In relationships, there’s one pivotal factor that often goes unnoticed until it's too late. It’s not about communication, trust, or even love. While these are not unimportant, there’s something more fundamental that shapes the way we connect with our partners. This overlooked element can either strengthen the ties between you or cause subtle fissures that may widen over time. So, what is this game-changing factor? It’s emotional availability . Emotional availability is the ability to be present, to listen and respond to your partner’s feelings, and to share your own emotions in a healthy, honest way.  When both partners are emotionally available, they create a safe space for each other to express worries, desires, and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment, reprisal, or rejection. This emotional connection is the foundation upon which intimacy, trust, and understanding can thrive. However, when one or both partners are emotionally unavailable, even the most loving relationships c...

It's inevitable: Sooner or later, the intense passion that characterized the beginning of the relationship will start to dwindle.  Little things you once thought cute about your significant become a source of annoyance. The end of the so-called honeymoon phase ushers in reality, when both people's flaws are in full view and you actually have to put in effort to sustain your partnership. Gone are the days when love notes and makeout sessions had you on cloud nine and little else mattered. Once couples have to reckon with this natural phase of an aging relationship, some -- especially those who have been together a long time -- quickly panic, taking this to mean the relationship is on its last legs.  But this isn't always the case.  A relationship is only as strong as the effort BOTH partners put into it. This means that, yes, a 10-year-old relationship could actually be healthier than a 10-month-old one.  So what exactly is the secret sauce to keeping a relationship e...

Now that the holidays are here, everyone's first order of business outside of work is to buy their loved ones presents. In some people's minds, the bigger and more expensive the item, the better.  But let's face it: Even though we have good intentions, love -- at the end of the day -- isn't measured in gifts. It's measured in the little things we do every day (not just during Christmas) to show people we love them, such as  Surprising them with a hot cup of coffee on a frigid morning Creating a scrapbook with pictures that capture special memories  Sending texts throughout the day just to let the other know they are thinking of them Taking them to a museum to see a popular exhibit he or she never experienced as a kid  Chatting poolside over coffee into the wee hours  Cooking his or her favorite meal on any ordinary day -- as a way of saying "you're special and deserve this" True love is priceless - it cannot be quantified. If a man can't afford to ...

When I was young and knew little to nothing about dating, I thought that pouring my heart and soul early on would somehow make the objection of my affection feel similarly toward me. Unfortunately, after a couple of failed attempts, I realized this approach was doing the exact opposite: repelling the girls and landing me in the dreaded friend zone.  Heaping compliments and gifts on someone not long after you've met them communicates -- often unwittingly -- that you're desperate.  Expressing such intense feelings right out of the gate not only puts a world of pressure on the other person, but it gives them little time to get to know you.  No one is going to be head over heels for someone who makes them their universe, who worships the ground they walk on, after only a few dates.  Understandably, they might question how you can be so smitten when you barely know them.  Chances are they won't buy it and will assume you're either trying to woo them into bed or use t...

We can all attest to being in some pretty lousy relationships.  While it's normal to fall out with someone and go your separate ways (hopefully in an amicable fashion), some relationships border on abuse, dishonesty, and neglect. Sometimes both individuals are to blame. But oftentimes, only one person is on the receiving end, and they've done absolutely nothing to deserve it.  People sabotage our trust in and love for them by doing these 3 things: 1. Abusing us . When someone mentions abuse, it usually conjures images of bloody lips and bruised arms. But one needn't raise a hand against a friend, partner, or relative for their actions to constitute abusive behavior. Words, in fact, can cut deeper than a knife.  Remember that trite saying we learned as kids? That sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you? Yeah, that was pure bunk. Insults can leave lasting scars, no matter how hard we may look to deny it. One reason so many people sink into a de...

Do you consider your partner your best friend? If so, your relationship may be better equipped to last than couples who don't have those very sentiments. Studies show that those who consider their partner their best friend tend to be far more satisfied in their relationship than those who don't.  This finding is consistent with research showing that relationships characterized by more companionate love – those high in affection, friendship, security, comfort, and mutual interests – last longer and are more satisfying. In fact, companionate love is more closely linked with relationship satisfaction than is passionate love, which entails intense feelings of attraction and preoccupation with one’s partner. Other research shows that those in friendship-centric love relationships feel they have a highly likable partner, and that shared companionship is an integral part of the love.  A study of over 600 married individuals revealed that those with hig...

If you've watched your fair share of romantic movies or devoured a romance novel or two, this scene may be all too familiar to you by now: The handsome male lead doing everything in his power to sweep his love interest off her feet -- writing her poems, buying her chocolates, planting a kiss at the end of the night.  And even if the pair are already in a relationship together, it's the man who tends to be portrayed as the one responsible for making his partner feel beautiful and valued.  While it's certainly true that a guy should strive to make his lady feel appreciated, it goes the other way as well. Men may not show it, but they, too, yearn to feel desired, to feel needed. They love receiving compliments, being told they're attractive, and being chased by their significant other every now and then. This, of course, extends to the bedroom. Men like for their partner to initiate and take control when least expected. But even so small a gesture as a call or text to tell...

