Thanks to the pandemic, introversion -- at least for the time being -- is the new normal, or, at the very least, is far more socially acceptable than it was just a few months ago. Who knows? It may very well become the new cool going forward in a society that ordinarily frowns upon those who value solitude and time for quiet reflection. It feels as though introverts have been waiting and prepared for an event like this their whole lives. Although I've touched upon introversion in earlier posts, here's a quick recap of what it really means to be an introvert: You draw energy inward. You're not necessarily shy or antisocial -- you simply need alone time for recharging.  You prefer small groups to large ones. You value one-on-one conversations because fewer participants means not having to vie with several others to get a word in edgewise.  You prefer communicating in writing rather than verbally because it affords you the opportunity to think through yo...

No matter how well we think we know someone, some people never cease to surprise us. That easygoing guy at work whom you thought could never hurt a fly may turn out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing. That seemingly wonderful girl whom you could confidently say you could trust more than some people in your own family could wind up stabbing you in the back. In essence, some people aren't always whom they seem. Pay close attention to the last part of that sentence: "Whom they seem." What we're saying, really, is that we perceive someone to be a certain way, but we can never be totally sure they're like that beneath the surface, or when they're not around us. And as I've reminded you in prior entries, perception is reality in our eyes even though that may not be the case in actuality. Yet, the same works when it's the other way around. Someone may strike us as rude, antisocial, indifferent, but when we really get to know them, we find ...

Many people assume that if someone is quiet and unassuming, they must either be antisocial or have low self-esteem. But this couldn't be farther from the truth. Unfortunately, those who make such baseless characterizations may assume that there's something about them that the quiet individual doesn't like. In other words, they take it personally. Or, since they know little about them, the easiest thing to do is fill in the gaps themselves and label the person however they please. This demonstrates that the ones passing judgment are either insecure, or they can't help but attribute negative qualities to the person before getting to know them. The truth of the matter is that some of us take a little longer to warm up than others do. In the case of a new job, we may need a few weeks before we feel comfortable enough in to socialize more (about non-work related matters, that is) with peers. Some of us are introverted. This doesn't mean we loathe people, but ...

No matter how forcefully society may try to push forward the notion that solitude is something to be avoided, I relish it more and more each day. With all the noise we deal with on a daily basis -- chatty coworkers in the office, rambunctious kids at home, intrusive advertisements on TV -- we NEED to carve out some time for ourselves, even if it's a mere hour per week. Whether we want to gather our thoughts or clear our heads, it's very difficult to do so with people interrupting us. Sometimes we have no choice but to do it outside the home at a quiet locale like the local park or library. The fact you enjoy solitude doesn't make you weird, antisocial, or -- the most irritating of them all -- lonely. Maybe you're an introvert who draws energy inward and needs to spend time alone in order to recharge. Maybe you dream up your best creative ideas when no one else is around. That doesn't make you awkward -- it makes you human! Being lonely and being alone ar...

Many assume that if someone is alone, time must sit still -- that within a matter of minutes, he or she is probably bored out of his mind and itching to do something to make the clock move a little faster. Well, while this may be true for some, it certainly doesn't apply to those who actually relish their time alone. Why? Because if the person is alone, there's a high probability they're introverted and enjoy their own company. If that's so, there's no reason to think they'd want time to fly. Being introverted doesn't mean you're shy, antisocial, or snobbish. It means you draw energy inward. Peace, quiet, and solitude recharge you. You enjoy being deep in thought. Heavy social interaction leaves you exhausted. In reality, introverts have such rich imaginations that they can momentarily escape reality and live comfortably in their heads when the urge strikes. From debating the merits of climate change to picturing what life was like in the...

If you're quiet, you likely get plenty of flak from people around you. You're judged left and right just for keeping to yourself. Since people can't get you to open up as often as they'd like, they take the liberty of filling the gaps on their own. Some of them call you a snob, others say you're weird, and still others go so far as to label you antisocial. Saying you're introspective and that you think before you speak isn't good enough for them. Trying to explain that you're introverted -- that your energy is directed inward as opposed to an extrovert, whose energy is directed outward -- is a futile exercise. You tell them that too much social interaction leaves you drained, and that you can only recharge by spending time alone, but it falls on deaf ears. Sometimes it feels like no one understands you. But I'm here to tell you one thing: I get you. I know what you're going through because I've been there. As a quiet, studio...

Earlier today, I came across a Facebook page that features motivational quotes intended to improve people's moods and enhance their overall self-esteem. Interestingly, I noticed two quotes that focus specifically on quiet people: "Be afraid of quiet people; they're the ones who actually think." "The quietest people have the loudest minds." I've observed that most people's views of quiet individuals can fall under one of two categories: 1. The ones who say quiet people are antisocial, suspicious, snobbish, and/or full of themselves. 2. The people who say their introspective nature and propensity to be deep in thought makes them smarter than their more garrulous peers. The quotes above speak to this mindset. As an introvert known to be quiet at work and at social functions where I might not know anyone, I feel I'm well positioned to dispel any inaccuracies surrounding quiet folks. First of all, the above statements misguidedly put...

Do you picture loners as being antisocial, self-absorbed, and in a world of their own? New research from Wellesley College dispels that common stereotype and suggests loners can actually be loyal friends and quite amicable when you get to know them. What happens is that people tend to misconstrue their reticent ways for snobbiness, rudeness, or lack of social skills. While some of these people might very well be shy or self-centered not all loners should be characterized as such. Studies show that loners tend to have a much lower need for social acceptance than their more gregarious counterparts. They're perfectly content staying in with a good book than spending the night out on the town -- and they don't apologize for it. Loners still like to make friends, but they tend to maintain only a couple of close friendships. If they could have a universal motto, it would be "depth, not breadth." Thus, they have relatively high standards for friendship, but once th...

Are you attracted to mysterious men or women, or do you prefer people who leave nothing to the imagination? As someone who tends to keep to himself in public, I've been told by various women that I can be rather mysterious. I'd like to think that that can be an asset on the dating front, but not everyone is drawn to enigmatic individuals. Those who are like the challenge of "figuring out" the other person, and are drawn to the prospect of getting someone to come out of his or her shell. Those who don't might feel it's akin to playing a game and may even dismiss the mysterious person as stuck-up or antisocial. I think there has to be a balance. You can't be so mysterious that no one knows anything about you other than your gender and physical features. However, voicing everything and anything about yourself leaves nothing to the imagination -- you're like an open book. I think keeping a little mystery works in the dating arena; however, once you...