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Does doing stuff for people make them care about us more?

If I were to ask you what might make someone in your life -- whether a friend or dating prospect -- build a deep affection for you, what would you say?

Your first instinct might be to respond with, "Doing nice things for them."

Ironically, though, research has shown that we can actually get people to care about us more by having them do favors for us. 

 At first blush, this might seem rather counterintuitive, but it actually makes perfect sense.

We have an affinity for the things and people we invest resources in -- whether time or money.

So if we're taking time out of our busy day for someone, we start to think, "Hey, I must really care about this individual if I'm going the extra mile."

Sure, if people do nice things for us, we can form a favorable impression of them. But it isn't until we find ourselves going out of our way for them that we realize they may very well occupy a special place in our heart.

If being nice alone did the trick, then countless more nice guys in the world would get the girl, and scads of meek office employees the world over would land those ever-elusive promotions they've been angling for.

Does this mean that people should cease being friendly and generous? Of course not!

They can continue being this way, but they should expect the other person to give a little as well. After all, how strong is a relationship if there's no reciprocation?

Both parties should be pulling their weight. Otherwise, the one who's always bending over backwards will resent being taken advantage of.

Don't be shy to ask for a favor now and then, even if it's a request as small as lending you their pressure cooker, taking a picture of you, giving you a ride, or covering your shift.

Rest assured that you wouldn't be imposing; on the contrary, you'll be seen as having higher value in the person's eyes.

Of course, taking this to the extreme can have the opposite effect. If you come around every week asking for a different favor, you'll be seen as obnoxious. No one likes users!

Do this sporadically and you're bound to have much better results.

At the end of the day, the person will understand that they need to put some work into the relationship, or it could potentially go down the drain.
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