Here's an irony for you: When nothing is sure, everything is possible. I know that "everything" can encompass both good and bad outcomes. We can find a great job or spend another two frustrating months looking, see our relationship thrive or devolve into chaos, hit it big in the stock market or lose a boatload of money. Life is really what we make of it. The possibilities are there -- we need only seize them. But we make that impossible to do if: 1. We give up prematurely. Thomas Edison once said,"I haven't failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that don't work. This quote, too, is attributed to the famous inventor: "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were when they gave up." Indeed, some people draw so close to the promised land they can almost taste it -- only to wave the white flag. Perhaps they become dissuaded by a friend or relative, don't see the financial returns of a venture as quic...

You've likely read at least a few posts on this blog that stress the importance of letting go -- both for your health and well-being. But what does letting go really mean? In truth, there is more to it than just telling someone you never wish to see them again. In fact, you can let go of someone without removing them from your life entirely.  It's not so much about physically letting go, but mentally disconnecting in a way that loosens the individual's hold on you. Examples include: Changing the labels you place on a person or an event.  Perhaps you call Josh "loudmouth" because of his penchant for spewing bunk at work. Or, you've labeled the upcoming birthday family party you're dreading having to go to as the "party from hell."      By assigning these descriptors, you've given       them permission to to aggravate you. In       essence, you've given them far too much      importance....

Sometimes it isn't that someone has changed, but that now you see them for who they really are. It can be disappointing to realize that someone whom you held in high esteem -- whether an old friend or relatively new girlfriend -- isn't as you imagined. Maybe you've noticed a pattern of lies, throwing cold water on the rosy impression you'd built of them in your mind. Perhaps they'd hidden the fact that they have a massive heap of debt, a never-before-mentioned ex who continues reaching out to them, or aspirations of moving to Europe in a year. Do some people change for the worst over time? In some instances, yes. It's possible they could grow complacent, envious, or flat-out bitter in the relationship, and things like alcohol and stress at work may be culprits -- though they're certainly not valid reasons for bad behavior. But in other cases, they manage to put up a front -- rather effectively, I might add -- that may persist for years. The p...

We come across difficult people everywhere -- at work, at family gatherings, and even while driving. No matter how nice you are and how diplomatic you aim to be, there will always be someone bent on raining on your parade, especially if they sense you're generally in a happy mood. Don't pay such individuals any mind. Think of it this way: Why allow someone who doesn't pay your bills, isn't there for you in tough times, and doesn't put you on their priority list exert so much control over your emotions? There are those people over which it makes complete sense to worry -- our parents, our kids, and the like. But letting that surly driver who cut you off on the way home or the obnoxious cashier at the grocery store ruin your day does nothing but empower them. Don't harp on the incident -- just let it go. Distract your mind by listening to music, watching a movie, throwing yourself into your work, taking a nap, playing with your child, or doing anyt...

Never allow negative people -- the naysayers, the Debbie Downers, the half-glass-empty crowd -- turn you into   them. We all have bad days, but that's no reason to want our bad vibes to rub off on those who seem happy and content. Misery may yearn for company, but we shouldn't feel compelled to be that company. If people find themselves in the whole, they need to work through their problems on their own. Instead of aiming their frustration at other people, they should turn to them for support. They should see them as a source of comfort rather than as an annoyance. In the end, the people whom these negative folks wish were just as unhappy as they are would probably do anything to turn their frown upside down. Needless to say, they'd be directing their ire at someone who, chances are, would be disposed to lend a hand in any way possible. But as we well know, people who are in a crappy mood don't always think rationally. They focus only on themselves, and ...

If there's something we can agree on, it's that haters lurk in our midst. Whether it's at work or in school, will always be someone who doesn't take kindly to something about us.  Maybe it's our gift for gab, our age, our impressive academic credentials, our BMW, or our ever-expanding circle of friends. And the funny thing is that some of these people secretly admire and look up to us, even though they would never admit it. But rather than worry about the jealous and envious -- whom many would regard as haters -- we should instead focus on the people who bring joy into our lives.  The ones who respect and cheer us on. The people who hold no ill will toward us.  The sad thing is that it isn't always easy to tell who likes us and who doesn't because, as pointed out in earlier entries, some people are, well, masters at faking it. And even if you know that, say, Joe your co-worker isn't your biggest fan, are you really going to ...

How many times have you caught yourself ruminating interminably about that blind date you have coming up, that big presentation you're scheduled to deliver at work in a few weeks, or that doctor's appointment you've been pushing back for months now? Overthinking can have corrosive effects on us. Not only does it build anxiety, but it can negatively affect our sleeping routines, eating habits, relationships, and self-esteem. And the worst part about it? Overthinking solves nothing. Sure, a little angst is healthy, but brooding over things that have not yet come to pass won't in any way affect the outcome. Most people will admit to dreaming up doomsday scenarios in their head that never even come to pass. Our negative thoughts, in effect, can run rampant. This can trap us in a vicious cycle that can be very difficult to come out of. When you're anxious, you lose your zest for life. As is the case with depression, you may turn down others' invitations to ...

