Your life is good. You have a loving partner, great home, wonderful kids, and decent-paying job. You're in good health, and your finances in order. But something always feels missing -- a void you can never quite seem to fill. And this makes for a life you perceive as not entirely fulfilling.  It may very well be that you have what I like to call Bigger Better Syndrome, or BBS. As you can probably guess, it means always being on the hunt for something bigger or better.  That could be the latest iPhone, a new car every year, or a different job. Maybe you just had a kid and are already thinking of the next one, or the condo you purchased recently is no longer cutting it.  You see the grass as always potentially greener on the other side. You become deeply invested in something, but once you acquire or succeed at it, you're on to your next conquest. It's as if you live more in the future than in the present.  Just why do we do this? Seeking others' approval Keeping up w...

Have you ever depended on someone -- maybe a little too much -- to fill your day with happiness? I think most of us can concede that we've been there.  Whether we're talking about our closest friends, relatives, or our partner, there's no doubt that these individuals greatly enhance our lives.  But a distinction needs to be made between "enhancing" and "completing." When someone serves as an enhancement, they add to an already enriching life. They're icing on the cake, if you will. However, when we lean on the individual in order to feel complete, it suggests something was missing to begin with and we're looking to them to fill the void. This is problematic in more ways than one. Ask yourself these point-blank questions: 1. What if they were to betray you? 2. What if they were to move and forget about you? 3. What if they were to cheat? 4. What if they were to lose interest in the relationship entirely? 5. What if they were to pass away? I'm ...

The pressure society places on us to change can be quite intense. Commercials encouraging us to whip ourselves into shape so that we can look like runway supermodels.  Friends goading us to nix our career dreams in favor of safe, lucrative professions -- from law to medicine -- in which we may have zero interest. Co-workers pressuring us to talk more since our quiet disposition puts them ill at ease.  This can all make us quite tempted to fundamentally change our personality and interests -- to curry favor with others, to win their approval. What these ads and individuals don't tell you is that changing who you are is antithetical to a happy life.  If anything, it's a recipe for adverse physical and emotional health outcomes, potentially leading to anything from eating disorders to anxiety or depression. Do realize that marketers and the people in your own life all have an agenda. The former are trying to appeal to your emotions so as to get you to part with your hard-ear...

If people take issue with who you are as a person despite the fact that you haven't done anything (that you know of) to deserve such behavior, it says more about them than you. The worst cases are those where the person has a beef with you for some reason, but rather than come out and say it, they ignore or bad-mouth you behind your back. It's these folks whom I characterize as cowardly and dishonest. If they take exception to your liberal views, religious beliefs, choice of career, or range of hobbies, why not be truthful about it? Perhaps the two of you were once close college buddies and over time, you've diverged in your tastes and lifestyle. As a result, your calls and texts seem to go unanswered now when that was never the case before. Or maybe you only met recently at work or at the gym, but something about you rubs them the wrong way -- prompting the individual to avoid you or become visibly distant.  It isn't a stretch to say that sometimes we mischaracterize p...

When I was young and knew little to nothing about dating, I thought that pouring my heart and soul early on would somehow make the objection of my affection feel similarly toward me. Unfortunately, after a couple of failed attempts, I realized this approach was doing the exact opposite: repelling the girls and landing me in the dreaded friend zone.  Heaping compliments and gifts on someone not long after you've met them communicates -- often unwittingly -- that you're desperate.  Expressing such intense feelings right out of the gate not only puts a world of pressure on the other person, but it gives them little time to get to know you.  No one is going to be head over heels for someone who makes them their universe, who worships the ground they walk on, after only a few dates.  Understandably, they might question how you can be so smitten when you barely know them.  Chances are they won't buy it and will assume you're either trying to woo them into bed or use t...

How often have you acted against your own instincts just to secure someone's approval? How frequently do you allow others' idea of happiness become your own? You're not in the minority if you concede you've done the above more times than you could count.  Indeed, we tend to assign a disproportionate amount of weight to other people's opinions and judgments, leaving us sulking when we feel we've failed to meet their expectations. But it's important to remind ourselves whose validation ultimately matters. That's right, our own. It's not to say that your sister's opinion, neighbor's suggestion, or co-workers feedback should be discounted entirely. Other people's input can certainly give a us a feel for how others approach a given situation given their unique life experiences.  But if we're not careful, we may become so dependent on their two cents that they're the ones who will be in the driver's seat of our lives. You wouldn...

Every now and then, the word nerd in me comes out, prompting me to share unfamiliar, weird-sounding words with my readers. I am, after all, a writer by trade. Just recently I came upon one that called for dusting off the old dictionary (or, actually, running a quick Google search).  The word is genuflect, which means to be servilely respectful or deferential. In order words, one is so overly respectful as to command disrespect. They're putty in others' hands.  Synonyms include to pander and to fawn. While courtesy and respect should be expected of everyone, taking it to this extreme can actually be a liability, both in one's career and relationships. It sends the message you're willing to do virtually anything to secure their approval. Never be afraid to stand your ground. You need no one's validation to feel happy and complete. Don't genuflect; instead, be generous and genuine without allowing anyone to walk over or manipulate you!

