We all know how easily toxic people -- with their knack for negativity and gossip -- can throw a monkey wrench into our days.  But what if we leveraged that toxicity to our benefit? How, you ask? There's a myriad of ways to do this. Among them are these:  1. When they say you can't accomplish something, do you let their words derail your hopes and dreams? No, you use them to further  fuel your motivation to accomplish your goals. After all, who are they to judge? 2. When they criticize you for your style of dress, interests, or any other facet of your personality, do you scramble to change? No, you double down on preserving what makes you unique, which in turn will build self-confidence and boost your self-esteem. 2. When they disrespect you, whether by spewing outright lies or demeaning your character, do you turn around and do the same to them? No, you're better than that. You stand up for yourself, firmly if civilly, without hurling insults. This will equip you with th...

Looking to achieve a goal? Inhale confidence. Exhale doubt.  Even if no one else believes in you (which is highly unlikely), you are your single biggest ally. If you don't believe in yourself, you won't realize your dreams -- plain and simple. Achieving goals take hard work, determination, and dogged persistence. If you want something badly enough and are willing to go the extra mile to get it, you've already won half the battle. You might cry, face sleepless nights, argue with friends and loved ones, and even have occasional bouts of depression, pushing you to the brink of quitting. But don't give up!  Things will get better. Hang in there. When everything seems doomed to fail, stop for a moment. Take a deep breath. Ask yourself whether retooling your strategy -- making a few tweaks here and there -- might get you back on the right path. If achieving a goal were easy, we'd have countless superstar athletes, actors, rock stars, and rocket scientis...

Picture this: After a long drought on the dating front, Rachel's well-meaning friends and relatives are fixing her up on dates left and right. She's narrowed her options down to two guys: (1) Kevin, a wealthy tax attorney who calls and sends her romantic text messages several times a day, or (2) Alex, a self-confident but modestly paid construction worker who has more hobbies and talents than he can count with both hands. Whom do you think Rachel is more likely to go for? At first blush, one might be tempted to say Kevin, only because he seems to be on firmer financial ground. That may very well be the case if Rachel is an unapologetic gold digger. But chances are that she's taking several factors beyond his bank account into consideration.  Kevin can have all the money in the world, but if he has no self-confidence, Rachel is unlikely to be drawn to him. If there's one attribute most women want in a man, it's self-confidence . Boldness. One who...

Women don't fall for jerks... They fall for confident men . In my view, no attribute draws women more to men than self-confidence . Self-confidence is the ultimate attraction builder. He doesn't have to be the best-looking, richest, smartest, or funniest man. Of course, all of those enhance his appeal, but they're not nearly as consequential. A man who knows what he wants and goes for it full throttle, in most women's eyes, is an irresistible aphrodisiac. Women love men who will let nothing or no one get in the way of their dreams -- even the women themselves. They love it when men exhibit boundless ambition. Unfortunately, too many men mistakenly assume that giving women flowers and compliments is all that's needed to build attraction. Women are highly perceptive -- they know when you're going overboard on the flattery just to get in their pants or win their approval. But that's just the thing. A confident man doesn't need a woman's appr...

In my last post, I argued that men's biggest complaint about women is that they generally don't know what they want in the arena of relationships. Some claim to want a nice, sweet guy, but they still end up with the exact opposite. What they say they want and what they actually go for don't always square. Does this mean that all women have a preference for bad boys? Nope, not at all. What all women do want, as I pointed out in that earlier post, is a man with confidence. Because these bad boy types exude self-confidence (sometimes women mistake cockiness for confidence, however), women find themselves drawn to them. A guy can still be nice and romantic as long as he does it in small doses. No woman wants a man to worship the ground she walks on, as it communicates that the guy is needy and trying to supplicate to her. That just isn't the way to build attraction. A guy who doesn't seem sure of himself and always looks to his partner for approval is not do...

I equate a lack of self-confidence with not trusting one's abilities. One of the best quotes I've ever heard in a movie was featured in the 2005 film "Coach Carter," starring Samuel L. Jackson: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us." In case you haven't seen the movie, Samuel L. Jackson plays a high school basketball coach whose hired to reverse the team's dismal fortunes. When it turns out that most of the players are flunking their classes, Jackson's character imposes a lockout until the players demonstrate academic improvement. Against all odds, the players succeed, and the team goes on to win a championship. I'll be the first to admit that I don't trust my ability to do certain things. I've always been something of a bungling handyman, in part because my father, who's known to be great with ...

