I often hear people grumble over not having a Valentine or person to spend the holidays with, even though they acknowledge that singlehood still has its perks.  The biggest dating mistake keeping folks single is choosing the wrong people based on instant chemistry instead of long-term compatibility . Many people rely too heavily on that initial spark—mistaking attraction or excitement for a genuine connection. The initial connection is so infectious that they reason it has to be something deep and meaningful.  But chemistry alone isn't enough to build an enduring relationship. In fact, once the honeymoon phase has passed, both people's flaws and problems come to the fore. It is then you really know whether the relationship is built to last.  The key to breaking this cycle is: - Focusing not just charm or physical attraction, but on shared values and emotional availability  - Paying close attention to consistency over time—does this person follow through on what they ...

The time has come to sever ties with the ones who've done you wrong, with the ones who fail to appreciate all you do for them. Granted, nobody's perfect. We're all guilty of missteps. But if you've done your part to atone for your mistakes and the other person hasn't, it's obvious who places a higher premium on the relationship.  If it's your boss who's toxic and has subjected you to mental and emotional abuse, you need to stop putting off finding a new job. No role -- irrespective of pay, benefits, and other perks -- is worth risking your well-being for!  Those benefits can always be replaced, but as far as your mental wellness, it isn't always automatic (or even guaranteed).  If your partner is abusive in any way, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally, you must stop giving them a free pass. Everyone is entitled to respect and dignity.  The longer such behavior carries on, the greater the chance of your mental or emotional state deteriorating...

It isn't always easy to kiss someone in your life goodbye. When it comes to toxic folks who put our happiness at risk, however, it should be a no brainer.  Naturally, we want to surround ourselves with individuals who make us laugh, help us grow, and stand by us in good times and bad ones.  But it's inevitable that, along the way, we will encounter some rotten eggs -- those who seemingly can't bear the thought of anyone but them being happy.  Jettison people in your life who are corrosive to your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Whether it's a friend, partner, relative, or acquaintance, there is no place in your orbit for somebody who's bent on making you miserable. Life is too short for that, and you deserve better. I've have had to sever ties with friends -- or so I thought they were friends -- who ended up turning against me.  Perhaps they were jealous of my good grades or other friends whom they felt threatened by. Whatever the reason, I pulled th...

The COVID-19 pandemic created ample time for couples to be around each other. Whether that's turned out to be good or bad depends on the individual couple, of course.  Being stuck at home presented plenty of opportunities for pairs to become closer -- or drift further apart than they already were.  Those working at home during the pandemic may have had to tend to kids attending school virtually or elderly parents. That juggling act may have translated into more stress -- whether physical, emotional, mental, financial, or all of the above -- leaving less time and energy for romance.  Those who may have been considering taking a vacation to disconnect from their daily troubles and reconnect with each other were now forced to hole up, potentially igniting arguments over, say, one partner's tendency to put off family trips for years.  Then there are those couples that used the extra time to strengthen their bonds -- by improving communication, trying out new things t...

It's safe to say many of us have gained a few pounds during quarantine and are aching to lose them as we inch closer to normalcy following the rollout of vaccines.  When the fridge is within close reach, it can be awfully difficult to resist the chips, ice cream, or whatever else we deem Covid comfort food.  But here's the good news: Losing weight is more mental than anything else. If we're in the right frame of mind, we can achieve results -- sometimes far quicker than anticipated.  And here's even better news: You don't have to starve yourself to shed those pesky pounds.  Two keys to success, both of which are easy to recall (as they begin with the same word), are: 1. Exercising moderation when it comes to one's eating habits. 2. Exercising physically.  Though I've done a pretty good job at maintaining my weight the last couple of years, it's been a mission to drop an extra 15 or so pounds I've been carrying around. I thought that as long as I ate ...

"You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served." The above is one of my all-time favorites because it perfectly encapsulates one of the primary reasons relationships go awry. I've lost track of the many times I've held on to a relationship for far too long in hopes that the individual would come to respect me and value everything I brought to the table.  Unfortunately, it didn't happen. Here are just a few examples of ways people demonstrate they possess no respect for you: They cheat on you. They lie, and lie, and lie some more. They take you for granted. They stab you in the back.  They're abusive, whether physically or emotionally. They fail to value your point of view.  One thing is to feel genuine remorse for one's actions. But some of these individuals are cognizant that what they're doing is wrong and yet they persist in their unbecoming behavior. Sadly, most of these people will never change. Their declaratio...

Many of us would admit to drawing comparisons between ourselves and celebrities who have achieved great fame and wealth. Maybe you've compared your physique to that of Dwayne Johnson, your hair to that of Scarlett Johansson, or your zany sense of humor to that of Chris Rock. As long as you're not trying to be these people -- recognizing that while you can get inspiration from them, you're your own person -- I see no problem with it. After all, we can respect and admire the Hollywood elite without necessarily aping their mannerisms, buying all the products they endorse, and longing to be in their very shoes. However, when it comes to a relationship, you're dealing with someone you presumably love and trust, and who loves and trusts you. Someone who values you for who you are. These are the kinds of comparisons that will not only land you in water, but possibly put the relationship in serious jeopardy: 1. Comparing your partner to your ex, or someone you fee...

