No matter how well we think we know someone, some people never cease to surprise us. That easygoing guy at work whom you thought could never hurt a fly may turn out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing. That seemingly wonderful girl whom you could confidently say you could trust more than some people in your own family could wind up stabbing you in the back. In essence, some people aren't always whom they seem. Pay close attention to the last part of that sentence: "Whom they seem." What we're saying, really, is that we perceive someone to be a certain way, but we can never be totally sure they're like that beneath the surface, or when they're not around us. And as I've reminded you in prior entries, perception is reality in our eyes even though that may not be the case in actuality. Yet, the same works when it's the other way around. Someone may strike us as rude, antisocial, indifferent, but when we really get to know them, we find ...

Allow me to commence this post by posing a question: Do you judge attractive people to be nicer or smarter than less attractive people? (Now, I know people have different taste, but let's assume, for the purpose of this hypothetical situation at least, that we generally find the same people to be attractive the world over.) Most of you might say, "Of course not. Physical beauty has little to do with traits like kindness and intelligence. Studies show, however, that thanks to human perception, they're more entwined than we think.  People have a tendency to judge beautiful people as sharing a variety of psychological characteristics based solely on their looks. Beautiful people are perceived not only as nicer, but more successful.  One study in 2014 found that viewers judged an attractive person who smiled as happier than a smiling person with an unattractive face.  It's mind-boggling to think that people would assign so man...

Don't allow other people to define you. You define yourself . Your value doesn't depend on others' perception or opinion of you. Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth. People will judge you no matter what you say or do; they will always find something to criticize about you. Even if you've done countless nice things for them, they have no qualms about dredging up the one time you made a mistake or displeased them. Unfortunately, if you allow other people to define you, you'll likely be defined by your shortcomings rather than your best qualities. People are entitled to their own opinions about you, but they're certainly not entitled to their own facts about you. You're the gatekeeper to your own happiness. Never relinquish that role to anyone else. Never give people the power to dictate whether you smile or frown, stand or fall, move forward or recoil. Embrace your uniqueness -- all that makes you diff...

Worry about your character , not your reputation . Your character is who you are . Your reputation is who people think you are . Stop for a moment and ask yourself this: Do you care more about what you think of yourself, or what people think of you? I sincerely hope it isn't the latter.  For one, no one has ever stepped or walked in your shoes but you. So, really, who are they to judge?  People can perceive you as being a certain way -- whether shy, obnoxious, self-centered, lazy, or dull. But perception, as you well know, isn't always reality. Our individual experiences shape us into the people we are, and people will never know the full extent of those experiences because they weren't there. And even if they were, they didn't live through them exactly as you did.  Why care about what someone thinks about you if they may turn your back on you or leave your life at any moment? Sure, there are people in our lives who mean a great deal to us ...

I came across the following quote earlier this week while browsing the web: "What people think of you is none of your business." When I started to analyze the quote more carefully, I realized that there's a lot of truth to it. Sure, we all want to know what others think of us so that we can manage our reputation accordingly, including dispelling any misconceptions they may have about us. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you should change anything about yourself based on information you dig up. Regardless of what they think of you, if you're happy with yourself, that's all that matters . If you're not entirely happy with yourself and think they have a point -- whether it's that you should talk more during meetings or not talk over people in conversation  -- there's no harm in working to improve yourself in those areas. I want people to regard me as an intelligent man, so if I were to discover that they think otherwise, would I take o...

Just last Friday, my boss and I sat down for my annual review. She had great things to say, including the fact that she has seen me "grow immensely" in the last year or two. Mind you, I've been with the company for close to five years. It isn't as if she went by hard data or any accomplishment lists to arrive at such a conclusion, for I provided none. I don't work any harder than I did a couple of years ago. So why is she so certain that I've demonstrated growth on the job? I think perception  -- the state of becoming aware of something through the senses -- is at play here. What is perceived as real can be more powerful than reality itself . The lenses through which we each see the world are dissimilar. I may perceive you to be a shy, rude, or arrogant person, but perhaps your neighbor views you as warm and happy-go-lucky. You may be phoning it at your job or in your relationship, but as long as your boss or partner "thinks" you're put...

Consumers generally try to expend as little brain power as necessary before and while shopping. For example, most of us would easily be swayed into buying a particular product after seeing the word "Sale" slapped on the price tag. But did you know that retailers generally mark up the price so much to begin that you're not getting much of a deal at all? Thanks to advertising, we've come to associate words like "sale" and "discount" with must-have products. Unfortunately, very few of us actually take the time to tally everything up en route to the cash register and determine whether we're truly scoring a bargain. Marketers know that unless they can lead you to think you're getting a deal, they'll likely have a hard time getting you to open that wallet. Marketing is all about psychology. More specifically, marketing is all about perception. You don't need to be getting a spectacular deal -- you just need to think you are. Even...