Dictionary.com defines a narcissist as "a person who is overly self-involved, and often vain and selfish." Other words associated with narcissism include: Self-love Self-admiration Self-absorption Self-obsession Conceit Self-centered Self-regard Egoism  I don't take exception to people who are self-absorbed without showing off . It's when people have the impulse to voice -- loudly, I might add -- how great they are, how beautiful they are, how much better they are than anyone else. It's when people are so arrogant as to take credit for everything -- whether at work or elsewhere -- when they know full well that they received ample support from others.  Selfishness isn't necessarily a bad thing. There's nothing wrong with turning down invitations from friends or family so that you can spend the evening alone, or treating yourself to a hearty lunch at a nice restaurant following a difficult week at work. Loving yourself is actually a key...

Most of us don't warm up to change easily, whether it's starting a new job or moving to a new neighborhood. In fact, when change is imminent, many of us tend to get awfully nervous and think the worst, making such defeatist statements as: "I'm going to fail." "Something bad is going to happen." "This isn't going to work." While it's normal to feel a little apprehensive about the future -- that is, the unknown -- we should not get in the habit of always facing it with trepidation. After all, what lies ahead may actually turn out a lot better than we expect. In order to better take the future in stride, we must do two things: 1. Stay positive : Negativity not only makes us more anxious, it eats away at our self-confidence. Success starts with opening yourself to the possibility of things turning out favorably. You need to give it time -- human beings are surprisingly good at adapting to new, unfamiliar situations. As tem...

Book smart. Street smart. Business smart. Handy smart. No matter what type of intelligence we're talking about, it's downright sexy. And the sexiness is amplified tenfold when the person exudes self-confidence doing or discussing what he or she is good at, whether it's fixing cars, negotiating sales deals, or talking politics.  Let's be honest. No one -- at least not anyone I know -- would be attracted to someone as dumb as a rock. Most of us desire a partner who is articulate and able to defend his or her viewpoints -- at least on some matter or subject about which the person is passionate.  It's impossible for us to be experts at everything. A math whiz probably won't be the best writer. A masterful cook might not be able to draw or paint to save his life. A skilled athlete might struggle to hammer a nail into the wall. But no one said sexiness meant being a jack of all trades. Actually, it's far sexier to be adept in one specific area th...

When someone casts doubt on you and your ability to achieve a goal -- especially a far-fetched one -- how should you react? Should you hurl obscenities at them? Stoop down to their level and discredit their own goals or accomplishments? Absolutely not. The best course of action is to work harder than ever to achieve that goal -- and prove them wrong.  Over the years, people have doubted my ability to do everything from lose 30 pounds over the summer to land jobs for which there have been over 100 applicants. There's nothing sweeter than proving wrong those who write you off. And why would they? We can achieve anything we set our hearts and minds to. The naysayers are likely those who doubt their own ability to accomplish whatever goal you've set out to achieve, as well as their personal goals. They're simply projecting their own lack of self-confidence to you. Never stand for such behavior. If these individuals claim to be your friends, perhaps you ought to thin...

There are smart people, and then there are confident people. While some people possess both smarts and self-confidence, others may have or exhibit only one of these attributes.  There's no question that politicians like Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama are bright, self-assured people. Connections notwithstanding, they would otherwise not have made it to the big stage.  Of course, people are at their best when they embody both of these characteristics. You could be the smartest guy in the world, but if you don't make your points with some level of conviction, no one would ever know it. People won't believe what you're saying -- no matter how ground-breaking or erudite -- if you don't sound sure of yourself. At the same time, being gregarious won't get you far unless whatever you're discussing has substance. Spouting off nonsense undercuts any confidence you may bring to the table because, after a while, people will simply w...

