It might sound pretty cliche by now, but actions really do speak louder than words. Actions, not words, reveal a person's true intentions. If one's actions don't align with their words, it's pretty obvious they're being dishonest. If anything, our actions should back up whatever comes out of our mouths.
So when people say they'll call or visit you, but you're left waiting weeks -- if not months -- for them to reach out to you, it's safe to say they never intended to establish contact in the first place.
Some people think they're doing us a favor by telling us things we'd like to hear, even if they might not be entirely honest. Reality check: untruths, half-truths and white lies are all variants of dishonesty, even if such individuals say they're doing it to spare our feelings.
Most people would prefer that others (1) be direct and say they don't care, or (2) simply walk out of their lives rather than pretend they do care and have nothing to show for it.
I'm not saying that there aren't well-meaning people who genuinely aim to carve us into their schedule, but the fact of the matter is that we make time for the things and people we value. After a while, seemingly valid reasons sound more like excuses.
If you're the only one calling, texting, and proposing outings, you will eventually feel as though the relationship hinges on your efforts alone. Sooner or later, you're bound to get tired and move on to others who actually reciprocate the time and energy you're investing, and rightfully so.
Perhaps they have ulterior motives for not wanting to end the relationship indefinitely (e.g., you always babysit their kids while they're out of town or provide them with relationship or career advice). But if they only remember we exist when it's convenient for them, they're simply not worth our time.
Isn't it funny how some people dislike it when you appear indifferent toward them, but have no qualms about seeming uncaring toward you? They've yet to learn that you ought to treat others as you expect to be treated.
When people say you mean a lot to them and yet they fail to show it through their deeds, it may very well be that they're taking advantage of you. They know they can fall back on you to carry the relationship. But you should never settle for a one-sided relationship where you're doing all the work.
Move on to those who care about you enough to pull their own weight. You deserve better.
Endorphins are chemicals produced naturally by the nervous system to deal with stress or pain. They are considered "feel-good" chemicals because they can act as a pain reliever and happiness booster. It's like combining Tylenol and Prozac without actually taking any medication!
In fact, endorphins work similarly to a type of drugs called opioids, which relieve pain and can induce in us a feeling of euphoria. They are sometimes prescribed for short-term use after surgery or for pain relief.
In the 1980s, scientists conducted studies to determine how and why opioids worked. They discovered that the body has special receptors that bind to opioids to block pain signals.
The scientists then realized that some chemicals in the body acted very much like natural opioid medications, binding to these very receptors. The chemicals were none other than endorphins.
Endorphins are mostly made in the pituitary and hypothalamus glands, though they may come from other parts of the body, too. The "runner's high" that is often felt following vigorous exercise is attributed to an increase in endorphin levels.
It's important to note that the level of endorphins in the human body varies from one person to another.
Still, if you're looking to boost endorphins, you should engage in one or more of these nine activities:
1. Regular exercise: Because exercise boosts mood and increases endorphins, some medical professionals prescribe regular exercise as a treatment for mild to moderate depression and anxiety.
2. Giving: Volunteering, donating, and helping others have been shown to activate pleasure centers in the brain, thereby increasing endorphins.
3. Meditation and yoga: Some research suggests that yoga and meditation can relieve stress and release endorphins.
4. Eat certain foods: As if we needed another excuse to indulge in delectable food, right? Research shows that eating dark chocolate and spicy foods can lead to a boost in endorphins.
5. Laugh: There's nothing quite like laughing to your heart's content, and research shows that doing so can release endorphins in the brain.
6. Sex: Getting it on releases a flood of endorphins, not to mention other feel-good chemicals like the hormone oxytocin.
7. Play or listen to music: Whether you're creating your own music or listening to your favorite tunes on the radio, music can put you in a happy state of mind. Enjoyable music also releases yet another feel-good chemical known as dopamine.
8. Have a drink: Apparently, it's called Happy Hour for a reason. When you imbibe, endorphins are released in areas of your brain associated with pleasure and reward. But don't go overboard; too much drinking can have adverse effects.
9. Pets: Studies show that petting a dog or cat can lower stress and trigger the release of endorphins.
Research suggests that people with lower-than-normal endorphin levels may be more prone to negative health outcomes like depression, fibromyalgia, and chronic headaches.
There's no question that endorphins enhance our lives. Next time you're feeling blue, consider hitting the gym, making a donation to your favorite charity, listening to a song you love but haven't heard in a while, or making love to your partner.
Chances are you will boost your endorphin levels and come away feeling a lot better!
Unfortunately, many people engage in a slew of behaviors despite being conscious of the fact that they can lead to serious, often-damaging consequences.
Some of these reckless acts include:
- Cheating on their partner
- Sleeping with someone you don't want to be intimate with
- Stealing from others
- Drinking more than they should
- Taking illegal drugs
- Becoming physically aggressive with others
Let's delve into cheating for a moment.
There is absolutely no excuse in the world that could justify such an abhorrent betrayal of a partner's trust.