If there's something we can all agree on, it's that life can be wonderful. But it can also be unfair and unpredictable. We are always subject to unforeseen events and situations both in our personal and professional lives.  The company we envisioned working for until retirement suddenly shuts its doors.  Our spouse of 20 years files for divorce, claiming he or she no longer feels that "spark." This is precisely why I encourage people to remain nimble, to always expect the unexpected.  Though it's impossible to detach ourselves emotionally from the things and people we value, we need to approach them logically as well and accept that they may cease to be in our lives someday.  So how do we ensure we're not completely blindsided by unforeseen occurrences? For one, the mere act of visualizing yourself without that person or partner can help soften the blow.  And as the title of this post suggests, you needn't put all your eggs in one basket.  If you're si...

Do you ever get that sneaking suspicion that someone is lying to you even though you want to believe them? Maybe it's a co-worker who tries to assure you she wasn't the one who furtively stole the stapler. Maybe it's a friend who calls you at the last minute to say they've come down with a stomach bug and cannot attend your birthday party.  The simplest way to tell if someone is lying to you is to assess whether their words match their actions. For example, I was once involved with a woman who professed her love for me day and night.  I'd met her online and was always eager to meet up in person, but she never seemed to share in that enthusiasm. Everytime I proposed going to the mall or movies together, she came up with a new excuse for why she couldn't go. After much cajoling, she agreed to meet face-to-face. I was smitten and always looked forward to our next encounter, but the feeling didn't seem mutual.  In the end, I saw her two or three times, and then ...

Many of my readers have maintained that a key reason they're afraid to jump into a new relationship is because of the disastrous, toxic one they've only just escaped. Fair enough. And you deserve time to grieve the end of the relationship, for even though your life is sure to improve for the better, getting used to not having him or her in your life (especially if you'd been with them for many years) is an adjustment that doesn't happen overnight.  However, I do take issue with people, once ready to get back in the relationship saddle, turning down great opportunities, because, well, their ex John or Beth was a nightmare and this new potential partner may be just the same. Only by giving people a chance do you give yourself the opportunity to move on.  I understand feeling vulnerable and wanting to erect something of an emotional wall at first to protect your feelings.  But you can't allow the ghost of your ex to haunt you forever.  For all you know, this person wil...

Are you unhappily single? Does love seem to evade you like the pesky mouse that manages to squeak by the frustrated cat? Take heart. Many out there are in your shoes. But just because you've been unsuccessful in relationships previously doesn't mean that trend has to continue.  In order to secure real, lasting love, you must land somewhere between these polar-opposite approaches: 1. The rush to find someone and the willingness to patiently wait for Mr. or Ms. Right to waltz into your life.  Hooking up with someone without first getting to know them is foolhardy, especially if you're fortunate enough to be aware of traits or a certain track record you view as disqualifying (e.g., he was known to beat up his ex-wife or, unlike you, is an unapologetic atheist). Instead of rushing into a relationship just so you can declare you're no longer single, give it some time. Just because there's low-hanging fruit doesn't mean you have to snag it. However, some people take ...

Many of us would admit to drawing comparisons between ourselves and celebrities who have achieved great fame and wealth. Maybe you've compared your physique to that of Dwayne Johnson, your hair to that of Scarlett Johansson, or your zany sense of humor to that of Chris Rock. As long as you're not trying to be these people -- recognizing that while you can get inspiration from them, you're your own person -- I see no problem with it. After all, we can respect and admire the Hollywood elite without necessarily aping their mannerisms, buying all the products they endorse, and longing to be in their very shoes. However, when it comes to a relationship, you're dealing with someone you presumably love and trust, and who loves and trusts you. Someone who values you for who you are. These are the kinds of comparisons that will not only land you in water, but possibly put the relationship in serious jeopardy: 1. Comparing your partner to your ex, or someone you fee...

Never should you remain in a relationship with someone if you are confident you can do much better.  When I say "much better," I don't mean you ought to bolt for someone who's richer or more attractive. No, I speak of a partner who doesn't treat you right. A person who ignores, abuses, or undervalues you. I put up a post earlier today on my Facebook page that says, "One person's trash is another's treasure." I couldn't agree more. Surely, you or someone you know has been treated like garbage by a significant other, only to find someone ten times more loving and appreciative later on. Staying in a corrosive relationship is akin to remaining in a toxic, soul-sucking job: You're stagnant, not growing, and treated poorly. No one should subject themselves to such terrible conditions. Have some respect for yourself and pull the plug. You're deserving of another's love and warmth. You deserve to be told romantic things,...

