There's a very thin line between being nice and allowing oneself to be a complete doormat -- a line many kind-hearted people struggle to identify.  Here are a few indicators that you probably should tone down the niceness factor just a little bit: 1. No matter how many t imes people let you down, you continue to issue them free passes.  All it takes is an ostensibly heart-felt apology for you to take someone back. Perhaps you're still with your boyfriend even after he cheated on you three times. Maybe you've kept in your life an old friend who has been spotted talking behind your back on a number of occasions. It's important to recognize that saying sorry means nothing if the person repeats the very behavior they express contrition for.  2. You constantly put others' needs and wishes before your own.  One thing is to help out those who find themselves in a real bind. Another is to bend over backwards for them at the expense of your own happiness, even when their...

Whether it's in an old friendship or a new romantic relationship, you should never have to apologize for making clear how you feel. Being remorseful for one's feelings is like saying, "I'm sorry for being real." Openly communicating one's feelings is healthy and beneficial -- as long as it is done in a tactful fashion. Of course, declaring one's feelings in the throes of a fiery rant won't yield great results. If you don't put your feelings on the table, your friend or partner won't know what's going through your head. Once their eyes have been opened to your feelings, they should show respect and compassion toward your perspective, even if they roundly disagree with it. While being forthcoming in this way may not always rub people the right way, it is certainly better than keeping those feelings hidden out of fear of backlash. In the latter scenario, the person may feel they lack an outlet, prompting them to (1) divulge perso...

Let's face it: Some people would rather argue or cut contact with you than actually make an attempt to clear the air. They'd prefer to hold grudges than work to resolve conflict. Perhaps they were in the wrong and refuse to say sorry. Or, you were at fault and have already apologized, but they persist in giving you the cold shoulder. Most likely, the individual is either (1) immature (2) resentful of something you have that he or she doesn't and wants to spread the misery (3) upset over other personal issues and taking it out on you. At any rate, a person who is that intransigent has to have a deep sense of pride. They want to win, and taking any sort of conciliatory posture in their book smacks of backing down, so they refuse to change. But you know something? One of the most admirable qualities one can possess is humility. Those who refuse to meet in the middle will have a hard time keeping friends and romantic partners. Who wants to be around someone so arrog...

Apologies don't mean anything if you continue to do what you claim to be sorry for . Saying "sorry" rings hollow if you persist in your unsavory behavior -- whether it's cheating on your spouse, furtively stealing money from your employer, or drug/alcohol abuse. I firmly believe that some people apologize as a quick way out; in reality, they have no intention of following through. Deep down, they're really not sorry. And your support can only go so far when the person can't help but fall off the wagon time and time again. Eventually, you reach a point where nothing short of counseling is in order. I only wish the word "sorry" weren't used so loosely. It's kind of like those who go around telling people they love them after dating them just a few weeks. Say what you mean and mean what you say. As I've stressed in earlier posts, words mean nothing unless you back them up with concrete actions. For example, if you say you'...

Unfortunately, the word "apologize" isn't in everyone's vocabulary. In fact, many people would stop talking to someone altogether before deigning to apologize to them. Why is it so hard for people to apologize? For one, they have huge egos. They can't bring themselves to show any contrition if their lives depended on it -- no matter how serious their actions. Secondly, they might be in denial, refusing to acknowledge they did anything wrong in the first place. Or, they may try to cast blame on external forces -- anything other than themselves -- including the weather, the alarm clock, or their neighbor. Showing remorse enables one to demonstrate a truly humane side of themselves. People may be reluctant to say sorry lest their apology not be accepted. But the fact of the matter is that the mere act of apologizing makes it much more likely you'll be forgiven. Unless you do something so horrible that an apology falls flat, simply saying the...