In relationships, there’s one pivotal factor that often goes unnoticed until it's too late. It’s not about communication, trust, or even love. While these are not unimportant, there’s something more fundamental that shapes the way we connect with our partners. This overlooked element can either strengthen the ties between you or cause subtle fissures that may widen over time. So, what is this game-changing factor? It’s emotional availability . Emotional availability is the ability to be present, to listen and respond to your partner’s feelings, and to share your own emotions in a healthy, honest way.  When both partners are emotionally available, they create a safe space for each other to express worries, desires, and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment, reprisal, or rejection. This emotional connection is the foundation upon which intimacy, trust, and understanding can thrive. However, when one or both partners are emotionally unavailable, even the most loving relationships c...

If you find yourself falling for someone who won't commit, you might want to put on the brakes before getting in too deep. That is, of course, if you're seeking a serious, long-term relationship. Why might a person refuse to commit? It could be a myriad of reasons. They may have gotten burned by an ex and have resolved to put up protective walls. They may want to retain their independence, whether because of a demanding job or their wanting to hang out with friends. Maybe they have children they wish to prioritize following the passing of their spouse.  Whatever the case, they have every right not to get locked into a commitment they don't want, and you should appreciate it when they're thoughtful enough to come forward from the outset. The problem comes when people vacillate between wanting and not wanting a serious commitment. Maybe they say they don't, but their actions -- from calling you non-stop to kissing and sending you gifts -- convey just the opposite.  Th...

If you've watched your fair share of romantic movies or devoured a romance novel or two, this scene may be all too familiar to you by now: The handsome male lead doing everything in his power to sweep his love interest off her feet -- writing her poems, buying her chocolates, planting a kiss at the end of the night.  And even if the pair are already in a relationship together, it's the man who tends to be portrayed as the one responsible for making his partner feel beautiful and valued.  While it's certainly true that a guy should strive to make his lady feel appreciated, it goes the other way as well. Men may not show it, but they, too, yearn to feel desired, to feel needed. They love receiving compliments, being told they're attractive, and being chased by their significant other every now and then. This, of course, extends to the bedroom. Men like for their partner to initiate and take control when least expected. But even so small a gesture as a call or text to tell...

Many of us would admit to drawing comparisons between ourselves and celebrities who have achieved great fame and wealth. Maybe you've compared your physique to that of Dwayne Johnson, your hair to that of Scarlett Johansson, or your zany sense of humor to that of Chris Rock. As long as you're not trying to be these people -- recognizing that while you can get inspiration from them, you're your own person -- I see no problem with it. After all, we can respect and admire the Hollywood elite without necessarily aping their mannerisms, buying all the products they endorse, and longing to be in their very shoes. However, when it comes to a relationship, you're dealing with someone you presumably love and trust, and who loves and trusts you. Someone who values you for who you are. These are the kinds of comparisons that will not only land you in water, but possibly put the relationship in serious jeopardy: 1. Comparing your partner to your ex, or someone you fee...

Never should you remain in a relationship with someone if you are confident you can do much better.  When I say "much better," I don't mean you ought to bolt for someone who's richer or more attractive. No, I speak of a partner who doesn't treat you right. A person who ignores, abuses, or undervalues you. I put up a post earlier today on my Facebook page that says, "One person's trash is another's treasure." I couldn't agree more. Surely, you or someone you know has been treated like garbage by a significant other, only to find someone ten times more loving and appreciative later on. Staying in a corrosive relationship is akin to remaining in a toxic, soul-sucking job: You're stagnant, not growing, and treated poorly. No one should subject themselves to such terrible conditions. Have some respect for yourself and pull the plug. You're deserving of another's love and warmth. You deserve to be told romantic things,...

It's a question asked of me quite often. In the rough-and-tumble that is the dating world, do you stand out if you actually care less? Well, that depends on the people we're dealing with. Take a blonde bombshell who gets asked out all the time, with guys buying her flowers and candy left and right. Then, out of nowhere comes an attractive guy who isn't swooning over her. Though friendly, he treats her as he would any other woman he meets. She doesn't know for sure whether he's interested in her -- something she, quite frankly, is unaccustomed to -- and that piques her interest. The guy is effectively posing a challenge, and she's compelled to unearth why he doesn't allow himself to be made putty in her hands like all the other chumps do. That being said, giving off a more non-chalant vibe might work when the target is very attractive and has no shortage of options to choose from. Some people perceive those who give them the cold shoulder to...

