Have you ever depended on someone -- maybe a little too much -- to fill your day with happiness? I think most of us can concede that we've been there.  Whether we're talking about our closest friends, relatives, or our partner, there's no doubt that these individuals greatly enhance our lives.  But a distinction needs to be made between "enhancing" and "completing." When someone serves as an enhancement, they add to an already enriching life. They're icing on the cake, if you will. However, when we lean on the individual in order to feel complete, it suggests something was missing to begin with and we're looking to them to fill the void. This is problematic in more ways than one. Ask yourself these point-blank questions: 1. What if they were to betray you? 2. What if they were to move and forget about you? 3. What if they were to cheat? 4. What if they were to lose interest in the relationship entirely? 5. What if they were to pass away? I'm ...

Though they sound similar enough, being desired and being needed aren't one and the same.  Here are a few examples that convey desire: "I love it when you wear that outfit." "Going to the beach is always more fun when you join me." "I wish you were here cuddling with me and keeping me warm." Your charm and intellect drive me crazy." Now, let's look at a couple of examples that hint at needing someone: "My life stinks when you're not here."  "I don't feel whole unless you're around." "I need you to lift me up." "I can always count on you to fix my problems." Sidenote: By "needing" someone, I'm not talking about, say, having them help you walk or give you food after a major surgery. I mean it more generally, in the context of a person's emotional well-being.  So, going back to the bullet points outlined above, what do you notice distinguishes one set from the other? The first ...

I feel many people have a misguided sense of what a partner's role should be.  They assume a partner is there to fix their every problem, to complete them.  But this is erroneous thinking and could very well lead the relationship down a dangerous path.  Relationships can promote personal growth and help individuals fulfill their own goals. For example, your partner can help you become a better person by teaching you how to play the guitar; taking you to the local museum to explore immersive exhibits; and opening your eyes to new perspectives, like benefits of eating more veggies and less red meat.  The idea that a relationship can help an individual become a better person is a phenomenon termed self-expansion. Indeed, relationships that provide more expansion are tend to be of higher quality. But this needn't be mistaken with relying on a partner to allay your every concern, resolve your every dilemma, and continually boost your self-esteem.  We need to take res...

When you read the title, perhaps you thought I was going to touch upon depending on other people to feel complete -- as I have in prior posts. While many people do fall into that unfortunate habit, this post focuses on the tendency to rely on a job to attain happiness. There's no question that being gainfully employed beats unemployment. Even if our jobs may be far from perfect -- and let's face it, no job is -- they still provide structure in our lives, they make us feel useful, and they allow us to feel the sense of pride that comes with earning a living to provide for our families. However, society and the media are to blame for peddling the notion that, much like a soulmate, a job should complete us. Should we try to get into a line of work we enjoy? Absolutely! You'll quickly come to hate life if you spend 40+ hours a week doing something you absolutely despise. But here's the thing: There are way too many factors outside of one's control in the...

Before you enter into a relationship, it's important that two conditions be met: (1) You love yourself, and (2) You feel happy and content without a partner. Relationship satisfaction is closely tied to personal life satisfaction, so the happier a person is in general, the happier he or she is likely to be in a relationship. Don't rely on a partner to make your life great; your life should already be great regardless of whom you're dating. If you don't love yourself, you'll always feel as though something is missing in your life -- even if your partner professes to love you to the moon and back. It isn't fair to depend on anyone else to fill that void. And why should they? A relationship isn't meant to "complete" you. A relationship isn't intended to "fulfill" you. It's meant to enrich your life. You're your own person with or without a partner. Just because you're single doesn't mean you enjoy eating a d...

Most people have valid reasons for entering into a relationship, from desiring a long-term commitment to wishing to take a friendship with someone special in their lives to the next level. Then there are those who serve up terrible reasons for taking this major step in their lives. Without a doubt, two of the most dubious would have to be these: 1. They want someone to "complete" them. Can you think of a greater burden to place on a significant than making them responsible for your happiness? A partner is a welcome enhancement in anyone's life, but never should he or she be viewed as a be-all and end-all. Other things and people bring us joy, from our friends and pets to our very hobbies. While we often turn to our partner for love, comfort, and security, there are situations (e.g., argument with a parent or an issue with the boss) in which someone else -- say, a sibling or coworker -- may actually be a bigger help than our partner. Happiness comes fro...

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. Now, I know today isn't the happiest of days for those who are still on a quest to find Mr. or Ms. Right. And to them I say: Don't fret. It's not the end of the world. You'll find the right person when the time is right. I was actually in your shoes at one point. In the days leading up to the holiday every year, I wanted to lock myself in my room, bury my head under a pillow, and fall asleep until February 15. The commercials, the decorations, the balloons, the flowers, the heart-shaped boxes of chocolates: It was all so torturous! "Why can't I be with someone special on Valentine's Day like so many people I know?" I asked myself wistfully. Thankfully, my dry spell came to an end in 2005, when I hooked up with the woman I would end up marrying years later. Eventually, it hit me: I would not have been so melancholic over being single had I not: Thought that a partner would "complete me": Lit...

The only person who can fill that empty feeling you have is none other than you . Don't look to your friends or family, for their company works only as a temporary band-aid. Friends come and go. While many of them may genuinely care and worry about you, they'll only go so far to help you out. They have their own problems to tend to. You're the only one you can count on 24 hours a day, seven days a week, to keep your spirits up. Your friends and family can't be there for you each and every time you feel a little blue. Many of us have been led astray into thinking that others make our life complete, but this couldn't be farther from the truth. You complete your life all on your own; others merely enhance it. If you're feeling empty or depressed, take a deep breath and look inward -- not outward for solace. The key to your happiness lies within you. Perhaps you worry too much about others and not enough about yourself. Maybe taking up a new hobby -- w...

In life, everyone is on their own personal journey. In order to really grow as an individual, you have to accept that no matter what people do to you -- and no matter how you expect them to think or act -- people are who they are. The less you expect from someone, the less you can be hurt by them. The higher your expectations, the greater the potential for heartbreak and disappointment. Come to terms with the fact that people -- even some of your closest friends and relatives -- will do things that will leave you scratching your head sometimes. Human beings are unpredictable, rash, and irrational. Just when you think you've got them figured out, they surprise you yet again. Never rely on people for your happiness. You have to be happy with yourself -- first and foremost. Other people should merely enhance your life, not complete it. As much as you may desire for people to think or behave a certain way -- because, in your view, it's the fair and right thing to do -- ...