When you think about the person you wish to spend the rest of your life (assuming you have yet to find him or her), which qualities come to mind? Chances are, you want this individual to be kind, loving, smart, funny, loyal, honest, communicative, responsible, hard-working, and the like. But these desirable attributes don't mean didly squat if the partner in question expresses no interest in being with you long-term -- assuming that, too, is what you yearn for with them.  Maybe you've been with someone for four years who hasn't so much as broached the topic of marriage. Or, perhaps you ask them what they picture their life being like in a few years and they fire off a slew of items on their To Do List -- traveling, meeting new people, launching a business -- that seem to have little or nothing to do with you. Being with someone who fears commitment -- the kind I've termed commitmentphobes -- can be emotionally draining. You just never quite know whether th...

He promised you he'd always remain loyal to you, but you later discovered he had a girlfriend on the side. She pledged that she'd always be there for you, in good times and bad ones, but when you recently lost your job, she couldn't be bothered to visit or console you. We've all been in situations where people we trusted wholeheartedly wound up letting us down in a big way. Once you realize the individual isn't as great as you thought, you may experience a range of emotions -- from disbelief to anger to utter sadness. Worst of all, you may be tempted into blaming yourself for what happened. You may ask yourself a litany of questions such as: "How could I be so naive?" "Why didn't I see this coming?" "Was it something I did or said?" "How could I have wasted my time and energy in such a heartless person?" Before you know it, you've beaten yourself silly ruminating about the whys and what ifs. Do ...

If you've ever been cheated on, it can feel like being hit by a freight train. Cheating represents the ultimate betrayal of one's trust. You give someone your heart, only to see it crushed by your partner's selfish, deplorable act. Cheaters can try to justify their behavior in a million ways, even though nothing in the world could excuse their infidelity. They might pin the blame on: Problems within their relationship  Heavy drinking Stress at work The other person ("they seduced me") Other factors they claim to have been out of control Yet, one of the key reasons people cheat in the first place is because they feel they won't get caught.  They tell themselves that they'll keep it to themselves, rationalizing that what their partner doesn't know can't hurt them. They get away scot free, and their partner carries on thinking they've both been completely faithful.  It's a win-win!  No, I'll tell you what it i...

Yes, you've made mistakes. Yes, you have regrets. Yes, there are past decisions that you wish you could change. But what good does brooding over the past do? If you're not careful, you could sink into a deep depression that will be very difficult to claw out of. There's a reason the windshield is bigger than the rear view: Because what lies ahead is much better than where you've been! Turn those missteps into lessons. Leverage those blunders into life-changing growth.  Think of it this way: If we never fell, how would we ever learn to pick ourselves up again? Seize the opportunity to become stronger and wiser . So maybe you wish you had never met your cheating ex or chosen law as your profession. A broken heart or load of debt later, you might kick yourself for not having seen all the signs. But don't spend all your time lamenting your mistakes. Embrace them, and allow them to transform you.  You will find a good partner who remains loyal to you. Y...

Anyone who contends that cheating is a mistake and not a choice probably cheated on their partner at one point, and their assertion is a convenient way to excuse their unseemly behavior. NOTHING can justify cheating. Not drinking. Not a stressful job. Not a broken relationship. If one cheats, he or she should own up to it. Whether their partner forgives or takes them back is their call, but chances are they will not. But who can blame them? And using the tired alibi that you were unfaithful in a moment of weakness (e.g., someone came onto you) is downright ludicrous. Cheating and lying are intentional choices. Human beings are endowed with the willpower to resist such temptations if they should arise. Cheating is a deliberately choice not to tap into that willpower. A mistake, on the other hand, is something that happens accidentally. You twist your ankle playing softball. You forget to mail this month's rent payment. You drop and break your child's favorite mug. You ...

In recent weeks, I've written several posts encouraging readers to take pride in their true selves and not change their personality, quirks, values, or beliefs simply to appease others. And with that I segue into this important question: If you had to choose one quality you'd like to be known for, what would it be? Here are a few examples: Being kind Being sweet Being smart Being hard-working Being genuine Being humble Being sociable Being honest Being loyal While I wouldn't mind being recognized for my hard-working nature or humility, I think intelligence takes the cake. I am far from the most gregarious person at work -- I won't win any awards for my people skills anytime soon -- but people regard me as intelligent, and to me, it's the ultimate compliment. I was always a fantastic student -- getting everything from history trophies and reading certificates to writing medals. I graduated from college summa cum laude. Though I'm not i...

I know I'm going to get some flak for this one from all you pooch lovers, but hear me out. I think dogs can make wonderful pets. They're affectionate, intensely loyal, and can serve in a variety of roles -- whether it's to guard one's house, sniff out drugs, or assist the blind. The reasons why I'm partial to cats, however, are many: I've never had a dog in my life. I have had three cats, though. They're less work -- you don't have to bathe them, take them for walks, or clean after them like you do dogs. I love the fact that cats are so hygienic; give them a litter box and they're good to go. Dogs tend to be more energetic than cats. As someone who is generally calm and enjoys a leisurely pace, cats seem to fit my temperament better.  Dogs make more of a mess around the house. They bring dirt into the house and leave slobbered toys behind.  They're less expensive, not only when it comes to buying the actual pet, but feeding it, giving...

Contrary to popular belief, it isn't how much money you make, how engrossed you are in your work, the work/life balance the job affords, or whether you feel what you do makes a difference in the world. While those things are certainly important, the single biggest determinant of on-the-job satisfaction is whether you get along with your boss and co-workers . I have several friends and a couple of relatives who have resigned from their jobs despite genuinely enjoying the work and being handsomely compensated. In each case, they either had a toxic boss or one or more co-workers who had a penchant for stabbing them on the back. Let's face it: No amount of money an employer throws at us -- whether it's $75,000 or $5 million a year -- can compensate for having to tolerate an abusive supervisor or conniving co-workers. Given that most of us spend 40 or more hours at the office each week, having to put up with such behavior can eventually take a serious toll on us -- physi...

People will serve up all kinds of excuses for why they decide to cheat, among them: The passion in the relationship/marriage is gone Lack of an emotional connection One partner works too much or is always away on business Lack of sex Lack of excitement and spontaneity An inextinguishable attraction for someone else drove them to cheat The lover is providing something the cheater is currently lacking (money, affection, etc.) "It just happened" "I needed a break from marriage and kids" It sickens me that so many people try to get away with being unfaithful. Those who want the cake and want to eat it too -- having a relationship or affair on the side while pretending everything with his or her partner is hunky-dory -- are downright selfish and despicable in my book.   Both men and women do this, even though statistics show it's men who generally cheat more. Even if the person's modus operandi is to keep the cheating under wraps for fear of get...