Have you ever depended on someone -- maybe a little too much -- to fill your day with happiness? I think most of us can concede that we've been there.  Whether we're talking about our closest friends, relatives, or our partner, there's no doubt that these individuals greatly enhance our lives.  But a distinction needs to be made between "enhancing" and "completing." When someone serves as an enhancement, they add to an already enriching life. They're icing on the cake, if you will. However, when we lean on the individual in order to feel complete, it suggests something was missing to begin with and we're looking to them to fill the void. This is problematic in more ways than one. Ask yourself these point-blank questions: 1. What if they were to betray you? 2. What if they were to move and forget about you? 3. What if they were to cheat? 4. What if they were to lose interest in the relationship entirely? 5. What if they were to pass away? I'm ...

The past two or three years have felt like something of a blur -- a weird dream of sorts that we can't seem to wake up from. We'd never before experienced a pandemic in our lifetimes, and neither had our parents or likely even our grandparents. Between lockdowns and social distancing/mask mandates, COVID-19 seemed the perfect recipe for isolation and all of the adverse outcomes that spring from it, including anxiety and depression.  Now, this isn't to say that we've all felt helplessly lonely during these rather unusual times. Introverts -- those like me who recharge through solitude -- have welcomed with open arms some of the changes brought on by the pandemic. Among them are wider acceptance of staying home rather than partying out, people settling for WhatsApp video conversations vs. face-to-face encounters, and, at last, companies giving employees the flexibility to work from home regularly.  Still, the more extroverted folks among us who relish in-person connection...

The success of a relationship depends on both partners supporting and protecting each other's freedom.  Although your lives are intertwined, both of you should retain your individuality, your sense of self. Your identity should not become all wrapped up in the other person. You aren't just a boyfriend or husband. You're your own person -- one with a unique set of values, passions, and attitudes.  While having commonalities enhances the relationship, it's okay -- suggested, even -- to have disparate interests, which can better the relationship in its own right.   Maybe John loves to read and Becky would rather binge on Netflix. Perhaps Tony is a big sports buff while Susan is big on museums and cultural events.  That way, the two of you can always learn something from one another and have something different to contribute to the conversation. And chances are that over time, you one of his/her hobbies may actually grow on you.  To give you an example, my wife...

I feel many people have a misguided sense of what a partner's role should be.  They assume a partner is there to fix their every problem, to complete them.  But this is erroneous thinking and could very well lead the relationship down a dangerous path.  Relationships can promote personal growth and help individuals fulfill their own goals. For example, your partner can help you become a better person by teaching you how to play the guitar; taking you to the local museum to explore immersive exhibits; and opening your eyes to new perspectives, like benefits of eating more veggies and less red meat.  The idea that a relationship can help an individual become a better person is a phenomenon termed self-expansion. Indeed, relationships that provide more expansion are tend to be of higher quality. But this needn't be mistaken with relying on a partner to allay your every concern, resolve your every dilemma, and continually boost your self-esteem.  We need to take res...

Whether you love reading history books or romance novels, fishing, cooking, dancing, or playing the piano, you should immerse yourself wholeheartedly in your hobbies -- and strive to cultivate new ones. Life is too darn short NOT to do the things that enrich us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And if we can find people with whom we can share such passions, it's all for the better. It's always nice to turn to something that affords respite from the daily grind, reminding us that our days shouldn't only be filled with stress, worry, and negativity. And it doesn't have to be anything extravagant. For many people, something as simple as taking the dog for a walk at a nearby park or reading science fiction stories counts as a favorite pastime. But when we're busy with work, chores, or the kids, we can be hard-pressed to work time for hobbies into our schedules. That's when having a friend or relative who can lend a hand -- even if onl...

Have you ever sensed -- based on the way someone treats or talks about you -- that they're green with envy? You're not alone. Here's what I believe envy to be, even though it differs slightly from the definition found in the dictionary. Envy is a veiled form of admiration.  It's when someone realizes you possess something -- whether it be a physical object or intangible attribute -- that they perceive as lacking in their own life. Maybe they wish they had a position as high up the corporate ladder as yours, a partner as attractive as your spouse, or a temperament to match your calm and collected demeanor. Sadly, these people don't realize we all face unenviable battles of some kind -- from personal illnesses to financial hardship -- about which we may remain tight-lipped. Why would you envy someone else anyway? Just because they have a lot of money, for example, doesn't mean they're truly happy beneath the surface. If they have to work...

What do you absolutely love to do? You know, the kinds of things into which you'd happily plunge yourself 60 hours a week -- for FREE -- if you could. Most of us find ourselves with more time to spare as we work from home during this coronavirus pandemic. In my case, I'm happily pouring myself into my writing and allocating time for reading my history and psychology books -- many of which have been collecting dust on my shelf for years. An avid history and architecture buff, I've also been catching episodes of Museum Secrets, You Live In What?, and Travel Thru History -- all outstanding shows I highly recommend. Because my employer isn't all that gung-ho about letting people work from home, I am poised to capitalize on this rare opportunity to enjoy these activities in the comfort of home. Think about your deepest passions and how you can incorporate them into your work-from-home routine. Maybe you can squeeze in a morning walk with your dog, a painting ...