If I asked what you thought to be an attractive attribute in a person -- one that doesn't get as much recognition as it merits -- what would you say? While everyone's taste varies, I'd say that intelligence -- a trait that, in my estimation, makes someone much more attractive and likeable -- tends to gets the shaft.  Check out online dating profiles and you'll see that people state they are looking for someone who embodies these characteristics: Sweet Fun Funny  Adventurous  Romantic  Kind Affectionate Faithful Honest Communicative While these are all great qualities to possess in their own right, why is intelligence not a more highly desired trait? The truth of the matter is that there are probably a lot more people who long for brains than they let on -- just as there are probably more chubby chasers in the world than we think. However, society has brainwashed many people into equating intelligence with nerdiness. And when they t...

Chances are, you or someone you know has dipped their toes in the realm of online dating. For every story of an offline meeting that culminates in a fairy tale story wedding, there is an awful experience that the people in question would be happy to forget. The biggest plus of online dating, as I see it, is that you know exactly what romantic prospects are looking for. You can filter search results so that only those who, say, are single, interested in a romantic relationship, and don't drink come up. This not only saves a lot of time, but it removes a lot of the guesswork involved in determining whether someone makes a good match. When you approach someone at a bar, however, you don't really know whether they're married and just there to get their mind off of work. Not to mention some people become visibly annoyed when they sense they're being watched or courted -- whether it's because they're having a bad day, the time and place aren't right,...

Whether it's a cheating spouse, a friend who takes you for granted, or a coworker who stabs you in the back whenever you're not present, no one should make excuses for another person's unsavory behavior. If the person is making a genuine effort to clean up their act, that's one thing. But if they pledge they're going to change, and yet you catch them pulling the same stunts over and over again, they're making a mockery of your compassion. At that point, you have to decide whether to continue giving them the benefit of the doubt, or calling it quits once and for all. It isn't as easy to walk when you're dealing with a coworker and you wish to keep your job. In that case, you may consider asking for a transfer or moving to a cubicle further away from the individual. You might also think twice about ending the friendship if you each have mutual friends. You may worry that he or she will talk smack to the others about you (if they haven't alr...

Ladies, if a man wants you only for your body, kick him to the curb! Don't waste time and energy thinking that he'll change and that you'll be the one to facilitate it. Such men hardly ever change. Once they're players, they're players for life. If you give in, you only risk being used and getting your heart broken. Realize that many men have no qualms about swooping in, getting women invested emotionally, and then flying the coop once they have set their sights on a new conquest. Now, if you're actually looking for no-strings-attached fun -- perhaps following a rough divorce, or because you are steering clear of serious commitment at this moment --  then you can disregard the tips in this post and press on. But if you're tired of the games and are craving a deep connection with someone worthwhile, you should cut loose men who: Only want to meet up late at night  Never ask how your day is going  Never seem interested in your dreams and...

I've stumbled upon relationship and self-help books that actually encourage people to play hard to get with potential suitors. They argue that it keeps the other person on their toes and longing for more, ultimately resulting in an exciting relationship. While playing hard to get might work to some extent in the very early stages of courtship -- especially if your would-be partner is used to being asked out constantly -- it has no place in a serious relationship. Once things get more serious, playing hard to get becomes tantamount to childish games you might see in high school. (I was on the receiving end of such behavior with a couple of girls during my teen years.) Playing hard to get can seriously backfire on you. It sends the signal that you are too busy for or not genuinely interested in the other person. Even worse, it might convey that you have someone else on the side. I know a guy who employed this tactic to pique a woman's interest in him. While it seemed to...

