A real friendship survives this test...

How do you know that a friendship is real -- that it's built to last?

The test is simple: See what happens when one person doesn't need the other for anything anymore.

We all get something out of friendships: a person to hit up the bar with, a gym buddy, a shoulder to cry on when things go awry.

But sometimes circumstances change in one's life that leaves them with less time for or interest in a given friendship: They move, get married, they have kids, and so forth.

Unfortunately, many of my friendships have ceased to exist -- or become much more watered down -- as soon as the person got into a relationship.

Some people seem to have trouble juggling their relationship with their friendships. It could be a sign of a possessive partner, or maybe the friend is so head over heels in love that they couldn't care less about their friends anymore.

I've observed that people who abandon their friends for a relationship end up regretting it, especially if the relationship goes down the tubes.

This happened with a close friend of mine. In the 8-month span he was in a relationship, he showed very little interest in hanging out with me. Once the relationship was no more, he was back to his old ways, calling me almost every Friday to hang out.

Such selfish behavior is completely unacceptable. A true friend doesn't leave his friends out in the cold once he's in a relationship. A true friend makes time for everyone he genuinely cares about, even if it's only a fraction of the time they used to spend together.

And making time doesn't have to mean eating out and taking trips to Las Vegas. It can be as simple as a quick phone call or text message -- just to let them know they're on your mind.

If a friend kicks you to the curb as soon as they get involved with someone, they were never a true friend. It's when the person doesn't need you anymore that they show their true colors. I gave my friend a chance because we've been friends for over 15 years.

But I was sure to admonish him very tactfully: If you do it again with the next girl, consider our friendship over. A "friend" who forgets about you one time while in a relationship is bad enough. Two or more times is no fluke -- it means the person assigns little value to friendships once they have a partner.

If there's something I can take immense pride in, it's the fact that I've never abandoned my friends during the 11 years I've been with my wife. In fact, my wife and I frequently bring them along on many of our outings.

Some people mistakenly assume that a relationship will last forever and that friends will always stick around, whether you pay them any attention or not. There's no guarantee that either of those things will happen, as many people in ill-fated relationships discovered a tad too late.

Have you ever used this litmus test on any of your relationships? Have any of your friends fallen off the map completely once they've gotten into a relationship?

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n

Misconceptions about quiet people

Earlier today, I came across a Facebook page that features motivational quotes intended to improve people's moods and enhance their overall self-esteem. Interestingly, I noticed two quotes that focus specifically on quiet people: "Be afraid of quiet people; they're the ones who actually think." "The quietest people have the loudest minds." I've observed that most people's views of quiet individuals can fall under one of two categories: 1. The ones who say quiet people are antisocial, suspicious, snobbish, and/or full of themselves. 2. The people who say their introspective nature and propensity to be deep in thought makes them smarter than their more garrulous peers. The quotes above speak to this mindset. As an introvert known to be quiet at work and at social functions where I might not know anyone, I feel I'm well positioned to dispel any inaccuracies surrounding quiet folks. First of all, the above statements misguidedly put

Understand People

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