There's people in this world who are inevitably bent on causing others harm -- or at least giving them a hard time -- all in the service of advancing their own interests. It's usually a reflection of the loathing they harbor toward themselves or some aspect of their life. They take it upon themselves to project onto you and others -- unsuspecting victims in their path -- their unrelenting misery.  Maybe you've encountered this at work or elsewhere: A toxic boss or surly acquaintance who seems to revel in making others feel like crap, whether out of envy, jealousy, spite, or no concrete reason at all. Once someone stands up to them, they may very well put the bullseye on others' backs, including yours.  So how is one to deal with these toxic individuals?  Don't let them get to you Nothing spurs them into taking a victory lap quite like seeing you deflated and despondent. Even if they're getting on your nerves, try not to show it. It'll supply them with more f...

In the past few years, how many times would you say you've been hurt by someone you care deeply about? Too many to count, right? Maybe you were cheated on, lied to, or ignored outright. Perhaps the incident came about at work, school, or home.  As unsettling as the pain can be, you must remind yourself that such feelings won't linger forever. However, you have to do your part to get the wheels rolling.  What I've observed that holds so many people back from conquering the hurt is that they fail to acknowledge it in the first place.  And men are especially prone to this form of denial. Indeed, it's tempting for us to sweep the feelings under the rug as if nothing happened, or to carry on believing they'll fade away on their own. On the contrary, this wrong-headed approach causes those feelings to fester. Denial provides the very fuel for intensification, like warm water powering a hurricane ever more. This, in turn, produces doubt and blame, which can snowball into a...

When we're in a happy mood -- whether because we nabbed a promotion or landed a date with someone we've had our eye on -- we don't hesitate to express our emotions. We might smile, laugh, cheer, post a buoyant message on social media, or treat your friends to celebratory drinks. But things play out quite differently when we're going through a rough patch in our lives. We might instead hide our emotions -- sadness, anger, jealousy -- because we don't want to worry others or compel them to probe. As a result, we might turn down invitations to attend parties, call it a night unusually early, and shelve the kinds of things we look forward to when we're in better spirits, like hobbies.  There's nothing wrong with playing your cards close to your chest. In particular, I discourage anyone from bringing your feelings to light on social media unless you've altered your settings so that only those closest to you -- the ones you genuinely trust -- see those posts. ...

Sometimes people confuse envy  with jealousy , using them interchangeably as if they shared the same definition. But their meanings are in fact slightly different. Envy is wanting something that someone has that you perceive as lacking or absent in your life. Jealousy  is being afraid to lose something that is already yours. If you have a burning desire to have your co-worker or boss's job -- especially if you've been passed over for it in the past -- you're likely envious of him. If you wish you could have your neighbor's car, your sister's charisma, or your gym teacher's physique, you may very well harbor some envy . On the other hand, if your blood begins to boil when you see your spouse talking to the attractive cashier at the grocery store -- whose smiles and suggestive looks leave little doubt she's being flirtatious -- you're jealous.  In other words, envy involves comparing oneself to someone else and begrudging the fact that we...

What would you say is the best way to appreciate someone special in your life? It can be done with one simple mental exercise: Just imagine your life without that person. Maybe you picture them in the arms of another man or woman. Does it make you jealous or angry? Or you dream up a world in which the two of you never even met. Does it make you sad? If these scenarios induce feelings of jealousy, anger, or sadness, it's clear you care deeply for the person in question. If they don't, it raises serious questions about how invested you are emotionally. Between work, kids, chores, and other items on our interminably long To Do Lists, some of us may take our partner for granted without even realizing it. As a result, he or she may feel as if their needs aren't being met and their voice isn't being heard. The longer this goes on, the more likely the person is to become fed up and walk -- that is, unless both people have a serious heart-to-heart. Studies sho...

A person may like you, but that doesn't necessarily mean they value you. So what's the difference? Someone can like you and still take you for granted, treat you with disdain, and run the relationship into the ground.  In other words, whether a person likes you or not says nothing about their willingness to invest in and commit to the relationship. One can like that someone possesses certain attributes -- whether ambition, a sense of humor, integrity, or loyalty -- and still not value them as a person. Take cheaters. Do you really think that people who cheat on their partners don't like them? On the contrary, despite their transgressions, many assert that they love and would do anything for their significant others! However, the mere fact they would even entertain the idea of cheating demonstrates they don't value the person in the slightest. If they did, they would know to put on the brakes and not risk jeopardizing the relationship. We also see this ...

When life has you feeling down on yourself -- whether it's because you're stressed at work or beset by problems in your marriage -- letting go is usually the first step toward getting things back on track. Here are some ways you can let go and infuse your life with positivity: Let go of what you thought should happen and live in what's happening. Let go of your grudges, for they will only cause the resentment and bitterness in you to fester. Let go of your notions of how people should think or behave in a given situation, for the higher you set your expectations of others, the more likely it is they'll fail to meet them. Let go of feelings of envy or jealousy you may feel toward those whom you perceive as more accomplished. Rather than compare yourself to others, compare yourself to the person you were six months ago or a year ago -- for that is a far better benchmark for measuring progress. Let go of the past. It's behind you now. All you can do is ta...

A while back, I came across a rather amusing quote: "Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit."  I don't know who the source of the comical quote is, but he or she was spot on. Love should never have to be forced. If one or both people in the relationship are forcing it, that raises a critical question: Why are they even together? Either the chemistry is off, one or both individuals has grown bored, or, worse yet, they've fallen out of love altogether. As I've noted in prior posts, once a couple passes the honeymoon stage, people's true colors emerge and the relationship begins to feel a little more like "work." Quirks about your partner that once seemed cute may begin to get on your nerves. As passion gradually gives way to complacency, partners may cease doing the little things that so endeared them to each other. You know you're with the right person when: You can be yourself around him or her You ...

