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Understanding People - Quote of the Day

I am pleased to share with you the first of many Quotes of the Day. This is just one of several new features I will be integrating into the blog in the new year. Without further ado, the first Quote of the Day comes from Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), who, aside from being one of the Founding Fathers of the United States, was a respected writer, printer, inventor, scientist, statesman, and diplomat. "If you desire many things, many things will seem few." - Benjamin Franklin I love the meaning behind this well-known quote by the revered Franklin. I take it to mean that the more you yearn for material things, the less you'll be satisfied by them. You'll want something, grow bored of it, and angle for the next thing that grabs your interest. Rinse and repeat -- it's a vicious cycle that never ends. Unfortunately, we know far too many people that become locked in the tight grip of consumerism. Many factors are to blame, including advertisements and promotions ...

Understanding People: Why Space in Relationships is a Good Thing

There's nothing like spending lots of quality time with your partner. But how much time is too much? How to Understand People is here to answer that question. Though being attached at the hip may sound like it can be beneficial to the relationship, this couldn't be further from the truth. Couples who spend inordinate amounts of time together are more likely to argue and go through bouts of boredom. The thing is that when you're around the same person all day, you're likely to get stuck in a routine; day in and day out, you hit up the same restaurants and shops, watch the same shows, and so on. It's always good to keep the element of surprise alive and well in a relationship. Every once in a while, you should aim to inject the relationship with a healthy dose of spontaneity. Guys, surprise your lady by taking her to a new restaurant on the other side of town, or by planning a weekend getaway to a beautiful hotspot your wife occasionally brings up in conversati...

Understanding why relationships fall apart

Judging from what people seeking my advice tell me, it seems relationships fall apart for three key reasons: 1. Lack of trust: Whether because of lying or cheating, it isn't always easy to restore trust once it's been compromised. When it gets to the point where you simply can't confide in the other person, the relationship is doomed to fail. 2. Lack of communication: Problems in the relationship that stem from a lack of trust (see #1) can sometimes be resolved when people put their feelings on the table and are open to compromise. But when even open communication isn't feasible, it signals that the relationship may be on its last legs. 3. Getting too lazy and comfortable: Once we've been with someone for a long time, it's normal to become complacent in the relationship. Gone are the days when you worked on your physique to impress your partner and surprised her with flowers and candlelight dinners. In order to keep the relationship from stagnating, it...

Why single people flirt with married ones

It's a common occurrence these days for married people to get hit on by singles. Apparently, that ring on the finger does little to deter these relentless individuals. So why does this happen? For starters, we've all heard the phrase "you want what you can't have." Married people are off the market, but that seems to make them all the more irresistible in the eyes of the unshackled. It's like that forbidden fruit you shouldn't touch, but have a hard time resisting. Second, what makes a married person more attractive is the mere fact that someone liked him or her enough to make a long-term commitment. That immediately raises the person's value in the flirt's book, not to mention the fact that married people are more sexually experienced. Next, people do it because they've convinced themselves that nothing wrong will come of such behavior. They think along these lines: "Hey, it's just a little harmless flirting. He'll go home...

How to understand nosy people

Whether it's a meddlesome neighbor, snoopy coworker, or intrusive relative, we all know someone who can't seem to mind his or her business. Nosy people are everywhere. The question is: Why are people this way? Many people find their lives are relatively uneventful, and so they like to pry into the affairs of others. Further, others do it as a way of assessing how fulfilling or exciting their own lives are by comparison. I've come across a host of people -- particularly coworkers -- who love asking about my life, but volunteer very little information on theirs. In such situations, you have two options: either change the subject as if to suggest that you'd rather not disclose those details, or ask the same questions of the other person in kind. I find it hypocritical for people to go fishing for information on others while staying mum about their personal lives. Those who do this ought to find better things to do with their time!

Understanding why people overspend

We all know at least one person (and it could be ourselves) who is prone to frivolous spending. He or she forks over hundreds of dollars during each visit to a mall or restaurant, adding to an already massive heap of credit card debt. What's worse, the person makes a habit of asking friends or relatives for money. What, then, causes this seemingly uncontrollable compulsion to spend? For a lot of us, it's tied to our self-image and self-esteem. Many people depend on shopping and consumer products for a "pick-me-up" -- much like getting their afternoon coffee fix. Consumers use material possessions to enhance their image -- walking around with that Coach purse or in those Jimmy Choos can greatly boost feelings of self-worth and self-confidence. There's nothing wrong with this if done in moderation -- we all deserve to spoil ourselves every once in a while. But once wasteful spending becomes a weekly -- let alone daily -- occurrence, it creates the potential fo...

