The two most consequential decisions you'll ever make in your life concern your choice of career and your choice of partner. Many of us happen to make these decisions in earnest -- at least for the first time -- when we're fairly young and lacking in life experience.  Perhaps we're just out of high school and we decide on law or pre-med as a major while embarking on a new relationship with someone who ostensibly has "long-term potential" written all over them. As we well know, though, life gives us many different twists and turns, sometimes veering us in directions we never could have imagined.  Events such as these can affect our life trajectory: Going away for college A death in the family  A break-up Switching jobs or careers  Layoffs Starting a business Moving to a new city  Getting married Having kids Illness  But there's no doubt that the decisions we make in our professional and love lives figure prominently in our life satisfaction, or lack thereof....

Sometimes you need to stand alone to prove -- not only to others, but to yourself -- that you can still stand. I believe strongly in turning to friends and family for support amid tough times. But oftentimes the answers lie in us, even if we may not realize it at first, and all we need to do is follow our gut. For instance, maybe you've been dating someone whom you know deep down isn't the right match for you, or working in a career that you've known for a long time doesn't make full use of your skills. Perhaps others prod you to continue dating this individual because they're certain the future looks bright for the two of you. (They may have been the ones to fix you up as well.) Or they implore you to remain in that job because, well, things are bad out there and surely you can't find a position that better suits you, right? While many of these people mean well, who better to know who or what is right for you than yourself? Indeed, arriving at c...

With the country -- check that, the world really -- on lockdown, many of us find ourselves with some extra time on our hands to contemplate life and weigh decisions that can have a huge impact on our future, whether personal or professional. Many people who lead busy lives welcome the change of pace, even though having to balance work and childcare at home can be awfully challenging for some. Life will go back to being what it used to be. It won't be long before we're once again stuck in traffic, jostling through lines of shoppers at the local Publix or Macy's, and exhorting unruly teenagers at the theater to quit making noise during the movie. That means it's going to take a conscious effort to hit "pause" and take a deep breath once in a while, as was the case pre-pandemic. Here's a suggestion for doing just that: Assuming you have one, just stop what you're doing and look at your pet or baby. Indeed, they teach us that we can be find h...

A telltale sign someone isn't satisfied in their relationship is when they muse whether there's someone better out there for them. Perhaps they've been with the same person for many years and have seriously questioned whether they've missed out. One thing people have to realize is that, as with everything else in life, decisions involve tradeoffs. The moment you decide to enter into a monogamous relationship with someone, you each forego sleeping with and dating other people. If someone isn't ready to make that serious of a commitment, they should clearly articulate to others that they're not interested in anything serious. However, in some cases, people are happy to be in a serious relationship and genuinely care about their partner. But the fact that things have fallen into something of a rut -- maybe they've become complacent, maybe the intimacy has ground to a halt -- has led them to wonder whether things could be more exciting with someone else. Unless ...

Can you guess what kind of person many people secretly fear? It's the one who neither needs nor expresses any interest in their validation. There's a reason quiet, unassuming people get lambasted all the time by their peers. It's because they -- at least the ones who refuse to give in to social pressure -- can't be bought or swayed into becoming shallow blabbermouths like themselves. Sure, many of these folks are cast in a negative light, with detractors going as far as to call them narcissists or sociopaths. But they could cast such aspersions until the cows come home. These individuals will not crack under pressure, no matter how hard they're pricked and prodded. The fact of the matter is that people loathe those who make them feel insecure. And the ones who make them feel that way couldn't care less about gaining their approval. It doesn't make them selfish or self-absorbed, as these people have friends and loved ones whom they hold in hig...

Being happy does not mean everything in your life is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections and haven't looked back. Let's face it: There is no such thing as the perfect life. Between stress at work, mounting bills, obnoxious people, pesky health issues, financial pressures, and other challenges we face, our lives are never entirely carefree. However, those who adopt a half-glass-full approach can view this as a positive. Think about it. What would life really be like if we had no obstacles to overcome? How would we achieve growth? In what other ways could we acquire wisdom? If we didn't have rough times in our lives, we'd be less likely to appreciate the tranquil, trouble-free periods. If we had no problems to resolve, we wouldn't know how gratifying it can be to resolve them , especially when it results in people becoming closer. Sure, no one wishes for, say, health or money woes. But many would agree that only by...

Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962), the longest-serving First Lady in U.S. history, astutely advised people to do as follows: "Do what you feel in your heart to be right -- for you'll be criticized anyway." Essentially, she's saying that no matter what course of action you take, someone will take issue with it. So why not follow your heart and do what makes you happy? Roosevelt would be disheartened to learn that in 2018, over 5 decades after her death, people still get sucked into the "herd mentality" that drives them to seek others' validation. They believe and perpetuate the notion that true happiness lies with others rather than with and inside themselves. She'd quickly realize that social media has a lot to do with it, seeing as how people will post just about anything to amass as many likes and followers as they can. Whether you like football, abstain from drinking, are in a long-distance relationship, have only one child, enjoy travelin...

Never be a prisoner of your past, for it was a lesson -- not a life sentence. There's nothing you can do to change what's already come to pass; all you can do is learn from it so that you don't make the same mistakes. There's no sense beating yourself up over past decisions that, in hindsight, you wish you hadn't made, whether that includes hooking up with your ex, taking a particular job, or making a poor investment. You should never lament anything that (1) once made you smile, even if it was at the very beginning (2) you ultimately learned from, making you a better person today. Our missteps, as a matter of fact, are our best teachers. It's through our mistakes that we gain the most wisdom. If we never made any, how could we ever better ourselves? Of course, that doesn't mean we should deliberately make foolish decisions for the sake of learning a lesson. But there's no question that all of us can cite at least a few choices we have made t...

What would you say is the worst kind of punishment you can inflict on someone? While many might feel it's delivering physical abuse (e.g., beating the person up), I firmly believe that mental and emotional damage can be far more difficult to rebound from. Such wounds can take far longer to heal. When it comes to indifference, stop for a moment and think about just how painful it must be to realize that someone near and dear to your heart -- whether it's your partner, friend, or a family member -- couldn't care less about you anymore. Such indifference could come in many forms, with unanswered texts or calls chief among them. Perhaps you don't get a call on your birthday from the individual, or even after just having gone through a trying experience (e.g., emergency surgery or a death in the family). It could very well be that we forgot the person's birthday, weren't there when they needed us, or had a huge argument with them, and now they've cut of...

Many people feel that if they're unsuccessful at something, they've failed -- not just themselves, but others as well. They take a defeatist attitude, convincing themselves that they're losers. They second-guess their decisions.  They beat themselves up over not trying hard enough.  They tell themselves that if only they had said this or done that, they might have prevailed.  I'm here to tell you this:  You don't lose. You either win, or you learn. For example, maybe you didn't get the job, but you realize you can polish your resume a bit and work on improving your interviewing skills. Perhaps you made a couple of uncouth remarks on your blind date that are likely to blame for the fact you never heard from the person again. This shows you that thinking before you speak might be something to shoot for.  Or, maybe you failed an exam you assumed you could pass by cramming for a few hours the night before, demonstrating how importan...

Some people become heavily invested in their relationships -- almost to a fault. In fact, they seem to forget there's actually a world outside of them. They lose sight of the fact that the other person in the relationship -- whether it's their friend, parent, or significant other -- is not attached to them at the hip; the person is still a separate individual with his or her own goals, dreams, fears, hobbies, and personality. No one likes feeling as though they're being surveilled or suffocated. Unfortunately, though, many of us contend with a partner who lets his or her insecurities come out through these two particular behaviors: 1. They're controlling. A possessive partner wants to dictate everything from what you eat and how you dress to who you can talk to and when you should come home. They treat you more like a child than as an adult, not allowing you to make your own decisions. Unfortunately, people can be this way for a variety of reasons. They may fe...

One of the surest ways to have people to step all over you is to always wear your heart on your sleeve and not think things through rationally. Some people go to great lengths to avoid conflict and confrontation -- so much so that they'll acquiesce to others' every desire. Being too much of a people pleaser, ironically, will hurt you in the end -- the exact scenario you're aiming to avoid in the first place --because someone will eventually exploit your generous nature to get as much out of you as they can. Yes, you should try to do favors for others and lend a hand when it's needed. But you shouldn't be afraid to say no to someone for fear of disappointing them or causing a rift in the relationship. A relationship built on fear is no relationship at all. If something so minute can lead to tensions in the relationship, it begs the question: Is this the kind of person you want to be around? You can be nice without being a doormat. It may sound counterintu...

Do you embrace your uniqueness? Do you like the fact that you have quirks, talents, and convictions that set you apart from your peers? Do you take pride in the fact that there can never be another you ? If so, the last thing you should allow is for other people to change you. I mean, really...who are they to dictate how you should think and act? Are you not a grown adult capable of making your own decisions? As I've stressed in several other posts, people will try to goad you into changing for a variety of reasons: There's something about you that's a little different, and that makes them feel uncomfortable and insecure. They subscribe to the herd mentality, believing everyone in their immediate circle should share exactly the same beliefs, habits, goals, etc. They secretly envy you: Rather than celebrate your good qualities, they'd rather see you lose them; instead of cheering your successes, they take delight in your failures.  Indeed, certain people we...

