Understand People

It's hard to believe a new year is upon us. It feels like it was yesterday we were ringing in 2014! We've all had our share of happy moments and challenges this year. My now-wife and I got married in March and saw snow for the first time on our honeymoon to Washington D.C. We also closed on a condo just a couple of days ago, but not before enduring 11 frustrating months that saw two other deals fall through and produced plenty of tears and headaches. Thankfully, after closing, the tears coming down my wife's face were those of joy. We all have something to be thankful for and great moments to look forward to in 2015. Among the highlights of my year was the launch of this blog. Not only has it allowed me to write about topics about which I'm passionate in the realm of psychology, but it's given me the opportunity to meet a host of smart, caring people. I launched the blog toward the end of summer and in that short span of time it has already garnered close

Research suggests that many married men and women -- and even unmarried ones in serious relationships -- admit to flirting with other people. Now, flirting could mean anything from exchanging glances and smiles to complimenting what someone else is wearing. As we know, you don't even have to talk to someone to engage in flirting. So why is it that so many people who are married or in serious relationships do this? My theory is as follows: As much as we may love our partners, human beings get a tremendous high from being fancied by other people -- especially ones we find physically attractive. Let's face it: Even if we find our partner to be the most attractive person in the world, we can't help but feel physically attracted to others. While some people can keep the attraction they feel to themselves, others resort to the only way they can subtly convey it without full-blown cheating: flirting. I think people do this because sometimes they want to feel desired by s

In a word, no. There's a fine line to be drawn between assertiveness/self-confidence, qualities which women find attractive, and all-out bossiness, which can send them running for the hills. If a woman has to choose between a needy guy and a bossy one, who do you think will prevail? Well, both guys would be out of luck. Women don't want a pushover any more than they desire a guy who tells them what to do all the time. If they had it their way, they'd opt for something in the middle. For example, choosing something on the menu for her every time you both go to a restaurant is a big no no. She is not 5 years old and will react unfavorably to not being allowed to pick an item freely. However, when it comes to choosing a restaurant -- or anywhere else to go for that matter -- women like a man with a plan. It's a turn off to constantly be asking her, "Where should we eat tonight?" "What do you wish to do this weekend?" Women value a man who ca

Society puts immense pressure on us to fit in to groups and hew to their norms. But doing so can feel like abandoning our individuality and compromising our beliefs and principles. What's worse, studies have found that when a person is cajoled into doing something they truly wish not to do -- whether it's smoking, taking drugs, or losing his virginity -- it can have serious ramifications. In fact, researchers found that people who grudgingly engaged in said behaviors were later found to be at a greater risk of suffering from substance abuse, alcoholism, and other problems. As if that weren't enough, it can detrimentally affect our self-worth and self-esteem, leading to feelings of anger and resentment. Peer pressure is alive and well, it seems. It's imperative that parents be well informed about their kids' social circles at school. After all, peers exert considerable influence on a child's life. But the pressure to do something against one's will isn'

If you're like me and practically everyone else out there, you have at least one convenience friendship. I've given the name "convenience friendships" to those in which one or both people are in them for their own convenience. Now, some friendships don't start off as convenience friendships, but time, distance, and shifting priorities water them down to the point that both individuals may no longer identify with each other. We all have that "friend" who calls when she wants a favor, but seems to vanish into thin air when she herself is needed. Some people like keeping certain friendships alive for the sole purpose of getting a ride or loan when the situation calls for it. It's these kinds of people we must steer clear from! Why be in a friendship with someone who manipulates you for their personal gain? Even if you were once great friends, it's not worth it to keep the person around on hopes she will morph back to the person she was bef

Everyone assumes that women take breakups a lot harder than men do. Images of women breaking out the tissue box and pigging out on ice cream come to mind. Meanwhile, we picture men going about their regular business, going out for drinks with the guys or puttering on the golf course. Research, however, tells a whole different story. Findings reveal that men are more adversely affected by breakups than women are. In fact, following breakups, men are more likely to suffer from negative health outcomes, including smoking and drinking problems. Why is this so? Women, as it turns out, generally have a much wider social network on which to lean on following a breakup, thus putting them in a better position to reach out to others for support. What's more, the stereotype about men being more prone to keeping their feelings bottled up generslly holds true. It's harder for men to cope because in situations that call for emotional support from other people, they normally loo