Do people try to make you feel guilty or foolish for wanting to do something that you know will make you happy in the long run, but that they perceive as wrong because it isn't something they'd do themselves? At the end of the day, it's your life! Whether you decide to date someone your friends may not be particularly keen on, venture into a field that does not square with what your parents envisioned, or nurture a hobby your co-workers may deem utterly dull, nobody's opinion should take precedence over your own gut instincts. Yes, the people near and dear to us may make well-meaning suggestions. But if they really think they know us better -- our passions, desires, goals -- than we know ourselves, they're flat-out fooling themselves. Let's face it: Sometimes going down a different path than others brings out their insecurities. People want you to think and act in ways that validate their own decisions. So when you do something that strikes them as...

It's a fact of life: Whether at work, on the dating circuit, or even in our own families, we come across people who try to undermine us. Our first instinct may be to try to prove them wrong. But this is precisely what you shouldn't do. The quicker one realizes that their happiness doesn't depend on anyone but themselves, the faster they can enjoy the sweet smell of life fulfillment. Here are a few tips for dealing with such individuals. 1. Don't let them get the best of you. It's only natural to become defensive when someone attempts to make you feel small. But it can only bother you if you allow them to. As hard as it may be, you must keep your emotions in check. Rather than indulging them in a shouting match, walk away. 2. Don't seek their validation. Striving to obtain others' approval communicates a few things: (a) You think they're above you (b) You think they're right and you're wrong (c) You wish to be more like them than your ...

When you enter into a new relationship, it can feel as though you're walking on air. As you get to know each other, however, you may realize that you and your partner don't have as much in common as you originally thought. For example, in the beginning, your girlfriend may have tagged along for baseball games given your avid following of the hometown team. But a few months into the relationship, it becomes apparent that she can't be bothered to go to a game, let alone watch one at home with you. When you ask what brought on the change, she admits she was never crazy about baseball to begin with. She just wanted to make a good impression on and spend time with you. Now that she's comfy in the relationship, she doesn't have qualms about declining your invitations outright. Similarly, your partner may have led you to believe that they share other interests you may have -- whether reading, exercising, dancing, science, history, or cooking -- only to later ...

If you sense that you're worthless to someone, don't fret. Smile, because you're priceless to someone else! To the world you may be just a tiny, insignificant speck. But to one person, you may be nothing less than the world. Even though we might have good,  caring people in our lives, many of us become preoccupied with the ones who treat us like dirt. We go to great lengths to rationalize why they're behaving this way, especially if we can't put a finger on what we ever did wrong. We let their mood sour ours. We call and text them numerous times in the vain hope that they will give us the time of day. In short. we let them get the best of us -- but why should we? Your value doesn't decrease just because someone is unable to see your worth. And just because someone perceives you as being of little worth doesn't mean others see you that way. In fact, if you have friends, family, and/or a partner who count you among the most important people ...

Never should we allow others to undervalue us -- nor should we let ourselves do it. At the end of the day, the only opinion about yourself that is completely accurate -- the sole assessment that really matters -- is your own. Self-worth, or self-esteem, results from our striving to treat ourselves with the love, care, compassion, and respect we deserve. Your self-worth can only be determined by you because it comes from within. The higher your self-esteem, the happier you are. And as I've stressed in my other posts, happiness emanates from inside of us. It's obvious that not everyone we come across in our lives -- from partners and friends to bosses -- will realize our worth. Still, that should never decrease our value in our own eyes. In relationships in which we don't feel valued, we have the option to address our feelings with the other person. If that doesn't bear fruit, we must decide whether the individual deserves a place in our lives. Now, this do...

Whether your idea of excitement is jumping off an airplane, cooking up exotic dishes, playing music in a band, or merely staying at home reading a gripping book, you should do whatever lights up your soul. Life is too short to set our passions aside for a rainy day. Do them today. Do them now! Focusing on those things we love to do not only makes us happier, it keeps us from dwelling on the negative. Believe it or not, directing one's attention to something positive (e.g., a funny meme or an inspiring video) over the course of the day can make the difference between a decent day and an abysmal one. Distractions can be our friends. Those who insist they don't have the time to cultivate their passions are just making excuses for themselves. We can all squeeze in a little time for hobbies, even if only a few minutes each week. We all have our problems and worries, and, as much as we'd like to, we can't just sweep them under the rug. Still, we can't allow th...