I've seen, heard about, and been in relationships where one partner smothers the other, leaving the latter feeling as if he or she has no breathing room. Nothing good comes of such circumstances. Unfortunately, I was the clingy one in each of my ill-fated relationships, none of which lasted very long. I was much younger at the time. I lacked self-esteem and loathed being single, especially when so many of my friends were hooking up. I thought I could compensate for my low self-esteem by being overly romantic and demanding of my girlfriends' time, attention, and affections. I thought this would ensure that they wouldn't break up with me, and that I wouldn't find myself wrestling feelings of loneliness ever again. Boy, was I misinformed. While the girls acknowledged that my heart was in the right place, it all felt too suffocating for them. Hurt and confused, I naturally questioned their feelings at the time and reasoned that they just couldn't appreciate a guy wh...

Earlier today, a local radio station reported on its Facebook page that 75% of women prefer feminine men rather than masculine ones.  Since they didn't provide their source, I question the veracity of their claims. What's more, I've found the opposite to be true: Most women have told me they prefer masculine men. Not necessarily "muscle-bound" masculine, just a man who displays self-confidence and doesn't cry every two seconds. I'd like to think that not all women long for a Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Vin Diesel, or any of the guys portraying superheroes like Batman and Superman. Surely, there must be average Joes -- thin, chunky, brainy, and otherwise -- that ooze some sex appeal.  What's deemed sexy and attractive by one woman might be considered unappealing by another. Luckily, we all have different taste, and there's someone out there for everyone.  Still, most women would probably agree that the ideal man strikes a hea...

Whether you're currently in a long-term relationship or haven't been involved with anyone for several years, how long was it before you felt you were falling for him or her? I find the dynamics of relationships and attraction to be fascinating. Usually, it starts with one person (which tends to be the male) feeling attraction toward and courting the other. But let's face it: Sometimes it takes a while for a man to grow on a woman, if it ever happens. Just because he says nice things to her and gives her flowers doesn't guarantee her feelings for him will be anything more than platonic. In other cases, the woman goes along with it, but it's hard to distinguish whether she has feelings for the guy or is just doing it for the attention. Human beings don't like to be lonely, and some of us would much rather settle for someone we know isn't right for us than face uncertain dating prospects in the future. In addition, women are conscious of their "b...

Though many people will claim that finding love online isn't all that different from meeting and connecting people the traditional way, I beg to differ. Before I hooked up with my now-wife, I met several girls online and then in person. Though all but one encounter led to nothing more than exchanging pleasantries over lunch, I made a few observations when comparing how the two approaches differ. For one, when meeting the old school way, people are usually drawn to one another by virtue of physical attraction. The get-to-know-you phase comes later. With online dating, it's the other way around. You get to know the person based on whatever is said in online or phone conversations, then you meet in person and determine if you're both physically attracted to one another. Provided that people are being truthful about themselves -- we've all heard horror stories of people who misrepresent themselves -- I think the online-then-offline option gives both parties the oppo...

One of the main reasons why relationships suffer or ultimately fail is because people become way too complacent in them. They stop doing the things that they did to attract the other person in the first place. That includes everything from staying fit and dressing nicely to being romantic and surprising your partner with little gifts. Thankfully, my relationship with my wife is still going strong after 10 years. (We've been married for close to two years now.) Still, it's evident we've become comfortable in our relationship. For the most part, the "cutesy" things we used to do for each other have taken a back seat to the responsibities of married life -- bills, laundry, and so on. That doesn't mean we don't love each other. It means that our relationship has evolved and matured. And we each still do nice things for each other, if sparingly. For example, I might surprise her with a romantic dinner at a charming restaurant, and she might cook my favorite...

There's a scene in the movie "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" where Michael Douglas' character, ostensibly a philandering playboy type, tells his nephew that whoever cares least in a relationship has all the power. I replayed this line in my head for days, trying to assess whether it holds water as far as the relationships I've had in my own life. Here's what I've concluded: While I think it's preposterous to assume that you can gain the upper hand by deliberately being indifferent and standoffish, it is true that you can lose points by being overly nice and accommodating -- a doormat, if you will. If you let your partner step all over you and fail to stand up for yourself, you're letting him take advantage of and flat-out disrespect you. Once this becomes the norm, then yes, you have basically ceded all the power in the relationship to your partner. Like everything else in life, moderation works best. You don't have to shower your partne...