My wife and I went to a family get together at her parents' house last night, where one of her brothers and two of her sisters-in-law got completely wasted. Her family knows full well that neither my wife nor I drink. It's not as if I've never tried. I've tasted a slew of drinks and have found all of them, with exception to the fruity daiquiri, to be almost intolerable. I simply lack the taste buds for alcohol. As for my wife, she likes only a couple of drinks, but for the most part refrains from drinking as well. As you can expect, this doesn't exactly sit well with them. For years now, they've made every attempt to get us to take a few sips at every gathering. The pressure to drink last night was more palpable than usual, ostensibly in light of the fact that my wife and I are now married and I am "part of the family." I fret at the pressure society puts on people to conform to what everyone else in the group does. When it comes to drinking, I t

We've  all heard the maxim "misery loves company," but what's the reasoning behind it?  Why is being miserable not as bad when we know someone else is in the same boat? For starters, no one wants to stand out for the wrong reasons. In a room full of happy people, being the only one in the dumps can be utterly unpleasant. The fact that someone else shares your misery makes it seem, well, not so horrible after all. For example, let's say you and two of your colleagues are slated to present your department's new product launch to corporate this morning. You've been driving for 10 minutes when all of the sudden, traffic begins slowing to crawl. You then discover there's been a major accident, and it could be at least another hour before you get to the office. Unfortunately, the meeting starts in 20 minutes, so it's likely you'll miss a good chunk of the meeting. Now, suppose that Jesse, one of the two guys scheduled to make the presentation w

Judging from what my female friends have told me -- and based on the guys I have seen them and other women on the street go out with -- I can say with confidence that women are generally less hung up on looks than their male counterparts. We've all seen the blonde bombshell alongside the balding older guy with a beer belly. Why is it usually not the other way around -- a super attractive guy with a not-so-physically-appealing woman? Maybe it's that, on some subconscious level, men are pickier as far as what genes they want transferred to their offspring. If the girl is, say, overweight, he might figure that increases the odds of his kid having weight problems. Men also seem far more interested in specific regions of the opposite gender's anatomy, not to mention size (big breasts, round butt, etc.) I don't think this way myself. In fact, my wife is somewhat overweight, which doesn't bother me because I have always had a preference for women with more meat on th

There's a scene in the movie "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" where Michael Douglas' character, ostensibly a philandering playboy type, tells his nephew that whoever cares least in a relationship has all the power. I replayed this line in my head for days, trying to assess whether it holds water as far as the relationships I've had in my own life. Here's what I've concluded: While I think it's preposterous to assume that you can gain the upper hand by deliberately being indifferent and standoffish, it is true that you can lose points by being overly nice and accommodating -- a doormat, if you will. If you let your partner step all over you and fail to stand up for yourself, you're letting him take advantage of and flat-out disrespect you. Once this becomes the norm, then yes, you have basically ceded all the power in the relationship to your partner. Like everything else in life, moderation works best. You don't have to shower your partne

It feels like it was yesterday that chatrooms were all the rage. Everyone and his brother seemed to go into chatrooms on what was then America Online (now AOL), Yahoo!, and other sites. On America Online, for example, you could choose from a wide array of chatrooms catering to everyone from those who were "40 and single" to "movie lovers." People really took it to extremes, though. I remember there being a chatroom called "AOL Prom" where kids actually pretended they were at a prom dancing with each other. No joke! Before dating sites like Match.com became popular, many people took to these chatrooms to find love. I liked going into the city-specific ones, as well as the chatrooms dedicated to sports talk. However, even though a few remain, chatrooms are mostly a thing of the past  (of the late 90s to early 2000s, to be exact). In the world of online chatting, they seem to have been dethroned by social media like Facebook, Twitter, and Google +. Though

I know this is another one of those things I write about that is largely subjective. However, you'd be surprised at the number of women I've met who've admitted to preferring men to women when it comes to friendships. These women say that they prefer making friends with men because guys are more rational and far less dramatic. Women like to fuss over the smallest details, they say, while men are simpler and easier to please. Below are some observations I've made, and I want to preface this by saying that they are general observations. I know all men and women are different. It's true that women generally gossip more than men. I've especially found this to be the case in the workplace.  Women get more easily excited or worked up over things that most men might find to be trivial (e.g. who is attending the holiday party, the hideous shirt that someone in Accounting wore yesterday, something that a neighbor's friend bought recently, etc.)  Women tend t

