I'm often asked how one can determine whether a relationship is worth salvaging, or if it's time to put it out to pasture once and for all.  Let's face it: Relationships are hard. Through their ups and downs, their twists and turns, maintaining them takes a great deal of time and energy.  It's when one or both partners no longer care to invest said time and energy that it may be time to pull the plug.  Because a relationship cannot be carried on only one person's shoulders, and it certainly cannot maintain itself. I've found myself grasping to keep ties with a particular person strong only because of our shared history. But once I realized that they didn't value that history as deeply as I did, I asked myself, "What's the point?" I'm all for doing everything in your power to reinvigorate the relationship before throwing in the towel. But in the process, one must assess whether the other individual is doing their part. Are they initiating ca...

Picture how painful it must be to see the person you love in the arms of another man or woman -- all because you took them for granted. Even though you claim to love them, you may have recognized a tad late that you just never showed it, at least not nearly as much as you should have. Countless people experience this painful reality each and every day, not knowing what they have until it has walked out the door for good. In order to avoid this fate, it's important that we not just talk the talk but walk the walk as well. It pays to spend occasional moments imagining yourself without them -- envisioning your significant other walking out the door, embracing another man or woman, and basically forgetting you ever existed.  While no relationship is perfect -- much like the people in them -- a failure to invest in it can gradually snowball into bitter arguments and corrosive resentment. Shutting off communication is akin to depriving a plant of the water, sunlight, and nutrients it nee...

"You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served." The above is one of my all-time favorites because it perfectly encapsulates one of the primary reasons relationships go awry. I've lost track of the many times I've held on to a relationship for far too long in hopes that the individual would come to respect me and value everything I brought to the table.  Unfortunately, it didn't happen. Here are just a few examples of ways people demonstrate they possess no respect for you: They cheat on you. They lie, and lie, and lie some more. They take you for granted. They stab you in the back.  They're abusive, whether physically or emotionally. They fail to value your point of view.  One thing is to feel genuine remorse for one's actions. But some of these individuals are cognizant that what they're doing is wrong and yet they persist in their unbecoming behavior. Sadly, most of these people will never change. Their declaratio...

There's a very thin line between being nice and allowing oneself to be a complete doormat -- a line many kind-hearted people struggle to identify.  Here are a few indicators that you probably should tone down the niceness factor just a little bit: 1. No matter how many t imes people let you down, you continue to issue them free passes.  All it takes is an ostensibly heart-felt apology for you to take someone back. Perhaps you're still with your boyfriend even after he cheated on you three times. Maybe you've kept in your life an old friend who has been spotted talking behind your back on a number of occasions. It's important to recognize that saying sorry means nothing if the person repeats the very behavior they express contrition for.  2. You constantly put others' needs and wishes before your own.  One thing is to help out those who find themselves in a real bind. Another is to bend over backwards for them at the expense of your own happiness, even when their...

Chances are you've already heard or read about the untimely passing of NBA icon Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna, and 7 other passengers in a horrific helicopter crash that took place Sunday. Kobe had it all: Money, fame, family, health. And, yet, his life was taken from him just like that. Perhaps someone special in your own life has died unexpectedly, leaving you heartbroken and questioning why such events befall us. It really puts things in perspective and demonstrates just how precious life really is. Rather than holding grudges and stressing over insignificant things, we should strive to make the most of the short time we're on this planet. And we can do that by: Counting our blessings and making the most of what we have instead of always perceiving something as missing. Cherishing time spent with friends and family.  Indulging hobbies that make us come alive, whether that be reading, sunbathing, or volunteering at the local shelter.  Aiming to ach...

Isn't it terrible when someone you care about takes you for granted? It could be a partner, a friend, or even a relative who: Turns to you only when they need something Leaves you in the lurch when you're in a rough patch yourself Insists they will change, but they never do Seems to prioritize everyone in his or her life except you No matter how often you convey that you feel angry, hurt, and taken advantage of, they carry on with the behavior, assuming that you're going to stick around. Their reasoning is: If you haven't left already, why would you now? This is precisely the kind of mindset that causes so many relationships to go under. Some people expect the other person to do all the work, thinking that alone will sustain the relationship. Or, they may do a little here and there, but never commit themselves to the degree the other person is. Sooner or later, the person being taken for a ride gives up and moves on. In certain cases, the other in...

Whether it's a cheating spouse, a friend who takes you for granted, or a coworker who stabs you in the back whenever you're not present, no one should make excuses for another person's unsavory behavior. If the person is making a genuine effort to clean up their act, that's one thing. But if they pledge they're going to change, and yet you catch them pulling the same stunts over and over again, they're making a mockery of your compassion. At that point, you have to decide whether to continue giving them the benefit of the doubt, or calling it quits once and for all. It isn't as easy to walk when you're dealing with a coworker and you wish to keep your job. In that case, you may consider asking for a transfer or moving to a cubicle further away from the individual. You might also think twice about ending the friendship if you each have mutual friends. You may worry that he or she will talk smack to the others about you (if they haven't alr...

