There's a very thin line between being nice and allowing oneself to be a complete doormat -- a line many kind-hearted people struggle to identify.  Here are a few indicators that you probably should tone down the niceness factor just a little bit: 1. No matter how many t imes people let you down, you continue to issue them free passes.  All it takes is an ostensibly heart-felt apology for you to take someone back. Perhaps you're still with your boyfriend even after he cheated on you three times. Maybe you've kept in your life an old friend who has been spotted talking behind your back on a number of occasions. It's important to recognize that saying sorry means nothing if the person repeats the very behavior they express contrition for.  2. You constantly put others' needs and wishes before your own.  One thing is to help out those who find themselves in a real bind. Another is to bend over backwards for them at the expense of your own happiness, even when their...

Over the years, people have told me that they wish they could free themselves of their own sensitivity, claiming it has led to deep heartache and hurt feelings. I told them that nixing their sensitive nature will only demonstrate one thing: That they are succumbing to the desires of others. If you've read several other of my posts, you'll know that a recurring theme on this blog is the concept of individuality , and how important it is that we hold on to the things that distinguish us from other people. By becoming the hardened, unemotional person others push you to be, you're just letting them win .  So what is one to do? Well, no one says you can't be sensitive and firm simultaneously. We can be kind, generous, and compassionate toward others without granting them the latitude to trample on our feelings. The key is to make clear that although you have a soft side, you are totally capable of summoning a bolder, no-nonsense version of yourself that won'...

When you always try to please others, some of them come to expect it and may develop a knack for taking you for granted. Before you know it, one favor becomes two, or three. You're lending people money even though it may cause you some financial distress. You're giving others rides even though you have your own errands to run. We all like helping others because not only does it feel good, but many of those people have been there to get us out of jams as well. But there comes a point where we simply have to learn to say "no." We can't always put others' needs and wants before our own. We have to remember that we're entitled to happiness just as much as our family, friends, and colleagues are. We have our own set of problems and priorities to deal with. It is, after all, our lives. Being a good person means being there for others when they really need you. It doesn't mean being at their beck and call, especially when it concerns trivial matte...

The word of the day is one most people have seldom heard or used:  sycophant . According to dictionary.com, a sycophant is a person who acts obsequiously toward someone important in order to gain advantage. Here's yet another definition I came across on the internet: a self-seeking, servile flatterer; fawning parasite. In other words, it's someone who kisses up to other people in order to get ahead. How many sycophants have most of us come across in the workplace? Plenty! There's a myriad of synonyms for the word sycophant, including suck-up, yes-man, lackey, toady, lick-spittle, doormat, and brown-noser. There's no question that sycophants have no respect for themselves; they're willing to be putty in someone else's hands so long as they get what they want in the end. Why not try to progress in life by virtue of hard work and merit? I don't know about you, but I refuse to stoop that low. Had you ever come across the word sycophant before readi...

If there's one thing that leads a relationship down the road to ruin, it's when someone assumes that whatever they do -- no matter how selfish or heartless -- will be forgiven and forgotten, and that his or partner will always be there to receive them with open arms. My girlfriend in high school learned this the hard way. She was as flaky as can be, telling me one minute that she wasn't ready for something serious and reeling me back in the next with hugs and tender messages. Well, she was completely blindsided by my decision to end the relationship only a few months after we began dating. I just couldn't stand the games anymore, and I knew I could do better. I was then on my way to college, where a bountiful crop of single women awaited me. I will admit that I probably asked for it. I was a bit of a pushover in those days, virtually worshiping the ground whichever girl I was interested in walked on. A similar situation played out with another girl I dated a few...

One of the biggest mistakes people can make when dating is disclosing too early how they feel about the other person. Here are a few examples: Saying "I love you" after only a couple of dates Pouring out one's soul about their feelings after a short period of time Giving the person compliments that both people know are undeserved  Whether you feel this strongly about the person or not, it's never wise to tip your hand so early in the game. Why? Well, where's the mystery in that? All those things that lead to a full-fledged relationship -- attraction, feelings, love -- take time to build. Nature has to take its course; things can't be forced or rushed.  When a person professes his love after one or two dates, it reeks of desperation and can lead his date to question his motives.  There's something to be said for leaving the other person guessing, at least in the very beginning. A bit of mystery creates intrigue and leaves the other y...

There's a scene in the movie "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" where Michael Douglas' character, ostensibly a philandering playboy type, tells his nephew that whoever cares least in a relationship has all the power. I replayed this line in my head for days, trying to assess whether it holds water as far as the relationships I've had in my own life. Here's what I've concluded: While I think it's preposterous to assume that you can gain the upper hand by deliberately being indifferent and standoffish, it is true that you can lose points by being overly nice and accommodating -- a doormat, if you will. If you let your partner step all over you and fail to stand up for yourself, you're letting him take advantage of and flat-out disrespect you. Once this becomes the norm, then yes, you have basically ceded all the power in the relationship to your partner. Like everything else in life, moderation works best. You don't have to shower your partne...