It sounds counterintuitive, right? As we approach Thanksgiving, we aim to be thankful for the wonderful folks in our lives The ones who are there for us when we need them. The ones who lift us when we hit rock bottom emotionally. So you might be wondering why in the world I'm suggesting we should be grateful for the naysayers, the toxic folks, the unredeemable narcissists.  Well, if we didn't have people like this in our lives, we would never come to appreciate those who embody the exact opposite qualities -- decency, respect, humility, and integrity, among others. That isn't to say that you should keep these folks in your life unnecessarily. Sometimes we need to put up with them for a job (the tyrannical boss) or for someone else's sake (the meddling in-laws).  But when someone is that unpleasant, it's easy to draw a contrast between them and the individuals you've come to respect and admire, e.g., sweet Sue in human resources or your boyfriend's caring cou...

Have you ever wondered how narcissists manage to make good first impressions on us? Indeed, when we first meet people who later turn out to be narcissistic, they strike us as elegant, charming, and fun to be around. But over time, such positive impressions turn sour when we realize that these individuals are majorly self-absorbed and insensitive. Just how do narcissists manage to deceive us in this way? According to research, they're well-regarded at first because we mistake their arrogance for high self-esteem. As I've noted in earlier posts, there's a fine line between these characteristics. And when we're first getting to know someone, we want to give them the benefit of the doubt, so we perceive them as confident and high in self-worth. When sifting through photos of college students who'd completed narcissism and self-esteem scales, participants in four experiments rated those who scored highest on narcissism most likeable and highest in self-este...

If you were to look up the word narcissist in the dictionary, you'd likely find a definition along these lines: A person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. That being said, if I were to ask you to name words you associate with narcissism, you might mention the following: Pride Self-absorbed Cocky Conceited  Selfish Egocentric  Full of themselves Indeed, narcissists love being the center of attention. Getting compliments and "likes" from others further fuels their unbridled love of self. If they're not in the spotlight, it's a lousy day as far as they're concerned.  In the worst cases, narcissists are willing to stab someone in the back or throw them under the bus to get their way.  Perhaps you've witnessed this kind of behavior at work with a toxic boss or slimy coworker who takes credit for your work and never misses the opportunity to laud their "accomplishments."  Or maybe you've had...

Dictionary.com defines a narcissist as "a person who is overly self-involved, and often vain and selfish." Other words associated with narcissism include: Self-love Self-admiration Self-absorption Self-obsession Conceit Self-centered Self-regard Egoism  I don't take exception to people who are self-absorbed without showing off . It's when people have the impulse to voice -- loudly, I might add -- how great they are, how beautiful they are, how much better they are than anyone else. It's when people are so arrogant as to take credit for everything -- whether at work or elsewhere -- when they know full well that they received ample support from others.  Selfishness isn't necessarily a bad thing. There's nothing wrong with turning down invitations from friends or family so that you can spend the evening alone, or treating yourself to a hearty lunch at a nice restaurant following a difficult week at work. Loving yourself is actually a key...

I've noticed that more and more people take to Facebook these days to submit posts about how "happy" they are. To boot, they post a seemingly endless stream of pictures with their kids, relatives, etc. The question is: Beneath the surface, are these people truly happy, or are they simply putting up a front? Do they find the need to post about how happy they are to compensate for the fact that they're not, or to attempt to reassure themselves and the world that they really are? I'm not saying these people can't in fact be happy. But what's the point of saying it? It's like when a person says to you "I'm not mad, just forget about it." Well, if she was never asked whether she was mad, more than likely, she is tacitly admitting she is. Studies have shown that the more a person posts selfies and other self-absorbed posts on Facebook, the more likely he or she is to have narcissistic tendencies. Whenever I post something on my Facebook...