"You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served." The above is one of my all-time favorites because it perfectly encapsulates one of the primary reasons relationships go awry. I've lost track of the many times I've held on to a relationship for far too long in hopes that the individual would come to respect me and value everything I brought to the table.  Unfortunately, it didn't happen. Here are just a few examples of ways people demonstrate they possess no respect for you: They cheat on you. They lie, and lie, and lie some more. They take you for granted. They stab you in the back.  They're abusive, whether physically or emotionally. They fail to value your point of view.  One thing is to feel genuine remorse for one's actions. But some of these individuals are cognizant that what they're doing is wrong and yet they persist in their unbecoming behavior. Sadly, most of these people will never change. Their declaratio...

If I were to ask you what might make someone in your life -- whether a friend or dating prospect -- build a deep affection for you, what would you say? Your first instinct might be to respond with, "Doing nice things for them." Ironically, though, research has shown that we can actually get people to care about us more by having them do favors for us.  At first blush, this might seem rather counterintuitive, but it actually makes perfect sense. We have an affinity for the things and people we invest resources in -- whether time or money. So if we're taking time out of our busy day for someone, we start to think, "Hey, I must really care about this individual if I'm going the extra mile." Sure, if people do nice things for us, we can form a favorable impression of them. But it isn't until we find ourselves going out of our way for them that we realize they may very well occupy a special place in our heart. If being nice alone did the trick...

Does anyone treat you like you're below them -- whether it's because they have a higher position, nicer car, or bigger house? Kick them to the curb. If a person is so shallow as to put physical objects before the things that really count -- friendship, love, respect, humility -- give them the boot. No one is above anyone else. A janitor is just as deserving of others' respect and kindness as a CEO of a Fortune 500 company. One's possessions say nothing of their character. While I'm not trying to begrudge them their success -- especially if they worked their butts off to get what they have -- it should never make people feel entitled. Who's to say that the garbage man or waitress hasn't gone through tremendous hardship in life preventing him or her from going to school and rising above their station? And who's to say they can't eventually reach that point if they truly commit themselves? Yet, not everyone yearns to be rich. They ma...

How many people do you know who only appear when they're in some kind of a bind? Here are a few examples you can probably relate to: They broke up with their boyfriend, and now they're reaching out to you nearly every day. But while they were in their relationship, they acted as if you didn't matter. They had a falling out with a few friends, and now they've suddenly surfaced. However, when things were peachy with their buddies, you couldn't seem to get a hold of them. And how about those we only hear from when they need a favor? Whether it's that they need money or help moving, they seem to vanish off the face of the earth once they get what they need. What do the three scenarios above have in common? They describe users to a tee. If someone wants nothing to do with you when things are going well in their lives, that should make you question why they wish to maintain any kind of relationship. Perhaps they see you as convenient to have around bec...

Just because someone in your life doesn't care for you -- or disingenuously says they do, but never shows it -- doesn't mean you should forget about the special people in your life who demonstrably hold you in high esteem. As a matter of fact, it should make you more grateful for the latter than you were before. We've all found ourselves in situations where people we care deeply about don't seem to reciprocate such feelings. Perhaps it's a partner who wants out of the relationship, or a friend who has been taking you for granted. We become so obsessed with trying to rationalize their motives that we may neglect the wonderful people in our lives who have been there for us when we've needed them. In other words, we want what we can't have, and risk losing what we already have. Let's face it. People who genuinely care for us would never put us through such hoops. If someone treats you as disposable -- telegraphing that they have much big...

Whether you've been with someone for a long time or only just recently began dating them, you may find yourself doing just about everything you can to keep the relationship strong. Sadly, not everyone is similarly disposed. Staying in a relationship makes no sense when you are the only one investing in it -- physically, mentally, and emotionally. Relationships cannot maintain themselves. Just like an air conditioner or refrigerator can't operate without routine maintenance, a relationship is not self-sustaining. Moreover, it isn't fair for only one person to shoulder all the work. Each partner deserves to feel loved and appreciated. Each person should feel as though the other has their best interests at heart. Sticking around and hoping they'll change is not a risk worth taking when they've shown time and time again that what you see is what you'll get. They don't have to say a word; their actions prove that either they're in the relationsh...

If you had a choice between two deep, meaningful relationships and 15 superficial ones, which would you choose? (I hope you find this to be a no brainer.) We live in a time when amassing as many Facebook friends and Twitter followers as you can is celebrated, even if many of those people are friends of friends of friends whom you've never spoken to in your life. Our time and energy are not limitless. We ought to reserve them for the few people who enrich our lives -- not for those who couldn't remember our names or where they met us if their lives depended on it. I find that it's a good thing when your circle decreases in size, for it means that it's increasing in value because only the people who truly care remain. Can you imagine how many relationships have gone down the tubes because people stretched themselves thin trying to accommodate countless acquaintances whom, in the end, weren't worth it? When we stop and think about it, hardly any of those ...

There are people in our lives who couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone and call or text us, no matter how many messages we've left for them. Chasing after them sends the message that, in spite of their cool detachment, you're going to continue pressing them for a response. Essentially, you're rewarding them for their unseemly behavior. Do they really deserve this special treatment? Absolutely not! If you've done your part to try to get in touch, the ball is in their court. Make it clear that you have your own priorities to worry about and that your world doesn't revolve around them. If taking a stand spells the end of that relationship, so be it. Your time will be much better spent on people who show an interest in you and make a conscious effort to maintain contact. Getting the cold shoulder from our partner, a friend, or a relative can be quite painful and perplexing, especially if it's someone we were once very close to. But just like t...

