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When is a relationship not worth saving?

Couple walking amid fall foliage

I'm often asked how one can determine whether a relationship is worth salvaging, or if it's time to put it out to pasture once and for all. 

Let's face it: Relationships are hard. Through their ups and downs, their twists and turns, maintaining them takes a great deal of time and energy. 

It's when one or both partners no longer care to invest said time and energy that it may be time to pull the plug. 

Because a relationship cannot be carried on only one person's shoulders, and it certainly cannot maintain itself.

I've found myself grasping to keep ties with a particular person strong only because of our shared history. But once I realized that they didn't value that history as deeply as I did, I asked myself, "What's the point?"

I'm all for doing everything in your power to reinvigorate the relationship before throwing in the towel. But in the process, one must assess whether the other individual is doing their part.

Are they initiating candid conversations with you?

Have they proposed that the two of you attend counseling? 

Are they making an honest effort to improve in the areas where you've expressed dissatisfaction?

Does raising the topic elicit sighs and eyerolls?

How they approach the situation can make a world of difference. People display varying degrees of interest depending on where their priorities lie and how deeply they ultimately covet the relationship. 

Any half-hearted attempts to save a relationship will not bear fruit in the long run. Both individuals have to be all in, all the time. 

Of course, there can be stretches where more of the load tilts in one direction (whether because someone is sick, stressed, or facing other tough circumstances). 

But once the person is able to break out of that rough patch, they need to be intentional about checking in and making sure the other doesn't feel as if they're carrying the weight of the relationship on their shoulders.

Nothing spells "relationship killer" quite like taking a person for granted. Trust is eroded, resentment sets in, and ties ultimately fray. 

When you've known someone a long time and share indelible memories with them, it can be tough to concede that the relationship has run its course. But hanging on when it's obvious the other person isn't as committed has the potential to snowball into despondency. 

Don't do that to yourself. Rather, consider closing the book on this one and allocating your time into forging new relationships or cultivating other existing ones. 

When it's over, it's over. When your gut tells you it's time to move on, heed the call. 

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