Nothing good could come of a relationship marred by infidelity, right? The heartache, the shock, the feeling of one's trust being violated.  In the short-term, being cheated on can turn one's world upside down. But eventually, there may be a light awaiting the cheated at the end of the tunnel.  If you really think about it, cheaters end up doing us a huge favor.  In their selfishness and disloyalty, they end up showing us that we deserve better.  If you're so unfortunate as to be a victim of such acts of betrayal, you can only hope the cheater is considerate enough to own up to their missteps.  But we all know full well that, in many cases, the cheater is either caught in the act or leaves behind a trail of hints that ultimately culminates in their undoing. The more classy thing to do is to discuss their feelings openly with their partner before straying.  If all talks lead to an impasse or a further escalation of tensions, both parties should take it as a ...

It's hard to believe that some victims of infidelity find it in their hearts to forgive and give their cheating partner a second chance. Is it worth taking such a gamble? Let's dive in. Taking back a significant other who's shown disloyalty to you can be a definite slippery slope. It's for this reason I would advise against making this move.  For one, who's to say they won't do it again? You may think you can rebuild trust in them, but in all likelihood, you'll be increasingly tempted to check their texts or e-mails. Perhaps you might question when they come home late or why they're having lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex. In other words, your insecurity switch gets turned on. That's not to say that no one who's ever cheated has not been genuinely contrite for their mistakes or sincere in their effort to change their ways.  But let's be frank. By forgiving a cheater, you're essentially allowing them to have their cake and eat it...

Has anyone ever told you you're the only one for them -- that they vow to be faithful to you for the rest of your lives -- only to turn around and cheat on you? Few things could be as devastating.  Imagine that: Someone who you envisioned spending the rest of your life with shattering your trust so egregiously. The fact of the matter is that they were never being sincere about how they felt. Because when someone truly loves you, they wouldn't dare jeopardize the bond you share -- let alone by cheating. And none of these count as justifiable: Drinking too much Being stressed at work Being seduced  Feeling unhappy in the relationship  You don't go around canoodling with other men or women when something is awry in the relationship or, more generally, in your life. You make your partner aware of it so they can help you. You communicate. You discuss your options.  If you see the relationship as no longer bringing you fulfillment, you either agree to seek counseling with ...

Finding out your significant other has cheated on you can be utterly devastating. You gave this individual everything -- your love, your trust, your loyalty -- only to discover they didn't value you enough to do the same.  It can be difficult to see a silver lining in such a horrible turn of events. But something good usually comes out of a bad situation, and this one is no different.  Here are three ways you can look on the bright side after you've been dealt such an emotional blow: 1. You're now more familiar with the red flags to watch out for. The writing was on the wall early on. You were either oblivious to the signs, or you sensed something might be amiss, but you gave your partner the benefit of the doubt. This terrible experience has at least sharpened your ability to sniff out a cheater. Going forward, the chances that someone's infidelity will go undetected are far lower. Now, this doesn't mean we need to become cynical with every pe...

Many people ask me whether a relationship or marriage can withstand the devastating blow dealt by a partner's infidelity. My answer? It depends. Some may, and some most certainly won't. You see, once a person cheats, their partner can never look at them in the same light ever again no matter how hard they may try.  Even if the victim finds it in their heart to give their significant other another chance, such an abominable breach of trust gives way to future suspicion of the cheater's motives. Are they really heading out to the gym at 9 p.m., and, if so, whom do they interact with there? Are they truly texting a friend as they say they are? If so, why must they do it during dinner and at late hours of the night? The cheater may thus come to resent having all his moves put under a microscope given his pledge to make amends for his wrongdoings. The victim might retort that their behavior is justified. After all, they forgave the cheater for straying in the re...

A study published just this year reveals many of the motives people give for cheating on their partner. And though they may claim that they were justified in their decision to do so, nothing they can see can give them a free pass because cheating is wrong in every sense of the word. 1. Falling out of love: Over three quarters (77%) of participants indicated that a lack of love for their partner and/or greater love for someone else prompted them to stray. 2. Seeking variety: Nearly 75% of respondents cited boredom in their relationship as a factor that drove them to cheat. More men tied variety-seeking to their infidelity than did women. 3. Feeling neglected: Participants (70%) revealed that their partner's lack of attention ultimately led to their wandering eye. This reason was offered by more women than men. 4.  Situational factors: Roughly 70% of participants said their infidelity wasn't necessary premeditated and/or carried out due to discontent in the relationsh...

When someone feels no remorse over cheating on their partner, it only means they never cared for them in the first place. Think about the world of hurt that revelations of infidelity can put the victim in. It's like taking a knife and stabbing the person right in the heart. Studies have shown that emotional pain can be just as damaging -- if not more so -- than physical pain. And when one experiences this form of betrayal, it can feel as though their world has come crashing down. Imagine investing your time, effort, and emotions in someone who chose to throw it all away in an act (or several) of pure selfishness. The least they could do is fess up and allow their partner to find someone who will actually value their loyalty. Unfortunately, it's very hard to discern early into the relationship whether your partner is prone to cheating, or will slip at some point. (It isn't as if you're going to put out feelers by asking his friends or relatives whether he...