What's the key reason why Donald Trump mania is sweeping the nation? For one, the real estate mogul and Republican presidential candidate has a larger-than-life personality. Yes, he's arrogant. Yes, he's bombastic. Yes, he speaks his mind and doesn't apologize for it. You'd think this would be the recipe for a catastrophic campaign, but Donald Trump is leading in the polls -- and it isn't even close right now. Why has he had so much success? People credit him with being the only one with enough bravado to voice what's on his and every other candidate's mind. As an outsider from the world of business, he's appealed to people who are sick of politics getting in the way of progress on Capitol Hill. It goes without saying that Trump's flamboyance has allowed him to easily overshadow his more sedate opponents. Watching last night's debate, you got the feeling that guys like Rand Paul and Chris Christie strove to show that they, too, coul...

My friend (let's call him "Don") has become a completely different person since hooking up with his girlfriend of 6 months (let's call her "Lisa"). I've known the guy since high school, and let's just say the humility that once set him apart from everyone else has fallen by the wayside. Long story short, he got a good job, bought a new car, and started kissing nearly every girl that struck his fancy. Now that he's with Lisa, he has souped up his car and prattles on and on about going to the gym and bulking up. Once unpretentious and hardly concerned with looks, popularity, and material things, the new Don gives fresh meaning to "flashy" and "cocky." There's nothing wrong with someone's self-confidence getting a boost. After all, we tend to feel really good about ourselves whenever we're making more money and getting increased attention from the opposite sex. But you can tell when a person is trying a bit too ...

Many women admit to having been drawn to bad boys in their youth. They claim that they found their hyper-masculinity and self-confidence almost irresistible. Unfortunately, nice guys with good intentions were kicked to the curb, left scratching their heads over what they did wrong. These same women say that they outgrew this phase as the desire for marriage, children, and overall stability crept in. So here's the central question: Do women truly get over this love of bad boys, even when they're older? I think that women eventually stop pursuing such men, but that doesn't mean they don't want to see a little "bad boy" in their partners at least once in a while. In my view, women want their men to have some of the qualities commonly associated with bad boys, such as: Self-confidence Standing up for what he believes in, even if that means arguing to prove his point Getting fired up for a cause about which he's passionate Being aggressive and tak...

In one of my recent posts, I discussed that many women gravitate toward men who have great dance skills. Several of you on this blog concurred. Now I'd like to touch upon another type of man known to make many women weak at the knees: the uniformed one. Take my college friend Sandy. Every guy she has dated has been in the army, navy, or marines -- including a high school buddy of mine. What is it about men in uniform that drives some women crazy? I would suppose that they're drawn to men in positions of authority. In their minds, by dating a cop, firefighter, or someone in the military, for example, they secure someone who can "protect" them. It could also be that, to these women, the uniforms make the men ooze loads of sexiness and heaps of self-confidence. The fact is that women are accustomed to seeing men in regular dress clothes (polos, shirt and tie, etc.), so a man in uniform tends to stand out. I think it's silly, though, for women to limit the...

Let's face it: The vast majority of people in the western world are extroverts -- they draw their energy outward and thrive on social interaction. We introverts, however, draw our energy inward and become heavily drained by too much social chatter. If introverts don't find a quiet room in which they can recharge, they simply cannot function properly. Maybe it's just me, but I find there to be more introverted men than women. Men generally seem more predisposed to rolling up their sleeves and getting down to business -- they aren't as emotionally-charged and talkative, I find. I have also noticed -- at least at the places I've worked -- that women are usually quicker than men to single out the "quiet one" in the office. "He is so quiet. Why doesn't he talk?" they might wonder. Though some guy may mention a thing or two in passing, it is the women who seem to harp on stuff like this. So, that begs the big question: Does it actually turn a...

Ah, there's nothing like the start of a new year, right? It's an opportunity to start anew. A clean slate. A chance to strive for greatness yet again. Research suggests that, generally speaking, people don't come around to meeting -- and, in some cases, even working toward -- their New Year's resolutions. Why is it that we place such a great emphasis on pressing the reset button on January 1 and becoming a better version of ourselves when, in most cases, we fall short? I surmise that we do it for the following reason: Life is nothing short of unpredictable, and we truly don't know what may lie ahead in the coming year. Thus, making New Year's resolutions give us the sense that we're at least partly in control of our lives. We first look at our shortcomings and the toughest challenges we faced in the outgoing year and convince ourselves that, with a little time and effort, we can triumph over even the longest odds. For example, let's say you l...