Judging from the purchase behavior of some of my friends, family members, and coworkers, it's apparent that some people are heavily influenced by advertising. I've lost track of the many times in recent weeks that people around me have admitted to being swayed by an ad in a newspaper or magazine, a banner ad on a website, or ubiquitous TV commercials. And it's not as if they feel compelled to purchase things they really need; usually, they already have heaps of whatever it is they're looking to buy stocked in their drawers or closets -- be it cologne, shirts, or shoes. This is precisely why I studied marketing and psychology -- so that I can be impervious to the advertisements we're assailed by daily and immune to the underhanded tactics that salespeople at mobile phone stores, car dealerships, and other places attempt to employ. I recommend that people only let their guard down when it comes to advertisements for products they really need -- the kinds of produc

All of us yearn to win the lottery someday so that we can gleefully hand our bosses a resignation letter and live in the lap of luxury. Or do we? We claim to want to be millionaires, but how can we be sure we would really enjoy that kind of lifestyle? For people like me who aren't heavy spenders and don't necessarily gravitate toward luxury brands, being rich may not be our ultimate goal in life. We may not be all that interested in acquiring more money than we know what to do with. And some of us might feel pressured to live like millionaires -- say, driving around in a Maserati and living in a resplendent mansion -- simply because we have the means to do so. I have never aspired to become a millionaire. I've only wished to have enough saved up to afford me a comfortable life. What's more, I am not -- nor have I ever been -- materialistic. While other people may look forward to their next vacation or contemplate which fancy restaurant they are going to hit up nex

As we hit our 30s and 40s, life becomes only more and more complicated. From juggling multiple jobs to maintaining a household and raising children, some of us have little time left over for anything else -- and that especially includes friendships. Thankfully, the internet has made it intuitive not only to keep in touch with people we know in person, but to forge "web" friendships with individuals all over the globe at the push of a button. The question is, can friendships forged in cyberspace be as fulfilling as the in-person kind? To me, it's an emphatic yes. I don't believe that you have to physically be with someone in person to establish a connection with him or her. After all, even after you befriend someone in person -- say, in school or at work -- don't the phone and internet account for a huge chunk of the time you spend talking to one another anyway? I find it's easier to strike conversations online -- and, consequently, go on to forge fri

There's a girl I work with (let's call her Ana) who loves chatting up Cindy, my cubicle neighbor. Though Cindy is about 15 years Ana's senior, you'd think the two are best friends upon hearing them converse. They can blather on for hours about everything from food and children to the usual workplace gossip. Today, my department had a holiday lunch at a nearby restaurant. Ana, a male coworker named Andy, and I carpooled to the restaurant. On the way there, Ana began dishing about Cindy and some of the other women in the department. She commented on everything from their dressing habits to their rather "old school" perspectives, as she put them, on life. (Mind you, these women are in their 50s and 60s.) You might be thinking, "Poor Cindy. She probably doesn't deserve that." But Cindy herself has been known to talk behind others' backs, so, as I see it, she's getting a taste of her own medicine. This goes to show you that backstabbers

Though people generally mean well when giving us advice, you should always take it with a grain of salt. Ask yourself these questions: Are they advising me to do something that would be in my best interest, or simply something they would do in my situation? The two are certainly different. Are they telling me to act in a way that's consistent with how they dealt with that situation, so as to validate their own behavior? Are they expecting to get anything out of it? Let me give you an example. When I was torn between career choices, two people in my family coaxed me into becoming an accountant. Why? Because they were accountants themselves.  Though I offered myriad reasons as to why the other fields I had in mind could potentially be better fits, they didn't care to listen. They insisted that "we" (meaning myself and my two accountant family members) could all reap great rewards from my becoming an accountant, including the prospect of starting up a famil

