If there's something you should never allow your partner do, it's to treat you like an option rather than like a priority. I've said time and time again that we should never expect our partner to complete us, as only we can achieve that. However, it's fair game to lean toward our partner when: We've had a rotten day and could use a little pick-me-up through their support and encouragement  We've experienced a happy moment or occurrence -- whether a promotion or achievement of some other personal/professional milestone -- and would like to share it with them We're facing a tough challenge or decision and would value their input  But if your partner treats you like you're secondary to other matters or people, you've got a major problem on your hands -- one that needs to be addressed immediately before tensions escalate further. Maybe you've been yearning for a date night with her for months, but says she has to work late or already made plans with ...

Have you ever depended on someone -- maybe a little too much -- to fill your day with happiness? I think most of us can concede that we've been there.  Whether we're talking about our closest friends, relatives, or our partner, there's no doubt that these individuals greatly enhance our lives.  But a distinction needs to be made between "enhancing" and "completing." When someone serves as an enhancement, they add to an already enriching life. They're icing on the cake, if you will. However, when we lean on the individual in order to feel complete, it suggests something was missing to begin with and we're looking to them to fill the void. This is problematic in more ways than one. Ask yourself these point-blank questions: 1. What if they were to betray you? 2. What if they were to move and forget about you? 3. What if they were to cheat? 4. What if they were to lose interest in the relationship entirely? 5. What if they were to pass away? I'm ...

Though they sound similar enough, being desired and being needed aren't one and the same.  Here are a few examples that convey desire: "I love it when you wear that outfit." "Going to the beach is always more fun when you join me." "I wish you were here cuddling with me and keeping me warm." Your charm and intellect drive me crazy." Now, let's look at a couple of examples that hint at needing someone: "My life stinks when you're not here."  "I don't feel whole unless you're around." "I need you to lift me up." "I can always count on you to fix my problems." Sidenote: By "needing" someone, I'm not talking about, say, having them help you walk or give you food after a major surgery. I mean it more generally, in the context of a person's emotional well-being.  So, going back to the bullet points outlined above, what do you notice distinguishes one set from the other? The first ...

The success of a relationship depends on both partners supporting and protecting each other's freedom.  Although your lives are intertwined, both of you should retain your individuality, your sense of self. Your identity should not become all wrapped up in the other person. You aren't just a boyfriend or husband. You're your own person -- one with a unique set of values, passions, and attitudes.  While having commonalities enhances the relationship, it's okay -- suggested, even -- to have disparate interests, which can better the relationship in its own right.   Maybe John loves to read and Becky would rather binge on Netflix. Perhaps Tony is a big sports buff while Susan is big on museums and cultural events.  That way, the two of you can always learn something from one another and have something different to contribute to the conversation. And chances are that over time, you one of his/her hobbies may actually grow on you.  To give you an example, my wife...

When I was young and knew little to nothing about dating, I thought that pouring my heart and soul early on would somehow make the objection of my affection feel similarly toward me. Unfortunately, after a couple of failed attempts, I realized this approach was doing the exact opposite: repelling the girls and landing me in the dreaded friend zone.  Heaping compliments and gifts on someone not long after you've met them communicates -- often unwittingly -- that you're desperate.  Expressing such intense feelings right out of the gate not only puts a world of pressure on the other person, but it gives them little time to get to know you.  No one is going to be head over heels for someone who makes them their universe, who worships the ground they walk on, after only a few dates.  Understandably, they might question how you can be so smitten when you barely know them.  Chances are they won't buy it and will assume you're either trying to woo them into bed or use t...

We are always looking for ways to make the most of the limited time we have on this planet, which can be a tall order given the slew of responsibilities with which we have to contend.  But carving out the time is paramount! In fact, it's imperative we strive to make the most of each and every day. Sure, we can plan for the future and learn from the past, but we mustn't harp on either or we risk missing out on the here and now.  To ensure you live a fulfilling life, ask yourself this key question: If I were in my deathbed, what will I wish I'd done more? And go do it -- now! Will you regret not having spent more hours at the office? Not having bought more stuff to pile up in the closet or garage? Probably not. You'll probably wish you'd spent more time with your loved ones and pets, more time savoring the little things in life -- which, when you reflect on the totality of life, will seem like big things. Let's be real: Life can't be all fun and games all the ...

Are you unhappily single? Does love seem to evade you like the pesky mouse that manages to squeak by the frustrated cat? Take heart. Many out there are in your shoes. But just because you've been unsuccessful in relationships previously doesn't mean that trend has to continue.  In order to secure real, lasting love, you must land somewhere between these polar-opposite approaches: 1. The rush to find someone and the willingness to patiently wait for Mr. or Ms. Right to waltz into your life.  Hooking up with someone without first getting to know them is foolhardy, especially if you're fortunate enough to be aware of traits or a certain track record you view as disqualifying (e.g., he was known to beat up his ex-wife or, unlike you, is an unapologetic atheist). Instead of rushing into a relationship just so you can declare you're no longer single, give it some time. Just because there's low-hanging fruit doesn't mean you have to snag it. However, some people take ...

