Skip to main content

Why people drift away from us

Sometimes it's hard to accept the fact that certain people whom we were once very close to know nothing about our lives anymore.

I've noted the reasons why people can drift apart in other posts. Some of those include:

  • A major life change (marriage, kids, etc.)
  • Someone moves far away
  • A job change that places major demands on the person 
  • One person begins to hang out with a different crowd
When both people experience such lifestyle changes simultaneously (e.g., both graduate from college at the same time), the changes don't feel nearly as drastic, and the adjustment process can is almost seemless. But when only one person changes course, the other is often left with a major void in his or her life.

This happened to me a few years ago. My closest friend -- the best man at my wedding, in fact -- moved to a city 5 hours away from me. Though we see each other occasionally, our friendship hasn't been the same since. If I'm lucky, I'm able to get a hold of him via phone call or text once a month now, and arranging an outing is always a tall order. 

It's amazing how people in whom you once confided with some of your deepest secrets can become mere acquaintances over time -- a phenomenon I like to call relationship atrophy. 

Sure, some people can pick up where they left off like nothing -- even if they last spoke several years ago.

But in most cases, decreased proximity can have a disadvantageous effect on a relationship. Is it any wonder that most long distance relationships end up failing?

For those who truly want the relationship to last, no "barrier" -- whether distance, work, or other circumstances -- can undermine the relationship. 

However, it takes time and effort on the part of both individuals to see that through. If only one is contributing, said relationship will be on the road to ruin. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it?  After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is  still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

The 1 good thing cheaters do for us

Nothing good could come of a relationship marred by infidelity, right? The heartache, the shock, the feeling of one's trust being violated.  In the short-term, being cheated on can turn one's world upside down. But eventually, there may be a light awaiting the cheated at the end of the tunnel.  If you really think about it, cheaters end up doing us a huge favor.  In their selfishness and disloyalty, they end up showing us that we deserve better.  If you're so unfortunate as to be a victim of such acts of betrayal, you can only hope the cheater is considerate enough to own up to their missteps.  But we all know full well that, in many cases, the cheater is either caught in the act or leaves behind a trail of hints that ultimately culminates in their undoing. The more classy thing to do is to discuss their feelings openly with their partner before straying.  If all talks lead to an impasse or a further escalation of tensions, both parties should take it as a ...