Don't let people bog you down with their drama and negativity. See, that's precisely what they crave: For them to be the ones responsible for turning your good mood into a sour one. It empowers them to continue trying to push our buttons until we become disappointed, effectively ruining our day (or so they hope). And toxic people aren't always overtly toxic from the get-go. They may endear themselves to us in the beginning, forming the impression that they're one of the nicest people we have ever met. But once the opportunity strikes, they flip a switch and allow their true, manipulative colors to come out. As I've noted in prior posts, when people are unhappy with their lives, they attempt to make themselves feel better by trying to make miserable the lives of ostensibly happy individuals. Whether they're in the process of getting divorced, having problems with their boss, or in serious financial straits, they take everything out on the people a...

Never let alone steal your happiness, as it was never theirs to take in the first place. People don't have to agree with you on everything. They don't even have to like you. But they certainly don't have a right to try to impinge on your happiness. They should just let you be and give you the respect that they expect in return. If only it were that simple... Some people might envy something you have -- whether it be your big house, loving spouse, or fulfilling job. Others may be going through a rough patch in their lives now and may decide that if they can't be happy, neither should others they come across. Misery always welcomes company. But you are no one's punching bag. Never should you put up with any kind of behavior that erodes your self-worth and tarnishes your quality of life. It's up to you whether you want to try and smooth things over, or if you'd rather kick the person out of your life in one fell swoop. It bothers me to no en...

There are no regrets in life -- only lessons learned. Regretting that which is now in the past -- and thus cannot be changed -- serves absolutely no purpose but to make us feel dejected. Learn from your mistakes so that you're not doomed to repeat them. In that way, you're actually channeling all that negativity into something positive and constructive. Regrets, then, can help facilitate growth so long as we have the right mindset. Let's suppose you cheated on a wonderful man or woman -- a terrible mistake you refuse to forgive yourself for. If you already apologized to your ex and have pledged to remain faithful to future partners, what more can you really do? Move on, and if you've learned anything from your misstep, you'll know not to jeopardize a relationship ever again. The same reasoning applies to missed job opportunities, friendships gone awry, or any other situations that would have turned out much more favorably had you behaved differently. ...

Has anyone -- whether it be your partner, friend, relative, neighbor, or boss -- done you wrong this year? If so, heed this important end-of-year tip: Let it go . Start 2019 with a clean slate. Don't carry other people's drama and negativity with you into the new year. Let your hopes and dreams crowd out your fears and worries. Sure, we can never rid ourselves of all our concerns, but why not start the new year on a high note? If you can't excise from your life the people bringing you grief, e.g., your toxic boss, make it a New Year's resolution not to get hung up on their every word or move. Refuse to allow these people to sour your mood, lower your self-esteem, and eat away at your mental well-being. If we're not careful, we can become trapped in a vicious circle of questioning people's motives, possibly blaming ourselves in the process: Why did they yell at me over the phone? Why haven't they answered my texts? Why did they seem to ...

Certain people just aren't worth stressing about. I speak of those who are impossible to please. The ones who always have something to complain about. The type who seem disenchanted all the time, their primary goal being to have that misery rub off on us. No, thanks. We don't need such people in our lives. The more we can steer clear of them, the more peace of mind and less negativity we will have in our lives. Unfortunately, however, sometimes we have no choice but to stomach them as best as we can. Perhaps you work with a toxic boss or co-worker, but you don't feel now is the time to switch jobs. Or, your meddling in-laws are really testing your patience, but you don't want to say anything to land in hot water with them. That we will come across people we don't get along with is a certainty in life. But as I've said before, life is more about how you react to situations than the situations themselves. It's about how you adapt to circumstances...

Stop what you're doing for a moment. Take a deep breath. Put a smile on your face. Tell yourself these words: "It's going to be okay." You've come too far in your life to give up. Whether you're healing from wounds of your past or stressing over the question marks in your future, remind yourself that true happiness lies in making the most of the present. Things will get better over time. If you're mired in relationship, health, or money struggles, rest assured that the worst storms often give way to much sunnier days. Never feel afraid to reach out -- whether to friends, family, a professional (or even to me) for a helping hand. I know that sometimes being positive is easier said than done. Just when we think we've come out of a hole, life seems to put us into a deeper one. But resigning ourselves to the opposite state of mind -- negativity -- will only serve to exacerbate the depression or anxiety we're already feeling. As long a...

