When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually.  Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker.  Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar.  When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

Never should you remain in a relationship with someone if you are confident you can do much better.  When I say "much better," I don't mean you ought to bolt for someone who's richer or more attractive. No, I speak of a partner who doesn't treat you right. A person who ignores, abuses, or undervalues you. I put up a post earlier today on my Facebook page that says, "One person's trash is another's treasure." I couldn't agree more. Surely, you or someone you know has been treated like garbage by a significant other, only to find someone ten times more loving and appreciative later on. Staying in a corrosive relationship is akin to remaining in a toxic, soul-sucking job: You're stagnant, not growing, and treated poorly. No one should subject themselves to such terrible conditions. Have some respect for yourself and pull the plug. You're deserving of another's love and warmth. You deserve to be told romantic things,...

Is a relationship doomed when one person is a bit more invested than the other? Not necessarily.  In fact, it's quite typical for one partner to care a little more than their significant other -- and the roles can switch over the course of the relationship. This can happen because of a myriad of factors, including: One person having a more stressful job Illness One partner being more organized and on top of things (e.g., relationship milestones, finances, etc.) In essence, it doesn't mean that the person who's a little less committed doesn't value the relationship. But everything from a person's disposition/personality to life simply getting in the way has to be factored in. And sometimes it may seem like they don't care as much because that's how the partner perceives it, but it's not the case at all. For example, some people are naturally more mushy than others. Just because they're not always keen on displaying affec...

Many people are under the misapprehension that only by gaining the approval of others can we truly be happy. But this couldn't be further from the truth. While people can certainly enrich our lives, some individuals lock themselves into the mindset that without others' validation, they must be doing something wrong. It compels them to plead with these people for answers. It pushes them to change in any way necessary to gain their acceptance. Granted, if the person in question is living recklessly -- say, doing drugs, mistreating his wife, or gambling away his savings every weekend -- it is not surprising that others may not wish to associate themselves with the individual until he changes his ways. But if he isn't harming himself or anyone else, there's no reason to deprive himself of experiencing happiness merely because certain people may not give their stamp of approval. But here's the thing: Happiness comes from inside of you. Others' approval ...

It's a question I'm asked almost constantly, so I felt it was time to write an entry on this topic. Some people have no qualms about maintaining contact with their ex, while others are categorically opposed to it. This is one of those cases where, at the end of the day, it's at the discretion of the person in question. But there are certainly a few factors to consider that may help them make a decision. First, if the person is in a new relationship, their partner should have a say in the matter. They may question their significant other's motives in remaining chummy with the ex. Or, they may very well be swell with it, but they still have a right to know. If for whatever reason you feel ill at ease disclosing this to your partner, take it as a sign you probably should not maintain ties with your ex. If your partner finds out you've been keeping things from him or her, their trust in you will become seriously compromised. Another thing one has to question...

Some people become heavily invested in their relationships -- almost to a fault. In fact, they seem to forget there's actually a world outside of them. They lose sight of the fact that the other person in the relationship -- whether it's their friend, parent, or significant other -- is not attached to them at the hip; the person is still a separate individual with his or her own goals, dreams, fears, hobbies, and personality. No one likes feeling as though they're being surveilled or suffocated. Unfortunately, though, many of us contend with a partner who lets his or her insecurities come out through these two particular behaviors: 1. They're controlling. A possessive partner wants to dictate everything from what you eat and how you dress to who you can talk to and when you should come home. They treat you more like a child than as an adult, not allowing you to make your own decisions. Unfortunately, people can be this way for a variety of reasons. They may fe...

Many people claim to despise Facebook these days, as they say it serves as a constant reminder of things they either don't have or that aren't going as smoothly as they'd like. Those who are single and yearn to be in a relationship are forced to see a barrage of posts of their friends cuddling with their significant other. Those who are in a relationship and long to be married (but they can't for financial or other reasons) have to sit through endless wedding pictures. And then those who are married or in a relationship -- and have either chosen not to have kids or desire them but haven't had them for one reason or another -- often see their Wall saturated with baby pictures. Let's not forget those who boast of their shiny cars, vacations, or dining experiences seemingly every single day. This leaves many of these people feeling like losers -- ones who can't get anyone to "like"or comment favorably on their content because it revolves a...

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. Now, I know today isn't the happiest of days for those who are still on a quest to find Mr. or Ms. Right. And to them I say: Don't fret. It's not the end of the world. You'll find the right person when the time is right. I was actually in your shoes at one point. In the days leading up to the holiday every year, I wanted to lock myself in my room, bury my head under a pillow, and fall asleep until February 15. The commercials, the decorations, the balloons, the flowers, the heart-shaped boxes of chocolates: It was all so torturous! "Why can't I be with someone special on Valentine's Day like so many people I know?" I asked myself wistfully. Thankfully, my dry spell came to an end in 2005, when I hooked up with the woman I would end up marrying years later. Eventually, it hit me: I would not have been so melancholic over being single had I not: Thought that a partner would "complete me": Lit...