This post at How to Understand People explores whether women gravitate toward overly masculine guys -- the ones people like to call "alpha males." From what I have observed, the vast majority of women seem attracted to men who display at least a couple of characteristics typically associated with manly men --whether it be facial hair, overconfidence, or the ability to be handy around the house. However, you may have learned in psychology class that women have an instinctual drive to find a partner who can provide resources, i.e., money. And the fact is that any man can have resources -- whether he oozes manliness or is an all-out metrosexual. So what do women prefer? Though every woman is different, I believe most look for balance in their partners. The guy need not have to be the next macho Sylvester Stallone, but he should at least be predisposed to defend her in any given situation. He needn't be filthy rich with a luxurious car and yacht, but he should at leas

There's more to smiling than simply trying to be nice and polite. Studies show that smiling can actually make you happier, even when you're faking it! In other words, from a young age, we've smiled countless times while in the presence of others or when experiencing something, be it a first kiss or heartfelt moment in a movie. Unbeknownst to us, that very smile was putting us in a better mood, making us even more likely to enjoy that special kiss or captivating movie scene. Now, does this mean that smiling around your obnoxious boss or meddling in-laws can make you like them more? That's probably a stretch. I think smiling can best be put to use in certain situations. For example, when you're nervous about something -- say, a presentation you have to make before a crowd of 100 people -- smiling can likely calm your nerves and put you in a more positive frame of mind: Instead of thinking "I'm going to do terribly," you may feel you can actually wow

In a very short period of time, this blog -- How to Understand People -- has amassed over 200 Google + followers. I want to express my deepest gratitude to all of you for reading, sharing, and commenting on my posts. There's nothing I love more than exploring why human beings behave as they do, and this blog serves as a platform on which I can do just that. I encourage you to continue sharing posts and recommend the blog to friends and family, especially those who love probing into the human mind. I look to continue improving upon the blog by adding more content in the coming months -- from videos to pictures. If you have any comments or suggestions, please feel free to share them on the blog or via email at JeffM8519@aol.com. Thanks again and I look forward to interacting more with you in the days to come! Jeff

Whether it's your mother-in-law, coworker, or neighbor, we each know someone who can't help but be a little nosy. The phrase "mind your own business" seems to have been invented specifically for these folks. They like drama, dirt, the juicy stuff. Though all of us can be nosy at times, some people take his to a whole new level. My biggest pet peeve is when people ask me questions of a personal nature but then fail to disclose anything personal about themselves. If you feel someone is being a bit too intrusive, tell him straight out that it's making you feel uncomfortable. If you'd rather not answer questions being thrown your way, feel free to dodge them and change the subject. People will get the point. I sometimes feel as though some people don't have anything exciting going on in their lives, and so they proceed to probe into other people's business. It's best you stand firm and put a stop to it early on -- or else they'll think you

These days, finding a great job seems almost like a losing proposition. A still-feeble economy and stubbornly high unemployment rate have led employers to shed more and more jobs by the day, resulting in stiff competition for the few positions available. This article discusses effective job search strategies you can avail of to help you land the job you want. It guides you through the different stages of the job hunting process, from determining which jobs suit your personality and match your skills to making a good impression during interviews to sending post-interview thank you letters that yield great results.  Tips on How to Find a Job You’ll Love Scads of employers around the country report receiving hundreds of applications for every job opening they put out. This means that the competition for jobs is stiffer than ever. To be sure, getting a job – let alone the right job – is difficult enough. But all hope is not lost! By heeding the job hunting tips listed below,

Since graduating from college, I've worked for 3 companies, and I have seen at least one workplace relationship bloom at each one. It seems most companies don't explicitly forbid workplace relationships, but people involved in them aim to keep the relationships under wraps nonetheless. The danger in having a romantic relationship with a coworker is obvious: what happens if the relationship goes sour? Would it create a more hostile work environment for those in the relationship as well as everyone around them? The bottom line is that you don't want to do anything to jeopardize your job. If both people are certain they can leave their relationship at home and not let their relationship woes (if any) seem into their work lives, then I don't see a problem with carrying on. This, of course, is assuming both people work in the same department. If you work for Sales and he works for Human Resources, you likely won't interact with one another, posing even fewer pote

Have you noticed that compulsive liars can never quite shake off their nasty habit? Sure, everyone fibs from time to time, but chronic liars make lying a pastime. They're dishonest to everyone from their parents to the mailman. I try my best not to associate myself with people of this ilk, but it isn't always to pinpoint liars -- at least not in the beginning. Unfortunately, many people -- namely friends and relatives -- continually give these individuals free passes, thus fueling their desire to perpetuate the behavior. They start to think, "Hey, if I can get away with it, I'll continue to lie." Lying is a surefire way to demolish a friendship or relationship. Communication and trust comprise the cornerstone of a relationship -- in the absence of one or both of these crucial variables, it is doomed to fail. Bottom line: Don't let liars get away with it. Put the offender in his place and make it clear that if he respects you and values your bond toge