There's something to be said for those who embrace their uniqueness wholeheartedly, impervious to pressure from other people to subscribe to the so-called herd or pack mentality so many fall victim to. Unfortunately, fake people want others to be fake just like them, even if it calls for turning one's back on the very principles, beliefs, and interests that make them who they are. For some, the need to be liked overwhelms their desire to project their most authentic selves to the world, prompting them to act in ways that, deep down, may feel wholly unnatural to them. This may impact everything from their style of dress and political views to their choice of hobbies. Never allow yourself to be ensnared by those seeking to "convert" people into carbon copies of themselves -- all to inflate their egos and compensate for their insecurities. Follow your true passions. Pursue whatever career calls out to you. Hold fast to your beliefs and core principles. Do not b...

The right man or woman will love you for your heart and mind, and not just for your body or wallet. Above all else, he or she will value your top character traits, whether that be kindness, faithfulness, loyalty, intelligence, integrity, or a great sense of humor. A good man gives precedence to a woman's feelings, goals, and passions over the size of her breasts and how good she is in the sack. A good woman focuses on ways his qualities complement hers rather than how much money she can wring from him. (And let's not make the dangerous mistake of pigeonholing men and women into traditional gender roles. Some women can be just as superficial as men when it comes to looks, and some men are on a mission to find only sugar mamas.) But we'd be remiss if we didn't concede that physical appearance and financial resources do count to a certain degree. Would most of us want to go on a date with someone who's 300 pounds overweight, broke, and deeply in debt? Pro...

People should like you for who you are rather than for who they'd like you to be. Maybe your partner wishes that you shared their love of travel, art museums, and classical music. Perhaps you have a friend who'd love for you to be into shooting ranges, ACC football, Fox News, and scubadiving like they are. While there's no harm in suggesting you be open to trying new activities, a line needs to be drawn somewhere. If you're constantly being pushed to do things you have little or no interest in, perhaps you and your friend or partner are less compatible than you thought. Maybe they're not as accepting of the "real you" as they seemed at one point, or they've only now gotten to know the real you and aren't impressed. And that's okay. If changing the way you are is the only way to placate the other person, the relationship just isn't meant to last. There are plenty of other people out there who share your interests and values. ...

Before you enter into a relationship, it's important that two conditions be met: (1) You love yourself, and (2) You feel happy and content without a partner. Relationship satisfaction is closely tied to personal life satisfaction, so the happier a person is in general, the happier he or she is likely to be in a relationship. Don't rely on a partner to make your life great; your life should already be great regardless of whom you're dating. If you don't love yourself, you'll always feel as though something is missing in your life -- even if your partner professes to love you to the moon and back. It isn't fair to depend on anyone else to fill that void. And why should they? A relationship isn't meant to "complete" you. A relationship isn't intended to "fulfill" you. It's meant to enrich your life. You're your own person with or without a partner. Just because you're single doesn't mean you enjoy eating a d...

If you're like many jaded people out there in the dating world, you've just about had it in your quest to find true love. You've lost track of the seemingly innumerable men or women you've gone on fruitless dates with. A prospect seems promising enough in the beginning, but it all comes crashing down following an unsettling discovery -- she's been cheating on you all along, he isn't the thoughtful romantic that drew you in during the courtship and instead just wants to get in your pants, she's an unapologetic gold digger. You've grown tired of it all: the lies, the false appearances, the heartache, endless disappointment. As tempting as it may be to throw in the towel, you'll never find that special someone -- however elusive -- if you give up. Instead, take some time to assess your love life and answer the following questions: What do you feel you've done right?  What do you think you've done wrong?  In which areas is there room...

Remember "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey? What an inspiring song. There's no question that we should never cease believing in ourselves. If you don't believe in yourself, you won't make it very far in a world that constantly throws obstacles our way. Life is difficult -- and it demands that we remain strong and persistent in the face of tough challenges. Beyond that, no one should stop dreaming, or reaching for new heights. What good is believing in yourself if you have no dreams to shoot for? Aspiring to bigger and better things -- whether it be parenthood, owning a business, or buying a home -- gives us another reason to wake up in the morning. It gives us something to look forward to. I frequently hear others say their lives are dull, prompting them to reminisce about "bygone days." I'm here to tell you that your best days are not behind you; they lie on the horizon. However, you have to do your part to make that come to ...

In the U.S., most people consider Memorial Day weekend the unofficial start of summer. And rightfully so. This time of year, people hit the beach in droves, take exciting vacations, and fire up the barbecue virtually every weekend. It's hard to believe that today is the last day of the month of May. It feels like it was only yesterday that we were celebrating Cinco de Mayo and, more recently, Mother's Day. Hopefully, you found May a productive month and managed to achieve one or more goals, if not inch closer to that end. If May was nothing to write home about -- maybe you didn't land that job you wanted, got dumped, or had to deal with a lot of crap at work -- you're certainly not alone. A new month means being able to press the Reset button and start with a clean slate. Whatever your goals, here's the chance to work even harder than you did last month toward accomplishing them. Whatever your passions, June presents a fresh opportunity to indulge them...