If you find yourself falling for someone who won't commit, you might want to put on the brakes before getting in too deep. That is, of course, if you're seeking a serious, long-term relationship. Why might a person refuse to commit? It could be a myriad of reasons. They may have gotten burned by an ex and have resolved to put up protective walls. They may want to retain their independence, whether because of a demanding job or their wanting to hang out with friends. Maybe they have children they wish to prioritize following the passing of their spouse.  Whatever the case, they have every right not to get locked into a commitment they don't want, and you should appreciate it when they're thoughtful enough to come forward from the outset. The problem comes when people vacillate between wanting and not wanting a serious commitment. Maybe they say they don't, but their actions -- from calling you non-stop to kissing and sending you gifts -- convey just the opposite.  Th...

A person whose words have been shown to contradict his or her actions is one you're better off without. Maybe it's the girlfriend who professes to love you but always misses your milestone moments.  The friend who talks up your being best buddies, but has been caught spreading lies about you. The co-worker who assures you that you can always count on them, but is furtively angling for your job. The truth is that it's not always easy to decipher people's real motives, especially when you don't know them that well. But once you observe on more than one occasion that their actions don't mirror their words, you ought to cast a wary eye.  People can make promises all they like, but if there's no action to back them up, it's evident they've got a penchant for disingenuousness. Don't be too quick to hand over your trust. We are much more apt to do this when the person in question is charming and charismatic.  A rule of thumb to go by: You don't real...

It's a question asked of me quite often. In the rough-and-tumble that is the dating world, do you stand out if you actually care less? Well, that depends on the people we're dealing with. Take a blonde bombshell who gets asked out all the time, with guys buying her flowers and candy left and right. Then, out of nowhere comes an attractive guy who isn't swooning over her. Though friendly, he treats her as he would any other woman he meets. She doesn't know for sure whether he's interested in her -- something she, quite frankly, is unaccustomed to -- and that piques her interest. The guy is effectively posing a challenge, and she's compelled to unearth why he doesn't allow himself to be made putty in her hands like all the other chumps do. That being said, giving off a more non-chalant vibe might work when the target is very attractive and has no shortage of options to choose from. Some people perceive those who give them the cold shoulder to...

We all have at least a couple of people in our lives who only show interest in us when they need something. Sadly, these individuals might be people we were very close to earlier in our lives. Maybe it's someone you worked with at your last company, a friend you've known since early childhood, or even a sibling you used to do everything with. Unfortunately, many of us find ourselves in a situation where we've made repeated attempts to get a hold of or hang out with the person in question, but they're always busy. Our calls go straight to voicemail and may not be returned for weeks, if we're lucky. Our invitations to meet up are met with hesitation, as if we were pulling their teeth. And it isn't as if we're reaching out because we necessarily need something. Maybe we just want to catch up over drinks or check out the new car they bought several months ago, but haven't yet invited us to see. When you feel as though you're pushing the other...

When someone truly cares about you, they look for reasons to talk to and be with you rather than excuses not to . Ever heard the saying, "If there's a will, there's a way"? Someone's effort -- or lack thereof -- is a reflection of their interest in you. Time is our most precious commodity in that it's the only thing we can't get back once it's gone. That being said, if a person chooses not carve out any of that time for you, what they're essentially saying is, "You're not worth my time." They may insist they really do care about you and want to see you, but they just "don't have the time." Then, a day or so later, they might post pictures of themselves with other people on Facebook, gushing about the great time they're having. A person's actions always reveal their truest, innermost feelings. Don't believe what people tell you until they've backed those words with their deeds. If they really ...

I've gone to more job interviews than I can count with my hands and toes. Over the years, I've observed signals conveying that the interviewer isn't sufficiently interested in me as a candidate, whether it's because they've already chosen an internal candidate for the job, feel I'm asking for too much money, or think I lack job experience. Such signs may include wrapping up the interview quickly. For example, I was once invited to an interview for a job with my alma mater. It lasted a whopping five minutes, leading me to assume that job had someone else's name on it and they were just going through the motions to conform to hiring regulations. It's also not a good sign when I'm not asked any questions, when the interviewer arrives late/doesn't seem prepared for the interview, or when they're blatantly rude or disrespectful. Employers who are genuinely interested in you don't stoop to this level; they care about the impression th...

If there's something about me that has never once changed over the years, it's this: I despise being thwarted for something I want from someone, and then seeing the person come around when they feel like -- acting as if nothing happened. It's a classic case of having their cake and eating it too. I've gone through this on several occasions with different friends. They may disappear for weeks, never bothering to answer or return my calls. Then, out of the blue, they decide to awaken from their slumber and reestablish contact, and I'm supposed to act like all is swell. I don't think so! And their excuses have bordered on the ludicrous, saying that they've been stressed or that they keep forgetting to respond. It's ironic how once I see them showing interest again (e.g., calling and texting), it is then I go into "payback" mode and call them at my convenience, not necessarily when they attempt to reach out to me. And here's an exam...

