If there's something you should never allow your partner do, it's to treat you like an option rather than like a priority. I've said time and time again that we should never expect our partner to complete us, as only we can achieve that. However, it's fair game to lean toward our partner when: We've had a rotten day and could use a little pick-me-up through their support and encouragement  We've experienced a happy moment or occurrence -- whether a promotion or achievement of some other personal/professional milestone -- and would like to share it with them We're facing a tough challenge or decision and would value their input  But if your partner treats you like you're secondary to other matters or people, you've got a major problem on your hands -- one that needs to be addressed immediately before tensions escalate further. Maybe you've been yearning for a date night with her for months, but says she has to work late or already made plans with ...

There's no question we've been living in a different world the last couple of weeks -- one that has upended our routines and made Zoom meetings, food delivery, and shopping for virtually everything through Amazon our new, sometimes unpleasant reality. No event has felt this disruptive and widespread since the global recession of 2008. While back then we were dealing with a global financial crisis, this time, as President Donald Trump put it, we are grappling with an invisible enemy. So just how will the world be different once this pandemic is behind us? As was the case with the Great Recession, people are going to retrench for a while. From souped-up cars and big vacations to fancy clothes, consumers are going to put the kibosh on high-end purchases until they feel that (1) the economy is mending (2) their financial affairs are in order. The first order of business for many will be finding a job. Those who have been fortunate enough to still have jobs may be contem...

Steer clear of those who hurt you more than they love you. Avoid those who drain you more than they replenish you. Stay far away from people who bring you more stress than they do peace and joy. Distance yourself from those who try to stunt your growth rather than applaud it. I know what you're probably thinking: In principle, this sounds fine and dandy, but you couldn't possibly avoid every person who occasionally makes you feel like crap, from your toxic boss to your meddling in-laws. To a certain extent, that's true. But one of the most effective ways to navigate relationships with difficult people is to not take what they say or do to heart. If you take everything they say personally, you're essentially surrendering power over your emotions to them. You're enabling them to win. No one has permission to make you feel bad unless you grant it to them. Remember, many of these people are unhappy and disgruntled in their own lives, so they see to it ...

There are two kinds of people who give excuses when it comes to establishing or maintaining contact with you: (1) Those who give excuses for why they can't call, text, or visit you, and (2) Those who come up with excuses to call, text, or visit you. Notice the difference? While the former can sometimes serve up valid reasons (e.g., have to take care of kid, have to do work at home, etc.), if the weeks continue to go by and the person doesn't bother to answer your texts or return your calls, face it -- they just don't care enough about the relationship. The latter group shows the exact opposite. Come hell or high water, they find a way to squeeze some time into their schedule for the two of you to catch up because they value you and do not want the relationship to falter. A little distance is commonplace even in the healthiest relationships. We all lead different lives with disparate schedules and changing priorities. But that doesn't mean a brief phone call ...

Sometimes it's hard to accept the fact that certain people whom we were once very close to know nothing about our lives anymore. I've noted the reasons why people can drift apart in other posts. Some of those include: A major life change (marriage, kids, etc.) Someone moves far away A job change that places major demands on the person  One person begins to hang out with a different crowd When both people experience such lifestyle changes simultaneously (e.g., both graduate from college at the same time), the changes don't feel nearly as drastic, and the adjustment process can is almost seemless. But when only one person changes course, the other is often left with a major void in his or her life. This happened to me a few years ago. My closest friend -- the best man at my wedding, in fact -- moved to a city 5 hours away from me. Though we see each other occasionally, our friendship hasn't been the same since. If I'm lucky, I'm able to get ...

My wife and I have been friends with Dan since high school. When she and I hooked up in 2005, it seemed only natural to invite him along on many of our outings. He was single at the time and remained so until just this year. I figure that my wife and I spared Dan plenty of Friday and Saturday nights by himself. Even though being the third wheel isn't always fun, it sure beats not having anyone to interact with, right? Dan finally entered into a relationship about 3 months ago, and it's as though he has fallen off the map completely. He's hardly active on Facebook and doesn't deign to call or text me, even occasionally. The Dan from before is no longer. I'm trying not to take it personally and reason that maybe he'll come around again once the honeymoon stage he and his new girlfriend are in tapers off. To be frank, I feel a little cheated -- almost as if he's stolen something from me. What that something is I can't quite put my finger on. Maybe i...

