The two most consequential decisions you'll ever make in your life concern your choice of career and your choice of partner. Many of us happen to make these decisions in earnest -- at least for the first time -- when we're fairly young and lacking in life experience.  Perhaps we're just out of high school and we decide on law or pre-med as a major while embarking on a new relationship with someone who ostensibly has "long-term potential" written all over them. As we well know, though, life gives us many different twists and turns, sometimes veering us in directions we never could have imagined.  Events such as these can affect our life trajectory: Going away for college A death in the family  A break-up Switching jobs or careers  Layoffs Starting a business Moving to a new city  Getting married Having kids Illness  But there's no doubt that the decisions we make in our professional and love lives figure prominently in our life satisfaction, or lack thereof....

Society peddles the tired notion that one isn't truly content unless they're married or in a relationship. Our culture, as you've probably noticed, is highly relationship-centric. Valentine's Day, dating apps, celebrity weddings, juicy hookups bantered about at work. Our Facebook News Feeds replete with articles and memes pertaining to love and relationships, not to mention posts of people professing their love for their partner. We might as well call it what it really is: a craze. An obsession, if you will. There's no question that relationships are a wonderful thing. Who doesn't love to hear stories of couples getting engaged on the Eiffel Tower or celebrating their 50th anniversary? A person can derive a wealth of benefits -- physical, emotional, and financial -- from being partnered up. Provided one is in a healthy relationship, a person's significant other can greatly enrich their life, being there to cheer their successes and help them throug...

Entering into a relationship with the intention of changing or fixing someone is a surefire recipe for disaster. For starters, while it's possible that your influence will help change someone for the better, there are never any guarantees. And even if they do make progress, who's to say they can't revert to their old ways? It isn't your responsibility to resolve all their problems for them. You can lend a helping hand, sure, but you should never carry their burdens on your shoulders. One thing is to feel compelled to help someone you're married to or have been with for many years, and another is to start a relationship with someone who has issues -- whether financial or emotional -- from the outset and expects you to rescue them. I've heard stories of women who have resolved to change a so-called bad boy into a nice guy and seen their efforts bear little fruit. Sooner or later, it becomes apparent that the guy is unable to turn the corner in his life...

Some people become heavily invested in their relationships -- almost to a fault. In fact, they seem to forget there's actually a world outside of them. They lose sight of the fact that the other person in the relationship -- whether it's their friend, parent, or significant other -- is not attached to them at the hip; the person is still a separate individual with his or her own goals, dreams, fears, hobbies, and personality. No one likes feeling as though they're being surveilled or suffocated. Unfortunately, though, many of us contend with a partner who lets his or her insecurities come out through these two particular behaviors: 1. They're controlling. A possessive partner wants to dictate everything from what you eat and how you dress to who you can talk to and when you should come home. They treat you more like a child than as an adult, not allowing you to make your own decisions. Unfortunately, people can be this way for a variety of reasons. They may fe...

How do you know that a friendship is real -- that it's built to last? The test is simple: See what happens when one person doesn't need the other for anything anymore. We all get something out of friendships: a person to hit up the bar with, a gym buddy, a shoulder to cry on when things go awry. But sometimes circumstances change in one's life that leaves them with less time for or interest in a given friendship: They move, get married, they have kids, and so forth. Unfortunately, many of my friendships have ceased to exist -- or become much more watered down -- as soon as the person got into a relationship. Some people seem to have trouble juggling their relationship with their friendships. It could be a sign of a possessive partner, or maybe the friend is so head over heels in love that they couldn't care less about their friends anymore. I've observed that people who abandon their friends for a relationship end up regretting it, especially if the re...

Friendships usually change a great deal when one or both people get into relationships . In a way, this is to be expected. People get busier and tend to put their significant before anyone else. And once kids come along, this is only magnified tenfold. The most noticeable shift is that face time with the friend becomes very hard to come by. In most cases, the friends still manage keep in touch via text, email, or Facebook, but plans made with partners now preclude outings to the movies, concerts, and elsewhere that the friends used to make at the drop of the hat. That's not to say that seeing each other becomes impossible once one or both friends are in a relationship, but it takes more effort and planning. Obviously, any proposed plans with friends now have to be run by the significant other, who may or may not be on board. That was never an issue when the friends were both single. A great example of this is my friendship with an ex co-worker of mine, Elizabeth. During t...

Many people get into the habit of falling for people who are already married or in a relationship. When asked why they repeatedly pursue people who are unavailable, they say the thrill of chasing after the forbidden -- angling for what they know they can't have -- is too irresistible to suppress. But becoming a homewrecker can have dire consequences. For starters, you're coming between a person and his or her partner, who may even have children together. Studies show that infidelity can cause irreparable damage to a marriage or relationship, with the fallout spilling into home life and even one's career. If a person has that much of a penchant for chasing after the unobtainable, it raises serious questions about the individual: Why not pursue people who are available? Has a lack of self-esteem or other psychological issue convinced the person that he or she isn't deserving of single suitors? Is the person a commitmentphobe? Does he or she simply want to h...

