When I was young and knew little to nothing about dating, I thought that pouring my heart and soul early on would somehow make the objection of my affection feel similarly toward me. Unfortunately, after a couple of failed attempts, I realized this approach was doing the exact opposite: repelling the girls and landing me in the dreaded friend zone.  Heaping compliments and gifts on someone not long after you've met them communicates -- often unwittingly -- that you're desperate.  Expressing such intense feelings right out of the gate not only puts a world of pressure on the other person, but it gives them little time to get to know you.  No one is going to be head over heels for someone who makes them their universe, who worships the ground they walk on, after only a few dates.  Understandably, they might question how you can be so smitten when you barely know them.  Chances are they won't buy it and will assume you're either trying to woo them into bed or use t...

Has COVID brought the dating market to its knees?  Not quite, although, as one would suspect, people are trying to balance staying healthy and safe with keeping their love lives from going full-on rusty. But there's no question that, with many businesses ground to a halt and crowd-attracting events nixed indefinitely, it limits opportunities to meet and connect with people.  Social distancing and reduced capacity limits in restaurants, movie theaters, and other venues where you might ordinarily strike up a conversation with someone doesn't exactly lend itself to romance.  Thankfully, with the rollout of vaccines, we may finally be turning the corner, as deaths and cases have been dropping sharply in recent weeks.  Just because we are still in the middle of a pandemic doesn't mean you can't go on dates, but you should insist that whoever you meet get tested, as he or she may ask you as well. It isn't as if meeting in a quiet restaurant, mall, or park is all bad. Thin...

Those who have been on a lengthy quest to find Mr. or Ms. Right without success probably thought it was hard enough already. But now that they're being forced indoors due to the coronavirus, they find their possibilities even more limited. So what are they to do? If you're already dating someone, talking on the phone and exchanging texts can certainly get old after a while. But no one says you can't have ANY in-person contact. You could arrange to have dinner at either person's house. Maybe the host can cook, and next time you meet at the other's place. Or, you could just spring for delivery and cap off the night with a good movie. There's also the option of taking a walk around the neighborhood (so long as you practice social distancing from others). So, that works for those who've recently begun dating, but what about people whose little black book is, well, empty? That's easy: They can take to online dating sites. Even if they've...

Many people ask me whether a relationship or marriage can withstand the devastating blow dealt by a partner's infidelity. My answer? It depends. Some may, and some most certainly won't. You see, once a person cheats, their partner can never look at them in the same light ever again no matter how hard they may try.  Even if the victim finds it in their heart to give their significant other another chance, such an abominable breach of trust gives way to future suspicion of the cheater's motives. Are they really heading out to the gym at 9 p.m., and, if so, whom do they interact with there? Are they truly texting a friend as they say they are? If so, why must they do it during dinner and at late hours of the night? The cheater may thus come to resent having all his moves put under a microscope given his pledge to make amends for his wrongdoings. The victim might retort that their behavior is justified. After all, they forgave the cheater for straying in the re...

The dating world has left many men utterly disillusioned. Despite the fact that they seem to be doing everything right -- they have a good job, drive a nice car, and look their very best -- they continue to strike out with woman after woman. They perceive landing dates as being much more arduous for them than it is for the women they're after, who seem to reject potential suitors at will.  But is dating really an uphill climb for all men and a breezy walk in the park for all the ladies? I feel this view is a tad simplistic. If approaching this subject in the context of traditional gender roles -- where the man is the pursuer and is thereby forced to risk rejection -- it may seem like women are always in the driver's seat. After all, women get far more hits on dating apps/sites like Tinder, right? But this presupposes that women enjoy all the attention they're getting, and that just isn't the case. For one, women don't find all the men reach...

One of the most disconcerting trends I've noticed in the dating world concerns people who go on dates with others despite not being interested in them. After the date, they remain in contact with the individual, giving the impression that they look forward to going on future dates with them even though they have no intention of doing so. In fact, they may very well be going on dates with other men or women in the meantime. So, why not just tell the person they're no longer interested? Why string them along at all? Reasons can be quite varied: They've just ended a relationship and wish for another's company.  They are not attracted to the person, but still relish the attention.  They see the potential for a budding friendship.  They already have their eye on someone they have yet to snag, so they use other dates as temporary stand-ins.  I don't blame people for not having feelings for someone else. After all, the heart wants what it ...

Ah, the famous (or infamous) grass is greener syndrome. We've all fallen prey to it at one point or another. In case you're not certain what it means: When one questions whether the grass is greener on the other side, they contemplate if there are better options out there for them. And, of course, one will never know if the grass is greener -- if circumstances will in fact be more favorable -- unless they take a particular course of action. So a certain element of risk is certainly involved. There are two primary areas where we are confronted with the grass is greener dilemma: jobs and relationships. 1. Jobs: Most of us do not detest our jobs per se, but from time to time, we wonder whether there is something better out there for us. Perhaps we have outgrown our current role and picture ourselves in a higher position, earning more money and receiving better benefits. Or maybe we envision working for a better boss, or at a bigger company, or in a different industry a...

