Why online dating can be problematic

There is no question that online dating opens up a world of possibilities for single men and women that would otherwise not be available to them. But is it an avenue worth exploring? Let's run through the pros and cons.

The pros

In a sense, by allowing you to specify what exactly you're looking for -- say, a lad who doesn't smoke, enjoys sports, and has sworn off marriage -- these sites take a lot of the pesky guesswork out of the dating grind.

You can swap pictures and engage in phone/video chats prior to meeting in person, which can help you both assess compatibility.

Plus, it's much less nerve-racking to "approach" someone virtually than it is cold turkey at a loud nightclub where they might be surrounded by friends.

As with all else, there are drawbacks

There are definite downsides to online dating. I know this from personal experience, as I met a few ladies in person back in the day whom I'd first stumbled upon via America Online. For those Gen Zers who have not the foggiest notion what I'm talking about, it was the 90s version of social media, with chatrooms and instant messages to boot.

Granted, technology was not as advanced in the late 90s/early 2000s as it is today, but the scenarios I'm going to mention can nonetheless play out just as easily in 2023.

For one, if you exchange pictures and choose to forego video conversations until you meet in person, there's a good chance the photo is outdated -- as in, 10 years and 20 pounds ago outdated.

Then there's the risk of idealization. The longer you go without meeting in person, the greater the likelihood of falling for the idea of whom you perceive them to be rather than who they really are.

Take it from me: It isn't all that difficult to have chemistry with someone over the phone and through instant messaging. Face to face, though, it can be a wholly different animal. It is there that their flaws -- whether real or perceived -- come into sharper focus. After all, it's easier to hide the least desirable aspects of oneself behind a screen.

And the last pitfall is pretty obvious: People can easily misrepresent themselves online. How many stories have we heard or read of the man leading a double life? The young woman who instead turned out to be an old guy? Sure, this can happen even in traditional encounters, but the anonymity afforded by the internet makes it easier to carry on with the charade for a longer period of time.

Helpful tips to keep in mind

It's important to guard against the urge to see this individual through rose-colored glasses. At the end of the day, this person is as much a stranger as anyone you'd meet by chance at a bar. Don't let your feelings run wild until you've gotten to know them very well.

Also, do not agree to meet up at either person's house or another isolated locale, and let at least two people know where you'll be.

If at any point this individual is making you uncomfortable in any way, just walk. If you're not feeling it for them, you don't have to be pressured to go on any future dates.

Don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work out. Don't consider it time wasted. You'll most definitely learn something new along the way that can be instrumental in getting you closer to Mr. or Ms. Right, online or not.

The bottom line

While online dating is convenient and offers single folks -- especially those pressed for time -- opportunities to connect with potential prospects, it isn't without its cons. You'll want to exercise careful judgment in determining whether the person in question is on the up and up -- that they're being forthright not only in the way they describe themselves but what their endgame is when it comes to you and relationships in general.

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