Life is hard. When things aren't exactly going our way, we have a tendency to harp on the negative. Unfortunately, this makes us lose sight of the fact that there are positive aspects to these very things we complain about. Take your job, for example. Chances are there are things you might dislike -- if not dread about it -- from your obnoxious boss to your paltry benefits. At the end of the day, though, it still helps you put food on the table and a roof over your head. It might be the ideal job, but it certainly beats being unemployed. Plus, you can always look at it as a stepping stone toward something better. As far as relationships, we it's normal to have gripes about our partners. They're lazy. They don't take care of themselves. They don't do the little things anymore. They fritter away their money. But for every negative quality, we're bound to come up with a positive one. Perhaps he or she is a good parent, an attentive friend, or a charitable s...

Which qualities do you really yearn for in a partner? Is it intelligence? A sense of humor? Someone who's gainfully employed? Whatever you seek in a significant other, don't settle for less. In my case, I had a strong preference for someone with or working toward a bachelor's degree. Since I was always a dedicated student, I wanted someone who similarly demonstrated a certain level of commitment to her studies. Thankfully, my wife, like me, was working toward her bachelor's degree when we hooked up. Moreover, I wanted someone with whom I could have intellectual conversations with. Someone who wouldn't be bored at the thought of going to a museum together. While my wife isn't as well-read as I am, she's a teacher, which in itself shows an intellectual bent. And let me tell you -- when we play along to the game show Jeopardy! at home, she gives me serious competition. While no one will come with every single attribute you'd want in a partner, no ...

It's a question that gets thrown my way quite frequently. While others may maintain that only one soulmate exists for every individual on this planet, I contend that there's more than one person in the world with whom we can have a fruitful relationship/marriage. Otherwise, no one would ever remarry in the event that their first marriage goes awry. To assert that the person you're with is the only person you can achieve a deep physical, mental, and spiritual connection with -- and that no one else could fill those shoes -- is, in my view, very naive. What if you'd been born at a different time or in a different place?  What if you had met someone a year before you came across your partner? What if you had opted not to go to that college, party, coffee shop, or other venue where you and your significant other first locked eyes? Exactly. You could very well be with someone else right now. Context and happenstance matter. I'm not saying that we can hook ...

Men are usually the ones who get a bad rap for doing this, but it turns out that women hide their emotions as well. Why would people do this? For one, they may want to avoid having an argument. Or, they could very well be hoping that whatever situation is triggering those emotions could be resolved before they have to come out and express their feelings. But such a strategy is misguided. Keeping those feelings bottled up might only lead to hurt feelings and resentment later on. Whether you're feeling sad or angry, opening up to your partner will only make you feel better. One of the reasons we enter into a relationship in the first place is to have someone we can confide in -- someone who will hear us out and provide support when we need it most. By keeping your feelings to yourself, you prevent your partner from connecting with you on an emotional level and, even worse, may engender suspicion in your significant other that something more serious is afoot (cheating, e...

It isn't your partner in life. It isn't your best friend. It's you. If you don't love yourself, how do you expect to love others? If you don't believe in yourself, how can you believe in those around you? It all starts with you . Happiness resides on the inside. Material items and other people may make you happier in the beginning, but if deep down you aren't happy with yourself, that feeling is ephemeral. You should never rely on a partner or friend to complete you. A significant other, friend or relative only enhances your life, not completes it. It's unfair to put that kind of burden on another human being. And let's face it: People aren't always dependable. When least expected, they may cheat on, lie to, or backstab you. Or, they may not be around one day when you really need them. What then? You should never rely upon external factors like people and material stuff to make you feel happy or complete. The things that give us the m...

If there's one thing that inhibits happiness and reaching one's full potential, it's a lack of freedom to make one's own decisions . It's no surprise that most of us eagerly await our 18th birthday, when we're finally old enough to hit up clubs, smoke, and vote. It's also the age most of us kiss our parents goodbye and embark on our college journey. Can you imagine living with your parents your whole life? You'd never have the opportunity to make your own decisions, having to submit to the orders and whims of those whose roof you live under. Needless to say, that kind of arrangement would wear thin on you quickly. The same applies to relationships. If you're with someone who orders your food for you at restaurants without letting you get in a word edgewise, your freedom is being trampled on. We've all heard horror stories of domineering partners who rob their significant other of their voice in the relationship. From decorating the home t...

I'm sure you've heard this saying before: The person who cares the least in and about a relationship has more power. To a certain extent, I think this is true. People are good at perceiving when someone else is heavily reliant on them physically and emotionally. When you're overly clingy with a friend or partner, it tends to drive the person away. But why? It goes back to what I've stated countless times in various blog posts. We like the chase. We want what we can't have. We tend to take for granted what's too readily available. It's as if we become so accustomed to the other person that we begin to take them for granted. We put less effort into the relationship because we're convinced doing so won't have any negative consequences. We're confident the person will remain attached at our hip no matter what we say or do. But life has a funny way of turning the tables on us. Once the person realizes that they're being taken advanta...