Few things have revolutionized the world in the 20th and 21st centuries like the internet has. As consumers, we depend on the internet for everything from buying groceries to making doctor's appointments. Have you ever imagined what life without the internet would be like? If the internet weren't around, We would not be able to buy gifts, groceries and other consumer goods on sites like Amazon and arrange to have them delivered in a day or two There would be no online banking, necessitating a trip or call to the bank every so often Many of us would not be in relationships or married since a good percentage of us first met our partner online We wouldn't be able to communicate with friends and family members via email, blogs, Facebook or other social media Companies would not be able to sell their products online - (can you imagine how much lower their profits would be?) There would be no iTunes or YouTube There would be little to do via our mobile devices other

Online dating has become the rage over the last 10 or so years. We've all seen commercials for sites like match.com and eharmony.com touting how they've helped countless people find true love. While many of these couples state that they didn't actually fall in love until meeting in person and going on a few dates (which makes sense), others assert that they knew they were in love after merely a few conversations via the web. Is this even plausible? My take on it is that you can't fall in love without actually seeing and interacting with someone in person first. If it feels like love following a conversation or two online, then you must be falling in love with the idea of being in love. We don't get a good sense of someone - their gestures, mannerisms, demeanor, and more - without seeing him face to face. How do you know the person you're talking to is really a blonde 38-year-old divorcee from New York? For all you know, it could really be a few teenagers

Arrogance is one of the worst qualities one can have. Arrogant people are hard-headed, self-absorbed, and willing to step on other's toes in order to achieve their ends. We all know people at work who fit this profile. They tend to be those higher up in the chain of command, though this isn't always the case. I have a hard time apprehending why some people can have such a high opinion of themselves -- enough to border on narcissism. Just because someone makes more money, is in a higher position, or lives in a better house than someone else doesn't make him better or worthy of more respect. If more people practiced humility, the world would surely be a better place. Sometimes I feel like arrogant folks are trying to overcompensate for something seriously lacking in their lives. If you ever find yourself in the presence of such an individual, don't let him get the best of you. They'll stop at nothing to inflate their egos--that is why you must remain firm in you

Ever wonder what the biggest decisions in your life will be? You know, the ones that can have the biggest ramifications on overall happiness and well-being? I've mulled this over quite a bit and have come up with what I believe to be the most important choices you'll ever make. 1. Choice of partner - Who you'll spend the rest of your life with certainly warrants some thought. After all, you will likely share finances, manage a household, and have children with this person. Unfortunately, as the high divorce rate shows, things may not always turn out as planned. 2. Whether to have children, and how many - The choice of whether to have kids can have life-altering implications. And if you decide to have them, you'll then have to ponder how many to bring into this world. Children bring happiness into a couple's life, but they can just as easily impose physical, emotional, and financial hardship. 3. Choice of career - Choosing the right field might not be as easy

They say variety is the spice of life, but for some people, routine reigns supreme in their lives. Does variety necessarily mean that you have a better life than the next guy? Like everything else in life, what makes a good life is largely subjective. Some people thrive on spontaneity while others like eating the same foods and taking the same route home every day. Neither is necessarily better than the other. A bevy of factors account for these differing ways to live our lives, like genetics, upbringing, and personality. And it's entirely possible that you could prefer one style at one stage of your life and the other at a different juncture. I would venture to say that most people tend to like variety and spontaneity when they're younger and routine in their later years. I am a creature of habit and keep my day quite organized and structured. Know those people who like to prepare to do lists and write everything down in an agenda? That's me. That doesn't mean I

Based on what I have read and heard, while some women don't mind initiating sex, the vast majority of them prefer their partners to break the ice in the bedroom. The latter is certainly the case in my marriage, but it isn't as though I really mind -- at least not all the time. I'll admit that there are times I'd like my wife to be the aggressor. Who doesn't like surprises, right? But it's clear that 99.9% of the time, she wants me to take charge while she relishes the role of submissive. Women find sex to be more pleasurable when their partners are the dominant ones for one simple reason: the engine has to be warmed up before the fun starts. Whereas men need only see their partner naked to feel aroused, women need foreplay -- including kissing, rubbing, and so on -- to get in the mood. Men are visual creatures, while women are tactile. So, it would appear that most women are perfectly content playing traditional gender roles with their partners in bed. I&#

