Thanks to the pandemic, introversion -- at least for the time being -- is the new normal, or, at the very least, is far more socially acceptable than it was just a few months ago. Who knows? It may very well become the new cool going forward in a society that ordinarily frowns upon those who value solitude and time for quiet reflection. It feels as though introverts have been waiting and prepared for an event like this their whole lives. Although I've touched upon introversion in earlier posts, here's a quick recap of what it really means to be an introvert: You draw energy inward. You're not necessarily shy or antisocial -- you simply need alone time for recharging.  You prefer small groups to large ones. You value one-on-one conversations because fewer participants means not having to vie with several others to get a word in edgewise.  You prefer communicating in writing rather than verbally because it affords you the opportunity to think through yo...

. Introverts like me feel like we've been prepared for an event like the coronavirus virtually our entire lives. Under normal circumstances, we consciously seek out solitude in order to clear our minds and recharge our batteries -- especially after dealing with people for hours on end. Now, alone time has been thrust upon us. It's as if social distancing were tailor-made for introverts the world over. While extroverts, who thrive on social interaction, might regard having to stay at home for weeks or months as an unwelcome disruption in their lives, introverts are receiving it with open arms. We thrive on written communication. We relish alone time. We thrill at the opportunity to enjoy solitary pursuits. That's not to suggest we're misanthropes who loathe people and would gladly barricade ourselves in our homes if given the opportunity. We enjoy social interaction -- just in smaller doses, and with fewer people. In fact, introverts are known to become q...

As I've noted in prior posts, many people are regarded as shy, antisocial, or even weird just because they enjoy their own company. It doesn't matter that they make a genuine effort to interact with others. Because they're not constantly loud and seeking the spotlight -- and we see this happen all the time in the workplace -- they're labeled as awkward, secretive, and even stuck-up. And thanks to the press propagating the notion that all dangerous and mentally unstable people are loners, it has made the public fearful of anyone who comes across as reticent. What many people don't understand is that not everyone feels every thought that pops into their mind should be verbalized. Some of us simply like to observe and think through what we're going to say before opening our mouths. Introverts draw energy inward. After interacting with people for a good chunk of the day, they seek alone time in order to recharge their batteries. Such time allows them to ...

When society tries to make you feel guilty for enjoying your alone time, tell it to go fly a kite! There's nothing wrong with taking pleasure in your own company. It doesn't make you weird. It doesn't make you antisocial. It doesn't make you selfish. And it doesn't make lonely and desperately desirous of human contact. It makes you human! We all have to interact with others on a daily basis -- whether with family at home or coworkers in the workplace -- plus attend to other matters that can further sap our time and energy, from flat tires to unexpected doctor's visits. This can leave us feeling drained at the end of the day, prompting us to seek solitude. For many people -- particularly the introverts among us -- nothing can be more rejuvenating than time spent indulging solitary activities like reading, watching movies, and sleeping. Extroverts, on the other hand, derive energy from social interaction, so it should come as no surprise they would be du...

I'm going to go against the grain of society and say that if you're a quiet person -- and like being that way -- you shouldn't aim to fundamentally change who you are just to appease other people. On the other hand, you should take pride in being different from the vast majority of people out there. I get so annoyed when people -- be they coworkers or acquaintances -- ask others why they're so quiet. It makes me want to turn around and ask them, "And why can't you keep your mouth shut?" Of course, there are situations in which you can't escape communicating with others -- interviewing for a job, making a presentation, calling a disgruntled customer over the phone, etc. Sometimes you just have to "fake it to make it." But that doesn't mean you have to change the essence of who you are. Why would you? Let's face it: No matter how hard you may try to change from a timid, unassuming introvert to a loquacious extrovert, the real ...

Silence gets such a bad rap these days, and I don't know why. I've heard people say they loathe being in typically quiet settings -- say, libraries, churches, or local parks -- where it's so hushed in there that it totally unnerves them. I recently visited my alma mater's enormous library, which spans eight spacious floors. The sixth and seventh floors have been designated "quiet areas" where talking is all but forbidden. If someone on campus wishes to hear nothing but a pin drop while studying or working, they know to go to the library. It's my go-to place to get some reading done when I find myself too distracted at home. I only wish I had availed of it more when I was a student there. As an introvert, it's hardly a surprise that I relish silence. It helps me recharge my batteries after long days at work spent in meetings and alongside people around the office who just don't know when to zip it. Extroverts find silence off-putting bec...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it?  After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

