How to Read People

If there’s one trap human beings fall into, it’s judging a book by its cover. In the absence of information, people fill in the gaps themselves—guided not by facts, but by instinct. When it comes to erroneously labeling someone, there's a particular character trait that people get wrong nearly all the time. I know this firsthand because I was often assigned the label when I was younger, much to my chagrin.  I can't say I blame them. I mean, after all, they're forming their judgment based on outward appearance--gestures, enthusiasm, verbosity. Unfortunately, though, if they never come to know the person well, they will carry on believing they were right on the money.  The problem comes when the person starts disseminating that flimsy information. Before you know it, everyone at, say, the office perceives you as being a certain way--the wrong way-- and it can build resentment. Rumors spread like wildfire, and it's very difficult to break a perception people have of you, w...

Steer clear of those who hurt you more than they love you. Avoid those who drain you more than they replenish you. Stay far away from people who bring you more stress than they do peace and joy. Distance yourself from those who try to stunt your growth rather than applaud it. I know what you're probably thinking: In principle, this sounds fine and dandy, but you couldn't possibly avoid every person who occasionally makes you feel like crap, from your toxic boss to your meddling in-laws. To a certain extent, that's true. But one of the most effective ways to navigate relationships with difficult people is to not take what they say or do to heart. If you take everything they say personally, you're essentially surrendering power over your emotions to them. You're enabling them to win. No one has permission to make you feel bad unless you grant it to them. Remember, many of these people are unhappy and disgruntled in their own lives, so they see to it ...