I'm still on the fence as to whether I want to have kids, but one thing I've observed about friends and relatives with children that deters me is that their whole identity seems to revolve around their little ones. Do I want that to happen to me? Not sure. I've seen how all-consuming having children can be. My sisters and closest friend, all of whom have one child, seem worn out, their social lives having bit the dust a long time ago. Most parents say things eventually get better, and that somehow you adapt. But it's obvious that having children presents a slew of opportunity costs, including not being able to go out as much and whenever you like, having less money, forgoing quietness and solitude, not being able to sleep in, and so on. What's more, it seems that once you have a baby, your identity becomes wrapped around parenthood -- now you're not John Doe, but John Doe Jr.'s dad. Those who loved and watched sports pre-kids can hardly keep up with th

There are those who love taking risks, and then there are those, like me, who are risk-averse and like to play it safe. Taking risks could include: Having children when ambivalent (there are actually people who have thought it through carefully, as I have) Starting a business Gambling Drag racing Staying out at late hours of the night Having unprotected sex Jumping out of a plane, mountain climbing, swimming with sharks, or partaking in other adrenaline-pumping, high-risk activities Moving to a new city or country Not all of us have a high tolerance for risk. It depends largely on one's personality. I have always been one to play it safe and go by the book. Though it has certainly kept me out of trouble, I realize I can seem like a stick in the mud in some people's eyes. I've never developed an insatiable hunger for adventure like some of my friends and relatives have. But I guess that's what makes the world interesting, isn't it? We not only come

According to research, it certainly appears that way. Studies show that good looking people are perceived as nicer, brighter, and more friendly. What's more, better looking people: Edge out less attractive candidates for jobs Earn more money and receive more opportunities to move up within the company Have more suitors in the dating world (no surprise there) Get away with transgressions and little white lies more than their less-physically-appealing counterparts So, let's get this straight. A person can be dumb as rocks, but if the hiring manager at the company she want to work for or the graduate school she wishes to enroll in digs her, then she's home free?  I have to question the validity of some of those studies. What's more, attractiveness is largely subjective. Just because the media and Hollywood shove down our throats that looking like a stick figure is attractive doesn't mean that all men go for that. In fact, I happen to be drawn to women

Society puts a great deal of pressure on people -- namely women -- to have children. However, we live in a time, with so many birth control options readily available, when people can carefully contemplate such a life-altering commitment. Based on what I've read online and what certain people have told me, introverts and people who place a premium on their free time seem less likely to want to take the leap. I also know this to be true because I myself am one. Here are just a couple of reasons why introverts may be less apt to have children: They value their alone time to read, write, watch documentaries, or pursue other solitary activities They live in their heads Having kids integrates parents more into society (birthday parties, PTA meetings, etc.), which is not good news for introverts who prefer less social interaction Being a parent forces you to be "on" all the time, which can be draining, especially when your kid happens to be loud and unruly Less sleep

You've heard some people say that happiness comes from within, but others claim that true happiness can only be derived from interacting with others -- in other words, from the outside. So which one is it? It depends in part on whether you're oriented inwards or outwards. Since I am what you would call an introvert, I fall into the former group. I don't need to be in the presence of others to feel fulfilled. In fact, I find nonhuman objects -- like animals and books -- to usually be more interesting. Of course, we're human beings and still require some level of social contact. For me, my wife, family, a couple of friends, and my internet friends (on Google +, forums, and elsewhere) more than suffice. I derive more happiness from helping people in need than from simply chit chatting with them about superficial things. When people say "happiness comes from within," I really think they should be saying "happiness starts from within." Unless we

