If someone isn't interested in a relationship with you, it can be pretty upsetting, especially if you've imagined hooking up with them for quite some time.
Once you know the feelings aren't mutual, what should you do?
Below are a couple of suggestions for dealing with rejection. (Note that many of these tips also work in the event that someone breaks up with you.)
1. Don't beg for another chance. If they've told or shown you they're not interested -- whether it's because they are taken, wish to remain single, or see you only as a friend, the worst thing you can do is press the issue further.
This can be viewed as stalking or harassment, and the last thing you want is to ruffle the feathers of his or her partner, family or friends -- let alone get in trouble with the law.
2. Don't mope around at home or elsewhere. Though it's understandable that you may need some time to "grieve" a relationship that never came to be, sooner or later you'll have to move on with your life.
Pining over someone constantly could very well make you anxious and/or depressed, possibly causing you problems at work and straining your social life.
You need to keep yourself occupied. Enjoy your hobbies or take up some new ones. Hang out with friends. Do whatever possible to keep your mind focused on the present and resist the stubborn urge to harp on the past.
3. Don't expect that they will come around. Many people who find themselves in this situation may opt to put their love life on hold, driven by a persistent feeling that the other person will realize what they're missing out on and come waltzing back.
This is never a guarantee, especially if they're already in a relationship or have their eye on someone else. Chances are, you may never see them again.
That being said, don't close yourself off to opportunities to meet other men or women. You could be missing out on someone wonderful if you remain fixated on an individual who may have forgotten you exist.
Rejection can be tough, but it shouldn't dampen your enthusiasm for the things and people that bring you joy.
Rest assured that things happen for a reason, and someone better lies in your future.
Cheating represents the ultimate betrayal of one's trust. You give someone your heart, only to see it crushed by your partner's selfish, deplorable act.
Cheaters can try to justify their behavior in a million ways, even though nothing in the world could excuse their infidelity.
They might pin the blame on:
- Problems within their relationship
- Heavy drinking
- Stress at work
- The other person ("they seduced me")
- Other factors they claim to have been out of control
Yet, one of the key reasons people cheat in the first place is because they feel they won't get caught.
They tell themselves that they'll keep it to themselves, rationalizing that what their partner doesn't know can't hurt them. They get away scot free, and their partner carries on thinking they've both been completely faithful.
It's a win-win!
No, I'll tell you what it is: Selfishness at its core. Wanting the cake, and wanting to eat it too.
It's being indifferent to your significant other's feelings -- someone who has placed their trust in you.
Many cheaters fail to consider if they'd like the same to be done to them. The answer is obviously no, which is why the thought conveniently fails to cross their mind.
If there are problems in the relationship, you don't drown your sorrows by getting your rocks off with another man or woman.
You talk things through and try to work at solutions. If you feel neglected, let your partner know. If you sense you're being taken for granted, open an honest dialog about it.
Chances are, your partner may not even realize you feel this way and will put forth the effort to get the relationship on sound footing again.
And if someone's reasons for contemplating cheating on their partner have nothing to do with their relationship (e.g., a low self-esteem, a toxic work environment, drinking or drug problems, etc.), those are matters that must be addressed, especially if they put their partner in harm's way.
Cheating is a cowardly way of trying to escape one's problems.
And let's not forget that cheating doesn't have to be physical in nature.
Merely confiding secrets (whether about yourself or your relationship) to someone other than your partner can be construed as emotional cheating.
Some may wonder whether they have, in fact, been unfaithful.
To them I say this: If there's anything you've done with someone else that you'd feel uncomfortable admitting to your partner, it's probably cheating.
Being cheated on can be devastating, which is why I encourage everyone against committing to another person unless they're absolutely certain they can remain loyal.
And if the urge to cheat becomes too great to resist, they should end the relationship so that their partner has the opportunity to move on and find someone they deserve.
Sadly, for some people, selfishness overrides virtues like fairness and empathy. They may later regret their mistake, but once trust is destroyed, the relationship usually goes with it.
What's a surefire way to tell whether they're in for the long haul, or if they'll disappear when least expected?
Let them see you at your worst -- with health issues, money woes, and problems at home or work.
Allow them to see you racked with self-doubt, anxiety, or depression.
