The pressure society places on us to change can be quite intense. Commercials encouraging us to whip ourselves into shape so that we can look like runway supermodels.  Friends goading us to nix our career dreams in favor of safe, lucrative professions -- from law to medicine -- in which we may have zero interest. Co-workers pressuring us to talk more since our quiet disposition puts them ill at ease.  This can all make us quite tempted to fundamentally change our personality and interests -- to curry favor with others, to win their approval. What these ads and individuals don't tell you is that changing who you are is antithetical to a happy life.  If anything, it's a recipe for adverse physical and emotional health outcomes, potentially leading to anything from eating disorders to anxiety or depression. Do realize that marketers and the people in your own life all have an agenda. The former are trying to appeal to your emotions so as to get you to part with your hard-ear...

If people take issue with who you are as a person despite the fact that you haven't done anything (that you know of) to deserve such behavior, it says more about them than you. The worst cases are those where the person has a beef with you for some reason, but rather than come out and say it, they ignore or bad-mouth you behind your back. It's these folks whom I characterize as cowardly and dishonest. If they take exception to your liberal views, religious beliefs, choice of career, or range of hobbies, why not be truthful about it? Perhaps the two of you were once close college buddies and over time, you've diverged in your tastes and lifestyle. As a result, your calls and texts seem to go unanswered now when that was never the case before. Or maybe you only met recently at work or at the gym, but something about you rubs them the wrong way -- prompting the individual to avoid you or become visibly distant.  It isn't a stretch to say that sometimes we mischaracterize p...

Ever heard the saying "It's not about the journey, but the destination"? If don't allow ourselves the freedom to enjoy the ride -- even if we don't reach said destination when we want (if ever), happiness will always lie out of reach.  That being said, we should never attach our happiness to outcomes.  In other words, don't set your expectations sky high so as to set yourself up for disappointment in the event things don't work out as planned.  We all want to have lifelong relationships, to have a lot of money, to have the perfect job. While some people may be lucky enough to have one or more of the above, chances are you may hit snags along the way that prompt several detours. Our lives will never be perfect. What we imagine in our minds doesn't always materialize, and that's okay.  Though miserable at first, we may realize later that where we ended up was the vastly superior path.  For example, your 15-year relationship may end abruptly. After pr...

Be leery of someone you're dating who tries to cajole you into moving much faster than you're comfortable with. If someone is worth your while, they would never pressure you into doing anything -- whether it's sleeping going on a trip to a faraway island by yourselves, or tying the knot -- before you feel you're ready for that major step. If they can't respect your wishes, too bad! They're more than welcome to move on and find someone who similarly desires to move at blazing speed. That's not you. No, you refuse to betray your values and principles, whether that means waiting until marriage to be intimate or not wanting to give into the other person's desire to move to another state together after dating for a mere two months. You'd be right to question why he or she seems intent on moving at breakneck speed. Does he just want to use you? Is she looking to use you for your money until she gets back on her feet? Is he on the rebound, aiming to use you...

Do people try to make you feel guilty or foolish for wanting to do something that you know will make you happy in the long run, but that they perceive as wrong because it isn't something they'd do themselves? At the end of the day, it's your life! Whether you decide to date someone your friends may not be particularly keen on, venture into a field that does not square with what your parents envisioned, or nurture a hobby your co-workers may deem utterly dull, nobody's opinion should take precedence over your own gut instincts. Yes, the people near and dear to us may make well-meaning suggestions. But if they really think they know us better -- our passions, desires, goals -- than we know ourselves, they're flat-out fooling themselves. Let's face it: Sometimes going down a different path than others brings out their insecurities. People want you to think and act in ways that validate their own decisions. So when you do something that strikes them as...

It's a fact of life: Whether at work, on the dating circuit, or even in our own families, we come across people who try to undermine us. Our first instinct may be to try to prove them wrong. But this is precisely what you shouldn't do. The quicker one realizes that their happiness doesn't depend on anyone but themselves, the faster they can enjoy the sweet smell of life fulfillment. Here are a few tips for dealing with such individuals. 1. Don't let them get the best of you. It's only natural to become defensive when someone attempts to make you feel small. But it can only bother you if you allow them to. As hard as it may be, you must keep your emotions in check. Rather than indulging them in a shouting match, walk away. 2. Don't seek their validation. Striving to obtain others' approval communicates a few things: (a) You think they're above you (b) You think they're right and you're wrong (c) You wish to be more like them than your ...