It's a fact of life: Whether at work, on the dating circuit, or even in our own families, we come across people who try to undermine us. Our first instinct may be to try to prove them wrong. But this is precisely what you shouldn't do. The quicker one realizes that their happiness doesn't depend on anyone but themselves, the faster they can enjoy the sweet smell of life fulfillment. Here are a few tips for dealing with such individuals. 1. Don't let them get the best of you. It's only natural to become defensive when someone attempts to make you feel small. But it can only bother you if you allow them to. As hard as it may be, you must keep your emotions in check. Rather than indulging them in a shouting match, walk away. 2. Don't seek their validation. Striving to obtain others' approval communicates a few things: (a) You think they're above you (b) You think they're right and you're wrong (c) You wish to be more like them than your ...

The only keeper of your happiness is you. Stop giving other people power to control your smile, your attitude, and your worth. Never hand the keys to your happiness to someone else. Live life on your terms, doing what you love, and seeking out challenges and experiences that enrich your soul. No one knows your dreams, goals, and fears better than you do. No other person is there for you like you are -- 24 hours a day, seven days a week. No one has gone through the very ordeals you've confronted. To give others control over your emotions is to sign away your right to be happy. It puts you at the mercy of others who may not always have your best interests at heart -- people who might leave your life at any given moment. Sharing your happiness with the people you love is one thing. Depending on them to be happy is another. When you place your happiness in the hands of others, you expect them to think and act as you would. You anticipate that they will always be there...

Many people are under the misapprehension that only by gaining the approval of others can we truly be happy. But this couldn't be further from the truth. While people can certainly enrich our lives, some individuals lock themselves into the mindset that without others' validation, they must be doing something wrong. It compels them to plead with these people for answers. It pushes them to change in any way necessary to gain their acceptance. Granted, if the person in question is living recklessly -- say, doing drugs, mistreating his wife, or gambling away his savings every weekend -- it is not surprising that others may not wish to associate themselves with the individual until he changes his ways. But if he isn't harming himself or anyone else, there's no reason to deprive himself of experiencing happiness merely because certain people may not give their stamp of approval. But here's the thing: Happiness comes from inside of you. Others' approval ...

If you had a choice between being reviled for who you are, or valued for who you're not, which one would you be? Sadly, many people would go with the latter because they're under the misguided impression that we need others' approval in order to feel whole. So they go so far as to take on others' beliefs even if they don't agree with them, and others' interests despite not being drawn to them in the slightest -- all to get in their good graces and feel accepted. But here's the thing: If you feel you have to go to such lengths to cultivate a good relationship with someone, you're in the wrong company. While there's nothing wrong with being flexible on some fronts (e.g., trying out new foods, exploring new activities), if you find yourself fundamentally trying to change the very essence of your character and personality to appease others, something is not right. Never try to be someone you're not just to impress people who, at the end o...

Sometimes people confuse envy  with jealousy , using them interchangeably as if they shared the same definition. But their meanings are in fact slightly different. Envy is wanting something that someone has that you perceive as lacking or absent in your life. Jealousy  is being afraid to lose something that is already yours. If you have a burning desire to have your co-worker or boss's job -- especially if you've been passed over for it in the past -- you're likely envious of him. If you wish you could have your neighbor's car, your sister's charisma, or your gym teacher's physique, you may very well harbor some envy . On the other hand, if your blood begins to boil when you see your spouse talking to the attractive cashier at the grocery store -- whose smiles and suggestive looks leave little doubt she's being flirtatious -- you're jealous.  In other words, envy involves comparing oneself to someone else and begrudging the fact that we...

While fake people have an image to maintain, real people just don't care about what others think of them. Fake people worry incessantly about what house, car, or clothing will make them look the best. Real people, on the other hand, are humble. They recognize that if a person is going to judge them based on whether they own a Corolla or Benz, that person shouldn't be in their life. Fake people alter their personality -- not to mention their values, beliefs, and attitudes -- just to appease others in a given situation. Real people stick to their principles no matter how much they're pressured to change. Fake people want to be loved by everyone so badly that they're willing to part with those things that make them unique. Real people would rather be hated for who they are than loved for who they're not. Real people know they may not always get their way, or be the most popular/admired person in the room, but they value integrity too much to sell out ...