Have you ever been in a relationship devoid of trust? Did it ultimately break down because you simply couldn't confide in your partner? When trust evaporates in a relationship, it becomes very difficult -- if not impossible -- to restore. Trust is as integral to a relationship as honesty, love, communication, kindness, and loyalty.  Trusting the other person is our decision, but it is their choice to value our trust and demonstrate that they're deserving of it. If you have to play detective in your relationship, then the trust just isn't there. If you have to second-guess their every move because they keep you on edge all the time, trust is non-existent. It is at that point that one must do whatever is necessary to build or restore it, or simply call the relationship quits. Here are just some of the ways trust in a partner can cease to exist: They lie to us. This can take a host of forms (e.g., cheating, feigning their love, etc.)  They steal from us....

If you've ever been cheated on, it can feel like being hit by a freight train. Cheating represents the ultimate betrayal of one's trust. You give someone your heart, only to see it crushed by your partner's selfish, deplorable act. Cheaters can try to justify their behavior in a million ways, even though nothing in the world could excuse their infidelity. They might pin the blame on: Problems within their relationship  Heavy drinking Stress at work The other person ("they seduced me") Other factors they claim to have been out of control Yet, one of the key reasons people cheat in the first place is because they feel they won't get caught.  They tell themselves that they'll keep it to themselves, rationalizing that what their partner doesn't know can't hurt them. They get away scot free, and their partner carries on thinking they've both been completely faithful.  It's a win-win!  No, I'll tell you what it i...

What would you say is the best way to appreciate someone special in your life? It can be done with one simple mental exercise: Just imagine your life without that person. Maybe you picture them in the arms of another man or woman. Does it make you jealous or angry? Or you dream up a world in which the two of you never even met. Does it make you sad? If these scenarios induce feelings of jealousy, anger, or sadness, it's clear you care deeply for the person in question. If they don't, it raises serious questions about how invested you are emotionally. Between work, kids, chores, and other items on our interminably long To Do Lists, some of us may take our partner for granted without even realizing it. As a result, he or she may feel as if their needs aren't being met and their voice isn't being heard. The longer this goes on, the more likely the person is to become fed up and walk -- that is, unless both people have a serious heart-to-heart. Studies sho...

We all know of someone -- whether a friend, teacher, neighbor, or acquaintance -- who has cheated on their partner. Maybe they cheated on someone you're close to, or perhaps you've cheated on a significant other yourself and have vowed never to be unfaithful again. Unfortunately, I often find that in such cases of infidelity, the guilty party doesn't immediately take responsibility for what they did and give their partner the time and space they need to sort out their feelings. Instead, they become defensive (if not combative), trying to come up with reasons why they should be let off the hook. When the victim asks to be left alone, the cheater may heap apology after apology, refusing to take no for an answer. Nothing in the world could justify cheating on a partner. It is the most egregious form of betrayal one can carry out -- the ultimate breach of trust someone has placed in you. Not surprisingly, cheaters try to dream up every excuse in the book to justify th...

We've all been there: Someone who we trust deeply stabs us in the back, and our world comes crashing down in an instant. We may be in denial at first, refusing to accept the fact that someone so near and dear to us could fritter away our trust. Once we come to terms with what has occurred, we may find it difficult to confide in anyone again for a while. Perhaps you discovered that your partner cheated on you. Maybe you caught your coworker spreading rumors about you behind your back. Or, you realized that your friend of 20 years has been stealing money from you. No matter the form of deception, it can be devastating. In the worst cases, such events can wreak havoc on one's self-esteem, leading to depression and other negative health outcomes. So what happens next? As the victim, that's really up to you. You were wronged and can pursue whatever course of action you deem fair. If he or she displays genuine remorse -- including a sincere apology that feels like it...

It doesn't matter if you've been with your significant other for 2 days, 2 weeks, or 2 years. Without trust, a relationship can't survive. Like loyalty, respect, communication, and honesty, it is one of the essential ingredients of a healthy, long-lasting relationship. Is it any wonder that infidelity wrecks a relationship like nothing else? Imagine how difficult it is to confide in someone who took your trust and sliced and diced it by cheating on you. There aren't many other things a partner can do that are nearly as deplorable. The same can be said for a friend who steals from you or a sibling who talks behind your back. They can make repeated assurances that they'll never do it again, but our gut tells us to guard ourselves against the prospect of being subject to similar behavior in the future (whether from that person or anyone else). I'm not saying you should never give someone another chance -- only to be careful not to allow them to run ro...