In my experience, nothing adversely affects a friendship more than the following: Broken trust because of a lie or some other misdeed Distance (one or both parties move) Change of lifestyle (someone gets married, has kids, etc.) I've had friendships with certain people end for one or more of these reasons. And even the ones I've been able to maintain to this day have been tested by at least one of the above circumstances.  Keeping a friendship these days is not easy work. We all seem to be getting busier and busier with each passing year. But it seems forging new friendships is an even more arduous task. It isn't as easy to do now as it was back in college -- not by a long shot.  That's why it's important to keep the lines of communication open with friends you do want to keep in your life. Carve out a little time each week for a phone call or text message. Whether your friends live hundreds of miles away or right around the corner, you never know w...

This topic hits close to home, as my friendship with my closest friend is all but dead at this juncture. As I wrote in prior posts, he and I have not been seeing eye to eye, and I think I've reached the point where I must come to grips with the fact that, after nearly 12 years, our friendship can no longer be salvaged. So, below I list the 3 things I feel can be fatal to a friendship. I have certainly found this to be the case in my life. 1. Lack of trust/communication: If there's a lack of trust and openness in a friendship, that poses a serious problem. You simply can't be friends with someone you can't confide in. Your friend should be willing to listen to you vent about your girlfriend or be there to help you change a tire should you need him. Communication is also key when it comes to resolving arguments between the two of you. My aforementioned friend happens to do just the opposite -- he has hung up in my face a few times and gives me the silent treatment aft...

My biggest regret is not making more friends in college. As we speak, I only have three strong in-person friendships. I've known one guy for 12 years, the other for 15, and the third one since kindergarten. The rest of my friends are merely acquaintances -- people you say hi to on Facebook every once in a while or see only at special occasions. I'm the type of person who would rather have 3 really strong friendships than a slew of superficial convenience-type ones. Still, it would have been interesting to make at least a couple more friends in college and see if those bonds would stand the test of time, distance, and change of lifestyle. Let's face it. After college, our lives change, as do we. And once a spouse and kids are thrown into the picture, we may not have as much time left over for friends. Family comes first. I'm thankful for the opportunity to make so many online friends through this blog. I consider you all more than readers -- you're true frien...

There's nothing like spending lots of quality time with your partner. But how much time is too much? How to Understand People is here to answer that question. Though being attached at the hip may sound like it can be beneficial to the relationship, this couldn't be further from the truth. Couples who spend inordinate amounts of time together are more likely to argue and go through bouts of boredom. The thing is that when you're around the same person all day, you're likely to get stuck in a routine; day in and day out, you hit up the same restaurants and shops, watch the same shows, and so on. It's always good to keep the element of surprise alive and well in a relationship. Every once in a while, you should aim to inject the relationship with a healthy dose of spontaneity. Guys, surprise your lady by taking her to a new restaurant on the other side of town, or by planning a weekend getaway to a beautiful hotspot your wife occasionally brings up in conversati...

It isn't always easy to comprehend why some people -- whether it's a friend, partner, or family member -- are prone to aloofness. You know, that friend or relative who you hear from occasionally but are unable to communicate with as regularly as you'd hope. It can often be attributed to two things: 1. Genuinely busy -- Between two jobs, work, and kids, the person has hardly enough time even for himself. Under such constraints, it's difficult to keep in touch on a consistent basis. 2. Making excuses -- Maybe the person could find better ways to budget his time so he can speak with you more often, but doesn't find it worthwhile to expend the effort. If that's the case, it raises an interesting question: Why bother keeping that person in your life in the first place? It's possible he is not deliberately avoiding you, only that life gets in the way. If you feel you've been put on the back burner, speak to him about it -- perhaps her reasons for being...