Some of my friends and relatives seem driven to do nothing more than amass as much money as they possibly can. While having enough money to live a comfortable life is certainly important, I've never really sought to become a millionaire -- nor do I think I would want to be one. I'm the furthest thing from flashy and materialistic. I'm a minimalist by nature, so I try my best to avoid accumulating junk -- hence the reason why I'm thinking about buying a condominium rather than the huge house with white picket fence so many envision as encapsulating the American Dream. If I were to strike it rich, I'd think first about providing for my family, then helping the less fortunate. I've seen people who come from humble beginnings become wealthier and change dramatically, almost overnight. I think people who have a lot of money feel the impulse to show it, and Hollywood is partly to blame. You usually won't find the well-to-do settling for Toyota Corollas and S

In this day and age -- where technology reigns supreme and people have a dizzying array of options at their disposal when it comes to leisure and entertainment -- people still complain of being bored. This is just mind boggling! Can you imagine what people who lived in colonial times -- when the George Washingtons and Thomas Jeffersons of the world made front page news -- would be saying? These people had little else to look forward to but reading, writing, farming, and storytelling. They corresponded by mail and had to wait months for a response. They'd probably give their right arms to be able to live in this era of smart phones, tablets, Facebook, and Amazon shopping. It's amazing that people could still feel bored when there's so much to do thanks to technology, including: Web surfing and shopping Netflix, Amazon Prime, and other streaming services Reading, whether the conventional way or using devices like the Kindle Interacting with friends via text or soc

There are those like me who are overly cautious (almost to a fault), and then there are those loosey-goosey types who go through life like they don't have a care in the world. In my case, I like to play it safe and plan for the worst, which often induces obsessive compulsive tendencies like: Feeling as though you have to live way below your means and watch your finances like a hawk, should an emergency require me to dip into my savings Checking the door two, even three, times to make sure I locked it Arriving to work 30 or more minutes earlier than I should, just in case of an accident or other unusual circumstance In other words, I like to plan for the worst, but I realize this isn't necessarily how you live life to the fullest. I guess I am comfortable with the tradeoff: less fun for peace of mind. At the other extreme are the freewheeling kind who just don't seem to stress over anything. Whereas I am proactive, these people are reactive. Their motto is, &qu

With the divorce rate still between 40 and 50 percent in the United States, it's plain to see that many people end up in the wrong relationships with the wrong partners. Below is just a sampling of reasons why relationships may ultimately fail. 1. Both people hold different values, whether religious or otherwise 2. Both people come with disparate views on marriage and/or having children 3. They don't share the same hobbies/interests 4. Their personalities don't mesh well (one is a bookworm while the other loves to party) 5. One or both are irresponsible with money, chores, or other duties 6. One or both are unable to remain faithful 7. The romance dies out completely because one or both become complacent 8. Children strain the marriage irreparably Some of these things aren't easy to predict early into the relationship. But once we've been with someone for anywhere from a few weeks to a few months, we can get a sense of views or habits that may not necessa

I have friends and coworkers who put a lot of stock into the zodiac as well as their horoscope. But I must say that using information on others' zodiac signs to gain a sense of their personalities and predict how they may react in certain decisions would be ill-advised. Granted, I think the general characteristics associated with each sign tend, for the most part, to be true. For example, per the zodiac, people of Pisces (like me) are dreamy, emotional, romantic, empathetic, and poetic, among other things. Also, Pisceans tend to be drawn to the arts, with many ending up as painters, musicians, or writers. While that describes ME fairly well, I know other Pisceans who aren't even remotely creative or introspective; instead, they're in to finance, real estate, and other areas in business. Per the zodiac, my parents, a Capricorn and a Virgo, should have been a match made in heaven given they are both classified as earth signs. Well, the marriage ended in divorce when I was

Let's face it: Most men haven't a clue whether a woman is interested in him or not. What's particularly irksome is when a guy makes eye contact with a woman and takes that to mean that she is interested in him. To those guys I pose this question: If you're a heterosexual male who happens to make eye contact with another male, would you say that the guy is interested in you? No, right? So why assume that a woman is? When something comes into your vision sight that you may not be looking at directly -- whether it be a bird, car, or UFO -- you won't be able to pinpoint what it is until you turn your head and look, right? So why can't guys reason that you both made eye contact for that very reason? What's more, many guys (including some of my friends) assume that if an attractive woman so much as talks to him, she must be digging him. I think many males' testosterone levels go bonkers when they get any sort of attention from a woman. That exciting ru