Anyone who contends that cheating is a mistake and not a choice probably cheated on their partner at one point, and their assertion is a convenient way to excuse their unseemly behavior. NOTHING can justify cheating. Not drinking. Not a stressful job. Not a broken relationship. If one cheats, he or she should own up to it. Whether their partner forgives or takes them back is their call, but chances are they will not. But who can blame them? And using the tired alibi that you were unfaithful in a moment of weakness (e.g., someone came onto you) is downright ludicrous. Cheating and lying are intentional choices. Human beings are endowed with the willpower to resist such temptations if they should arise. Cheating is a deliberately choice not to tap into that willpower. A mistake, on the other hand, is something that happens accidentally. You twist your ankle playing softball. You forget to mail this month's rent payment. You drop and break your child's favorite mug. You ...

Wouldn't you agree that it's better to be hurt with the truth than comforted with a lie ? It's no surprise people say that our closest friends give it to us straight -- they're the ones who don't sugarcoat anything, even if we may take it the wrong way at first. However, some people mistakenly assume that they're doing us a favor by not being completely open. They reason that it's worth it if it'll spare you those hurt feelings. What they don't consider, however, is how painful it can be to discover later on that the person wasn't being entirely honest. While it may seem like the person is acting in the other's best interest, they're really only thinking of themselves. Perhaps they fear that if the truth comes out, the relationship might change, or even be in jeopardy. But doesn't the person deserve the truth? Imagine how many marriages or relationships have come to an end as a result of one partner asserting with convictio...

Some people are under the impression that cheating is fair game as long as your partner cheats on you first. This, though, could not be further from the truth. Cheating is unacceptable under all circumstances . Two wrongs don't make a right! If you've been cheated on, don't stoop to your unfaithful partner's level. Ditch him or her and find yourself someone worthy of your time and affections. Cheating even as an act of retribution makes it no less reprehensible. By cheating on someone who has wronged you, you give them ammunition to ask, "If my actions were so horrible, why'd you follow suit?" Again, the very second the urge strikes to get payback on your partner by cheating on him or her, that's when you know you're better off pulling the plug on the relationship. Why would you want to remain with that person anyway? People stay with cheaters for all sorts of reasons: They buy into the cheater's ostensibly heartfelt contriti...

Many people get into the habit of falling for people who are already married or in a relationship. When asked why they repeatedly pursue people who are unavailable, they say the thrill of chasing after the forbidden -- angling for what they know they can't have -- is too irresistible to suppress. But becoming a homewrecker can have dire consequences. For starters, you're coming between a person and his or her partner, who may even have children together. Studies show that infidelity can cause irreparable damage to a marriage or relationship, with the fallout spilling into home life and even one's career. If a person has that much of a penchant for chasing after the unobtainable, it raises serious questions about the individual: Why not pursue people who are available? Has a lack of self-esteem or other psychological issue convinced the person that he or she isn't deserving of single suitors? Is the person a commitmentphobe? Does he or she simply want to h...

Taking back a cheating spouse or partner is a recipe for utter disaster. I'm not saying you can't forgive the person. I'm all for remaining friends, too, provided the person who was cheated on feels comfortable with it. But cheating represents such a flagrant breach of trust that the person shouldn't get a second shot at anything more than friendship, although infidelity precludes that possibility as well in most cases -- and rightfully so. If you do your very best to remain faithful, why can't your partner do the same? What makes you think he or she won't do it again? Many of us get the opportunity to cheat on our partner with an attractive friend, coworker, or acquaintance who makes an obvious pass at us. But we thwart the person's advances out of a deep level of loyalty to the person we love. The risk of throwing everything down the drain for a night of lusty fun just isn't worth it. Not only will you be wracked with guilt later on, but ot...

...you found yourself alone with and hit on by someone you deem incredibly attractive? I posed a similar question in a prior post, which asked readers whether they think they could remain loyal to their partner if they found themselves stranded on an island with no one but a highly attractive person of the opposite sex. Most people would probably answer "no," but it's the circumstances in people's relationships -- and more broadly, in their overall lives -- that ultimately dictate whether they'll engage in acts of infidelity. For example, many people would be much more likely to cheat if their relationship is on the rocks. They could be having marital or relationship problems for a number of reasons, including: Lack of sexual intimacy/fulfillment  Financial problems Tired of feeling tied down Having fallen out of love Not feeling physically attracted enough to the other person Such conditions certainly make people more vulnerable to cheating. In ma...

Which gender would you say is more likely to forgive cheating? Men or women? According to a study I read about just the other day, it all depends on the type of cheating. Whereas men are less likely to forgive cheating of a sexual nature, women are less willing to forgive emotional cheating . In a way, these findings should come as no surprise to us. The research supports what many of us have been hearing for a really long time: That men are physical creatures and thus more interested in sex, and women are emotional ones. We've all seen movies where a woman catches her boyfriend sleeping with someone else. After much crying and bickering, the woman takes her cheating boyfriend back for one simple reason: He manages to convince her that he doesn't love the other woman. Now firmly believing that her boyfriend only has feelings for her, she reasons there must be a legitimate reason why he had intercourse with the other woman. A lot of thoughts begin to run through her h...