It's a question that many men and women perceived as "nice" -- ones who have struck out repeatedly in the dating market -- have been scratching their heads over for what seems like, well, centuries. Can being too nice make you less attractive to dating prospects? As with anything else, there's no simple answer, and a bevy of factors have to be considered. For starters, "too nice" for one person can mean something entirely different to someone else, just like we all have different opinions on what counts as too sweet or salty when eating different foods. In general, though, a person may be regarded as too nice if they exhibit one or more of the following behaviors: Being highly agreeable  Being a complete pushover by never standing up for oneself  Attempting to buy someone's affections by heaping them with gifts and compliments they probably don't deserve, at least not so early in the game  Trying to avoid disagreements at all costs L...

While there are always exceptions, women are generally drawn to men who exude self-confidence. Some of you guys may be scratching your heads and asking, "Wait, I thought women were mostly attracted to men who are nice to them and possess resources (money, cars. etc.)?" This, unfortunately, is a rather common misconception that has caused many men to strike out in the dating arena. You can't expect to buy a woman's affections with compliments, flowers, and jewelry. Women can easily sense when a guy is trying to sweet-talk and spend his way into her heart (and pants). Women are attracted to men who show interest in them, sure, but in a more measured manner. If you tell a woman after only three dates that you love her and look forward to your wedding day, you'll do nothing but scare her off. If, however, you maintain a little mystery about you while exhibiting self-confidence, you're sure to keep her on her toes. Women are drawn to self-confident ...

Rather than set expectations , we should aim to establish clear-cut  goals . Though these may sound similar, they vary in terms of how a person generally approaches not meeting a goal vs. not having their expectations met. When you set goals, you're doing so knowing full well that you may not achieve them. And even if you don't, you recognize that you can try again by retooling your strategy, or changing said goals altogether. When you set expectations of yourself or other people, you're already anticipating a certain outcome. If that outcome doesn't live up to what you had in mind, you're bound to feel upset and defeated. While being confident and "expecting" to achieve a goal isn't necessarily a bad thing, we need to remain humble and open to the possibility that things may not go exactly as planned, often through no fault of our own. For example, you might get psyched about landing what seems like the perfect job, but fall a little short...

Before you enter into a relationship, it's important that two conditions be met: (1) You love yourself, and (2) You feel happy and content without a partner. Relationship satisfaction is closely tied to personal life satisfaction, so the happier a person is in general, the happier he or she is likely to be in a relationship. Don't rely on a partner to make your life great; your life should already be great regardless of whom you're dating. If you don't love yourself, you'll always feel as though something is missing in your life -- even if your partner professes to love you to the moon and back. It isn't fair to depend on anyone else to fill that void. And why should they? A relationship isn't meant to "complete" you. A relationship isn't intended to "fulfill" you. It's meant to enrich your life. You're your own person with or without a partner. Just because you're single doesn't mean you enjoy eating a d...

Is having too many choices good or bad? Some might say it's a good thing, as it allows you to pick what best suits your needs. Others contend it can be a bad thing in that it causes you to second guess your decisions, especially if the alternatives are fairly comparable. We face this type of conundrum on an almost-daily basis. Which job offer should I accept? Which computer should I buy? Which of these two guys should I become exclusive with? About a month or two before graduating from college, I was hitting the pavement hard in hopes of landing a full-time job. (Mind you, this wasn't long before the global recession began.) I went on a flurry of interviews and was offered nearly every position I applied for. I turned down the first two because I thought the salary being offered was a tad low. Besides, I didn't want to run after the first opportunity that came my way; I wished to take a little more time testing the job market waters. Unfortunately, the positio...

My wife and I have been together for 12-and-a-half years, of which over three have been as a married couple. I often reflect on the beginning of the relationship, which was surely a magical time. We were both juniors in college with ample butterflies in our stomachs. Our relationship came as something of a surprise, as we had met in the 6th grade and didn't see or speak to one another again until the year we hooked up -- which, by the way, came almost a decade later after reconnecting on MySpace! Now that we've been married and living together for several years, it's easy to see how different things are from the way they were when we got together. Aside from the obvious (e.g., you're not as embarrassed to fart in front of one another), you essentially become a team once you're married -- one that has far more important things to worry about than simply choosing what movie to watch or restaurant to dine at. From bills to helping the kids with homework, marri...