How many times have you expected for your friend or partner to act a certain way, but he or she fails to deliver? I'm sure you've lost count, and so have I. As much as can urge someone to act a certain way (or differently than the norm), old habits die hard. It isn't easy for a messy person to become tidy, a lazy individual to become driven and self-motivated, or a procrastinator to become punctual. I have found that when I expect too much of someone -- when I set that bar a wee bit too high -- they end up disappointing me. If you're like me, you have a tendency to give people second, even third, chances. But as the saying goes: "Fool me once -- shame on you. Fool me twice -- shame on me." When it's close friends and spouses who are the offenders, we continually give them free passes, because, after all, we care about them. So you have to determine the following: Are you being unreasonable in your expectations, or has the person become so accustome

I watch Jeopardy! every night -- it is hands down one of my favorite shows. I couldn't help but notice that men tend to dominate when it comes to certain categories, including: History Political science Geography Science Math On the other hand, women fare a lot better at subjects like food, poetry, writing, language, and entertainment. I've heard for years now that there's a major shortage in women embarking on careers in such sciences as engineering. It seems hard to believe, as I found many of the brightest students in my math and science classes to be female. It seems more women like gravitating toward the soft/people sciences (psychology, sociology, and so on) than the natural variety (chemistry, biology, etc.). Well, I'm living proof (as you can see by this blog) that men, too, can be passionate about the softer, people-driven sciences. I've always been math- and science-averse, a stark contrast to my wife, who's a science teacher an

When you're looking for the right job, you have to take a myriad of factors into account: Do the hours suit you? Is overtime expected? Is the culture to your liking? Does your personality fit the culture and demands of the job? Are you okay with the distance to and from work? Are the salary and benefits sufficient? What is the room for growth like? Do you feel you'd get along well with your supervisor? Does the job require travel? If so, would you be okay with that? Unfortunately, the answers to most of these questions will likely remain a mystery until you've been working there for a while. It's impossible to decipher what the culture will be like when you've only sat for one or two interviews. That's why I recommend that people do their research beforehand. Visit sites like glassdoor.com for any reviews that current or former employees may have written about the company. Perhaps you notice that a friend of a friend on Linkedin works at the com

Society generally frowns upon those who keep to themselves. But just because someone is quiet doesn't mean he's stuck-up, indifferent, or harboring devious plans of some sort. On the contrary, quiet people are usually quite convivial once you get to know them. All it takes is breaking the ice and making the person feel comfortable enough to open up. I was a very quiet kid through my high school years, but finally came out of my shell when I started college. To this day, I can clam up while in the presence of a lot of people, especially those with whom I have nothing in common. People have to become more tolerant of others' personalities and resist the urge to categorize them in the absence of more information. For instance, people attempt to fill in the gaps by assuming that the quiet person must think she is superior to everyone else. In actuality, she may just be an introvert who thinks very carefully before speaking. Some people are more introspective than others and

If you've been friends with someone for 10 or more years, consider yourself lucky. I am fortunate enough that my closest friendships go back a long time: Oldest friendship: 24 years Second oldest friendship: 15 years Third oldest friendship: 11 years However, maintaining these friendships hasn't been easy. Spats over the years nearly decimated the latter two friendships, and right now I am in hot water with my oldest friend.  Luckily, things have a way of working out, but I realize that not everyone is as docile and forgiving as I am. When I put considerable time and effort into a relationship, I do my best to keep it alive.  But friendships are a two-way street; they require serious time and effort from both parties. If only one person is putting in all the work, that friendship will likely go down the tubes.  Maintaining friendships only becomes more difficult as we get older. Once we're well past the college and drinking years, it isn't as easy to

I've noticed a trend when poring over my Facebook Wall posts: It's usually women who love submitting posts about anything and everything in their lives, from pictures of the foods they eat at restaurants to videos of their newborns. Yet, most men don't seem to share this inclination to publicize everything. Sure, they post pictures and other content here and there, but not to the same degree as their female counterparts. Is it that women are simply trying to outdo other women? It's a well-known fact that women size each other up all the time. Women keenly observe how other women dress, their bodies, their hair, and even their mannerisms. Whether in the workplace or at the club, they are always in competition with each other. Now, that's not to say that men aren't competitive with one another, but I've seen it happen more often with the fairer sex -- and the latter tend to be less subtle about it. I've noted in earlier posts that Facebook is becom