Sometimes we need to extricate ourselves -- even if temporarily -- from others' drama and negativity. We need to wriggle free of adversity we may be confronting at work, home, or elsewhere. Our well-being depends on it! So how exactly can we do this? It depends on whatever it is you like -- whatever it is that drives you. Perhaps nothing spells relaxation like losing yourself in a good book during your lunch break before heading back to your desk. Maybe you recharge by taking a leisurely stroll in the park after work. You may notice that you haven't taken a vacation in almost a year and yearn to get away from it all -- whether that means sunbathing in the Caribbean, skiing in the Alps, or exploring historic attractions in Washington, D.C. Or maybe a spa weekend that includes a rejuvenating massage or stress-melting sauna session is just what the doctor ordered. No one says that relaxing has to carry a big price tag. For some people, putting the phone down and ...

Never stoop to the level of people who are mean and unkind. Instead, be the better person. Exhibit the kind of behavior they ought to emulate. Be a role model. Never give these people the satisfaction of behaving just like them. Don't lash out and seek out revenge, which is precisely the reaction they're trying to elicit in you. Remember, misery loves company, so they'll strike at nothing to have their bad mood/attitude rub off on you. Keep smiling. Keep enjoying your life. Show them that their rotten ways will never rain on your parade. Hopefully, they'll soon come to their senses and realize how childish they're being. And do not blame yourself for others' behavior. It's their problem, not yours. Chances are, they are battling deep-seated feelings of insecurity and trying to take it out on others. When someone's self-esteem is in the gutter, it can drive them to do and say things they later come to regret. Try to remain calm and stron...

People who try to bring you down may not realize it, but they're already below you . A good person doesn't hold grudges, seek retribution, or try to make others' lives miserable. They try to talk things through. They strive to clear the air and reach a consensus, effectively getting rid of any bad blood between both parties.  If you've made an attempt to mend fences but the other person refuses, not only are they sabotaging the relationship, but themselves. Holding on to bitter resentment will only trap him or her in a vicious cycle of negativity that will be very difficult to break free of.  And when people harbor negative feelings toward others, it is often a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Whether they're upset that they didn't get the promotion at work or despondent over their relationship woes, they project onto others the disappointment they feel with themselves for falling short of their goals.  Never let the way others trea...

It's easy to see the many ways that relationships -- whether with friends, family members, coworkers, or significant others -- add value to our life. In a healthy relationship, both individuals give and receive love, affection, kindness, compassion, advice, and support. Both invest the time and energy to make the other feel special and acknowledged. Neither takes the other for granted or bolts at the first sign of trouble, whether in the relationship or outside of it. A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is suffused with negativity and riddled with conflict. Distrust snowballs into deep resentment. Lying, lambasting, and lashing out become par for the course. While occasional arguments are normal in a relationship and can be beneficial in the sense that both people learn to work toward achieving common ground, too much fighting can escalate to the point where (1) both individuals are at each other's throats (2) they grow so disillusioned that they stop caring altoge...

Overthinking isn't bad when you're ruminating about something that's generally positive: how lucky you are to have such a wonderful family, the material you want to have down cold for tomorrow's finance exam, the ideal place to propose to your girlfriend. In other words, thinking deeply pays off when it's something that induces positive emotions in you. You imagine yourself succeeding in whatever it is you're aiming for. You're focused on what you have rather than what you lack. If you're consumed with thoughts that breed negativity -- from how stupid you were for turning down that date to how sure you are that you're going to bomb the presentation this afternoon -- overthinking can have an adverse effect on your physical and mental health. It can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and other detrimental conditions. It's a fine line to tiptoe. Indeed, we should all strive to adopt a "half glass full" mentality. I don...

Whether you're stressing over an upcoming presentation you have to deliver at work, a blind date you have scheduled for the weekend, or a persistent leak in the kitchen ceiling, ask yourself one question: "Will this matter a year from now?" Sure, it's normal to experience some level of anxiety. If you're like me, you get antsy when you want to get something done right away so you don't have to worry about it any longer. However, you may hit a snag of some sort -- perhaps the presentation has to be rescheduled, the contractor can't see you for another month, etc. This may lead you to dwell on the matter until it's resolved. But life is too short to let one little thing derail your happiness. Instead of worrying incessantly about what may go wrong, why not focus on what can go right? There are certainly circumstances in life that warrant deep concern -- an ailing relative, getting laid off, being robbed, violating the law. However, there are ...

In my view, there are four essential ingredients to a happy life, all of which begin with the letter "L." The 4 L's of happiness are: (1)  Laughing (2)  Loving (3)  Living  (4)  Learning Nothing puts us in a better mood -- and helps turn a frown upside down -- quite like a good laugh. Whether we're watching a comedy movie or being amused by a pet's zany antics, life just isn't as fun without a healthy dose of laughter. But most of us would agree that funny moments aren't as memorable unless we have others around to share them with -- the people we love. While friends and family don't complete us -- we do that ourselves -- they certainly give us a good reason to wake up every morning. They're there for us (many of them, at least) in good times and bad. As human beings, we all yearn to love and be loved.  The next one is fairly straightforward: we can't be happy unless we're living -- literally and figuratively. But some wou...