Indeed, when we first meet people who later turn out to be narcissistic, they strike us as elegant, charming, and fun to be around.
But over time, such positive impressions turn sour when we realize that these individuals are majorly self-absorbed and insensitive.
Just how do narcissists manage to deceive us in this way?
According to research, they're well-regarded at first because we mistake their arrogance for high self-esteem.
As I've noted in earlier posts, there's a fine line between these characteristics. And when we're first getting to know someone, we want to give them the benefit of the doubt, so we perceive them as confident and high in self-worth.
When sifting through photos of college students who'd completed narcissism and self-esteem scales, participants in four experiments rated those who scored highest on narcissism most likeable and highest in self-esteem -- even more so than non-narcissistic people with equal self-esteem.
Qualities like extroversion, charisma, and confidence are often attributed to narcissists, and many people are quick to assume that these qualities must suggest high self-esteem.
However, participants accurately rated narcissists as more egotistical and less helpful, indicating they still picked up on narcissism through facial features, wardrobe choices, and other cues.
(When narcissism was explicitly pointed out, participants were less likely to judge a person as likeable, suggesting that narcissism is socially undesirable.)
So what does the fact that narcissists' self-esteem is overestimated mean for us?
It suggests we should not make knee-jerk assumptions when getting to know someone.
Just like we shouldn't presume someone is super bright just because she's holding a book, or a philanderer because he checks out every woman who walks into the store, we shouldn't think someone who appears gregarious and confident is an angel whose fallen from the sky.
Narcissism, moreover, can masquerade as self-esteem and confidence on first acquaintance.
Unfortunately, narcissists have a penchant for preying on the emotionally vulnerable. Such individuals can use these traits to manipulate us, so it's imperative we remain vigilant.
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