When was the last time you fought with your partner? Perhaps it was today, yesterday, or -- if you're lucky -- you might not be able to remember. Nevertheless, some people say that arguments in a relationship ought to be avoided like the plague.  But is this really true? Persistent arguing can, over time, weaken a relationship. The central questions a couple needs to ask themselves are (1) why they're bickering so frequently (2) whether they attempted in earnest to resolve their points of disagreement, or only allowed them to get worse. Perhaps one partner is easily triggered, or both have similarly combative personalities. When you don't have at least one party trying to make peace, things can escalate -- fast.  As long as these arguments unfold naturally -- with neither partner deliberately trying to spark them -- couples can actually leverage the spats to improve the relationship. Many of us would agree that if not for the occasional fight with our partner, we would not ...

In a prior post, I discussed how anxiety may drive people to clean their homes, organize their offices, or wash their cars. Cleaning isn't atop most people's lists of things they enjoy doing -- hence the reason so many with the means hire people to do it for them. I like keeping my condo clean, which is why I try to tidy up at least once a week.  But every now and then, I break out the vacuum cleaner not because the place is a mess, but because I am -- and cleaning helps me unwind.  Perhaps I've had a tough day at work, or my wife and I have just had a terrible argument.  In lieu of taking my frustration out on a punching bag, stress ball, pillow, or some other object, I derive satisfaction from sucking up dust or removing stains. Filthy grime be gone! Perhaps I see them as embodying the negative emotions I'm wrestling -- anger, frustration, disillusionment -- and picture myself quashing such feelings with the aid of a handy broom or duster.  Once I'm done cleaning,...

What would you say is the worst kind of punishment you can inflict on someone? While many might feel it's delivering physical abuse (e.g., beating the person up), I firmly believe that mental and emotional damage can be far more difficult to rebound from. Such wounds can take far longer to heal. When it comes to indifference, stop for a moment and think about just how painful it must be to realize that someone near and dear to your heart -- whether it's your partner, friend, or a family member -- couldn't care less about you anymore. Such indifference could come in many forms, with unanswered texts or calls chief among them. Perhaps you don't get a call on your birthday from the individual, or even after just having gone through a trying experience (e.g., emergency surgery or a death in the family). It could very well be that we forgot the person's birthday, weren't there when they needed us, or had a huge argument with them, and now they've cut of...

A couple of readers I've corresponded with recently have lamented the fact that someone who means a great deal to them -- whether their partner, child, or friend -- is either giving them the cold shoulder or flat-out treating them like garbage. Both are on bad terms because of a misunderstanding or argument of some sort; still, they've done their part to try and mend fences, but such efforts have proven fruitless. Here's a quote I came across today that is quite apropos: "Your value does not decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth."  Put simply, just because one person fails to recognize the immense value you bring to their life doesn't mean others will make the same costly mistake.  That one person's untoward behavior should not eclipse the high marks you receive from those who do appreciate you.  Many people have a tendency to harp on the negative; they can't bear the thought of someone not liking them.  ...

That's what I always tell myself when I'm angry over something that really isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Isn't it funny how many of the things we complain about are ones that we might not even remember in a year's -- or even a week's-- time? We sweat the small stuff. We make mountains out of molehills, all while other people out there have it far worse. Whenever you feel tempted to sound off about something that's bothering you, stop and ask yourself whether getting all bent out of shape is really beneficial. That's not to say you shouldn't stand up for yourself, or that you should keep silent when someone is doing something that isn't on the up and up. However, we often say and do things that we later come to regret because we let our emotions get the best of us. We feel so compelled to win an argument or get our way that all rational thinking goes out the window. When I find myself in such a negative emotional st...

Love isn't just about what you say, but what you do. Because communicating orally is something we can't escape from, our actions should serve to reinforce our words. Sure, everyone likes to hear an "I love you" thrown their way every so often. But what good is uttering such words when they're not backed up with substantive action? It's those concrete actions that really give the words meaning. Far too often, people rely solely on words to placate their partner or get themselves out of arguments. More likely than not, what leads to those arguments is an absence of action -- one or both partners failing to live up to something they said they would do. If love were based only on words, people would get away with lying and promising things without intending to deliver in earnest. It's no wonder relationships start to go downhill when someone is caught in a lie, let alone repeatedly. If you don't trust your partner -- if you don't feel c...

I know most of us try to avoid fighting with our partners and friends like the plague. After all, no one wants to be left feeling hurt or resentful. While arguments have been the primary culprit for the demise of many friendships and relationships, they've also been cited as the reason many became stronger over time. I've experienced this firsthand. In fact, I have had pretty bad fights with my wife and closest friends over the years. Somehow, though, I grew closer to all of them following the squabbles. I think an argument can only work in both parties' favor if they each concede some wrongdoing. Both have to be humble enough to admit that while they don't deserve full blame, some of the finger pointing is probably justified. If, however, one person refuses to acknowledge fault, fighting will only help the relationship see a quicker demise. Both parties must also be open to taking conciliatory measures. Saying "I'm sorry" is a good start. Both i...

Most of us have been there at some point or another: You're in a relationship with someone, head over heels in love and convinced you have the makings of a fruitful marriage. Then, one day the two of you have a misunderstanding of some sort or an intense argument that either spells the end of the relationship or serves as the first of many spats to come. In the latter case, the relationship gets weaker and weaker over time until it becomes apparent that it has eroded into nothing. Naturally, we're going to feel unhappy, depressed, even lost for some time after the breakup. Some find it very hard to cope with the reality that the person they thought they might be with for the rest of their life is out of the picture for good. But it doesn't all have to be gloom and doom. What follows are three fantastic tips that will help you get back on your feet. Even if you've never  had to deal with a breakup, you'll want to read these tips should you ever find yourself in t...