If it doesn't come from their heart, why should you have to force them to be more responsive to your needs?
A good friend, partner, or relative is there for you with open arms when you need them. They don't have to be prodded repeatedly into lending a hand because they jump into action at a moment's notice.
They don't make excuses for why they can't help you out. Instead, they go the extra mile for you, even if it's an inconvenience for them.
Sure, there may be times where people might not be of much help because of special circumstances -- they're traveling, they're overwhelmed at work, they're at a special family function.
But if this individual seems to run for the hills anytime you wish to see them or you need a favor, it raises serious questions:
1. What are they trying to get out of the friendship/relationship?
2. Are they only aiming to receive -- but never give back?
3. Do they care at all about you?
As I've said before, people will make time for the things and people that matter to them -- even if it's sending an occasional text or taking a few minutes to call once a month.
Relationships are a two-way street. If one person can't reciprocate the time and effort the other is putting in, chances are the latter will feel taken for granted sooner or later, essentially putting that relationship at risk.
If you've done your part, the ball is in the other's court. He or she may have a number of priorities, but if you matter to them, they'll make you one of them at least once in a while.
If you fall way down on their priority list, there's no reason they should be at the top of yours.
Time is our most precious asset, as it is the only thing we can't get back once it is gone. That being said, there's no better indicator of how highly a person truly values us than their willingness to give up some of that time just for us.
Don't let other people stop you from fulfilling your potential.
Don't let others stop you from doing whatever makes you happy.
Don't let others stop you from crying, venting, or defending yourself when you need to.
Do whatever your gut tells you to do. Others may not like it, but it's your life. No one knows you like you know yourself, so they have absolutely no right to dictate your choices for you.
You may be worried that leaving your job for another will inconvenience your boss.
You may be concerned that breaking up with your boyfriend, even if you know in your heart that it's the right thing to, will hurt him, so you hold back.
You might be skittish about buying the house down the street rather than the one on the next block that your doting aunt recommended.
Guess what? It isn't even about other people. You have the power to make decisions in your life without others' consent or approval.
The moment you depend on others to feel happy, that's when you know you've given up your power. You've surrounded the keys that unlock the doors to happiness in your life.
Do what speaks to you. March to the beat of your own drum. Depending on others will only hold you back in life.
For starters, they seem to forget that they themselves are not perfect. They don't like others to judge them unfairly, and yet that's precisely what they're doing.
They live each day under the false premise that they are somehow "better" than others, which entitles them to pass judgment on people they may not even know that well.
In the absence of information, they can only go by what they see. So if the person casting a critical eye notices another wearing, say, a "tacky" sweater, they might assume the person is poor or lacks any fashion sense. In the worst cases, they might go a step further and speculate that the person has a lousy love life.
As I've noted before, some people try to compensate for their own perceived shortcomings by focusing on those they "detect" in others. In fact, they may even attribute their own flaws and weaknesses to other people -- a defense mechanism known as projection. It's a convenient way to shift blame when one refuses to own up to their mistakes or acknowledge their own imperfections.
Unfortunately, many of the people we deal with are not, shall we say, deep thinkers; they prefer taking mental shortcuts because it's quick and easy.
For example, they might surmise that because Becky is quiet at work, she must be stuck-up or anti-social. But what if she's new and still learning the ropes? What if she prefers to keep it professional in the workplace, but is a party animal away from the office? It may very well be that she has a quiet, unassuming demeanor, but that doesn't make her a bad person or unreliable employee.
What people who have a penchant for judging others should actually do is make a conscious effort to get to know the people they're sizing up. That way, they can get their facts straight and (hopefully) come to the realization that passing judgment only results in gossip, speculation, and inaccurate information.
People need to stop jumping to conclusions without knowing the facts. Rather than rushing to judgment, they ought to mind their own business.
If they treat others with kindness and respect, chances are they respect and are kind and compassionate with themselves as well.
If, however, they treat others terribly, deep down they're likely unhappy with themselves and, more generally, with the life they lead overall. Narcissists tend to fall under this category because even though they may project an air of self-confidence, they're really trying to overcompensate for self-doubt and low self-esteem.
It's been said that misery loves company. If people are feeling miserable, they often look for ways to upset others so those negative vibes can rub off on them. Maybe they tell you that you look fat in that dress, they leave you hanging with no explanation after you both agreed to meet up for drinks, or they reel off a list of your past mistakes -- all to get under your skin.
Sure, you might simply catch someone at the wrong moment -- maybe after their girlfriend broke up with them or they learned they were being laid off -- and they end up taking it out on you. Hopefully, whenever it is they cool off, they come and apologize to you.
But there are those who are perpetually negative and spiteful. They seem like they're always trying to concoct a plan to undermine or embarrass you. Below the surface, they might very feel like others have undermined or embarrassed them, so this is their way of evening the score -- even if the target had nothing to do with it.
How a person treats you is a good measure of their character. If they don't exhibit warmth or compassion toward anyone, do you really think they love themselves?
My guess would be no. If you don't love yourself, you can't love other people -- it's as simple as that.
And if someone treats you like garbage, don't stoop to their level. Be the better person by walking away and surrounding yourself with positive individuals who bring you joy rather than heartache.
Chasing after them sends the message that, in spite of their cool detachment, you're going to continue pressing them for a response. Essentially, you're rewarding them for their unseemly behavior.
Do they really deserve this special treatment? Absolutely not!
If you've done your part to try to get in touch, the ball is in their court. Make it clear that you have your own priorities to worry about and that your world doesn't revolve around them.
If taking a stand spells the end of that relationship, so be it. Your time will be much better spent on people who show an interest in you and make a conscious effort to maintain contact.
Getting the cold shoulder from our partner, a friend, or a relative can be quite painful and perplexing, especially if it's someone we were once very close to.
But just like the seasons, people change over time. We shouldn't blame ourselves for that, nor should we create illusions in our minds of things going back to the way they used to be. They might, but the chances are quite slim.
Whether it's a friend who's fallen off the map since getting into a relationship or a sibling who hasn't shown up for any family gatherings since getting a promotion, you can't force people to think or act as you'd like them to. And continuing to pine after someone -- even after they've displayed an unwillingness to respond -- usually has the unintended consequence of further repelling them.
Unfortunately, such people end up realizing their mistakes (if ever) once misfortune rears its ugly head, e.g,. a dead in the family, a round of layoffs at work, etc.
Yet, people need to take responsibility for their own actions. Only by owning up to their missteps will they learn not to take others who value them for granted.
And if they never come around, it means you'll come away having learned a valuable lesson: Those who are worth being in your life will never make you chase after them. You can at least thank them for that. If they don't care, you don't have to either.