Most people -- male or female, college student or seasoned professional -- would attest to desiring a long-term relationship. Or, if they're already in one, for that relationship to last a long time, if not forever. Research has shown that a surefire predictor of relationship success is getting to know each other before marriage and/or cohabitation is brought into the conversation.  Now, that's not to say that a relationship won't last if the pair marry or move in with each other speedily after meeting. Chances are, many of us know someone who did just that and they're still with their significant other. But this is the exception rather than the rule. It makes complete sense why a couple that chooses not to rush to the alter and/or shack up so quickly has a better chance of seeing their relationship last. For one, they afford themselves time to really get to know each other. That includes gaining a good grasp on one another's: Dreams and aspirations ...

While fake people have an image to maintain, real people just don't care about what others think of them. Fake people worry incessantly about what house, car, or clothing will make them look the best. Real people, on the other hand, are humble. They recognize that if a person is going to judge them based on whether they own a Corolla or Benz, that person shouldn't be in their life. Fake people alter their personality -- not to mention their values, beliefs, and attitudes -- just to appease others in a given situation. Real people stick to their principles no matter how much they're pressured to change. Fake people want to be loved by everyone so badly that they're willing to part with those things that make them unique. Real people would rather be hated for who they are than loved for who they're not. Real people know they may not always get their way, or be the most popular/admired person in the room, but they value integrity too much to sell out ...

It's a real shame that people take issue with others loving themselves and being comfortable in their own skin, but that's the sad reality. Why would they have a problem with it, you ask? Well, if the person is markedly different than them in some way -- say, they don't drink or they embrace a minimalist lifestyle -- it could trigger unsettling insecurities. Some individuals don't like the thought of others asserting their individuality because it makes them feel unsure of their own habits, values. and predilections. That in turn may prompt them to try to change the more unique individual into someone that more closely resembles themselves. They'll goad them to have a drink, or to go out and fork over gobs of money on clothes. How should you handle these people? It's quite simple. If they can't handle you at your most authentic, then it's their problem. Under no circumstances should you give in to their desire to change you to fit their...

People need to stop comparing themselves to others, or happiness will always elude them. Someone will always be smarter. Someone will always be more attractive. Someone will always be younger. Someone will always be more popular. But they will never be you. Society makes being "the best" out to be the Holy Grail, but is uniqueness not more important? We bring a unique combination of qualities, skills, and quirks to the table -- ones that make us who we are. By comparing yourself to other people, you're essentially saying there is a standard against which you wish to compare yourself. This, for many people, leads to a sudden urge to want to be more like others, thereby relinquishing key facets of their individuality. Sure, you might admire smart, health-conscious, or stylish people and wish to surround yourself with those of that ilk so as to learn a few things from them. However, that should never translate into abandoning the very goals, principles, attit...

Rather be by yourself than around fake friends? You're not alone. Rather be alone than in a relationship with a superficial individual? Join the club. Every coin has two sides. Similarly, many people we come across on a daily basis are unapologetically two-faced. Here are just a few reasons why people struggle to be genuine: They succumb to social pressure, relinquishing their individuality in the process.  They think they need to be different in order to gain approval from others, even if "different" means shallow and conniving.  They're selfish . They want to get their way, and they don't care whom they have to backstab -- and in what fashion -- to do so. They have a low self-esteem. These people firmly believe that being themselves isn't good enough, so they must resort to being deceptive and disingenuous.  That being said, never pay any mind to those who say it's better to be around fake people than it is to enjoy your own company. ...

Whether we're at work or at the mall, people often judge us based on two criteria -- very superficial ones, I might add -- in our daily lives: (1) what we own and (2) what we've accomplished. Ever heard the expression, "You are what you eat?" A more accurate version would be, "You are what you wear, what you drive, what you have in your wallet, and what you do for a living." It's a testament to how shallow society has become. Granted, your job is important in that it's part of who you are. But I find it rather unsettling that people would measure others' worth based on what brands they sport and what their title is. For example, a friend of mine is incredulous at the fact that I have no aspirations to become a vice president or CEO. I've told him repeatedly that managing others and spending most of my time in meetings doesn't appeal to me. I'd much rather remain low enough in the food chain where I'm making a decent ...

There's something to be said for those who embrace their uniqueness wholeheartedly, impervious to pressure from other people to subscribe to the so-called herd or pack mentality so many fall victim to. Unfortunately, fake people want others to be fake just like them, even if it calls for turning one's back on the very principles, beliefs, and interests that make them who they are. For some, the need to be liked overwhelms their desire to project their most authentic selves to the world, prompting them to act in ways that, deep down, may feel wholly unnatural to them. This may impact everything from their style of dress and political views to their choice of hobbies. Never allow yourself to be ensnared by those seeking to "convert" people into carbon copies of themselves -- all to inflate their egos and compensate for their insecurities. Follow your true passions. Pursue whatever career calls out to you. Hold fast to your beliefs and core principles. Do not b...