If, despite all this, they choose to stand by you, then you know they genuinely care about you.
Those who bolt at the first sign of hardship aren't true friends or loving partners. They're likely in the relationship for selfish reasons, though they might try to create the opposite impression.
Obviously, we should never take on the role of savior for anyone, as they're responsible for solving their problems on their own.
Still, if we truly value the individual, what kind of a friend or partner would we be to abandon them in their time of greatest need?
At the same time, those who only seem to pop up in our lives for weddings, birthdays, and other happy occasions -- but never when we yearn for their support during tough times -- are not worth it.
As I've argued in prior posts, people may profess to care about you. But if their actions don't back up those words, these individuals are being disingenuous.
Caring isn't merely a word. It's an action.
If the other person isn't as committed as you are, they may assume that they don't have to be there to lend a hand or ear when needed.
You might still decide to help them out when, say, you get an unexpected text asking for money or advice. It speaks to your kind, giving nature.
But if it's evident that your well-being is never top of mind for this person, you may decide that your time and energy will be better spent with people who would be happy to give you theirs.
In conclusion, someone who truly cares will want to be there for you in good times and bad ones, through thick and thin. If they fail to display any kind of sympathy for your plight, yet they expect you to scratch their back, then they're users -- hypocritical ones at that.
It's not by wishing that something bad were to happen to them.
It's not by stealing from, cheating on, lying to, or publicly embarrassing them.
All of these methods are cold, calculated, utterly pointless and, quite frankly, callow.
Two wrongs don't make a right. By seeking retribution, you stoop to the other person's level.
The best way to get back at someone is by demonstrating to them that your life is richer and more fulfilling without them in it.
In other words, you show that making the most of your life -- by indulging your hobbies and spending time with people you love -- doesn't have to involve him or her.
Whether the person dumped you, cheated on you, stabbed you in the back, or did something else to betray your trust, rest assured that someday, somebody will do the same to them. It is then they'll realize how you must have felt when they did it to you.
Getting payback doesn't make you feel any better. As a matter of fact, it could actually exacerbate the bitterness and resentment inside of you.
Because you realize that the person stirred feelings in you strong enough to drive you to such lengths.
What's more, you may later come to regret your actions as you tell yourself that you're better than that.
Consider this: You'd be making a much more powerful statement by not seeking revenge, as doing the opposite tells the person that you care enough to concoct a plan to get even.
Indifference is a much more potent tool than hate/anger.
When you convey indifference, it really hits home that you've moved on, and you will not let this individual come between you and your happiness.
So the best time someone does you wrong and you feel that itch to exact revenge, remind yourself that doing so may actually bring them satisfaction.
Instead, show them they're not worth your time. You have too many exciting things going on in your life -- and too many other wonderful people to worry about -- to focus on getting back at someone who means nothing to you anymore.
Sadly, many people would go with the latter because they're under the misguided impression that we need others' approval in order to feel whole.
So they go so far as to take on others' beliefs even if they don't agree with them, and others' interests despite not being drawn to them in the slightest -- all to get in their good graces and feel accepted.
But here's the thing: If you feel you have to go to such lengths to cultivate a good relationship with someone, you're in the wrong company.
While there's nothing wrong with being flexible on some fronts (e.g., trying out new foods, exploring new activities), if you find yourself fundamentally trying to change the very essence of your character and personality to appease others, something is not right.
Never try to be someone you're not just to impress people who, at the end of the day, may not give a fig about you and may very well walk out of your life when least expected.
Always embrace your individuality, even if it costs you a relationship here and there.
Never turn your back on your bedrock principles and beliefs. Never allow others to dictate how you should think or act. Your skills, hobbies, attitudes, and quirks are uniquely yours -- they make you who you are -- so why try to change or relinquish them?
It's better to lose a few people than it is to lose yourself in order to keep them around.
If you try to be someone you're not, you risk losing the people in your life who value the real, genuine you.
Your self-worth is determined only by you. You don't need anyone else telling you how you should live your life. No one has stepped in your shoes, so they are in no position to judge.
The bottom line: If someone can't accept you for the individual you are -- idiosyncrasies and flaws included -- then they don't deserve to be in your life.
No one else in the world can be you, and that in itself should empower you to let the most genuine version of yourself come through.