Usually, walking away from someone has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. You may be asking how this is possible. Well, those who have had to walk away from relationships because they've felt abused, ignored, or taken advantage of can attest to one thing: They didn't do it because they wanted to show the other person their worth. They did it because they themselves realized their worth. It was at that defining moment in their lives that they knew they could no longer be with someone who diminished them. Instead, they knew that the right person would enhance their life; he or she would help them grow into an even better version of themselves. But as long as they hesitated to walk away -- likely because of the paralyzing fear of being alone or having to start all over -- their destructive partners would continue to hinder their progress and fill their lives with angst. If someone is causing you tremendous pain, and you just can't ...

A couple of readers I've corresponded with recently have lamented the fact that someone who means a great deal to them -- whether their partner, child, or friend -- is either giving them the cold shoulder or flat-out treating them like garbage. Both are on bad terms because of a misunderstanding or argument of some sort; still, they've done their part to try and mend fences, but such efforts have proven fruitless. Here's a quote I came across today that is quite apropos: "Your value does not decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth."  Put simply, just because one person fails to recognize the immense value you bring to their life doesn't mean others will make the same costly mistake.  That one person's untoward behavior should not eclipse the high marks you receive from those who do appreciate you.  Many people have a tendency to harp on the negative; they can't bear the thought of someone not liking them.  ...

Have you noticed how we come to value a moment or experience more fondly in hindsight than we do when we're actually experiencing it? In fact, sometimes we may experience an event we find unpleasant at the moment, only to realize later -- perhaps when comparing it to other situations occurring before or after -- that it wasn't all that bad? This can happen for two reasons: 1. We take the present moment for granted. Perhaps because we're too busy dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, we fail to appreciate and live in the moment. Study after study shows that we're happiest when we're focused on the present. 2. We look back on the past through rose-colored glasses.  Perhaps the experience really wasn't as titillating as our memories of it might lead us to think. That's because, when reminiscing about the past, human beings have a tendency to filter out the bad stuff, leaving only the Kodak moments we tend to capture in pictures. Never...

Life is too short not to do what makes you happy -- whether it's reading, writing, painting, dancing, fishing, diving, mall hopping, watching movies, preaching the Gospel, going to sporting events, traveling, playing catch with your kids, fixing cars, hitting up museums, and the like. We've all heard the expression, "Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life." I realize not all of us are fortunate enough to work in careers we love. Maybe we have to stay in our jobs to support our families. Perhaps we're at a point where starting over would mean going back to school, which isn't financially feasible. Or, chances are that what we love to do doesn't pay a livable wage. Luckily, we can do what we love on the side while keeping our full-time job. Indulge your creative bent by writing on a freelance basis. Enroll in a painting or guitar class at your local community college. Use your time after work to finally get that pastry busines...

Want to be happier? The   less you attach your happiness to people or material things, the happier you'll be. Why? Because material things come and go, as do people. They're transitory.  What brings us true joy are experiences, which can create lasting memories. While things may have ended badly with your ex-boyfriend, there's no harm in conceding that you cherished -- perhaps to this day -- the times you spent with him, even if you don't want him back in your life. Or, you may reminisce about the trip you and your friends took to Cancun while you were in college, even though time and distance have caused something of a rift in your friendship. See what I mean? Focus on the experience and how it enriched your life, not on the person. Relationships evolve just like the people in them. Depending on someone else to be happy sets one up for disappointment in the event that person does a one-eighty, which most of us have experienced at some poin...

That is, if your goal is to become (1) rich in knowledge (2) rich in laughter (3) rich in health (4) rich in family (5) rich in love, and   (6) rich in experiences. Does money buy comfort? Yes. Does it buy security? Yes. Does it buy long-lasting happiness? It could, but that's not always a given. If it were, you wouldn't have wealthy celebrities battling drug and depression problems. Life is about more than money. Material possessions can only bring us so much happiness. Nine times out of ten, I get more enjoyment out of learning new things through a great book, compelling documentary, or visit to the museum than I do buying shirts, household appliances, and other stuff I might not even need. There are so many great things money can't buy. You can't put a price tag on the love shared between friends and family. You can't monetize laughter, especially not the kind that makes tears come out of your eyes. And you certainly can't appraise simple, every...

The things we value most are those we have to work hard to obtain or achieve. If someone were to hand you a trophy with your name and "world's best swimmer" engraved on it when you couldn't swim to save your life, would it mean anything to you? Of course not. You didn't earn it, so it holds no value. If losing weight were as easy as waving a magic wand, do you think one would still feel the same sense of accomplishment as they would upon completing an intense weight-loss program? Not at all. It's one thing to get something done -- it's another to overcome an arduous challenge that tests our patience and mettle. There's a reason most people blow their diets and New Year's resolutions and fail to get through law school and Ph.D. programs. When the going gets tough, many people buckle under the pressure and give up. That's precisely why reaching the finish line can be so gratifying. If something comes too easy, though, we tend not to a...

Ever longed for a material good – be it a shiny sports car, luxurious watch, or posh pair of jeans – only to lose virtually all interest in it once the product is in your possession?  Have you rejected the advances of a potential suitor – one who literally worships the floor you walk on – in hopes of attracting someone who has no romantic feelings toward you? Even after landing a seemingly perfect job, have you  found yourself looking for “the next best opportunity” just a year or two later?  There’s no question we’ve all been there. But what many people fail to realize is that the journey tends to bring us greater satisfaction than the actual destination. The struggle to obtain our object of desire – that sense of being on the edge of our seat – seems to provide a higher level of excitement than the recognition that we have that object in our grasp. For example, most people (myself included) spend the work week yearning for the weekend to get here. Over the cour...