The person who cares least in the relationship has the power?

There's a scene in the movie "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" where Michael Douglas' character, ostensibly a philandering playboy type, tells his nephew that whoever cares least in a relationship has all the power.

I replayed this line in my head for days, trying to assess whether it holds water as far as the relationships I've had in my own life.

Here's what I've concluded:

While I think it's preposterous to assume that you can gain the upper hand by deliberately being indifferent and standoffish, it is true that you can lose points by being overly nice and accommodating -- a doormat, if you will.

If you let your partner step all over you and fail to stand up for yourself, you're letting him take advantage of and flat-out disrespect you. Once this becomes the norm, then yes, you have basically ceded all the power in the relationship to your partner.

Like everything else in life, moderation works best. You don't have to shower your partner with compliments and gifts every time you see her. Do it in small doses! By doing it sporadically, you keep her on her toes and leave her wondering what she'll next, and when. In the early stages of dating, this is sure to build attraction.

But overdoing it on the gifts and compliments reeks of neediness and implies you're out to "buy" the affections of someone else. It may seem like people would be endeared to potential suitors they can walk all over, but this couldn't be further from the truth.

You earn people's respect when you stand up for what you believe in, and that's especially so in the realm of love. Neediness and seeking others' approval simply aren't attractive qualities in a partner.

Again, it's okay to be romantic and receptive to your partner's needs -- so long as you neither do it excessively nor relinquish your voice in the relationship.

Comments

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