeping things from him or her, their trust in you will become seriously compromised. Another thing one has to question...

If merely saying "I love you" to one's partner countless times determined whether a relationship or marriage would last, we'd see far fewer divorces and breakups in our lifetime. Those three words, as we very well know, get tossed around quite a lot.  Unfortunately, the divorce rate is so high in part because people fail to back their declarations of love with concrete actions.  What good is professing to love someone if a person doesn't demonstrate it? Actions lends such words substance.  To give you another example, you can tell people, "I am intent on losing weight," but if you continue to eat fatty foods every night, your words come off as little more than hot air. So why do people think stating they love their partner is enough? Some couples have been together for a long time. Once complacency begins to set in, they may stop trying as hard, assuming their history and the comfort they feel in the relationship alone will carr...

Many people find happiness more elusive than it should be. A happy moment is often a fleeting one for them because before long they are right back to thinking about the very things and people that dispirit them -- whether it's their job, ex boyfriend, or the laundry list of chores that awaits them when they get home. But happiness doesn't have to evade us. In fact, in can be a lot easier to achieve -- and sustain --than we think. Below are two ways to attain longer-lasting happiness. 1. Live in the present. Mother Teresa put it succintly: "Be happy in the moment -- that's enough. Each moment is all we need, not more." True happiness lies in the here and now, and we must guard against the temptation to escape mentally to the past or future when things in the present may not be going as smoothly as we like. Rest assured that as long as you remain positive and refuse to give up on yourself, your fortunes will turn around. You've navigated through stor...

Many people make the grave mistake of saying "I love you" just a couple of weeks into their relationship. In my view, you can't really love a person that early in the game. You're merely getting to know each other at this juncture. Six months to a year makes more sense. At this point, you likely have a better sense as to the person's flaws, how strong your chemistry is, and whether the relationship is built to survive the honeymoon stage. If the "l" word is thrown around prematurely, it could signal to the other person that you have an ulterior motive in mind, whether it's to get in their pants or simply have someone around following a tough breakup. Telling someone you love them is a huge thing -- probably the most significant event in a relationship after being proposed to. Don't rush into it. Don't tell someone you love them until you feel you're ready.

I've lost count of the number of boyfriends this woman has had. Over the years, she's been romantically linked to everyone from John Mayer to Joe Jonas. No sooner did she break up with Calvin Harris, who she'd been dating since March 2015, than she was spotted canoodling with actor Tom Hiddleston of Thor  fame. Taylor Swift is filthy rich and has every right to date whomever she pleases. The only issue is that she's beginning to build a reputation as a commitmentphobe. What could all these guys be thinking? Men who want a serious relationship naturally evade women who flit from one relationship to another. Swift reminds me of a girl I fell for in high school; one day she was obsessed with me, the next she was serving up excuses for why we shouldn't be together. I know the rules are a little different when you're a Hollywood megastar, but surely she must be wondering whether she's a magnet for short, ill-fated relationships. Maybe she'said unw...

Facebook is now testing a feature that would allow you to hide your ex's relationship status. Essentially, Facebook wants to give users more control to limit the many instances in which their ex's might pop up on their browser while using the social networking site. This not only applies to posts that populate on your News Feed, but even to "suggestions" Facebook gives you on who you might wish to tag in photos. In fact, you'll be able to go back and "untag" your ex on pictures and other content you shared on the site while you were still together. Facebook asserts that it is doing this to make it easier for people to get over breakups. We've all heard stories of people who torment themselves by checking their ex's page constantly to see if he or she has already hooked up with someone else. Even worse are those cases in which one is so jaded as to stalk the other person, post derogatory remarks on the person's wall, and so on. I suppo...

Most of us have been there: We unexpectedly run into an ex boyfriend or girlfriend in a public place -- be it the grocery store, gym, or dry cleaners. It can be hard figuring out what to do in such an awkward situation. Some people feel the urge to say "hi" and then go about their business, while others might feel compelled to ignore the person completely. I once ran into an ex girlfriend inside the library of a local college. I felt the need to be courteous, so I said "hello" and proceeded to sit at a table to catch up on my reading. I think most people in this situation would want to be polite, but they'd stop short of actually engaging the ex girlfriend or boyfriend in conversation. People might be afraid, and reasonably so, that chatting the person up might send the wrong signals, like a desire to be friends, or, worse -- to get back together! My recommendation is simple: Either greet the person, or pretend you didn't see your ex and just keep ...