While certain circumstances in life are beyond our control -- death and taxes among them -- there are three things over which we can maintain control: (1) Attitude: We can see the glass as half empty or half full. Whether we view a situation negatively or positively is our choice. (2) Our words: The words that come out of our mouths, as well as those we put down on paper, ought to be chosen carefully, as they're not always easily forgotten. (3) Our actions: Life is less about what happens to us than what we do with what happens to us. Our lives are a direct reflection of the decisions we make. However, this is easier said than done. Oftentimes, we're blindsided by unforeseen circumstances that cause our emotions to supersede rationality, resulting in our later regretting some of the things we say or do. For example, you might be having an awful day after being passed for a promotion or getting fired. Upon getting home, you snap at your spouse when he complains for t...

Rather than harping on the past, look to the future. A new year -- one full of fresh, exciting possibilities -- looms ahead. Don't fixate on the things you didn't accomplish this year -- focus on the ones you will achieve in 2017. If you came across a few forks in the road in 2016, aim to work even harder in the coming months toward meeting -- or surpassing -- your goals, whether it's losing 20 pounds, going on 20 dates, or visiting 20 cities. Build on your mistakes rather than ruminate on them. Even the most famous people in history -- from Michael Jordan to Thomas Edison -- failed on numerous occasions before hitting it big. If life knocks you down, show it the true meaning of perseverance by getting up again and trying three times harder! The promise of achieving great new things in our lives certainly keeps it interesting. If we had nothing to strive for, our lives would forever remain in a holding pattern. If there's nothing to challenge us, we're...

Many of us go to great pains to be better than others. We strive to have better cars than our neighbors, better clothes than our coworkers, more money than our friends. In the grand scheme of life, none of this makes us happier in the long term. What we should do is redirect our focus toward growing, toward improving ourselves. In essence, it's about being better this year than who we were last year -- being considerably better today than, say, the 2012 version of you. Everyone has his or her own definition of what makes a better person, or what constitutes personal growth. Here are a few examples: Losing weight and being healthier Getting a promotion and making more money Getting into a relationship  Being married Starting a family Traveling more Making new friends At the end of the day, how much our friends make and which cars our neighbors drive should be the least of our concerns. Concentrate on bettering and being competitive with yourself. Up the ante each Ja...

No matter how hard you try to make people happy, some of them will simply take you for granted. Many of these individuals will be oblivious to or fail to appreciate all you do for them. It's these kinds of people you should not keep in your life.  You don't want to associate yourself with people who only care you exist when they need something -- when it's convenient for them. They may consider themselves your friends, but they're anything but. True friends are not users, nor are they opportunists. Real friends are there for you through the thick and thin. They understand that the cornerstone of a strong friendship is giving with one hand and taking with the other. There is absolutely no place for selfishness, envy, or jealousy in a friendship or relationship. These all serve to undermine the trust and goodwill cultivated between two people. More importantly, never seek the company of people who demand that you change something about yourself. Who are they to dict...

Relationships can be an exciting time. We've all been there: Butterflies in the stomach, hormones on overdrive, your special someone pervading your every thought. Unfortunately, though, it is also during this exhilarating stage of our lives that we can make decisions we later come to regret. I've narrowed down the biggest relationship mistakes we can make to four: 1. Cheating: It doesn't get any worse than this. Cheating is the utmost form of betrayal. Even worse is committing the act and later trying to hide your tracks. If you don't feel you can remain loyal to your partner, don't get into a relationship. Think before you act! A few nights of pleasure aren't worth the feelings of heartbreak, jealously, and resentment that will ensue. 2. Having unprotected sex: Is it any wonder there are so many unplanned pregnancies in the United States, let alone the world? People get in the heat of the moment and forget to properly suit up for the ride. Whether it...

Jealousy in relationships can be a double-edged sword. For one, it conveys that you genuinely care enough about your partner to get bothered at seeing him, say, get friendly with the blonde bombshell who works at the local convenience store. On the other hand, jealousy can signal deep-seated insecurities and communicate that you're afraid your partner may bail on you for someone prettier, smarter, or more successful, for example. I think it's normal to become a little uneasy when we think about or see our partners talking to someone they might otherwise be interested in if they were single. But if we can put our full trust in that person, there should be nothing to worry about. Let's not be naive, folks: We're all human, and naturally we're going to find certain people of the opposite sex -- other than our partners -- attractive. But just because your boyfriend or husband might find her attractive and seems to enjoy conversing with her doesn't mean the...

We've  all heard the maxim "misery loves company," but what's the reasoning behind it?  Why is being miserable not as bad when we know someone else is in the same boat? For starters, no one wants to stand out for the wrong reasons. In a room full of happy people, being the only one in the dumps can be utterly unpleasant. The fact that someone else shares your misery makes it seem, well, not so horrible after all. For example, let's say you and two of your colleagues are slated to present your department's new product launch to corporate this morning. You've been driving for 10 minutes when all of the sudden, traffic begins slowing to crawl. You then discover there's been a major accident, and it could be at least another hour before you get to the office. Unfortunately, the meeting starts in 20 minutes, so it's likely you'll miss a good chunk of the meeting. Now, suppose that Jesse, one of the two guys scheduled to make the presentation w...