In a strong relationship, each partner deems the other as an enhancement to his or her life. But that's different from expecting the person to complete them, which is indicative of an unhealthy relationship. When one turns to a partner to make them whole, it goes beyond merely calling them their soulmate. They rely heavily on one another to meet each other's every need -- whether physical, financial, or emotional -- potentially leaving both individuals' feeling drained and frustrated. Oftentimes, though, one person is far more dependent on the other, and if they feel their partner isn't there to quell all their worries and fix all their problems, it sends them into a panic. A relationship is a partnership, with both making individual contributions that, at the end of the day, make you one cohesive unit. But to expect your partner to do everything you want, when you want it, is unrealistic -- and unfair. For example, there will be nights where your partne...

My readers often ask me why so many people out there are frenetically searching for love. Perhaps you have a friend, relative, or co-worker who appears preoccupied with finding "the one." My pointed response is that the media -- and that includes social media -- plays an integral role. From dating apps like Tinder and Facebook posts about people professing their love for their partner to stories in the news centering on blissful marriages and a seemingly endless stream of songs about break-ups, society promulgates the following message: Being with someone is a good thing. Being single is not. If you don't have anyone in your life, it just isn't whole. Something is missing, and you'll only be able to be happy and fill the void once you pair up. This, of course, is silly. I have a slew of readers who count themselves among the happily single. They don't feel empty or broken because they don't have a partner. On the contrary: Many are reliev...

If you've ever been cheated on, it can feel like being hit by a freight train. Cheating represents the ultimate betrayal of one's trust. You give someone your heart, only to see it crushed by your partner's selfish, deplorable act. Cheaters can try to justify their behavior in a million ways, even though nothing in the world could excuse their infidelity. They might pin the blame on: Problems within their relationship  Heavy drinking Stress at work The other person ("they seduced me") Other factors they claim to have been out of control Yet, one of the key reasons people cheat in the first place is because they feel they won't get caught.  They tell themselves that they'll keep it to themselves, rationalizing that what their partner doesn't know can't hurt them. They get away scot free, and their partner carries on thinking they've both been completely faithful.  It's a win-win!  No, I'll tell you what it i...

No matter what we aspire to accomplish in life, we must never allow our fear of failure to override our goals -- however lofty they may seem. Let us not let our comfort zones confine us. Let us not allow self-doubt to undermine our will to succeed! We can do anything we set our hearts and minds to. Sure, we may not succeed the first, second, or even the fifth time. And success may entail making major sacrifices that take a heavy physical and emotional toll on us. But if we want it badly enough, we shall prevail. No matter how many times life tries to throw a monkey wrench in the works, we find a way around such hurdles. We see setbacks not as a sign that it may be time to call it quits, but as an opportunity to reaffirm our commitment to the cause. And we mustn't allow the naysayers in our midst -- even when the detractor is ourselves -- dissuade us from forging ahead. Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, remind yourself of how far you've come...

Society peddles the tired notion that one isn't truly content unless they're married or in a relationship. Our culture, as you've probably noticed, is highly relationship-centric. Valentine's Day, dating apps, celebrity weddings, juicy hookups bantered about at work. Our Facebook News Feeds replete with articles and memes pertaining to love and relationships, not to mention posts of people professing their love for their partner. We might as well call it what it really is: a craze. An obsession, if you will. There's no question that relationships are a wonderful thing. Who doesn't love to hear stories of couples getting engaged on the Eiffel Tower or celebrating their 50th anniversary? A person can derive a wealth of benefits -- physical, emotional, and financial -- from being partnered up. Provided one is in a healthy relationship, a person's significant other can greatly enrich their life, being there to cheer their successes and help them throug...

We all know of someone -- whether a friend, teacher, neighbor, or acquaintance -- who has cheated on their partner. Maybe they cheated on someone you're close to, or perhaps you've cheated on a significant other yourself and have vowed never to be unfaithful again. Unfortunately, I often find that in such cases of infidelity, the guilty party doesn't immediately take responsibility for what they did and give their partner the time and space they need to sort out their feelings. Instead, they become defensive (if not combative), trying to come up with reasons why they should be let off the hook. When the victim asks to be left alone, the cheater may heap apology after apology, refusing to take no for an answer. Nothing in the world could justify cheating on a partner. It is the most egregious form of betrayal one can carry out -- the ultimate breach of trust someone has placed in you. Not surprisingly, cheaters try to dream up every excuse in the book to justify th...