Picture this: After a long drought on the dating front, Rachel's well-meaning friends and relatives are fixing her up on dates left and right. She's narrowed her options down to two guys: (1) Kevin, a wealthy tax attorney who calls and sends her romantic text messages several times a day, or (2) Alex, a self-confident but modestly paid construction worker who has more hobbies and talents than he can count with both hands. Whom do you think Rachel is more likely to go for? At first blush, one might be tempted to say Kevin, only because he seems to be on firmer financial ground. That may very well be the case if Rachel is an unapologetic gold digger. But chances are that she's taking several factors beyond his bank account into consideration.  Kevin can have all the money in the world, but if he has no self-confidence, Rachel is unlikely to be drawn to him. If there's one attribute most women want in a man, it's self-confidence . Boldness. One who...

In several of my posts, I've stressed the benefits of keeping a small circle of great friends as opposed to a large group of people you may not even be that close to. But here's the truth: the wider your circle of really good friends, the better. The reason for this is that even the people you call your best friends can flake out on you from time to time or behave uncharacteristically.  Maybe the person has hit a rough patch, is unusually busy, or just doesn't care to invest as much time in the friendship anymore. Thus, it's good to have back-up friends you can turn to in the event one proves unreliable.   The same can be said in the realm of dating. Most of us have witnessed people we're dating go from seemingly interested to flaky almost overnight. It's much easier to stomach the vagaries of one's behavior when you have other prospects lined up.  Think of it like job hunting. It's always easier to find a job when you already have a jo...

Ladies, take note: If you want to keep your man happy, there's really one thing you have to do. No, it isn't to cook him food, although that'd certainly be a plus in our book. It's merely to make him feel loved. Men like to feel needed. They like to feel useful. The worst feeling in the world is being in a relationship with someone who acts like they couldn't care less if it ended tomorrow. Before I got with my now-wife, I dated a few women who were standoffish, and, frankly, emotionally distant. Unsurprisingly, those wound up being flings rather than long-lasting relationships. It's as simple as that. All it takes to keep a man happy is to make him feel desired. Men, of course, should do their part to make their partner feel loved as well. If attention and affection aren't being dispensed equally, it could lead to serious problems down the road. Do you agree? Have you found this to be the case in your relationship(s)?

The notion that opposites attract is a persistent myth that many people continue to swear by to this day. Opposites do attract to a certain degree, but only in the early stages of dating . And, to be honest, I don't know if I would even call it "attraction." A more appropriate word might be "intrigue." Meeting someone who seems like our complete opposite seems like a breath of fresh air at first. After all, we're used to having friends and dating people who share our interests, so this can feel like a pleasant change. However, as time wears on, the differences begin to really manifest themselves, and what once seemed like an interesting quality in the other person begins to get on our nerves. Here are a couple of examples: A liberal person dating a conservative one A neat freak dating a slob An avid football fan dating someone who loathes sports A well-heeled professional dating a person who's constantly broke and unemployed An introvert...

Many people get into the habit of falling for people who are already married or in a relationship. When asked why they repeatedly pursue people who are unavailable, they say the thrill of chasing after the forbidden -- angling for what they know they can't have -- is too irresistible to suppress. But becoming a homewrecker can have dire consequences. For starters, you're coming between a person and his or her partner, who may even have children together. Studies show that infidelity can cause irreparable damage to a marriage or relationship, with the fallout spilling into home life and even one's career. If a person has that much of a penchant for chasing after the unobtainable, it raises serious questions about the individual: Why not pursue people who are available? Has a lack of self-esteem or other psychological issue convinced the person that he or she isn't deserving of single suitors? Is the person a commitmentphobe? Does he or she simply want to h...

One of the biggest mistakes people can make when dating is disclosing too early how they feel about the other person. Here are a few examples: Saying "I love you" after only a couple of dates Pouring out one's soul about their feelings after a short period of time Giving the person compliments that both people know are undeserved  Whether you feel this strongly about the person or not, it's never wise to tip your hand so early in the game. Why? Well, where's the mystery in that? All those things that lead to a full-fledged relationship -- attraction, feelings, love -- take time to build. Nature has to take its course; things can't be forced or rushed.  When a person professes his love after one or two dates, it reeks of desperation and can lead his date to question his motives.  There's something to be said for leaving the other person guessing, at least in the very beginning. A bit of mystery creates intrigue and leaves the other y...

Never let your past mistakes and experiences prevent you from taking on new challenges or opportunities. Most of us have had jobs that wound up being a bad fit, not to mention been in at least one relationship that ended badly. But you should never let the fear of going through another bad experience keep you from taking on a promising job or starting a new relationship that has the makings of a fruitful union. After all, it's experience that teaches us what we did wrong so that it won't happen again in the future. Next time a seemingly great job opportunity or dating prospect comes into the picture, we should be better equipped to determine whether either is right for us, given the lesson we learned the first time. Thus, experience should serve to facilitate growth and progress in our lives, not inhibit it.  I realize it can feel like a big gamble to take the plunge once more after being left hurt or disillusioned the last time. But integral to the human experience i...