If you lose someone, but find yourself in the process, guess what? You've won. Maybe it's an ex who walked away because they found you too unexciting or conventional for them. Perhaps it's a friend who stopped responding to your messages once they realized they couldn't control you or get you to validate their every decision. You've likely been in this boat at some point or another. At first, seeing the relationship go down the tubes hits us hard, and we may be apt to blame ourselves. But gradually, we come to realize that it didn't work out for a reason, and rather than inducing sadness in us, that fact brings us a great sense of comfort and relief. It reinforces something that we knew all along, but perhaps never contemplated too deeply: If we try to think or behave like others just to gain their approval, we are essentially selling ourselves out, handing them our self-identity in a bag. Sadly, I've spoken to people who will suppress what m...

Can you guess what kind of person many people secretly fear? It's the one who neither needs nor expresses any interest in their validation. There's a reason quiet, unassuming people get lambasted all the time by their peers. It's because they -- at least the ones who refuse to give in to social pressure -- can't be bought or swayed into becoming shallow blabbermouths like themselves. Sure, many of these folks are cast in a negative light, with detractors going as far as to call them narcissists or sociopaths. But they could cast such aspersions until the cows come home. These individuals will not crack under pressure, no matter how hard they're pricked and prodded. The fact of the matter is that people loathe those who make them feel insecure. And the ones who make them feel that way couldn't care less about gaining their approval. It doesn't make them selfish or self-absorbed, as these people have friends and loved ones whom they hold in hig...

It's a question that many men and women perceived as "nice" -- ones who have struck out repeatedly in the dating market -- have been scratching their heads over for what seems like, well, centuries. Can being too nice make you less attractive to dating prospects? As with anything else, there's no simple answer, and a bevy of factors have to be considered. For starters, "too nice" for one person can mean something entirely different to someone else, just like we all have different opinions on what counts as too sweet or salty when eating different foods. In general, though, a person may be regarded as too nice if they exhibit one or more of the following behaviors: Being highly agreeable  Being a complete pushover by never standing up for oneself  Attempting to buy someone's affections by heaping them with gifts and compliments they probably don't deserve, at least not so early in the game  Trying to avoid disagreements at all costs L...

While there are always exceptions, women are generally drawn to men who exude self-confidence. Some of you guys may be scratching your heads and asking, "Wait, I thought women were mostly attracted to men who are nice to them and possess resources (money, cars. etc.)?" This, unfortunately, is a rather common misconception that has caused many men to strike out in the dating arena. You can't expect to buy a woman's affections with compliments, flowers, and jewelry. Women can easily sense when a guy is trying to sweet-talk and spend his way into her heart (and pants). Women are attracted to men who show interest in them, sure, but in a more measured manner. If you tell a woman after only three dates that you love her and look forward to your wedding day, you'll do nothing but scare her off. If, however, you maintain a little mystery about you while exhibiting self-confidence, you're sure to keep her on her toes. Women are drawn to self-confident ...

"Being you is all that you can do," or so says a song I heard this morning by rock band Audioslave. The aptly named track "Be Yourself" describes what I feel people should aim to do all the time -- whether they're in the middle of a job interview, on a blind date, or at a party. Now, just because you project the "real you" doesn't mean you can't strive to better yourself, whether that means taking public speaking classes, giving up drinking, or becoming more charitable. But when it comes to your natural core -- your true temperament, your bedrock principles -- you should always stand firm. You shouldn't have to fake who you are just to impress other people. If others don't give their stamp of approval to the most genuine version of yourself, guess what? (1) You don't need their validation to begin with, and (2) You're with the wrong people. The right people for us, on the other hand, accept us for who we are -- flaws...

Go to a mall, grocery store, or even your local gym and you're bound to see people with a sullen look on their face. It doesn't matter that they're carrying around a Louis Vuitton purse or driving a Mercedes Benz -- their sulkiness communicates that they're not happy. While we can never know for sure unless we ask, I would venture a guess that a great deal of them know they're not living the kind of life they want to live; instead, they're living the life others want them to live. Some people strive to impress others, essentially living their lives on others' terms.  Unfortunately, many of these individuals don't realize until later in life that we must each find our own path to happiness. What makes your friend or neighbor happy won't necessarily fulfill you, whether in terms of hobbies, romantic relationships, or careers.  Just because you're not on the same road as someone else doesn't mean you're lost. Finding your own p...

Whether you're on a date or talking to a potential suitor online for the first time, the wrong person for you is the one who compels you to act in unnatural ways just so you can gain their approval. Here are a few examples of ways we may project a phony representation of ourselves: You try to be funnier or more sociable than you really are.  You're dishonest about your past relationships, dreams, goals, and the like. You force yourself to like sushi, Harry Potter movies, or the Yankees just to impress him or her, even though none interest you at all.  In other words, you try to become someone you're not -- all for the sake of making a favorable impression on the other person. But do you honestly want the person you end up with to feel drawn to the person they think you are -- or the person you really are? Why would you go such lengths for an individual who could walk away tomorrow? That's just putting the relationship on shaky ground from the get go....