Below are three awesome-sounding words you may never have heard or used in your life: First is esoteric , which means something that is intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized knowledge or interest. Terms, procedures, and processes specific to a field you have little to no knowledge of or experience in can certainly seem esoteric. Nuclear physics is probably esoteric to a carpenter. Statistics like earned run average and walks plus hits per inning pitched are probably esoteric to those who don't give a lick about baseball. The other two words, arcane and recondite , essentially mean the same thing and serve as synonyms for esoteric. Common words that may be used in lieu of esoteric, arcane, and recondite include mysterious, secret, and obscure. Had you heard or used any of these words before? Which one sounds coolest to you? What's an example of something you'd consider esoteric, arcane, or recondite?

Some people say they're more productive when working around other people, while others say they get far more done when they're alone. I can see the merits in both arguments when I assess how I work best. When I see others working hard, it motivates me to do the same. On days that precede holiday weekends (like today), where many people tend to be out of the office, I often find myself struggling to muster the energy and interest to check things off my to-do list. With no supervisor around to watch over my shoulder, it's all too tempting to watch a YouTube video or check out what's on sale on Amazon and other sites. On the flip side, if there is too much commotion in the immediate environment -- people constantly chatting and interrupting me -- it becomes very difficult to complete tasks. I need some quietness in order to think; otherwise, I end up doing things like reading the same sentence multiple times, thereby reducing my productivity a great deal. Thus, t...

It does, but only to a certain degree. Surely, one must put themselves out there in order to be noticed. A partner won't magically fall in your lap, and being holed up in your room all day greatly diminishes your prospects. But you don't want to overdo it either. A girl I used to work with treated virtually every guy she met in the workplace as a possible love interest. Vetting every man or woman you come across does come off as desperate. That's why, in the world of dating, it's better to work smarter, not harder. Go to places where people with whom you share a certain hobby are likely to be. If you want to date a bookworm, head to the library. If dancing is your thing, you might want to sign up for salsa lessons. If a partner with a great physique is atop your list, you ought to be spending time at the gym. You get the idea. You want to frequent places where you're bound to find people whose interests mirror or at least complement yours. In other words...

How do you know that a friendship is real -- that it's built to last? The test is simple: See what happens when one person doesn't need the other for anything anymore. We all get something out of friendships: a person to hit up the bar with, a gym buddy, a shoulder to cry on when things go awry. But sometimes circumstances change in one's life that leaves them with less time for or interest in a given friendship: They move, get married, they have kids, and so forth. Unfortunately, many of my friendships have ceased to exist -- or become much more watered down -- as soon as the person got into a relationship. Some people seem to have trouble juggling their relationship with their friendships. It could be a sign of a possessive partner, or maybe the friend is so head over heels in love that they couldn't care less about their friends anymore. I've observed that people who abandon their friends for a relationship end up regretting it, especially if the re...

I equate a lack of self-confidence with not trusting one's abilities. One of the best quotes I've ever heard in a movie was featured in the 2005 film "Coach Carter," starring Samuel L. Jackson: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us." In case you haven't seen the movie, Samuel L. Jackson plays a high school basketball coach whose hired to reverse the team's dismal fortunes. When it turns out that most of the players are flunking their classes, Jackson's character imposes a lockout until the players demonstrate academic improvement. Against all odds, the players succeed, and the team goes on to win a championship. I'll be the first to admit that I don't trust my ability to do certain things. I've always been something of a bungling handyman, in part because my father, who's known to be great with ...

The easiest (and quickest) ways to build wealth include winning the lottery, robbing a bank, or getting an inheritance. Since these methods are either unusual or flat-out illegal, we have to resort to more practical ways that involve a level of effort and judiciousness. Enter the practice of saving. Unfortunately, saving money seems alien to many people I know. No sooner do they get a paycheck than they squander it on expensive things they may not need, like $500 shoes or handbags. What's worse, some blow it in even more egregious ways (think booze, drugs, and casinos). I am a firm believer that every college student -- hell, maybe even high school students -- should be required to take a class on personal finance. Far too many of us go out into the real world not having a clue as to ways we can save money and why it's important to begin doing so at an early age. (The same goes for job hunting, which will be the subject of a future post.) Think about it: If you get in...

From what I've observed at work as well as on Facebook, there are three surefire ways to get people to like you more. I've dubbed this the "CIG Model" so that they're easier to remember: 1. Compliments: Let's face it: Everyone likes flattery, and this is an easy way to get on people's good side. Whether it's complimenting their shirt or their new car, people build positive feelings toward those who make them feel good. On Facebook, this is manifested in the form of a "like" or comment in response to a person's post. 2. Interest : When we show interest in people's lives, they become more interested in ours. If the posts I see on Facebook are any indication, people especially love to be asked questions about their kids. They also like when others express interest in their hobbies, where they do their shopping, and so on. 3. Giving stuff : It comes as no surprise that among the most highly regarded people in the office are those wh...