Studies show that far more women are skipping marriage today than was the case two, even three decades ago. Plus, what many women are saying on social media regarding the perils of tying the knot corroborates these findings. This morning, I was sifting through posts on the Facebook page for Psychology Today. One of them posed an intriguing question: Do women these days still find great value in getting married? Judging from the comments to the post, many of them do not. One woman stated plainly that after dating several non-committal men, she's grown tired of pushing marriage on these guys with nothing to show for it. Another said that she refuses to take the plunge again after being cheated on by two of her husbands. Still another admitted that she's never wanted to be tied down, instead valuing the flexibility of singlehood. For many women, the perks of being married -- like additional tax and insurance benefits -- just aren't sufficient to offset the problems tha...

Did you know that a U.S. president once got married in the White House? That's right. On this day in 1886, President Grover Cleveland (1837-1908) became the first sitting president to marry in the executive mansion. Cleveland entered the White House as a bachelor and left a married man and father of two. His new wife was Frances Folsom, a gorgeous young woman 27 years his junior. Cleveland had literally known Frances, the daughter of a former law partner and Cleveland’s legal ward, since she was born. When she was 11, Frances’ father died and Cleveland became her legal guardian, maintaining close ties with her mother. People thought Cleveland would marry his friend’s widow and were taken aback when he instead married Frances as soon as she turned 21. In another White House first, Frances and Cleveland’s second daughter Esther had the distinction of being first child born to a president in a White House bedroom. Cleveland's pet name for Frances was Frank. It must h...

Many of us go to great pains to be better than others. We strive to have better cars than our neighbors, better clothes than our coworkers, more money than our friends. In the grand scheme of life, none of this makes us happier in the long term. What we should do is redirect our focus toward growing, toward improving ourselves. In essence, it's about being better this year than who we were last year -- being considerably better today than, say, the 2012 version of you. Everyone has his or her own definition of what makes a better person, or what constitutes personal growth. Here are a few examples: Losing weight and being healthier Getting a promotion and making more money Getting into a relationship  Being married Starting a family Traveling more Making new friends At the end of the day, how much our friends make and which cars our neighbors drive should be the least of our concerns. Concentrate on bettering and being competitive with yourself. Up the ante each Ja...

I think you can also use the word "selfish" to describe such behavior. We've all had at least one friend who ditches us when they jump into a relationship and come running back once that relationship has ended. One of my closest friends -- my wife and I have known him since high school -- falls into this category. I noted on the blog last year that he pulled a major disappearing act in the 8-month stretch he was with his then-girlfriend. One day, out of nowhere, I start receiving calls and invitations from him to hang out again. It's as if he had morphed from Mr. Indifferent to the clingiest person you'll ever meet. It took him awhile to come out and say that the relationship was officially done, but the fact he'd suddenly become so available again gave it away. He never gave specifics on why the relationship failed -- only saying that he broke up with her because he didn't want to hurt her. (We'll never really know who actually did the break...

Its slogan is straightforward: "Life is short. Have an affair." Ashley Madison, whose website boasts it's the "world's leading married dating service for discreet encounters," was breached last month by a group of hackers who now appear to have made good on their threat to post nearly 10 gigabytes' worth of data on the internet. The data includes names, street addresses, and email addresses associated with millions of payment transactions. Investigators say the data -- chunks of it, at least -- appears to be legitimate. Is this the work of karma kicking these adulterers in the behind? Having an affair is, to me, among the most despicable acts a person can commit. The second people even contemplate cheating on their spouse, that's when a serious conversation is in order. If they aren't sure they can remain faithful, they should file for divorce before things snowball out of control. The ramifications are far worse when children are involved....

Let's play a little game, shall we? I want all you ladies and gentleman to name the 3 qualities you desire most in a partner. If you're married or in a relationship, they can be the ones you appreciate most in your partner or were looking for while you were still flying solo. Two should be personality-based, and one should be a physical attribute. Then we can compare which ones are repeated most. I'll start. The 3 attributes I desired most in someone when I was still in the dating market (and, thankfully, my wife possesses all of them) are: Honesty Intelligence An ample rear (sorry, but I'm a tushy guy!) Don't worry if you get torn between a couple and have trouble narrowing it down to 3. Just aim for the ones you deem the most important. Looking forward to seeing your responses!

It's hard to believe a new year is upon us. It feels like it was yesterday we were ringing in 2014! We've all had our share of happy moments and challenges this year. My now-wife and I got married in March and saw snow for the first time on our honeymoon to Washington D.C. We also closed on a condo just a couple of days ago, but not before enduring 11 frustrating months that saw two other deals fall through and produced plenty of tears and headaches. Thankfully, after closing, the tears coming down my wife's face were those of joy. We all have something to be thankful for and great moments to look forward to in 2015. Among the highlights of my year was the launch of this blog. Not only has it allowed me to write about topics about which I'm passionate in the realm of psychology, but it's given me the opportunity to meet a host of smart, caring people. I launched the blog toward the end of summer and in that short span of time it has already garnered close ...

Research suggests that many married men and women -- and even unmarried ones in serious relationships -- admit to flirting with other people. Now, flirting could mean anything from exchanging glances and smiles to complimenting what someone else is wearing. As we know, you don't even have to talk to someone to engage in flirting. So why is it that so many people who are married or in serious relationships do this? My theory is as follows: As much as we may love our partners, human beings get a tremendous high from being fancied by other people -- especially ones we find physically attractive. Let's face it: Even if we find our partner to be the most attractive person in the world, we can't help but feel physically attracted to others. While some people can keep the attraction they feel to themselves, others resort to the only way they can subtly convey it without full-blown cheating: flirting. I think people do this because sometimes they want to feel desired by s...