We all love the sappy Hollywood ending where the good guy gets the girl, even after she initially falls for the jerk/villain.  It's too bad that real life often doesn't play out this way. The one thing that many women find irresistible in bad boys is their confidence.  Sure, oftentimes they're just faking it, but this doesn't became apparent until later.  The other day, as I was reflecting on my primary and secondary school days, it suddenly hit me: All the guys who girls were typically drawn to were either: 1. Athletes 2. Troublemakers 3. Much older 4. Some combination of the above But not usually academic standouts like me -- the well-behaved kind who just liked to chill at home or with friends after school/on the weekends. To be fair, there are always exceptions. But by and large, most attractive girls (and even ones that might not be considered 10s by any stretch) followed this pattern.  Chances are, the reasons girls chase after bad boys boils down to one or mor...

Remember that adage dating back to the 1800s that says, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"? I've wondered of late whether it was a toxic individual who came up with it.  If there's one thing toxic people show little to no remorse over, it's the impact their words or actions have on you. You'll notice how toxic people are likely to say vacuous things like: “I’m sorry you felt that way.” “I didn’t mean it like that.” “That’s not what I intended.” Do you notice what's missing?  They may vaguely acknowledge your feelings and the misunderstanding, but they almost never acknowledge how their behavior changed you. They seldom say things like: “I see how this made you doubt yourself.” “I can tell how this hurt your confidence.” “I see how this changed how safe you feel around me.” Because admitting impact means admitting responsibility, not just regret. And the last thing toxic people want to do is to get any flak for the effect th...

If there’s one trap human beings fall into, it’s judging a book by its cover. In the absence of information, people fill in the gaps themselves—guided not by facts, but by instinct. When it comes to erroneously labeling someone, there's a particular character trait that people get wrong nearly all the time. I know this firsthand because I was often assigned the label when I was younger, much to my chagrin.  I can't say I blame them. I mean, after all, they're forming their judgment based on outward appearance--gestures, enthusiasm, verbosity. Unfortunately, though, if they never come to know the person well, they will carry on believing they were right on the money.  The problem comes when the person starts disseminating that flimsy information. Before you know it, everyone at, say, the office perceives you as being a certain way--the wrong way-- and it can build resentment. Rumors spread like wildfire, and it's very difficult to break a perception people have of you, w...

Most relationships don’t fall apart overnight. They erode gradually, often in ways neither person notices at first.  The real damage doesn’t always come from incessant fighting, cheating, or even falling out of love. More often, it comes from a silent, menacing killer that poisons the connection between two people. And it doesn't matter whether the pair have been together two months, two years, or even two decades. This scourge has the potential to destroy partnerships weak and strong.  So, what is it? It’s the expectation that your partner should act, feel, and think the way you do. At first glance, it seems harmless — even logical. If something makes sense to you, shouldn’t it make sense to them as well? If you would react a particular way, isn’t it fair to expect they would too? But that mindset is a trap. It sets up an impossible standard where your partner can never win —because they’re not you. This expectation surfaces in subtle ways: You get frustrate...

We all have that person in our lives. The one who thinks they know how you “should” be. The one who thinks they know you better than you know yourself  Be less sensitive. Be more talkative. Change careers. Change your personality.  At first, you might take it personally. Maybe they see something you don’t. And they could be right on some level.  But here’s the hidden truth: when someone repeatedly insists you should be different, it usually reveals more about them than it does about you. 1. It’s a Mirror of Their Insecurities The flaws they point out in you often reflect the doubts they wrestle with themselves; in other words, they're projecting. If they feel inadequate, your self-assurance becomes uncomfortable to them. Instead of looking inward, they redirect that discomfort onto you. 2. It’s About Control, Not Care Telling you to change is seldom about your growth. It’s about their need for control. When people can’t accept things as they are, they try to reshape...

Let’s be real: no relationship is perfect, and we can all vouch for this in our lives. Every couple argues, gets on each other’s nerves, and has off days. But sometimes, things evolve in a way that goes deeper than little disagreements. That’s when relationships cease feeling fulfilling and start to feel draining. Here are a few of the biggest ways relationships can suck — and what to do about them. 1. Communication Turns Into a Battlefield When every conversation ends in defensiveness, sarcasm, or raised voices, the relationship starts to feel more like a war zone than a partnership.  It’s not just about what’s said — it’s how it’s said. If both sides stop listening, resentment takes the wheel and drives the relationship off a cliff.  Maybe Pat Benatar was onto something when she said that love is a battlefield.  Fix: Slow down and take a deep breath. Choose your words with care, and watch your tone. Listen more than you speak. And if you can’t talk withou...

We all want to believe the best in people.  It feels good to think that those who smile at us, cheer us on, and stick around are truly on our side.  But the truth is, not everyone in your circle has your best interests at heart. Some people wear masks — pretending to care, pretending to listen, pretending to be genuine — while secretly harboring envy, selfish motives, or just plain dishonesty. The danger isn’t just that fake people waste your time. They can sabotage your goals, deplete your energy, and even wreck your self-esteem if you permit them to remain in your life unchecked.  The key is learning to spot the red flags early so you can protect yourself before the damage is done. Red Flags You Shouldn't Ignore 1. Their support feels conditional. Fake people are easy to find when things are going well — but when you stumble, they seemingly vanish into thin air. If someone only applauds you at your highs but disappears during your lows, pay close attention. This signal...

If you observe any of these behaviors in people around you -- whether a partner, friend, or co-worker -- it's an unequivocal signal that you've got a toxic problem on your hands -- no ifs or buts about it!  1. They consistently make you doubt YOUR  own reality.  Better known as gaslighting, if someone twists facts to make you feel wrong or crazy, that’s manipulation, not miscommunication. Trust your instincts and know when to call people out on their BS!  2. They celebrate your failures or secretly root AGAINST your success. A real friend or partner supports you. They want you to thrive irrespective of their own successes. If someone revels in your setbacks, however, they don't have your best interests at heart -- they’re just plain toxic! 3. They cross your boundaries after you’ve made them LOUD and CLEAR. Mistakes can happen once, but repeatedly ignoring your boundaries is deliberate. Whether it's the male colleague who persists in getting all handsy or the friend ...