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Should we remain friends with our ex?

It's a question I'm asked almost constantly, so I felt it was time to write an entry on this topic.

Some people have no qualms about maintaining contact with their ex, while others are categorically opposed to it.

This is one of those cases where, at the end of the day, it's at the discretion of the person in question. But there are certainly a few factors to consider that may help them make a decision.

First, if the person is in a new relationship, their partner should have a say in the matter. They may question their significant other's motives in remaining chummy with the ex. Or, they may very well be swell with it, but they still have a right to know.

If for whatever reason you feel ill at ease disclosing this to your partner, take it as a sign you probably should not maintain ties with your ex. If your partner finds out you've been keeping things from him or her, their trust in you will become seriously compromised.

Another thing one has to question is why they're considering staying in touch with their ex.

Could it be that they still have feelings for the person? Is it that they do not want all the time they've known each other to go to waste, and they feel deep down there's potential for a real friendship?

Should you decide to remain friends, there's always the possibility that one person still holds feelings for the other and may try to guilt them into getting back together.

Then you have to deal with the suspicious looks of the ex's friends and family members, who may hold the initial breakup against you and will never see you in the same light again.

I'm not saying remaining friends with an ex is always a bad idea, but depending on the situation and the people involved, it might be.

Remember to also factor in why you broke up in the first place. Was the partner abusive? Did they take you for granted? Did they cheat?

No matter how emphatically they may insist that they've changed and that they will never hurt you again -- even on platonic terms -- you just never know if they'll be true to their word.

I generally suggest that people move on for the simple fact that, when you're still in contact with your ex, you're carrying around baggage that may cause friction in relationships with your current partner, friends, relatives, and others.

You might even relive the sadness, depression, or anxiety you experienced while you were together.

In such a scenario, it's best to leave your ex behind you. Leverage the lessons you learned into future relationships. Out with the old and in with the new!

But, at the end of the day, it's up to you. Just be sure to think through the decision carefully, taken into account the factors mentioned above.
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