A telltale sign you're around the wrong people is if and when you find yourself bending over backwards to impress them. I'm not talking about those occasions that may warrant making a good first impression, like a job interview or first date. I'm specifically referencing everyday situations, like Happy Hour with coworkers or weekend outings with friends. Sure, we all want others to think favorably of us, but once it gets to the point where we're changing our habits and yielding to them on everything just to win their approval, something is off kilter. We all have a voice and should be allowed to use it no matter the relationship. That means the other person should be amenable to going along with whatever we may propose at times. Those who want to dictate the agenda every time are selfish and narrow-minded. Even worse are the ones who are relentless in their quest to push you into thinking or acting as they do. If you're an adult, guess what? Those high...

You know you're with the wrong person if you find yourself behaving in ways that don't come naturally to you just so you can appease your partner. In other words, you fundamentally change aspects of your personality and character just to secure the person's approval, which you're sure will translate into relationship bliss. As I've suggested in earlier posts, there's always room for some flexibility and compromise, but you should not feel like a radically different person when you're with your significant other. Perhaps you're not into spicy food, football, or museum hopping like your partner is, but you make the effort to partake in such activities because he or she enjoys them. At the same time, you might expect them to participate when it comes to your leisurely pursuits, whether fishing, painting, or watching National Geographic. But let's say you're a quiet, introverted person by nature, and gradually you come to the realization th...

Whether you're on a date or talking to a potential suitor online for the first time, the wrong person for you is the one who compels you to act in unnatural ways just so you can gain their approval. Here are a few examples of ways we may project a phony representation of ourselves: You try to be funnier or more sociable than you really are.  You're dishonest about your past relationships, dreams, goals, and the like. You force yourself to like sushi, Harry Potter movies, or the Yankees just to impress him or her, even though none interest you at all.  In other words, you try to become someone you're not -- all for the sake of making a favorable impression on the other person. But do you honestly want the person you end up with to feel drawn to the person they think you are -- or the person you really are? Why would you go such lengths for an individual who could walk away tomorrow? That's just putting the relationship on shaky ground from the get go....

Today's quote comes from Alexander Hamilton (1755-1804) -- founding father, first treasury secretary of the United States, and the subject of the hit Broadway musical that has taken the country by storm. Not only did he coauthor The Federalist Papers , a collection of 85 articles and essays promoting the ratification of the U.S. Constitution, but he founded the Federalist Party and was the mastermind behind the establishment of the first national bank. Like his arch-nemesis Thomas Jefferson, who everyone knows wrote the Declaration of Independence, Hamilton was a prodigious writer in his lifetime, penning scores of letters, reports, and even George Washington's Farewell Address. Sadly, he died at age 47 after being shot in a duel with Aaron Burr. Because of their sheer brilliance and masterful pen, I consider Jefferson and Hamilton the two most fascinating figures in American History. Hamilton once said, "Those who stand for nothing fall for anything." If th...

Society puts immense pressure on us to fit in to groups and hew to their norms. But doing so can feel like abandoning our individuality and compromising our beliefs and principles. What's worse, studies have found that when a person is cajoled into doing something they truly wish not to do -- whether it's smoking, taking drugs, or losing his virginity -- it can have serious ramifications. In fact, researchers found that people who grudgingly engaged in said behaviors were later found to be at a greater risk of suffering from substance abuse, alcoholism, and other problems. As if that weren't enough, it can detrimentally affect our self-worth and self-esteem, leading to feelings of anger and resentment. Peer pressure is alive and well, it seems. It's imperative that parents be well informed about their kids' social circles at school. After all, peers exert considerable influence on a child's life. But the pressure to do something against one's will isn'...

Have you noticed that when someone is a little different in some way -- whether he be a virgin, non-drinker, or what have you -- others do whatever they can to try to "convert" him so that he can be more like them? This I find rather disturbing. It's very similar to the peer pressure we confronted in grade school to smoke weed and join the "cool club." People become disarmed and unsettled when someone is different in some way because it makes them question some of their own tendencies and decisions. I know various couples who had children at an early age and are always prodding newlyweds to have their own -- despite the pairs making it clear that they wish to enjoy their marriage for a few years and hold off on parenthood. Then there are those who pressure virgins to lose their virginity and non-drinkers to take a swig here and there. Why is it so hard for people to accept that these individuals may be set in their ways and may very well decide to fo...