I want to preface this post by saying that no one in a relationship -- be it platonic or amorous -- is perfect. No one is entirely blameless over the course of relational ups and downs. We all possess flaws, some more regrettable than others.  That being said, having the finger pointed at you all the time -- despite the fact you know the other person shares blame or is entirely at fault -- can be demoralizing.  It hints at one important truth Those who take it upon themselves to make everyone else the culprit and themselves the victim suffer from an acute lack of humility. Whether they have an inflated ego or were never taught to look deep within and concede when they've wrong, these people have a penchant for projecting their follies onto others.  They may act as though they have not the slightest idea they're in the wrong, but it's all a charade to hide their culpability behind the guise of obliviousness and not be held accountable.  How to approach these folks The...

There's a very thin line between being nice and allowing oneself to be a complete doormat -- a line many kind-hearted people struggle to identify.  Here are a few indicators that you probably should tone down the niceness factor just a little bit: 1. No matter how many t imes people let you down, you continue to issue them free passes.  All it takes is an ostensibly heart-felt apology for you to take someone back. Perhaps you're still with your boyfriend even after he cheated on you three times. Maybe you've kept in your life an old friend who has been spotted talking behind your back on a number of occasions. It's important to recognize that saying sorry means nothing if the person repeats the very behavior they express contrition for.  2. You constantly put others' needs and wishes before your own.  One thing is to help out those who find themselves in a real bind. Another is to bend over backwards for them at the expense of your own happiness, even when their...

If there's something you should never permit in a relationship, it's for someone to trifle with your emotions. Whether you've known them for two days or two decades, whether they've apologized profusely or not even once, your feelings should be considered and respected. If your boyfriend vows he'll never cheat on you again but you discover him canoodling with other women -- whether on social media or in person -- on multiple occasions, he is making a mockery of your feelings. If your friend asserts that she only has the nicest things to say to other people about you but you receive word that she has made talking behind your back a pastime, she is little more than a wolf in sheep's clothing. Sadly, these opportunists will use every manner of flattery to reel you in. They may profess feelings of love and warmth, but beneath the surface they're up to no good. And, to make matters worse, they do such a good job at carrying on with the charade that yo...

Isn't it terrible when someone you care about takes you for granted? It could be a partner, a friend, or even a relative who: Turns to you only when they need something Leaves you in the lurch when you're in a rough patch yourself Insists they will change, but they never do Seems to prioritize everyone in his or her life except you No matter how often you convey that you feel angry, hurt, and taken advantage of, they carry on with the behavior, assuming that you're going to stick around. Their reasoning is: If you haven't left already, why would you now? This is precisely the kind of mindset that causes so many relationships to go under. Some people expect the other person to do all the work, thinking that alone will sustain the relationship. Or, they may do a little here and there, but never commit themselves to the degree the other person is. Sooner or later, the person being taken for a ride gives up and moves on. In certain cases, the other in...

Whether it's in an old friendship or a new romantic relationship, you should never have to apologize for making clear how you feel. Being remorseful for one's feelings is like saying, "I'm sorry for being real." Openly communicating one's feelings is healthy and beneficial -- as long as it is done in a tactful fashion. Of course, declaring one's feelings in the throes of a fiery rant won't yield great results. If you don't put your feelings on the table, your friend or partner won't know what's going through your head. Once their eyes have been opened to your feelings, they should show respect and compassion toward your perspective, even if they roundly disagree with it. While being forthcoming in this way may not always rub people the right way, it is certainly better than keeping those feelings hidden out of fear of backlash. In the latter scenario, the person may feel they lack an outlet, prompting them to (1) divulge perso...

The worst type of pain is not inflicted by the people we can't stand (i.e, our "enemies"), but by the people we care about the most. For example, if you haven't been able to stand your boss from day one, the fact that he was a rude jerk today probably doesn't come as a surprise. The same goes for meddling in-laws, the persistent bully at school, or the obnoxious neighbor who's never rubbed you the right way. Yet, when our partner, trusted friend of 20 years, or doting relative does us wrong, it can be devastating. We might feel as though we've been hit by a train moving at breakneck speed.  Imagine finding out that your boyfriend has been cheating on you for years. Or that your closest friend has been spreading rumors about you to others within your circle. Or, picture discovering that your coworker has been taking credit for your ideas at work.  We never see this deception coming when it concerns people in whom we have placed our tru...

How people treat other people is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves . If they treat others with kindness and respect, chances are they respect and are kind and compassionate with themselves as well. If, however, they treat others terribly, deep down they're likely unhappy with themselves and, more generally, with the life they lead overall. Narcissists tend to fall under this category because even though they may project an air of self-confidence, they're really trying to overcompensate for self-doubt and low self-esteem. It's been said that misery loves company. If people are feeling miserable, they often look for ways to upset others so those negative vibes can rub off on them. Maybe they tell you that you look fat in that dress, they leave you hanging with no explanation after you both agreed to meet up for drinks, or they reel off a list of your past mistakes -- all to get under your skin. Sure, you might  simply catch someone at the wrong m...

Let's face it: Some people would rather argue or cut contact with you than actually make an attempt to clear the air. They'd prefer to hold grudges than work to resolve conflict. Perhaps they were in the wrong and refuse to say sorry. Or, you were at fault and have already apologized, but they persist in giving you the cold shoulder. Most likely, the individual is either (1) immature (2) resentful of something you have that he or she doesn't and wants to spread the misery (3) upset over other personal issues and taking it out on you. At any rate, a person who is that intransigent has to have a deep sense of pride. They want to win, and taking any sort of conciliatory posture in their book smacks of backing down, so they refuse to change. But you know something? One of the most admirable qualities one can possess is humility. Those who refuse to meet in the middle will have a hard time keeping friends and romantic partners. Who wants to be around someone so arrog...