It's a question I'm asked almost constantly, so I felt it was time to write an entry on this topic. Some people have no qualms about maintaining contact with their ex, while others are categorically opposed to it. This is one of those cases where, at the end of the day, it's at the discretion of the person in question. But there are certainly a few factors to consider that may help them make a decision. First, if the person is in a new relationship, their partner should have a say in the matter. They may question their significant other's motives in remaining chummy with the ex. Or, they may very well be swell with it, but they still have a right to know. If for whatever reason you feel ill at ease disclosing this to your partner, take it as a sign you probably should not maintain ties with your ex. If your partner finds out you've been keeping things from him or her, their trust in you will become seriously compromised. Another thing one has to question...

Many of us find ourselves scratching our heads when our loyalty to certain people isn't reciprocated. Maybe it's a friend who turned their back when you needed them most. Perhaps it was an ex who you discovered had been cheating on you for months. Or maybe it was a coworker who swooped in and landed the position they said they would help you get. The reasons why people aren't loyal to us are varied, but here are the theee most common ones: 1. They're selfish. Some people enter relationships expecting loyalty from the other person, but think they're somehow exempt from doing the same for them. Reality check: Relationships are a two-way street. Those who persist in their selfish ways and are unwilling to take another's wishes and feelings into account are ill-prepared for the sacrifices that a relationship involves. 2. They take us for granted. A person takes for granted the things and people they don't value. And it's impossible to be loyal to...

What's worse than being home by yourself while all your friends and family are out and about? That's easy: A relationship in which your partner makes you feel lonely. Think about it. You're with someone whom you turn to for affection, attention, and advice. But whether it's because your partner is always working, traveling, indifferent, or in their own world mentally, your needs always go unmet. You feel as though you're living by yourself, but you're really not. It can be like crying out for help and never receiving a response. If you've raised the issue with your partner but still seem unable to get through to him or her, it might be time to decide whether you should seek counseling, or if you're better off pulling the plug altogether. It has been scientifically proven that loneliness distorts our perceptions of our relationships. Studies have discovered that merely asking people to recall times they felt lonely was sufficient to make t...

Just because someone in your life doesn't care for you -- or disingenuously says they do, but never shows it -- doesn't mean you should forget about the special people in your life who demonstrably hold you in high esteem. As a matter of fact, it should make you more grateful for the latter than you were before. We've all found ourselves in situations where people we care deeply about don't seem to reciprocate such feelings. Perhaps it's a partner who wants out of the relationship, or a friend who has been taking you for granted. We become so obsessed with trying to rationalize their motives that we may neglect the wonderful people in our lives who have been there for us when we've needed them. In other words, we want what we can't have, and risk losing what we already have. Let's face it. People who genuinely care for us would never put us through such hoops. If someone treats you as disposable -- telegraphing that they have much big...

While you might think living a happy life should involve no shortage of bells and whistles -- fancy cars, big houses, a wide circle of relationships -- people can find joy and contentment in things that may not cost much (if anything at all). Here are three tips for finding pockets of happiness in daily life: 1. Live simply. Sure, who doesn't like being a nice car, watch, or pair of shoes every so often? While treating ourselves to something nice is a good thing -- we do, after all, work hard for it -- we should never depend on material stuff to make us happy, much like we shouldn't turn to human beings for fulfillment. Aim to appreciate the little things in life that bring us joy -- a beautiful sunset, a hot cup of coffee, a game of fetch with the dog. These are things that require little to no money and leave us feeling better. Some people feel happiness eludes them, but there's happiness to be found in the simplest of things. 2. Love generously. What better f...

Given that Thursday marked Thanksgiving Day in the U.S., it made the perfect occasion to take a moment and acknowledge the efforts of the special people in our lives who show they genuinely care for us -- whether it be our parents, partner, close friends, and/or co-workers. (Yet, this should be done over the course of the entire year, not just one day of the year.) As we well know, one thing is to profess you care, and another is to show it. Showing it means going out of your way -- inconveniencing yourself, if you will -- for other people. It means putting someone atop your priority list every so often, even though you have a slew of things you still need to tend to. It means being there when someone needs you, even if it's just via text or by phone. It means that you don't just surface on the person's birthday.  Real relationships are about putting into them what you get out of them .  Those who care aren't only thinking about what they can extract f...