Whether you love reading history books or romance novels, fishing, cooking, dancing, or playing the piano, you should immerse yourself wholeheartedly in your hobbies -- and strive to cultivate new ones. Life is too darn short NOT to do the things that enrich us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And if we can find people with whom we can share such passions, it's all for the better. It's always nice to turn to something that affords respite from the daily grind, reminding us that our days shouldn't only be filled with stress, worry, and negativity. And it doesn't have to be anything extravagant. For many people, something as simple as taking the dog for a walk at a nearby park or reading science fiction stories counts as a favorite pastime. But when we're busy with work, chores, or the kids, we can be hard-pressed to work time for hobbies into our schedules. That's when having a friend or relative who can lend a hand -- even if onl...

Do you sense that you and a close friend have been drifting apart? Maybe you only connect via text or FaceTime on birthdays and other special occasions whereas before your spouses had to beg each of you to get off the phone every day. Or, perhaps you met up for lunch once a week and now you're lucky if you can convene once a year. Take heart: It happens in many a friendship. What truly puts friendships to the test is when both people find themselves in different stages of life. Or, they can be in the same stage of life and just be too preoccupied to attend to one another like they did in the heyday of the friendship. This can include one or both individuals: Getting a new (and more demanding) job.  Moving to a different city.  Making new friends.  Hooking up with/marrying someone. Having children. Taking up new hobbies and interests. As people get older, their priorities do change, which leaves less time for friendships. But in the strongest f...

As most of us have been spending a great deal of time at home lately amid the threat of the coronavirus, it has afforded us the opportunity to stop and reflect -- something we seldom find the time to do in the hustle and bustle of our regular lives. Perhaps you're now considering finally making a career change you've been mulling for years. Maybe all the sobering talk of recession has you dreaming up ways to save or invest money. Or, spending more time with your partner has brought you closer together -- or driven you further apart -- raising questions about your future on the love front. Nonetheless, here are four lessons to be learned from these unprecedented times: 1. It's the little things that matter. We get so caught up in trivial matters -- when the next iPhone is coming out, who the neighbor is cheating on his wife with -- that we lose focus of the things in life that truly count. Spending an extra hour each day playing with your daughter. Finally gettin...

What do you absolutely love to do? You know, the kinds of things into which you'd happily plunge yourself 60 hours a week -- for FREE -- if you could. Most of us find ourselves with more time to spare as we work from home during this coronavirus pandemic. In my case, I'm happily pouring myself into my writing and allocating time for reading my history and psychology books -- many of which have been collecting dust on my shelf for years. An avid history and architecture buff, I've also been catching episodes of Museum Secrets, You Live In What?, and Travel Thru History -- all outstanding shows I highly recommend. Because my employer isn't all that gung-ho about letting people work from home, I am poised to capitalize on this rare opportunity to enjoy these activities in the comfort of home. Think about your deepest passions and how you can incorporate them into your work-from-home routine. Maybe you can squeeze in a morning walk with your dog, a painting ...

. Introverts like me feel like we've been prepared for an event like the coronavirus virtually our entire lives. Under normal circumstances, we consciously seek out solitude in order to clear our minds and recharge our batteries -- especially after dealing with people for hours on end. Now, alone time has been thrust upon us. It's as if social distancing were tailor-made for introverts the world over. While extroverts, who thrive on social interaction, might regard having to stay at home for weeks or months as an unwelcome disruption in their lives, introverts are receiving it with open arms. We thrive on written communication. We relish alone time. We thrill at the opportunity to enjoy solitary pursuits. That's not to suggest we're misanthropes who loathe people and would gladly barricade ourselves in our homes if given the opportunity. We enjoy social interaction -- just in smaller doses, and with fewer people. In fact, introverts are known to become q...

The last few weeks have felt surreal, haven't they? I've never experienced anything like this Coronavirus pandemic in my life, and I'm sure many of you second that sentiment. While the most important thing we can do right now is keep ourselves and our families safe and healthy, many are already starting to chafe of cabin fever. They complain of feeling isolated and disconnected from the world in a way they never have before. Chances are, you've already worked from home for a few days. Such an arrangement has its share of pros and cons. Sure, you can work in your undees, spend more time with family, and not have to grapple with traffic. But some people just aren't as self-motivated as others, and without a boss a few feet away to keep them focused on their work, they become easily distracted -- whether by their kids clamoring to play, the cat meowing for food, or the temptation to watch The Price is Right. And while we can still do takeout and deliver...