And if your partner cheats on you first, it doesn't give you license to go out and do the same. It's better to be the better person and walk away before becoming involved with someone else.
Payback doesn't solve anything. If anything, it heightens feelings of bitterness and animosity.
What gets me is when people act as if they never saw it coming -- that the infidelity "just happened."
If someone cares even a smidgen about their partner's feelings, they'll at least question whether putting the relationship at risk is really worth it. Their instinct will say "don't do it; don't throw everything down the drain."
Unfortunately, though, the region between the legs often has the final say.
Sometimes the examples given above can work in concert, opening the door to a world of trouble.
For instance, someone may get drunk and cheat on his wife. When he arrives home in a drunken stupor, he may become physically hostile toward his spouse after she begins questioning where he's been.
It's at that very moment that life can quickly spiral out of control.
Doing what is right usually requires putting others' feelings before our own selfish motives.
We all have days when we let our emotions get the best of us -- those times where we say and do things we wish we could take back.
That's different from consciously knowing that doing something isn't right -- and may potentially hurt others -- and still moving forward.
Listen to your instincts. If they warn you against taking a course of action, it's probably best you not go there. If you find yourself uneasy about going down that road, let it go. You'll be glad you didn't do something that might haunt you for the rest of your life.
We feel betrayed, cheated, violated. And to add insult to injury, they try to act all nice when they're around us, as if they genuinely cared. If that doesn't sound like the quintessential fake person, I don't know what does.
People talk behind others' backs for three primary reasons:
1. They envy something you have that they perceive as lacking in their own lives, whether your looks, social status, relationships, possessions, or title.
2. They aim to make themselves feel better by spreading falsehoods about you.
3. They know they can't emulate your lifestyle, so they figure talking smack about you -- especially around people who hold you in high esteem -- is the only way to hit where it hurts.
Our immediate impulse may be to go and rip them a new one. But see, that's exactly the reaction they want to elicit in you. You're showing you still care enough to get all bent out of shape about it. And the worst thing you can do is shadow their egregious behavior by talking behind their back. Stooping to their level will only fan the flames of hostility.
A sounder approach? Walk away. Ignore them. Act as if you hardly noticed they were in the room.
When you feel the time is right, you can tell them -- in a tactful, cool manner -- that you'd appreciate their saying things to your face moving forward. Let them know that if they don't want others doing the same to them, they shouldn't be engaging in such petty behavior themselves. It's rude, disrespectful, and unacceptable.
Those who are envious enough of others to talk behind their backs fail to realize one important thing: that we are all different. Why try to be like someone else in the first place?
I can understand wanting to be like, say, Superman or Madonna when we're kids. In that stage of our lives, we're still in the process of shaping our identity, so we look to others who've already achieved fame and status for inspiration.
As adults, though, we should strive to find ways to embrace and accentuate the very things that make us unique -- whether it's our smarts, artistic sense, and/or charitable nature.
. Just because someone is rich, has three kids, and is the CEO of a Fortune 500 company doesn't mean it's the right life for you. And just because he or she seems content on the outside doesn't mean the individual is happy with their life -- they could be grappling with drinking problems, marital issues, and so on.
At the end of the day, fake people are not worth stressing about. Don't seek retribution; instead, let karma do the work for you.
Remember this: If people talk behind your back, it only means you're two steps ahead of them. They're behind you for a reason, and you should feel flattered that they're jealous enough to take time out of their day to focus on you so intently.
I don't disagree with the latter statement. Whether it's helping an elderly woman cross the street or giving money to a homeless man, a small gesture that brightens one's day can be far more gratifying than, say, pampering yourself with material junk you may never even get around to using.
But I would challenge the notion that being selfish sometimes is wrong.
Yes, being selfish all the time is beyond the pale, especially if you have people (spouse, children, etc.) who greatly depend on you.
But let's face it: Everyone is selfish, albeit in varying degrees. And it's not limited to spending money on themselves.
Some people are selfish when it comes to their time. They want to do things according to their schedule, and there's little room for compromise.
Still others want to call the shots as far as what you will be doing. For example, everytime you propose hanging out, they may want to choose what restaurant or entertainment venue you'll meet at.
It's very hard to find a person who will yield on every decision. And I'm not saying that they should. Relationships are about give and take, so both parties should feel as though they're making some concession to the other.
And there might be phases in the relationship where it feels like one person is going out of their way far more than the other. Unless the pendulum swings the other way at some point, there's the potential for feeling used.
Never feel bad about putting yourself before others at times. Rest assured that they've done it to you in the past and will do so again in the future.
If you find yourself always bending over backwards for others and putting their needs ahead of yours, your life may become utterly miserable before you know it.
You deserve to be happy just as much as they do. And happiness comes from within -- not from other people.
If doing nice things for others makes you fulfilled, that's wonderful. But make sure others are doing their part as well. A successful relationship requires that both individuals invest time, expend energy, and make sacrifices.
As much as they may loathe it, sometimes people need to hear the word "no."