No matter how well we think we know someone, some people never cease to surprise us. That easygoing guy at work whom you thought could never hurt a fly may turn out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing. That seemingly wonderful girl whom you could confidently say you could trust more than some people in your own family could wind up stabbing you in the back. In essence, some people aren't always whom they seem. Pay close attention to the last part of that sentence: "Whom they seem." What we're saying, really, is that we perceive someone to be a certain way, but we can never be totally sure they're like that beneath the surface, or when they're not around us. And as I've reminded you in prior entries, perception is reality in our eyes even though that may not be the case in actuality. Yet, the same works when it's the other way around. Someone may strike us as rude, antisocial, indifferent, but when we really get to know them, we find ...

We've all heard the axiom, "True beauty comes from within." And I agree wholeheartedly, which is why I've used it in several of my posts. But, in my view, those who say looks don't matter at all are flat-out kidding themselves. Yes, looks should never be the thrust of any relationship. The glue that holds two people together is a deep, emotional connection. But the fact of the matter is that, for better or worse, the first thing our eyes go to is one's physical appearance. Allow me to pose a few pointed questions: Would you want to date someone who weighs 700 pounds? Would you hire the job candidate who shows up to the job interview unshaven and in bedraggled clothing? Would you set your daughter up with a kid sporting a shirt that says, "I'm your next one night stand"? If you answered "no" to any of the above, you care about looks and first impressions to a certain degree. The truth is that we all do, even if some of u...

According to spontaneous trait transference , people will associate the adjectives you use to describe other people with your personality. In other words, the traits you attribute to others are attributed right back to you. Interestingly, one study found that this effect took place even when people knew certain traits didn't describe the people who had talked about them. It seems that whatever you say about other people influences how people see you. If you describe someone else as trustworthy and kind, people will also associate you with those qualities. The reverse is also true: If you are constantly bashing people behind their backs, people will begin to link such qualities to you. I suppose what's also at play here is that people might think -- whether consciously or subconcsciously -- that the person is projecting his or her own qualities onto others, especially if they describe the individual this way repeatedly. So there you have it. Complimenting other...