Relationships can take us to the heights of passion and the depths of despair. There are days we look at our partner and ask ourselves how we got so lucky. Then there are occasions where we can't stand to be in their presence, if temporarily. Nevertheless, relationships entail taking the good with the bad. It doesn't mean you have to settle for less, or let the other person get away with everything. Nor does it mean expecting them to be flawless or of like mind in every way. Here are two musts in order for a relationship to be successful: 1. Appreciating each other's similarities.  Maybe you're both rabid football fans, hardcore comic book geeks, or the biggest Beatles fans anywhere. Or perhaps you're both optimistic, financially responsible, or averse to rollercoasters. There's no question that in order for the relationship to run smoothly, both partners should have some overlapping interests, fears, views, or all of the above. Otherwise, yo...

Ah, the bumpy, unpredictable world of dating. Whether we're meeting someone for the first time on a blind date or being fixed up by a mutual friend, dating can sure seem like a labyrinth sometimes! Not to mention you never really know what to expect. Some people may turn out to be total weirdos. Others may seem like the complete package, only they're already married and looking for some on the side. Still others, despite appearing to be nice people, are ones we're just not attracted to, no matter how much we try to will ourselves toward liking them more. In this post, I'd like to share a dating tip that will improve your odds of finding Mr. or Ms. Right. Ready? When you're getting to know someone, aim to see them for who they are rather than who you want them to be. This is easier said than done sometimes during the so-called honeymoon stage in which hormones are raging and stomachs become flooded with butterflies. But sooner or later, a person...

When you read the title, perhaps you thought I was going to touch upon depending on other people to feel complete -- as I have in prior posts. While many people do fall into that unfortunate habit, this post focuses on the tendency to rely on a job to attain happiness. There's no question that being gainfully employed beats unemployment. Even if our jobs may be far from perfect -- and let's face it, no job is -- they still provide structure in our lives, they make us feel useful, and they allow us to feel the sense of pride that comes with earning a living to provide for our families. However, society and the media are to blame for peddling the notion that, much like a soulmate, a job should complete us. Should we try to get into a line of work we enjoy? Absolutely! You'll quickly come to hate life if you spend 40+ hours a week doing something you absolutely despise. But here's the thing: There are way too many factors outside of one's control in the...

My readers often ask me why so many people out there are frenetically searching for love. Perhaps you have a friend, relative, or co-worker who appears preoccupied with finding "the one." My pointed response is that the media -- and that includes social media -- plays an integral role. From dating apps like Tinder and Facebook posts about people professing their love for their partner to stories in the news centering on blissful marriages and a seemingly endless stream of songs about break-ups, society promulgates the following message: Being with someone is a good thing. Being single is not. If you don't have anyone in your life, it just isn't whole. Something is missing, and you'll only be able to be happy and fill the void once you pair up. This, of course, is silly. I have a slew of readers who count themselves among the happily single. They don't feel empty or broken because they don't have a partner. On the contrary: Many are reliev...

What makes us powerful is not that we're better than anyone else, for everyone has flaws. It's that we're different from them. Sure, "different" can carry a negative connotation if it means the person is, say, a drug addict, woman beater, or compulsive gambler. In this context, however, different means unique. Maybe you know no one who can whip up a mean apple pie like you can. Perhaps people lean on you for all things spelling and grammar because they regard you as the ultimate wordsmith. Or, you're an expert a fixing cars, playing the violin, chess, or scubadiving. We all bring a different set of talents to the table -- ones we should not only embrace, but continually aim to strengthen. Having unique skills shouldn't be perceived as an excuse to show off or pretend one is above others. Instead, it affords us the opportunity to: 1. Demonstrate to others the kinds of things we love (which may not align with their interests, and that...

When you enter into a new relationship, it can feel as though you're walking on air. As you get to know each other, however, you may realize that you and your partner don't have as much in common as you originally thought. For example, in the beginning, your girlfriend may have tagged along for baseball games given your avid following of the hometown team. But a few months into the relationship, it becomes apparent that she can't be bothered to go to a game, let alone watch one at home with you. When you ask what brought on the change, she admits she was never crazy about baseball to begin with. She just wanted to make a good impression on and spend time with you. Now that she's comfy in the relationship, she doesn't have qualms about declining your invitations outright. Similarly, your partner may have led you to believe that they share other interests you may have -- whether reading, exercising, dancing, science, history, or cooking -- only to later ...

Never let anyone else decide what makes you happy. That's a unilateral decision only YOU can make! They may assume that just because they think a certain way about something -- either because they were brought up that way or developed firm convictions over time -- you will (or should) feel the same way. You have the power to be as happy as you decide to be. Why? Because happiness is an inside job. It doesn't come from our jobs, our relationships, our partner, or our hobbies. While those aspects can certainly enhance our lives, we can have them and still feel miserable. (Example: Filthy rich celebrities who struggle with depression.) As long as what makes you happy isn't damaging to yourself or those around you, indulge in your hobbies and passions as you please. If others insist you'll be happier in a different career, in a different relationship, or in a different city, you be the judge of that. Where do people get off assuming they know you better ...