A person may like you, but that doesn't necessarily mean they value you. So what's the difference? Someone can like you and still take you for granted, treat you with disdain, and run the relationship into the ground.  In other words, whether a person likes you or not says nothing about their willingness to invest in and commit to the relationship. One can like that someone possesses certain attributes -- whether ambition, a sense of humor, integrity, or loyalty -- and still not value them as a person. Take cheaters. Do you really think that people who cheat on their partners don't like them? On the contrary, despite their transgressions, many assert that they love and would do anything for their significant others! However, the mere fact they would even entertain the idea of cheating demonstrates they don't value the person in the slightest. If they did, they would know to put on the brakes and not risk jeopardizing the relationship. We also see this ...

There's been a lot of talk in the media/political sphere concerning fake news. But not as much attention is paid to fake people, especially those who try to pass off as real friends . We count on friends to be there for us in good times and bad, through thick and thin. True friends celebrate our successes and support us in our darkest moments. Though we can't rely on them to solve our problems, just knowing we have their ear or shoulder to cry on can be a big help. At the same time, we'd be willing to do almost anything for them, considering them more like family than some of our own blood relatives. Sadly, some friends don't turn out to be as caring and loyal as we thought. We come to realize that they had ulterior motives for befriending us. Or, the friendship starts out innocently enough, but over time they begin taking the friendship for granted. Three kinds of fake friends  For starters, there are those who forget you exist once they enter into relat...

When someone treats you like you're just one of their many options, help them narrow their options by removing yourself from the equation. Whether the woman you're after tells you that five other guys are in the running for her affections or your friend claims to already have plans every time you propose hanging out with him, you can do so much better. You deserve better! People make time for those who matter to them. If you're always playing second fiddle to other people, it's plain to see where the person in question's loyalties lie. More importantly, you should ask yourself why you're even pining for someone who appears to be in such high demand. Is this person serious about building long-lasting relationships, or are they simply trying to stroke their ego by having several people vie for their time? In case no one has informed them, life isn't a popularity contest. Stringing people along is selfish and inconsiderate of others' time ...

Over the course of our lives, we meet all types of people -- smart, courteous, obnoxious, rude, and everything in between. While we all wish we could meet only people who make a positive impact in our lives, each and every individual serves a valuable purpose. In fact, those we come across generally fall under one of two categories: 1. They're a blessing. They lift us up when we're feeling down through their infectious optimism, generosity, and sense of humor. They exhibit warmth, kindness, and hospitality whenever we're around them. Time seems to fly when we're conversing with these wonderful souls. Even if we go weeks or months without getting in touch, we can easily pick up where we left off. They're not all smiles all the time, though. When we're out of line, they're not afraid to put us in our place -- yet, we don't mind because they do so tactfully. They're a welcome enhancement amid a sea of fakers. 2. They're a lesson. Let...

We all possess a pretty amazing power. No, it's not the power to fly, shoot fireballs, or become invisible, even though those would definitely come in handy at times! We're instead endowed with the power to let go -- of people and things which bring us harm or fail to enrich our lives in meaningful ways. Many of us assume that we need to hold on to/perpetuate toxic relationships because we've known the people for a long time or we fear that others will not accept us as they did. Once a person becomes a mental or emotional burden in your life, that's when you know you're better of letting go. And waiting around for them to change is usually an exercise in futility. People hardly ever do. Additionally, once a job starts to suck you dry -- adversely affecting your physical and mental health -- that's a clear sign it's time to start looking for something else. No job is worth sacrificing your well-being for. Few people realize how powerful the abili...

You know it is time to pull the plug on a relationship when you've done everything conceivable to make your partner happy, but they fail to recognize your efforts and refuse to do their fair share. You've done everything imaginable to make the relationship work, but he or she continues to cheat, be lazy, take you for granted, or give you the cold shoulder. It's at this point you no longer feel guilty about walking away. In fact, doing so makes you feel liberated because it means you can finally pursue a relationship with someone who will invest the time and energy you do. A relationship that weighs you down -- one that leaves you feeling more dead than alive at the end of the day -- is no relationship at all. Rather, it is more like an albatross over your head that is inhibiting your growth. A good partner enhances our lives with traits that we may lack or that complement our own -- whether it's a great sense of humor, a flair for adventure, or a love of the a...

People often ask me what they should do if they feel someone in their life -- whether their partner, close friend, or relative -- has been taking them for granted. They expect me to advise them to confront or yell at the individual. But I recommend they take a markedly different course of action -- one that leaves them visibly shocked. I advise them to thank the person, and move on. You may be asking why in the world you would thank them for anything. After all, all they've done is take advantage of the person. Well, you would thank them for one very simple reason. They've demonstrated through their actions that they're simply not worth your time, and you're simply saying thanks for helping you arrive at that conclusion. You're saying thanks for helping you realize that you deserve better -- and never again will you allow anyone to exploit your generous nature. You're saying thanks because, going forward, you're going to strive to be more judic...