Shallow individuals are those who place a great importance on things of a superficial nature rather than on meaningful ones that should carry the most weight. We all know at least one person (I know a few, as a matter of fact) who makes looks a top priority when assessing potential suitors. While looks certainly matter, a "face like Brad Pitt's" or a "body like Jennifer Lopez's" should not top anyone's list of must-haves. At the end of the day, physical chemistry may get the ball rolling, but it's the mental and emotional connection you establish with someone (and, hopefully, a spiritual one) that sustain a loving relationship. Sooner or later, we go gray, get old, and gain weight. We can't expect to look like we did in our 20s and 30s forever, nor expect as much of our partner. Beauty is only skin deep. Qualities like intelligence, kindness, loyalty, integrity, and a great sense of humor are reliable gauges of one's true characte...

What would you say is the worst kind of punishment you can inflict on someone? While many might feel it's delivering physical abuse (e.g., beating the person up), I firmly believe that mental and emotional damage can be far more difficult to rebound from. Such wounds can take far longer to heal. When it comes to indifference, stop for a moment and think about just how painful it must be to realize that someone near and dear to your heart -- whether it's your partner, friend, or a family member -- couldn't care less about you anymore. Such indifference could come in many forms, with unanswered texts or calls chief among them. Perhaps you don't get a call on your birthday from the individual, or even after just having gone through a trying experience (e.g., emergency surgery or a death in the family). It could very well be that we forgot the person's birthday, weren't there when they needed us, or had a huge argument with them, and now they've cut of...

We all possess a pretty amazing power. No, it's not the power to fly, shoot fireballs, or become invisible, even though those would definitely come in handy at times! We're instead endowed with the power to let go -- of people and things which bring us harm or fail to enrich our lives in meaningful ways. Many of us assume that we need to hold on to/perpetuate toxic relationships because we've known the people for a long time or we fear that others will not accept us as they did. Once a person becomes a mental or emotional burden in your life, that's when you know you're better of letting go. And waiting around for them to change is usually an exercise in futility. People hardly ever do. Additionally, once a job starts to suck you dry -- adversely affecting your physical and mental health -- that's a clear sign it's time to start looking for something else. No job is worth sacrificing your well-being for. Few people realize how powerful the abili...

Some of my readers have asked me how they can gauge whether their relationship is built to last. Those who are currently single have similarly wondered what the keys to a fruitful relationship are. To both camps I respond as follows: While there is no such thing as the perfect relationship, you know yours has the potential to last a lifetime if the two of you connect on four fundamental levels: (1) physically (2) emotionally (3) mentally and (4) spiritually . Below I touch upon what each connection entails. Physical connection:  While looks are certainly not the most important facet of a romantic relationship, they still count to a certain degree. You don't need a partner who looks like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie to appreciate their beautiful eyes, nice legs, smooth skin, or wonderful smile. In other words, while the person may not be a "10" on the attractiveness scale, they still have physical assets that you, as their partner, can admire. But we needn't plac...

Overthinking isn't bad when you're ruminating about something that's generally positive: how lucky you are to have such a wonderful family, the material you want to have down cold for tomorrow's finance exam, the ideal place to propose to your girlfriend. In other words, thinking deeply pays off when it's something that induces positive emotions in you. You imagine yourself succeeding in whatever it is you're aiming for. You're focused on what you have rather than what you lack. If you're consumed with thoughts that breed negativity -- from how stupid you were for turning down that date to how sure you are that you're going to bomb the presentation this afternoon -- overthinking can have an adverse effect on your physical and mental health. It can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and other detrimental conditions. It's a fine line to tiptoe. Indeed, we should all strive to adopt a "half glass full" mentality. I don...

Isn't it ironic how there are so many people in relationships with partners they don't really love, and so many single folks who are dying to be in relationships with people they do love -- but can't? Let's break both scenarios down. In the first case, people might be involved with people they don't love for several reasons: They're with them for their money  They were on the rebound after their last relationship ended in failure  They don't want to be alone  They have no other options at the moment They're trying to please their parents and/or friends For purely physical reasons  And here are some reasons why a person may love someone, but can't be romantically involved with them: He or she is already taken The person doesn't have the nerve to ask them out or try to take the friendship to the next level They don't want to jeopardize the friendship they already have The individual doesn't feel he or she is ...

I know several people who are currently in a long distance relationship, including my co-worker Betty. While she admits that it has its challenges, she and her boyfriend are finding ways to make it work. The toughest part of a long distance relationship is the lack of physical closeness. Everyone wants to cuddle with their significant other while watching a movie, for example. It's nice to have someone to accompany you to dinners and social functions. Not being able to grab the person's hand and exchange hugs and kisses with them -- especially during life's most trying moments -- can be depressing. Thankfully, it's easier than ever these days to keep in touch. While phone, Facebook, texting, email, and FaceTime are no substitute for being with someone in person, they let both people stay connected until they can plan their next meeting. In order for a long distance relationship to work, both people need to put in their fair share -- no ifs or buts about it. That...