A relationship begins to decay as soon as one or both partners gets in the habit of personalizing blame.  The formal psychological term for this is “causal attribution.” In a nutshell, when something goes wrong, one person can assign blame to the other by attributing the problem to what they perceive as his or her weaknesses, flaws, or characteristic behavior. The accuser make things personal by beginning sentences with the word “you." Examples may include: “You never listen” "You always screw it up" “You’re always too busy” "You're never on time" "You never take my feelings into account" "This is so typical of you" It goes without saying that this type of attribution can be catastrophic. Personalizing blame can elicit defensive behavior from the other person that may potentially lead to a vicious cycle of blame. Once one person starts pointing the finger, the other tends to follow suit. And if neither is willing ...

In order for a relationship to run smoothly, partners need to function as a team while still maintaining their distinct identities. It's a delicate balancing act many couples struggle to master. As I've stressed in recent posts, both individuals have to pull their own weight. If the same person is left doing all the chores every week -- whether it's cooking dinner, tending to the dogs, or doing the laundry -- while the other goes off to carouse with friends, how long do you think it will be before the former feels aggrieved? Chores should be divided evenly so that both parties can free up time for themselves, whether it's to go to the movies together or catch up with their buddies. (There are always exceptions, of course, as when couples agree that one will stay at home taking care of the children and the household duties.) When a couple adopts a team mentality, they essentially leave selfishness at the door. They make concessions for one another and, rather...