The best things in life are not things at all. Indeed, the best things in life are intangible in nature. They include: Love for family and friends Peace Health Tranquility Knowledge Memories Experiences Comfort Security  Let me put it this way: When you're in your dead bed, are you going to be thinking about your huge flat screen TV or sporty car? Perhaps you'll have to if you're drawing up a will in your final hours. But other than that, why even bother thinking of them if you can't take them with you? This certainly runs contrary to what we're taught at an early age: That life should be about pursuing the biggest and best money can buy. Sadly, it isn't until very late into their lives that they realize this was all a crock.  I'm not saying one can't have nice things; after all, we work our butts off, so we might as well treat ourselves occassionally.  But regarding materialism as central to your happiness is taking...

Valentine's Day can be a real drag for romantic hopefuls who have yet to stumble upon Mr. or Ms. Right. But don't despair! He or she may waltz into your life quicker than you anticipate. Here are a few tips for meeting someone -- not just any person, but a special individual with whom you can forge a path to long-term bliss: 1. Let people know you're single and ready to mingle. The term "networking" is thrown around all the time in the working world, but it can also be a handy tool in one's quest for romance. Have you told friends and loved ones that you're looking? Perhaps they know someone whom they can fix you up with, or at the very least you can establish connections with people in their circle -- e.g., a friend of a friend's sister's cousin at the birthday party -- that may lead to a fateful encounter with a promising candidate. You obviously don't want people all up in your business, either. For example, I wouldn't advise...

If there's something you should never permit in a relationship, it's for someone to trifle with your emotions. Whether you've known them for two days or two decades, whether they've apologized profusely or not even once, your feelings should be considered and respected. If your boyfriend vows he'll never cheat on you again but you discover him canoodling with other women -- whether on social media or in person -- on multiple occasions, he is making a mockery of your feelings. If your friend asserts that she only has the nicest things to say to other people about you but you receive word that she has made talking behind your back a pastime, she is little more than a wolf in sheep's clothing. Sadly, these opportunists will use every manner of flattery to reel you in. They may profess feelings of love and warmth, but beneath the surface they're up to no good. And, to make matters worse, they do such a good job at carrying on with the charade that yo...

Do you find yourself in a troublesome relationship? Have you had just about enough of your partner's BS? No matter the circumstances, take heart from this: Many people out there are going through the exact same thing. Maybe you caught your boyfriend cheating and found it in your heart to give him a second chance, though you continually question the wisdom of your decision. Maybe your wife's reckless spending habits have put a major dent in your finances. Or, perhaps your husband doesn't invest nearly as much time or energy as you do, leaving you feeling as though you're carrying the relationship on your shoulders. A relationship is essentially a partnership that two people -- not one -- strive to keep strong and vibrant. One where both individuals' voices are heard and concerns are addressed. I'm a strong proponent of couples doing all they can to make it work, even if it entails enlisting the help of a counselor. If they're genuinely inter...

A New Year means fresh possibilities -- the chance to press that reset button and start anew. An opportunity to leave all the grudges, drama, and negativity that beleaguered you in 2019 behind. The chance to look forward to pursuing goals (new or existing) with renewed vigor. It isn't just about losing weight, getting a better job, or finding true love. It's about becoming a better individual all-around. It's about leveraging what you've learned up until this point through your mistakes and experiences so you can continually become a better, smarter, wiser version of yourself. While we can set out to adopt this mindset any time of the year -- no one says it has to be January 1 -- most of us see that date as a convenient jumping off point for starting with a clean slate. Whatever your preference, one thing is for sure: It's never too late to effect change in your life that will put you closer to fulfilling your dreams. Life is what you make of it. If yo...

We've all heard sayings like "patience is a virtue," "good things come to those who wait," and "everything happens at the right time." But are these valid assertions, or just tired platitudes? The fact of the matter is this: Life is a balancing act between striking the right level of patience and working toward one's goals . There's no question that you shouldn't force what you know in your heart isn't for you. For example, if your gut tells you that the position you interviewed for isn't right -- and you can afford to hold off a little longer -- don't accept it if an offer is extended. Or let's pretend you've been single for two years and would do just about anything to hook up with someone. Unfortunately, desperation can drive people to settle for someone who they know deep down is a poor fit. Needless to say, patience can pay huge dividends. You may second guess your decision initially, only to have a mu...

A study published just this year reveals many of the motives people give for cheating on their partner. And though they may claim that they were justified in their decision to do so, nothing they can see can give them a free pass because cheating is wrong in every sense of the word. 1. Falling out of love: Over three quarters (77%) of participants indicated that a lack of love for their partner and/or greater love for someone else prompted them to stray. 2. Seeking variety: Nearly 75% of respondents cited boredom in their relationship as a factor that drove them to cheat. More men tied variety-seeking to their infidelity than did women. 3. Feeling neglected: Participants (70%) revealed that their partner's lack of attention ultimately led to their wandering eye. This reason was offered by more women than men. 4.  Situational factors: Roughly 70% of participants said their infidelity wasn't necessary premeditated and/or carried out due to discontent in the relationsh...