Doesn't it annoy you when someone you hardly know -- a coworker, an acquaintance, or even someone you just started dating -- pretends to know you better than you know yourself? They proceed to give you unsolicited tips and advice based on their own personal experiences, expecting you to follow suit without hesitation. Ugh! Eventually, you'll have to break it to them plainly: No one knows you better than you know yourself. You really have to hand it to some people. They speak with such verve and self-confidence that it's hard not to buy into their every word and do exactly as they say. To be fair, I'm not saying that their advice should never be welcome. Sometimes people really do have valuable wisdom to impart, especially if talking to younger folks seeking some guidance. The problem is when they try to make decisions for us. They push us to leave our doctor for theirs, buy our next car at their preferred dealership, or even date someone whom they're sure ...

You see it at work, at the mall, and on Facebook. People seem to have this unbridled compulsion to impress their peers, whether it's through their looks or material possessions. Why should we care for others' validation so strongly? What ever happened to being comfortable in your own skin and not letting others dictate how you look and what you buy? In reality, the only one we should be aiming to impress is ourselves. Instead of comparing ourselves to our coworkers and neighbors, we should compare ourselves to the person we were 6 months or a year ago. That's how you assess whether you've made progress. That's the yardstick against which you should measure whether you've succeeded at whatever it is you've set out to achieve. You are your best judge and critic, so why entrust someone else who's never been in your shoes with that power? There's no harm in fishing for compliments at work or angling for a few likes on Facebook every so ofte...

Nelson Mandela once said, "A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination." I think he was spot on. We should never allow the heart to dictate all our decisions, nor should we let rationality call the shots on its own all the time. Instead, we should balance what the mind wants with what the heart desires. The two should work in tandem with and complement each other, thus allowing us to make better decisions in the process. Wearing your heart on your sleeve all the time might lead to your being taken advantage of. And using logic as a guide without ever considering your emotions can be conducive to playing it too safe. With the latter, you're being too carefree. With the former, you're being too rigid. The ideal? Striking a healthy balance between the two. As long as the heart checks the brain and vice-versa, one is better positioned to make better choices. Do you agree with Mandela?

Which qualities do you possess that you wish other people shared? In my case, it's two in particular: 1. Non-judgmental: While many other people have a knack for criticizing something about everyone else -- whether it's their weight, house, or the clothes they wear -- I've remained largely non-judgmental throughout my life. As a kid, I was often teased about my weight, so I know firsthand what that's like. I also refrain from pressuring people into doing things they don't want to do, even if it goes against the grain. In general, many tend to criticize people's looks, decisions, and lifestyles when they deviate from the norm. I'm proud to say I've never been that way. 2. Intellectually curious:  Unfortunately, most people don't share my passion for learning. The vast majority of those I come across are unwilling readers. They admit that they haven't opened a book or watched a documentary since graduating from college. In my view, this...

We've all been at a crossroads at certain points in our lives where we've had to make one or more life-altering decisions. Here are just a few examples: Deciding whether to take one job or another  Deciding whether to ask out/date one person or another Deciding whether to have kids Deciding whether to buy a house and choosing among alternatives Deciding whether to get married or divorced Deciding whether to end an old friendship And so on... Many times, the decision is forced upon us because of circumstances beyond our control. For example, if we're laid off, we have no choice but to jump back into the job market and look for work. That, of course, assumes that nothing fortuitous happens in the interim -- like winning the lottery!) Then again, many of us make decisions that we later realize were poorly planned out -- if at all. I have friends who wound up having kids at a younger age than they'd anticipated. This in turn has put a serious financial str...

All of us have had bad experiences we'd prefer to bury away and never reflect upon again. But can bad memories actually serve a good purpose? They certainly can if our aim is to better ourselves and strive to overcome obstacles that may have seemed insurmountable in the past. For example, I've gone through bouts of weight gain throughout my life. When I was in elementary school, I was even teased about my weight by a few kids. This only strengthened my resolve to shed a good amount of weight and show my fellow classmates that I was capable of achieving what I set my mind to. A few years ago, I found myself well over fifty pounds overweight. One day, while looking in the mirror, flashes of those hurtful days in elementary school came to mind. I vowed that not only would I get in shape, but I would never let myself go again. I'm glad to report that I've made good on that promise to this day. My point is that triggering painful memories can actually make you stro...