Why do people behave differently around different people?

Have you noticed how some people are far more serious when conversing with just one person, but act like goofballs if a third person -- a friend, maybe -- is also involved in the banter? The reason for this is simple: We feel more vulnerable when we're alone. If a close friend happens to interject, though, we seem more at ease. All of the sudden, we feel comfortable enough to crack a joke or two and know that at least your friend will appreciate and likely laugh at it. I see this happen all the time in the workplace. For example, when around one or two of her "office buddies," my co-worker Jenna loves to bust my chops about my being too quiet in the office. But if it's just her and I, she acts like a completely different person -- a lot more sober and humorless. If none of Jenna's closest co-workers are around to hear her jokes, those she isn't as chummy with may not find them funny at all, so she'll likely refrain from telling them. So what's ...

Understanding why people complain about their jobs

When it comes to our jobs, we all gripe about something -- whether it's the salary and benefits, obnoxious boss, nosy coworkers, or endless red tape. In my case, I tend to grumble about things that are outside my control, such as: Having to work late hours Having to attend boring meetings or events Not being able to use creativity on the job Needing to get 3 sign-offs to do practically anything Once we're at wits end, we resolve to find a different job -- one that offers the promise of a better tomorrow. And in our unbridled optimism we presume that the new job will entail working conditions and responsibilities that are more to our liking. That might very well be the case, but it's critical you do your homework and ask questions during the interview. For example, if you are dead set against traveling for your job, be sure to ask if your job requires any travel. You don't want to get a rude awakening one month into the job and find out you'll have to ...

Understanding why people become distant

It isn't always easy to comprehend why some people -- whether it's a friend, partner, or family member -- are prone to aloofness. You know, that friend or relative who you hear from occasionally but are unable to communicate with as regularly as you'd hope. It can often be attributed to two things: 1. Genuinely busy -- Between two jobs, work, and kids, the person has hardly enough time even for himself. Under such constraints, it's difficult to keep in touch on a consistent basis. 2. Making excuses -- Maybe the person could find better ways to budget his time so he can speak with you more often, but doesn't find it worthwhile to expend the effort. If that's the case, it raises an interesting question: Why bother keeping that person in your life in the first place? It's possible he is not deliberately avoiding you, only that life gets in the way. If you feel you've been put on the back burner, speak to him about it -- perhaps her reasons for being...

How to Understand Women: Why women dislike nice guys

Over the years, I've had countless men come to me seeking advice on how best to court women. There always seems to a common thread: They shower the women with gifts and compliments, but it yields little more than a "thank you" and -- if they're lucky -- a peck on the cheek. Men, listen carefully. Stop what you're doing right now and sear this in your mind immediately: Women are GREAT at reading men, whereas we're flat-out lousy at picking up on the fairer sex's signals. (And you know it's true, guys. Don't deny it.) It's as though they have a special radar with which they can pin down a guy's motivations -- sometimes within seconds. Women are masters of subtlety, where men are terrible when it comes to keeping their feelings under wraps. Men have to grasp once and for all that you can't buy a woman's affections. There's nothing wrong with giving gifts and compliments -- but, for goodness sake, do it sporadically. Why complet...

Understanding people who only want expensive stuff

We see it with every new iPhone that hits the market: People making lines days if not weeks in advance of the product's launch. We see people scouring stores for the "best" brands, whether it be Michael Kors, Marc Jacobs, or Coach. Where did this frenzy for the latest and greatest stuff come from? People are replacing their perfectly functional phones once a year,  if not sooner. They're swapping clothing bought two or three years ago for newer garments like it's nobody's business. This illustrates one key fact: Advertising/marketing is alive and well. The promotional landscape has been altered tremendously by the advent of social media. From product recommendations to banner ads, exposure to content shared by friends and companies alike on sites like Facebook exerts an immense influence on our purchase decisions. That's not to say that traditional media like TV and radio are no longer effective, but what makes online marketing so potent is that it...