If it were up to most people, they would have it their way all the time. Why? It's simple: By and large, people want things to be as convenient for themselves as possible. They wish to expend as little time and effort on whatever (or whoever) brings them minimal to no gratification. Even some of my closest friends are guilty of this. They want to be the ones to decide the places you meet at, the time of the day you call one another, and the kinds of activities you partake in together. Intractable and inflexible, such people make awfully poor negotiators because they don't know the meaning of meeting in the middle. Unfortunately, these individuals fail to recognize that in order for relationships to thrive, both parties ought to be well-versed in the art of compromise. That's because relationships are about give and take, not just latter. If time and time again you find yourself acceding to someone else's demands yet fail to ever see them do the same, it should m...

Apologies don't mean anything if you continue to do what you claim to be sorry for . Saying "sorry" rings hollow if you persist in your unsavory behavior -- whether it's cheating on your spouse, furtively stealing money from your employer, or drug/alcohol abuse. I firmly believe that some people apologize as a quick way out; in reality, they have no intention of following through. Deep down, they're really not sorry. And your support can only go so far when the person can't help but fall off the wagon time and time again. Eventually, you reach a point where nothing short of counseling is in order. I only wish the word "sorry" weren't used so loosely. It's kind of like those who go around telling people they love them after dating them just a few weeks. Say what you mean and mean what you say. As I've stressed in earlier posts, words mean nothing unless you back them up with concrete actions. For example, if you say you'...

All of us have met someone at one point or another who refuses to apologize or admit they're ever wrong. You know, the ones who find guilt and remorse alien concepts? One of the most admirable qualities a person can possess is humility -- one who does good deeds without seeking a pat on the back for them. On the flip side, pride is among the most unflattering characteristics I can think of. I speak of those who think they're always right -- no matter what. They have a chronic inability to find fault in anything they say or do. Unfortunately, even those we call friends can sometimes fall in this bucket. None of my buddies are big on saying "sorry." After they've said or done something that rubbed me the wrong way, they simply wait a few days and hope I will have forgotten about it by then. Last year, I apologized to a friend for promising to do something with him and later reneging on that promise. I realized it was wrong of me to back out of something I ...

Unfortunately, the word "apologize" isn't in everyone's vocabulary. In fact, many people would stop talking to someone altogether before deigning to apologize to them. Why is it so hard for people to apologize? For one, they have huge egos. They can't bring themselves to show any contrition if their lives depended on it -- no matter how serious their actions. Secondly, they might be in denial, refusing to acknowledge they did anything wrong in the first place. Or, they may try to cast blame on external forces -- anything other than themselves -- including the weather, the alarm clock, or their neighbor. Showing remorse enables one to demonstrate a truly humane side of themselves. People may be reluctant to say sorry lest their apology not be accepted. But the fact of the matter is that the mere act of apologizing makes it much more likely you'll be forgiven. Unless you do something so horrible that an apology falls flat, simply saying the...

Have you noticed the latest trend in the world of shopping and commerce? A few years ago, companies were encouraging us to like them on Facebook or follow them on Twitter. (They still do today, though not as often given that avid internet users know by now that virtually every business has jumped on the social media bandwagon.) Now, they're pushing us to review them on sites like Yelp. But, as the saying goes, they ought to be careful what they wish for. I have had unpleasant experiences at various restaurants and retail establishments in the past year, and I've had no qualms about airing these sentiments on said websites. In fact, many consumers are more inclined to rate and review a company following a bad experience than a favorable one. A preponderance of either negative or positive reviews, however, should raise red flags. For example, a disproportionate number of 5-star reviews coming from accounts with only one or two reviews to their name means something i...

Sooner or later, we're bound to come across someone who will envy something we have. It could be our success at work, youth, social relationships, shiny car, lovely house, or blissful marriage. What's the best way to deal with these people? Well, it's obviously not appropriate to boast of your advantages. The best approach is to pay them no attention . Try to change the subject to something of a less personal nature, like the weather, celebrity gossip, or sports. If you don't meddle in people's affairs, why should they butt into your business? The worst thing you can ever do in this situation is show off . Don't throw the fact that you have more of something -- or something of greater value -- in people's faces. Such behavior will inevitably bring out the worst in people. From what I've seen, they're capable of everything from spreading vicious rumors to, you guessed it, stealing from you. Moreover, many of us have worked very hard for everyt...

The last 11 or so months have been quite eventful to say the least. My wife and I got married, went on our honeymoon (our first time traveling by plane and outside our home state), and we recently bought a condo. While it's certainly been an exciting period in my life, it's also been the most stressful by far. I find myself edgier than ever. Closing on the condo took a lot longer than we expected and was mentally, physically, and emotionally draining. I don't know if it's any coincidence that within the 11-month span we've been married, I've gotten into heated arguments with my 3 closest friends, all of whom I've known for 15 or more years. It seems the arguments have debilitated the friendships to such a degree that I doubt all 3 will survive. I guess when you're under a lot of stress, it's not as easy to hold your emotions in check. The other contributing factor may be that I no longer have a lot in common with any of the three. While I recen...