If you're quiet, you likely get plenty of flak from people around you. You're judged left and right just for keeping to yourself. Since people can't get you to open up as often as they'd like, they take the liberty of filling the gaps on their own. Some of them call you a snob, others say you're weird, and still others go so far as to label you antisocial. Saying you're introspective and that you think before you speak isn't good enough for them. Trying to explain that you're introverted -- that your energy is directed inward as opposed to an extrovert, whose energy is directed outward -- is a futile exercise. You tell them that too much social interaction leaves you drained, and that you can only recharge by spending time alone, but it falls on deaf ears. Sometimes it feels like no one understands you. But I'm here to tell you one thing: I get you. I know what you're going through because I've been there. As a quiet, studio...

As I've pointed out in other posts, being alone and being lonely are two completely different things. When people wish to be alone, they usually do so deliberately, whereas being lonely tends to be an undesirable consequence of a particular event, like breaking up with your boyfriend, moving to a new city, etc. People can desire to be alone for a host of reasons: To clear their heads To gather their thoughts To recharge after a long day at work To read or pursue other solitary tasks in a quiet environment They're not in the mood to be around people, especially after someone has done something to disappoint them And many more... Unfortunately, sometimes society makes people who crave alone time out to be weirdos. They're constantly given labels like "antisocial" and "stuck-up." Oftentimes, these descriptors have no basis in reality. Many people -- especially the highly extroverted, who thrive on social interaction -- fail to understand tha...

Last night, I submittted a post that centered on the fact that many people feel uneasy in overly quiet settings. I wanted to take that very concept and focus now on silence experienced while in the presence of someone else. There's something about quiet people that makes some of us uncomfortable. Some people feel that quiet people are as such because they "must be hiding something." Others liken the tight-lipped with serial killers and mass murderers who carry out horrific crimes. Still others just can't wrap their heads around why someone could be so reticent and presume them to be stuck-up or overly self-absorbed. (If you're a quiet person yourself, you've likely been in this situation before.) This topic hits close to home because I have been a fairly quiet person my whole life (except through my writing). When I was a kid, my peers described me as weird and often teased me just to elicit some sort of reaction in me. When I finished high school and en...

Let's face it: The vast majority of people in the western world are extroverts -- they draw their energy outward and thrive on social interaction. We introverts, however, draw our energy inward and become heavily drained by too much social chatter. If introverts don't find a quiet room in which they can recharge, they simply cannot function properly. Maybe it's just me, but I find there to be more introverted men than women. Men generally seem more predisposed to rolling up their sleeves and getting down to business -- they aren't as emotionally-charged and talkative, I find. I have also noticed -- at least at the places I've worked -- that women are usually quicker than men to single out the "quiet one" in the office. "He is so quiet. Why doesn't he talk?" they might wonder. Though some guy may mention a thing or two in passing, it is the women who seem to harp on stuff like this. So, that begs the big question: Does it actually turn a...

At How to Understand People, few topics are explored as extensively as that of personality. I find it to be such a compelling subject that I base at least a couple of posts on it each month. In case you missed some of my earlier posts on personality, here's a quick rundown of the chief differences between introverts and extroverts. In general, introverts: Direct their energy inward Become overwhelmed by too much stimuli (noises, colors, etc.) Become easily drained by heavy social interaction Prefer small groups of people to large ones Routinely need to recharge their batteries by being alone in a quiet setting Enjoy reading, writing, and other solitary activities Get put off by small talk Like delving deeply into subjects of interest (history, politics, science, etc.) Think carefully before they speak Don't waste words Are not confrontational Are likely to pursue careers in the arts or that require working behind the scenes In general, extroverts: Ar...

Society puts a great deal of pressure on people -- namely women -- to have children. However, we live in a time, with so many birth control options readily available, when people can carefully contemplate such a life-altering commitment. Based on what I've read online and what certain people have told me, introverts and people who place a premium on their free time seem less likely to want to take the leap. I also know this to be true because I myself am one. Here are just a couple of reasons why introverts may be less apt to have children: They value their alone time to read, write, watch documentaries, or pursue other solitary activities They live in their heads Having kids integrates parents more into society (birthday parties, PTA meetings, etc.), which is not good news for introverts who prefer less social interaction Being a parent forces you to be "on" all the time, which can be draining, especially when your kid happens to be loud and unruly Less sleep ...